Elizabeth Eulberg - The Lonely Hearts Club

"Um, actually," Diane said, "people are allowed to talk amongst themselves at lunch."

A few people at the table laughed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Guess I'll have to catch up on the rules later. I just think it's rude to interrupt people."

Rosanna continued to talk for the rest of lunch. Not surprisingly, most people left the table early.

"Ugh, Penny, we seriously need to develop some kind of process to join," Tracy said on the way to my locker. "After the article, more people are going to want to become members, and I don't necessarily think for the right reasons. You can't seriously think that Rosanna Shaw is for female bonding. She just wants a bigger audience for her lame stories."

I hesitated. "I know she can be annoying, but I think we should at least give her a chance."

"I guess. Hey — aren't you impressed I didn't yell at her or anything? I think this Club is mellowing me out!"

I was shaking my head as I retrieved my books for the rest of the afternoon.

"Hey." Ryan started to go through his locker. "That article in the paper was really great."

"Thanks." this could really only last a day, right?

"So," Ryan leaned against the lockers and started playing with the corner of his Physics book. "Are we still on for next week?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked him.

"Oh, nothing… " He put his hand on my shoulder and I felt a jolt of electricity. "Since you're technically a celebrity now, you might need some security." He held out his arm. "May I escort you to your next class?"

I hesitantly began to reach for his arm. My nerves were completely on edge.

"Jesus Christ, you have got to be kidding me," Todd said as he approached Ryan. "Don't you start encouraging Eleanor Rigby."

Ryan dropped his arm. "Todd — "

"Whatever, Ryan, Are we going to class or not?" Todd, wouldn't even look in my direction. Before Ryan could say anything, I told him that I had to go and headed down the hallway.

"Oh, Penny, are you lonely?" I heard a voice — not Todd's — call out from behind me, along with laughter. I just stared down at the floor, wanting to get to class as quickly as possible.

I continued to hear laughter and my name as I walked down the hall.

You're got to Hide Your Love Away

"How can I even try? I can never win…"

BEING AT SCHOOL WAS UNBEARABLE after the article came out. The looks, the stares, the sudden focus on the Club. I was overjoyed when Saturday night finally arrived.

Right before I headed downstairs, I checked my e-mail one last time and there was a message from Nate with the subject:

PLEASE READ.

I hesitated before I clicked it open.

Pen, I really hope you will give me a chance by just reading this, although you probably won't. And you have every reason to be mad at me. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I've been miserable since I came back home. I miss you so much. You mean everything to me and what I did, what I said, all of it was wrong.

I'm an idiot. A jerk. A loser.

I'm so sorry, Pen. If there was something I could do to make what I did go away and erase any hurt I've caused you, I would do it. I would do anything for you. I need you in my life and I'm lost without you.

I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss YOU.

When my parents told me about thanksgiving I was so happy at the thought of seeing you. Until I realized that you wouldn't feel the same way. Do you think you can see it in your beautiful, kind heart to at least hear me out at thanksgiving? There is so much I want you to know, so much I want to tell you. You are everything to me, Pen. I want you back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.

Please talk to me.

Love,

Big Dumb idiot

The mouse hovered over the delete button, but I couldn't get myself to delete it.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up. I had to run away from my computer and push his e-mail from my mind.

"Are you okay?" Tracy asked when she saw me.

I nodded. "I think it is going to be a big meeting. We should start getting things ready."

Diane and Tracy exchanged worried looks. I pretended not to notice.

A half hour later, the meeting was pure chaos.

I stopped counting the number of people in the basement at forty. this kind of turnout should've made me excited, but I kept wondering who was there because they believed in The Lonely Hearts Club and who was there because we were the "It" thing of the moment at McKinley.

"All right, what are we doing?" Rosanna screamed from the arm of an already-packed couch. the entire room looked my way.

"I have a feeling my nasty side may come out this evening," Tracy whispered to me.

"Just give her a chance" I begged. I couldn't deal with any more drama, especially after that e-mail from Nate. Although I had to admit, Rosanna seemed to not entirely grasp what the Club was about.

"Um, okay everybody!" I raised my voice to get everybody to quiet down. "We've got a packed house this evening."

Rosanna raised her hand. "I've got a question for you."

I tried to not look annoyed. "Um, yes."

"I thought we weren't supposed to date?"

"Um, well, members of the club" — I made sure she realized that she wasn't an official member yet — "know that this is much more than just not — "

"Yeah, but aren't you going on a date with Ryan Bauer?"

Rosanna said, the smug look on her narrow face coming through loud and clear.

All eyes were on me. The "original crew" — as Tracy, Diane, and I had been referring to the six of us — knew all about my outing with Ryan. And nobody seemed to think anything of it. Because there wasn't anything to it.

"Not really. We're going to a concert. Ryan and I have been friends for years, so it isn't a big deal."

"Uh-huh. So you aren't interested in Ryan?"

Diane glared at Rosanna. "Actually, that is none of your business."

"Well," Rosanna got up and flipped her thin, blond-highlighted hair, "you're asking me to give up dating guys, so I want to make sure our leader is staying true to the Club." She wasn't even trying to hide her sarcasm anymore.

