And I had succumbed to temptation. Now I was here in a position growing hourly more dangerous. Caught in a trap of my own making.
I don't know how I got through the day. I could eat nothing, so I stayed out, pretending to be on estate business and that I had eaten at one of the inns.
I came in late in the afternoon. I would have to plead another headache. I could not face them that evening. I did not want to see Malcolm. He was as much involved in this as I was and when I thought of the letters I was nauseated. It was clear from them what his relationship with Susannah had been and what I could not understand was why he was leading me on to believe he accepted me. He must have known from the very beginning that I was an impostor. What game was he playing? I needed time ... lots of it... to try to make sense of this.
Janet came in with a tray. "They're concerned," she said. "That's two nights you've not been down to dinner. What's wrong."
"Just a headache."
"It's not natural for young girls to have headaches. You'd better see a doctor."
I shook my head and she left me.
When she came back for the tray she saw that I had eaten nothing.
She came and stood at the foot of my bed looking at me.
"You'd better tell me," she said. "In a bit of trouble, I'll be bound."
I did not answer.
"You'd better tell me. I might be able to help. I've helped you quite a bit, I believe, right from the start when you came here pretending to be Miss Susannah."
"Janet!" I cried.
"Think I didn't know? Think you could fool me? You might deceive poor Mrs. Emerald with her sight being like it is and her not taking much notice of anything but herself. But you don't fool me. I knew you were Miss Anabel's girl from the moment I saw you."
"You ... knew!"
"Suewellyn!" she said. "I saw you once when you were a little thing. Anabel and Joel came. They were a reckless pair. Yes, I guessed who you were. You look that little bit like Susannah ... but there's a world of difference in you two. I had to do my best for Anabel's girl. I was really fond of her. She was a lovely young thing. It was just what she would have done herself, I reckon. Oh yes, I knew who you were."
All I could say was: "Oh, Janet!"
She came round to me and put her arms about me. The show of emotion and affection was all the more effective because she was usually so undemonstrative.
She said: "There, little 'un. I'll do what I can. You shouldn't have tried to be Susannah. It's like a dove pretending to be a hawk. She had the Devil in her, Susannah did. There was them that saw it and knew it and yet couldn't resist her."
"It's gone so far ..." I began.
" 'Twas bound to. You can't do that sort of thing and not meet trouble sooner or later. Life's not a game of masks and pretends."
I said: "I don't know what to do. I'll have to go away."
"Yes," she agreed. "Go away and start something fresh. They'll look for you, though. Mr. Malcolm would want to know where you were, wouldn't he? You seem to have become fond of each other."
"Please ..." I whispered.
"All right. All right. It's funny. He couldn't abide Susannah. It was the same with Garth. I reckon they were just about the only two men who didn't fall into her arms. And they might have done with a bit of beckoning from her. Oh, she had all the wiles at her fingertips, that one. But she had the Devil in her ... and I said it from the first."
I could not tell Janet about the letters. I could not tell her of Leah's confession.
It was enough that she knew who I was.
It gave me a little comfort.
I could feel disaster in the air. I was uncertain what to do, what to say. I had been totally deceived in Malcolm. All the time he knew. What was he planning for me? He had pretended to believe I was Susannah. Why? He had acted superbly. But perhaps I had too.
I was in a daze. I even thought of running away, hiding myself, going to Australia ... working my passage over ... going to Laura or the property and asking for sanctuary.
No, I would talk to Malcolm. I would say: "Yes, I am a cheat and a liar and you do well to despise me. But you are a murderer. You planned with Susannah to kill Esmond and then she went away and you did it. At least I did not kill. I only took what would have been Susannah's if she had lived. And I am her half sister. I know what I took is legally yours now ... but you murdered for it."
I could not go yet. I had to see Malcolm first. I had to explain to him why I had done what I had and I wanted to know why he had pretended to believe I was Susannah.
The day passed uneasily. It was just before dinner when the blow fell.
We were going to dine in the small dining room as we did except when there were visitors. As I came down the stairs I saw a man in the hall.
When he saw me he stood very still. Then he came bounding towards me.
"Susannah!" he cried. Then he stopped short.
"Hello," I said, smiling. He was evidently someone I should know.
He merely stared at me.
I took a step down the stairs. He took my hands and his face was close to mine.
"It's nice to see you," I stammered.
Just at that moment Emerald came to the top of the stairs.
"I'm glad you're back, Garth," she said.
So now I knew.
"I haven't seen Susannah since she went to Australia," said Garth.
"No, you haven't, have you?" I said feebly.
"Let's go to dinner," put in Emerald. "Oh, here's Malcolm. Malcolm, Garth's here."
"So I see," said Malcolm.
I looked at him warily. He was the same as ever. None would have guessed that he could be capable of planning cold-blooded murder.
I tried to remember what I had heard of Garth. He was the son of Elizabeth Larkham, who had been companion to Emerald when Anabel lived at the castle. He paid periodic visits to the castle still.
We went in to dinner.
"How did you like Australia?" Garth asked me,
I told him I had enjoyed it till the tragedy.
"The tragedy?" Of course, I thought, he wouldn't have heard.
I said: "The island where my father lived was destroyed by a volcano which erupted."
"That was rather dramatic, wasn't it?"
"It was tragic," I said; and I was aware of the tremor in my voice.
"And you escaped luckily."
"I was in Australia when it happened."
"Trust you," said Garth.
"Now, Garth," said Emerald, "no sparring. I know how you two are when you have been together five minutes."
