“Yes?” Gabriella couldn't see far enough past her mother to determine even if it was a man or a woman. The face, or what little she could see of it, appeared to be both ageless and sexless.

“I'm Mrs. Harrison, and I'm expected,” Eloise said curtly, annoyed at the painfully slow procedures. “And “I'm in a hurry,” she added, as the heavy door closed with a resounding thud, as the unidentifiable face went to research the matter further elsewhere.

“Mommy…” Gabriella began, fueled by her own terror, despite the fact that wisdom should have forced her to keep silent. But she just couldn't anymore. “Mommy…” Her voice was a trembling whisper, as Eloise turned to her sharply.

“Keep quiet, Gabriella! This is no time for bad manners, and certainly not the place for it. They're not going to put up with the nonsense I have.” It was true then… she was being taken to jail… or the police… or a place of punishment for her ten years of misdeeds that had ultimately cost them both her father. She was going to pay for it now. Her eyes filled with tears at the sound of her mother's words. She felt as though she were waiting for a death sentence, standing here, and couldn't understand what had happened to their trip to Reno. Or was this Reno? Was that what they called it? Where was she? And what were they going to do to her here?

And just as she thought that fear could get no greater grip on her, the heavy door began to open in front of them, and it opened to reveal a yawning black cavern behind a small, ancient, gnarled woman in a black habit. To Gabriella she looked like a witch, and she was wearing an old black shawl over her habit and walked with a cane, as she gestured to them to step into the darkness with her. Gabriella gasped as she beckoned, and against her will, a sob escaped her, as her mother grabbed her arm and yanked her inside the building, as the door closed resoundingly behind them. And the only sound they could hear was Gabriella crying.

“Mother Gregoria will see you in a moment,” the old woman said to Eloise, without even glancing at Gabriella, and Eloise looked down at the child in fury, as she shook her by the arm.

“Stop that right now!” she commanded, and shook her harder to emphasize the statement, but she didn't dare do more than that here. “I'm not going to listen to you wailing. You can cry all you want here when I'm gone, and I'm sure you'll do a lot of it, but at least spare me that nonsense. I'm not your father, and I'm not going to put up with your whining, and neither will the Sisters here. Do you know what nuns do to children when they misbehave?” She never answered her own question, but as Gabriella lifted her eyes in terror, all she could see was an enormous crucifix with a bleeding, dying Christ hanging from it, and she only cried louder at all that it implied. This was truly the worst day of her life, and all she wanted now was to die as quickly as possible before they did anything to her for the innumerable sins she had committed in her short life. She had no idea why she was here, or how long she was staying, but the suitcase she had brought was clearly not a good sign.

Her small, breathless sobs had rapidly become uncontrollable, and no amount of warnings from her mother seemed to stop them. She simply could not stop, and she was still crying when the old nun returned and announced that the Mother Superior would see them now. They followed her down a long, dark hall, lit only by tiny, dim lamps and small clusters of sputtering candles. The general impression of the decor was that of a very daunting dungeon, and in the distance, Gabriella could hear people singing mournfully. Even the sound of their voices seemed frightening to her now, and the music that accompanied them was lugubrious and depressing. And all she knew was that she'd rather be dead than be here.

The old nun stopped at a small door, and gestured them inside, before hobbling away on her cane, her feet seeming to glide soundlessly on the stone floors despite her infirmity and her age, and as Gabriella watched her, she shook as though she were freezing. Her mother grabbed her arm then, and pulled her into the room where they were expected, and Gabriella's sobs only grew louder as she looked around. There was a nun with eyes like ice and a face like granite who stood up from behind a small battered desk to greet them. She had a crisp hand of starched white across her forehead, and the rest of her was swathed in black, as they all were in the Order, and Gabriella was surprised to see that she was very tall. And more terrifying still, she seemed to have no hands at all as she looked down at Eloise Harrison and her daughter. Her arms were crossed, and her hands were invisibly tucked into the full sleeves of her habit, and the only decoration she wore were the heavy wooden rosary beads which hung from her waist. There were no visible signs of her importance in the Order, or the fact that she was the Mother Superior, but Eloise knew it. They had met twice in the past two months to discuss her plans for Gabriella. But the Mother Superior hadn't expected the child to be so upset. She had assumed that she would be forewarned about her mother's plans before she got here.

“Hello, Gabriella,” she said solemnly. “I'm Mother Gregoria, and you're going to be staying with us for a while, as I'm sure your mother has told you.” There was no smile on her lips, but her eyes were kind, although Gabriella could not yet see that, and all she did was shake her head vehemently as she cried, as much to signal that she didn't want to stay as to explain that her mother had told her nothing at all about the visit.

“You're going to stay here while I'm in Reno,” Eloise said now in a flat voice, as the Mother Superior watched the exchange with interest, understanding easily that this was the first Gabriella had heard of it, and silently disapproving of the way Eloise had handled her child.

Gabriella looked up at her mother in obvious terror. “How long will you be gone?” As much as she had hated her all her life, she was all she had now. Gabriella couldn't help wondering as she looked at her mother if this was her punishment for silently hating her for so long. Maybe her mother had known all along, and now she was leaving her here to be tortured and punished for her evil thoughts.

“I'll be in Reno for six weeks,” Eloise said clearly, offering not a single word of comfort, and standing apart from the distraught child as Mother Gregoria watched them both.