"I'm not going on a date with Ryan," I repeated.

Diane got up from the floor. "Okay, all of you new to the Club join me upstairs. There are a few rules we need to go through to make sure people are here" — Diane looked directly at Rosanna — "for the right reasons."

Nearly twenty people went upstairs with Diane.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Jen asked. I was a little surprised. She held her hands up. "No, no, not the Club — I mean about Rosanna and the other girls here for their fifteen minutes of fame."

Oddly enough, I was thinking about the Club.

The school week went by so fast, Thursday was here before I knew it. I hadn't responded to Nate's e-mail, and he hadn't e-mailed again, I hated the fact that he'd said all the right things. I didn't want to deal with it, so I tried not to think about it. That meant not even telling my friends about it. That would make it more real. And I had enough to deal with already — not only with defending my non-date with Ryan, but also figuring out what a girl should wear on a non-date.

I just kept staring at my closet hoping the answer would present itself. At first I thought vintage Beatles T-shirt and jeans, but realized that would be too corny plus I was pretty sure the entire fifty something-year-old crowd was going to be wearing that. I heard the doorbell ring and quickly grabbed my white fitted tee and navy blue corduroy blazer.

I ran downstairs just in time to hear Dad tell Ryan, "You know, I think it's good that bands want to keep the music alive, but the audience shouldn't kid themselves — "

"Here I am.'" I interrupted. I was afraid that Ryan would bolt out the door if my parents kept this up. I gave my parents a wave as I reached for the door. I quickly glanced at Ryan and tried not to notice how particularly fine he looked in khakis and a blue shirt — Rita and I had joked that guys always wore that on a first date while girls always wore jeans and a black top. Since I wasn't wearing a black top, this was clearly not a date.

"Wait a second, Penny Lane." Dad was giving me a very weird look. Please don't lecture me, please don't lecture me. "Honey, you look great! Is that makeup you're wearing?"

Dear God, why, why now?

I looked over at Ryan, and he had the most wonderful smile on his face; he was clearly amused by my parents, most people were — except for their children.

I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Dad…"

"Oh, leave her alone, dear."

For once, it was Mom to the rescue.

"Have a fabulous time, Penny. You, too, Ryan. And, Penny, you do look beautiful. I can't believe how fast you're growing up. Why, it seems like it was only yesterday... "

"Yesterday..."my dad began to sing.

Maybe, I thought, I should just run back into my bedroom and hide... until I turn eighteen. But instead, I dug up the one ounce of dignity I had left. "If you're done embarrassing me, I think we'll be on our way"

"Well, Ryan," I said once we were free, "now you can see why I'm looking at colleges in Europe."

Ryan laughed and shook his head. "I think parents feel that it's their right to humiliate their children, probably as a way of getting back at their own parents. I'm sure you'll do the same."

Well, I could say one thing — I certainly was going to give my children normal names.

We approached the car, and Ryan opened up the passenger door for me. That certainly fit under the "date" category.

"Plus," Ryan said as he got in his seat, "your parents are only telling you the truth. You do look very beautiful tonight."

My mind was swirling as he pulled away from the curb.

Can someone please explain to me exactly what's going on?

The car ride was spent talking mostly about school and basic gossip about teachers, but only one thought kept racing through my mind: Ryan Bauer called me beautiful. Ryan Bauer thinks I'm beautiful.

Or maybe he was just being polite.

I looked across the booth at the restaurant and saw him studying the menu. His black wavy hair was still slightly damp from the shower he'd no doubt taken after practice. He looked up and caught me staring. "See anything that looks good to you?"

You have no idea.

I debated over what to eat. Rita always ordered salads on first dates, but I wasn't on a first date. Although I did wonder if Ryan was expecting me to eat light. But I was really hungry.

"What can I get you, sweetie?" Our middle-aged waitress looked down and smiled at me in an encouraging way, probably sensing we were on a... whatever we were on, I opted for a club sandwich with fries and a soda. I hated salads, and I would never approve of someone who gave up their identity for a guy, even a guy who was just a friend. I wasn't going to pretend to be someone that I wasn't. Although I was hoping that Ryan would order something similar.

"And what about you?" the waitress looked Ryan up and down, clearly impressed. I knew most girls would probably be offended by another woman checking out her date, or in this case, pseudo date, but I thought it was a compliment. Plus, she was like twenty years older than us.

"I'd like the green salad," Ryan began. My head started pounding.

No, no, no for the love of all that is — pure, you can't be ordering a salad, you're a sixteen-year-old boy!

". . with ranch dressing to start, then a double cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake."

That's my boy.

Well, not technically my boy.

"So, Penny, I'm sort of surprised you agreed to come out with me"

"Why would you say that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know — to be honest, I was a little frightened your group of girls were going to tie me down when they found out we were doing something together."

"You know, the things Todd says about the Club aren't true." I felt my cheeks begin to burn.

"I know.. ," He started playing with his straw wrapper. "I guess I sometimes don't know what to believe. But none of that matters, because you're here with me now."