Elizabeth Chadwick - The Love Knot

'A remedy, eh? Ethel peered at Oliver through a haze of woodsmoke. 'Would that be for a sot's head, or the more incurable disease of cracked wits?

'I'm here for your help, not to be sliced into little pieces by your tongue.

'Humph, Ethel said, and pointed to a low stool. 'Sit. Taking a cup, she set about mixing the same betony and feverfew tisane that Oliver had given to Catrin on the road.

Oliver watched her and nursed his thundering skull. It did not help matters that he had received orders from the Earl, and was expected to depart Bristol with letters for Gloucester as soon as he had saddled up. Even the thought of wearing a helm was beyond bearing. The only mercy was that he would not be riding with de Mohun who was being sent out in a different direction.

'Drink, Ethel commanded, and handed him the steaming cup.

Grimacing, he took it from her. She had closed her lips on further sour remarks, but her expression spoke instead. Avoiding her gimlet stare, he glanced around the neatly arranged shelter and the bed-bench at the back covered with a cosy woven rug. 'I thought Catrin might be here, he said.

'Well, you thought wrong. She's sleeping wi' the other women and keeping an eye on Edon FitzMar to save my old legs those stairs. Ethel cocked her head on one side. 'But if you want to apologise to the lass, it'll be worth the climb to fetch her.

'Apologise! Oliver choked, then clutched his bursting skull with his free hand. 'Good Christ, her tongue's sharper than yours!

'In self-defence, Ethel retorted, folding her arms. 'Your own ain't slow to clear the scabbard… my lord. She sucked her teeth and considered him, the look in her eyes softening. 'Think carefully about what you will say when you see her next. The lass can match you, word for word, but she is wounded as much as she wounds. You went out in the city, had three skins too many in bad company and bedded a whore for your comfort.

'What of it? he said defensively.

'The lass came down at dawn to report to me on Edon. Then she went across the ward to the bake house and saw you snoring in a sodden heap beside that slut from The Mermaid. If you angered her yesterday, then she has nothing but contempt for you this morn, and I cannot say I blame her.

Oliver cursed softly and sipped the hot brew. He could hardly say that it was Catrin's fault that he had drunk himself out of his senses. It might be true, but it was also a feeble excuse. It had been easier to set his back teeth awash with wine than 'face himself.

'I just want her to be safe, he said. 'And taking your place will put her in all manner of jeopardy.

'Aye, so it will, but a gilded cage is your desire, not hers. She has the gift and she has the need. If you want to keep her respect, let alone her friendship, then you have to accept that.

'I'm not sure I can. Oliver finished the brew, screwing up his face at the particles of herb in the dregs, and rose to his feet.

Ethel gave him a hard look. 'Try, she said, and turned her back on him to make herself busy with her pestle and mortar.

His head still pounding fit to burst, Oliver took his leave.

Over the following weeks, Catrin threw herself into learning her new trade. She assisted at births and was told which prayers to recite and which saints to invoke. Ethel showed her how to perform external examinations to gauge the position of the child within the womb. The old woman took her around the market place and the dockside in search of herbs and remedies, and together they sought among the fields for fresh plants and herbs to make unguents and poultices.

When she was not busy with Ethel, Catrin served the Countess. There were always errands to run and tasks to perform, from simple pieces of sewing to strewing the rushes with toadflax after a sudden plague of fleas. Catrin's days were so full that she had small time to think beyond her physical duties. When she fell into bed at night, it was to deep and dreamless sleep. In the morning, she would awaken refreshed and hungry for the experiences of a new day.

Occasionally the thought of Oliver crossed her mind, but she had no time to dwell on him. The sight of him sprawled beside the whore in a heap of straw had filled her with contempt, but no great degree of surprise. She had told him to face himself and he had chosen a wine cup as his mirror and a slut to aid his forgetfulness. Still, she had been disappointed, for she had thought better of him. She had half expected him to seek her out before he left on the Earl's business, but he had not and she had put him aside for more worthwhile concerns.

The thought of Oliver made one of its brief, troublesome appearances now as she attended the Countess in Earl

Robert's solar. Thomas and Richard were present in their capacity as pages to pour the wine and run errands, should the need arise. Richard was self-consciously resplendent in a new tunic of holly-green wool with scarlet braid. Although he tried to keep a straight face, a grin kept threatening his mouth corners whenever he looked at Catrin. She had not seen a great deal of him since he had migrated to the squires' dorter, but enough to know that he was happy in his new position and making rapid progress.

He served her wine, and the grin split all the way across his face. Catrin yearned to give him a big hug, but made do with complimenting him on his fine new clothes and the polished manners he was acquiring.

'He's learned all that he knows from me, Thomas interrupted cheekily as he returned his own flagon to the enormous carved sideboard.

'Well, that's a mixed blessing, Catrin said dryly.

Richard was summoned away to put fresh logs on the fire. Catrin's gaze drifted to the garden mural of the two young women. Some of the paint had begun to flake. The dark girl's yellow dress was in need of refurbishment, and the blond one had lost part of her hand, but still their vibrancy dominated the room.

Richard went the rounds with the flagon, returning to her last. 'That's my mother, he said, seeing the direction of her gaze.

Catrin was startled. 'How do you know?

'Earl Robert told me. He said he had it painted when she lived here as his ward.