“Will I go to school?” Gabriella asked, her voice still catching on the tears that continued to overwhelm her. She was hiccuping between sobs and having trouble breathing.

“You will study with us,” Mother Gregoria said in a quiet voice that did not reassure her. Suddenly nothing was familiar to her, and it scared her just being here. Being beaten by her mother at home seemed infinitely better to her. And had she had the choice at that moment, she would have gladly gone home and let Eloise do anything to her that she wanted. But she was not being offered that option. Her mother was going to Reno, wherever that was. “There are two other children here as well,” the Mother Superior explained. “They're older than you are, and sisters. One is fourteen and the other seventeen, and I think you'll like them. They've been very happy with us.” She didn't explain that the girls were living at the convent because they were orphaned. Their parents had died in a plane crash the year before, and the grandmother they had gone to live with, their only living relative, had died unexpectedly at Christmas. They were cousins of one of the Sisters in the Order, and for the time being, until something else could be arranged, it was the only solution for them. And for Gabriella, it was only a temporary measure. Two months, her mother had said, three at the most, but she said nothing about that to Gabriella now, as Mother Gregoria watched them. There seemed to be an extraordinary awkwardness between them, which the wise old nun observed with considerable interest. In fact, she might even have said that the child seemed frightened of her mother. She knew that the child's father had abandoned them, and was himself planning to remarry shortly, but Eloise had said nothing of her own plans, only that she needed a place to leave the child while she went to Reno for a divorce. It was certainly not a plan that met with the Mother Superior's approval, but she was not judging the morals of the mother, she was only interested in providing shelter for Gabriella.

Gabriella continued to sob as the three of them stood awkwardly looking at each other, and Eloise glanced at her watch with a look of surprise. “I really have to go,” she said, as a small hand shot out suddenly to clutch her. Gabriella grabbed a handful of her skirt and clung to it, and begged her not to leave her.

“Please don't go, Mommy… please… Ill be good… I swear… please let me come with you…”

“Don't be ridiculous!” Eloise said, shrinking backward, away from the child, in obvious revulsion. Just being that close to her, and having Gabriella clutch at her, made her want to run screaming out the door.

“Reno is not a happy place for a child,” Mother Gregoria interrupted firmly, “or for adults either,” she said in a disapproving tone. The Mother Superior had no idea that Frank had made reservations for Eloise at one of Reno's most luxurious dude ranches, and planned to be there with her the entire time. He was going to teach her how to ride, Texas style. “Your mother will be back soon, Gabriella. You'll see, the time will pass very quickly,” Mother Gregoria said kindly, but she could see that Gabriella was engulfed by panic, and her mother did not seem to care, or even notice. The Mother Superior nodded ever so slightly at Eloise, allowing her to go, and within seconds, Eloise had picked up her handbag, shook Mother Gregoria's hand, and stood staring down at her daughter. There was a small smile on her lips, as though she could not suppress her pleasure at leaving, and in the face of Gabriella's overwhelming grief, she obviously had nothing to offer her. All she wanted was her freedom.

“Behave yourself,” was all she said. “Don't give them any trouble. I'll hear about it if you do,” and they both knew what that meant, but Gabriella didn't care now. She put her arms around her mother's waist and cried, as much for the mother she had never had, as for the father she had loved and lost. There was a well of terror and loneliness in her that defied all the words she had to describe them, but whereas it meant nothing to Eloise, the look in the child's eyes had touched Mother Gregoria's heart. She waited to see if Eloise would kiss her, or say something to comfort her, but she simply pried Gabriella's arms from around her waist and pushed her away firmly. “Good-bye, Gabriella,” she said coldly, as Gabriella stared up at her with wise old eyes that understood far more than she should have. Gabriella knew now, and perhaps always would, precisely what it meant, and how it felt to be abandoned. And suddenly she stood very still, the sobs still wracking her, despite her efforts to stop them, and looked up at her mother. She didn't say another word as Eloise left the room, and never looked back as she closed the door firmly behind her.

For an instant, just the smallest slice of a life, Gabriella knew precisely how alone she was, and perhaps always would be, as the tall, wise old nun's eyes met hers. They were two souls that had traveled far, and seen too much of life, and in Gabriella's case, far too early. She simply stood there, making those small heartbreaking sounds as Mother Gregoria moved slowly toward her. And without saying a word to her, she took her in her arms and held her.

She wanted to keep Gabriella safe from a world that had wounded her almost beyond repair. Everything Mother Gregoria knew and felt and believed in was in the strength of her embrace, and everything she wished for the child was implied in the way she held her. Gabriella looked up at her in astonishment and closed her eyes, knowing without words what had just passed between them, and what she had found here. And as she stood nestled in the gentleness of the embrace, the floodgates opened and she sobbed for all the losses, all the pain, all the sorrow, all the terror and disappointment life had inflicted on her. And whatever else happened after that, she knew with all the wisdom of her ten years that she was safe here.





Chapter 6




GABRIELLA'S FIRST MEAL at St. Matthew's convent was a ritual that at first seemed extremely strange to her, and ultimately brought her surprising comfort. It was one of the rare times of the day when the nuns were allowed to converse, and after joining Mother Gregoria in church with the entire community for an entire hour before the meal, Gabriella had been overwhelmed by their numbers and their austerity as they sat in the chapel, praying in silence. But in the dining room, what had seemed like a huge flock of faceless women in black only moments before, became a room filled with laughing, smiling, talking, happy people.