"We'll behave, won't we, Susannah?"
"We'll try," I added.
He asked several questions about the island and I answered with an emotion which I could not suppress. Then Malcolm changed the subject to that of the castle and we all joined in. I gathered that Malcolm did not like Garth very much, and I fancied the feeling was mutual. Once or twice I caught Garth's eyes on me and he looked as though he were puzzled.
I was getting more and more uneasy, for he was assessing me.
"She's changed," he said at length. "Do you think so, Malcolm?"
"Susannah?" answered Malcolm. "Oh yes, indeed she has. A visit to Australia had a marked effect on her."
"It was a considerable adventure," I reminded them, "and in view of what happened ..."
"Yes, in view of what happened," said Garth slowly.
"Susannah is proving herself to be an excellent custodian ... or should we say seneschal," said Malcolm. He turned to me, smiling. "I must say I was a little surprised."
"You didn't have much of an opinion of me then?" I murmured.
"I can't say that I had. I never thought you'd give the time and thought to the job. I didn't think you'd be interested enough in the tenants."
"So she is proving a model of virtue, is she?" said Garth. "I must say that shakes me."
"Garth, please ..." said Emerald.
"All right, all right," said Garth. "Only I must say that the very thought of Susannah's sprouting wings amuses me. I'll have to get used to it, I suppose. What did you do, Susannah? Turn over a new leaf, repent the folly of your ways ... or what?"
"I am interested in everything about the castle naturally."
"Yes, you always were ... in a way. And now ... coming into possession ... I suppose makes a difference."
Somehow I got through that uneasy dinner hour. As we rose from the table Malcolm said: "I haven't seen much of you these last few days. Where have you been hiding?"
"I haven't been feeling very well," I told him.
A solicitous look came into his eyes. "You involve yourself too much with these people. A little is all very well ..."
"I'm all right," I insisted. "Just a little tired."
I went up to my room.
I was thinking: I can't go on like this. Something will have to happen. I toyed with the idea of going down to Malcolm now and telling him what I knew. Perhaps I should confess to Emerald.
I took off my dress and put on a dressing gown. I sat at my mirror staring at my reflection as though for some inspiration as to what I should do next. The mask of Susannah was still on my face. But I fancied it had slipped a little.
I heard footsteps in the corridor. They paused at my door and it was opened.
Garth stood there.
He was grinning at me. He came towards me and his eyes did not leave my face as he approached.
"I don't know who you are," he said, "but there is one thing I do know and that is that you are not Susannah."
I stood up. "Will you please leave my room," I said.
"No," he replied. "Who the hell are you? What are you doing here pretending to be Susannah? Looking a little like her, yes. But you can't fool me. You're a fraud. Who are you, I say?"
I did not answer. He took me by the shoulders and forced my head back. He brought his face close to mine.
"If anybody knows Susannah, I do. I know every inch of Susannah. Where is she? What have you done with her? Where have you come from?"
"Let me go," I cried.
"When you tell me."
"I ... I am Susannah."
"You're a liar. What's happened to you then? You've become a saint, have you? So good to all the people. Winning the approval of second cousin Malcolm. What's the idea? You say you are Susannah. Then let's continue where we left off, shall we? Come, Susannah, you were never so retiring before. Do you realize how long it is since we were together?" He had pulled me to him and started kissing me ... in a violent, savage sort of way. He tore at my dressing gown. He seemed to be working himself into a frenzy.
"Stop," I cried.
He paused and there was something demoniacal in his laughter.
"If you're Susannah," he said, "show me. You were never exactly shy. Insatiable, that was you, Susannah. You know you wanted me as much as I wanted you. That's why it was such fun."
I cried: "Let me go. I am not Susannah."
He released me. "Ah," he said, "now you are going to tell me the truth. Where is Susannah?"
"Susannah is dead. She died in the volcanic eruption on Vulcan Island."
"And who in God's name are you?"
"Her half sister."
"Lord save us. You're Anabel's brat. Anabel's and Joel's."
"They were my parents."
"And you were with them on that island... ."
"Yes. Susannah came. I went to Australia to attend a friend's wedding and while I was there the volcano erupted. It killed everyone on the island."
"And so ... you took her place." He looked at me with something like admiration. "Clever girl!" he added. "Clever little girl!"
"Now you will tell them, I suppose. I've confessed. And I'm glad. I can't go on with this."
"A good plan," he said, eying me speculatively. "You took possession of the castle, didn't you? One in the eye for Malcolm.
What a joke!" He started to laugh. "Esmond died and that gave the castle to Susannah ... and then little bastard sister comes along and decides she'll have it. I call that rich. I like it in a way. But it's not foolproof, is it, and when Susannah's constant lover and devoted slave comes along he finds a cuckoo in the nest."
I knew then that he was the writer of those letters. He frightened me.
"It was wicked of me," I said. "I realize that now. I'm going to tell them and I shall go away."
"You could be prosecuted for fraud, you little schemer. No, you mustn't confess. That's silly. I shan't give you away. I'll think of some way round this. So she's dead, is she? Susannah! She was a witch. She was an enchantress. You'll never be that, my dear little impostor. You haven't got what she had. Who else ever had? Oh, Susannah ... I was thinking that tonight would be what it used to be. Why did she want to go to that wretched island? ..." He was genuinely moved. He brightened suddenly. "Never let misfortune overwhelm you," he went on. "Never cry over what's done and dead and gone. I'm not going to, I promise you. You've got the castle now. All right then. I might let you keep it ... if you'll share it with me."
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