'Truly? Catrin stared at the mural with new eyes. Apart from the swirling blond hair, there was a slight resemblance to Amice, although it was more of essence than actual physical feature.

'Truly, nodded the boy. 'The Earl says that I can come and look whenever I want.

Behind Amice the second girl danced, a chaplet of flowers in her winding, dark tresses. Her features were thin and sharp, and she had the darting quality of a bird in flight. 'Who is her companion? Catrin asked, and thought that she already knew.

'Her name's Emma and she used to be the Earl's ward too. She married Sir Oliver, but then she died. The boy gave a small shrug and departed to another summons from the Earl.

Catrin stared at Emma Pascal and thought of Oliver, of what it must be like to see his dead wife's effigy every time he had to attend upon the Earl. Small wonder if his wounds were slow to heal.

She was still pondering the matter when the Countess dismissed her, so it was a shock to enter the courtyard and almost bump into Oliver himself, his garments travel-stained and his eyes red-rimmed by the irritation of dust.

Catrin greeted him in a flustered fashion, feeling embarrassed and guilty, emotions she would certainly not have experienced had Richard not told her about the painting. It was as if she had poked into a private corner of Oliver's life and been caught in the act.

He returned her greeting politely, but avoided her eyes and showed no inclination to stop and talk. 'I have to report to the Earl, he said.

Catrin nodded. He would go to the Earl's solar, she thought, and be forced to gaze upon that mural. Perhaps she was misjudging him. Perhaps it gave him comfort. How would she feel if a wall in the keep bore the image of Lewis? She did not know. Before she could speak and break the awkwardness between them, Oliver excused himself and hastened on his way.

Catrin gnawed her lip and wondered if he had decided to wash his hands of her after their last volatile encounter. That would explain why he had avoided her before he left and his aloofness now. But she would rather he 'burst his hauberk' than keep her at arm's length.

Later that afternoon she was simmering honey and wine with powdered mustard seed to make a soothing syrup for sore throats when Oliver came to the shelter. Ethel had hobbled off to visit a newly delivered mother and had dissuaded Catrin from accompanying her. Catrin was amused at the midwife's insistence that she remain behind and mix potions. It was gratifying that Ethel trusted her to make the easy ones on her own, but she knew that it also gave the old woman a chance to sit and gossip with the new infant's grandmother who was a particular friend.

Catrin stirred the mixture and used a thick woollen mitt to set it on the hot hearth tiles to simmer. Then she stole a dribble of honeycomb and smeared it on an oatcake. It still lacked a couple of hours to the evening meal and she was already starving.

A shadow darkened the entrance of the shelter. Her mouth bulging, crumbs on her bosom and her fingers and cheeks sticky with honey, she gave a squeak of alarm and stared at Oliver with huge eyes.

'I didn't mean to startle you, he said. 'I've come looking for Ethel. He still wore his quilted gambeson and sword belt but had removed his mail.

Catrin shook her head and, putting the syrup to one side, pointed to her mouth.

He looked at her and his lips twitched. Glancing around the shelter, he located the bowl of oatcakes and helped himself to one. 'She's been busy with the baking stone, I see, he remarked.

Unable to speak, Catrin chewed frantically and forced herself to swallow, almost choking in the process. Jesu, why couldn't he appear just once when she was neat and presentable? She poured herself a beaker of water and helped the last remnants down her throat. 'Ethel won't be back for a while. She's gone to check on a mother and stayed to gossip with the relatives.

'And left you to mind the fire?

She shrugged. 'It's no hardship.

'With these for company, I can see why. He bit into the oatcake.

'There's honey if you want. She brought him the comb, her embarrassment fading. At least he was meeting her gaze and speaking to her. Perhaps looking at the mural of his wife had been of benefit after all.

Actually, Catrin was closer to the truth than she realised. When he had encountered her in the bailey, Oliver had been preoccupied with the report he had to make. He had also been caught off his guard, unsure of his reception after the way they had parted, and he had opted for distance. Standing in the Earl's solar, confronted once again by the mural's macabre charisma, he had cursed himself for a fool. If not buried, the past was dead. It was stupid to yearn after a two-dimensional portrait rendered by another hand when the full-blooded colours of life were all around him. 'Why did you want Ethel?

'Lice, he said. 'I've been bitten to death the past fortnight, and one of them has rubbed on my gambeson and turned septic. I need to take a staves-acre bath.

'Lice? Her eyebrows rose towards her kerchief, and then she pursed her lips. 'Serves you right, she said. 'I'll warrant you caught them off that whore.

He cleared his throat. 'Likely I did. There was no point in making excuses. 'I suppose she had to give me something for my money.

Catrin sniffed and turned away to seek amongst Ethel's earthenware pots and jars. 'Well, if lice are all that you got, you can count yourself fortunate. There is a disease going around the dockside whores that rots the private parts of any man who lies with them, and Ethel says that there's no cure.

'I lay beside her, not inside her, Oliver defended, his complexion darkening, for even to think of the incident filled him with chagrin. 'Christ knows, I was too deep in my cups to have either the will or the way when it came to the act.

'Praise God for small mercies, she muttered sarcastically. 'It's the first time I've heard drunkenness extolled as a salvation.

'It was better than facing myself, he said deliberately, his eyes on her spine as she swooped in triumph on two small blue jars.

Her back remained turned, but he saw her pause. 'Not better, she said, 'but easier.