Elin Hilderbrand - The Matchmaker

Box waved his hand. “She can have whatever she wants.”

“I’m not going to let you give away the farm,” Ohner said. “Do you see naming this fellow Hughes as a third party?”

A third party? Box thought. There was a time, decades earlier, when Box would have considered himself a third party.

The next day, Box called Dabney to warn her that legal action was pending. He had a pile of messages from her in his voice mail in-box, including one desperate-sounding message from a week or so earlier. Possibly she’d had a few glasses of wine and was feeling guilty for the way she had publicly embarrassed him. Or she had woken up and realized that Clendenin Hughes wasn’t worthy of her in any respect. Her so-called love for him was little more than a leftover teenage romantic fantasy.

She answered immediately. “Hello?” she said. “Box? Is it you?”

Something in her voice caught his attention. For possibly the first time in twenty-four years, he had a gut feeling where his wife was concerned.

He said, “Dabney? Are you all right?”

“No,” she said. “I’m not.”

When he hung up the phone, he was shaking. He had only just begun to come to terms with the idea of living his life without Dabney by his side. But the news that she was dying, that he would, in a matter of months, be living in a Dabney-less world, pierced his heart like a long, sharp needle and drew out whatever lifeblood had been pumping through it.

He quickly wrote Michael Ohner an e-mail, saying that he would not need his services after all.

She was staying on Nantucket through the fall and maybe the winter.

She was staying on Nantucket until…

She called Manny Partida and asked for a leave of absence from the Morningside Heights Boys & Girls Club. It was decided that Wilder would take over at the helm while Agnes was gone. Agnes could work at the Island Adventures after-school program twenty hours a week. Dave Patterson was thrilled to have her.

CJ and his attorney pleaded down, as Agnes had known they would. He was sentenced to ninety days in jail and eighteen months’ probation. There was a restraining order in place. CJ wasn’t allowed within a hundred yards of Agnes for the next five years.

What would Agnes’s life be like in five years?

A week after Labor Day, Riley had to head back to dental school at Penn. Agnes drove him and Sadie to the airport. She couldn’t believe how sad she felt. The night she had spent with Riley eating cheeseburgers in his Jeep and then going on a wild-goose chase in search of Dabney seemed like aeons ago, and yet she hadn’t gotten enough of him somehow.

They stood in the crowded airport terminal. Everyone was leaving-heading back to Manhattan or Washington, D.C., or Los Angeles, heading back to work or school, sweaters and real shoes, football games and Broadway openings. Summer was over. It happened every year, but this year it was hitting Agnes the hardest because the one thing about a Nantucket summer was that no one ever wanted it to end.

She was afraid she might cry.

“You saved my summer,” Agnes said. “Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for helping me find Clen. Thank you for loving my mother. Thank you for…being you.”

“Hey,” Riley said. He grabbed Agnes’s chin and she felt her heart spin in its socket. “You’re welcome.” He bent over and kissed her. They kissed and they kissed and they kissed-it felt like an entire summer’s worth of kissing-until his flight was called and he had to leave Agnes to board his plane, with Sadie barking in protest.

As soon as the night air got a chill, she started to careen away from him.

Careen away from him. The phrase came unbidden, borrowed from their ancient history together, one of their first dates-sledding, during an unexpected snowstorm in December 1980.

Clen and Dabney hadn’t so much as held hands in December 1980, but this was not to say that they didn’t have a relationship. Dabney had pursued Clen with an enthusiasm that he suspected was based in pity. He was the new kid, too much smarter than anyone else to have made any friends. Dabney approached him one day after English class and asked him if he’d ever read Cheever.

Was she teasing him?

Of course, he’d said. He had gobbled the red volume of stories the year before, on recommendation from the young, vivacious librarian, Eleanor, back in Attleboro. He now knew all about commuter trains, gin and tonics, and adultery.

Dabney had taken to engaging him in conversations about books-she liked Jane Austen, he preferred Chekhov and Kafka-and from there she probed a bit into his personal history. What was his affinity with the depressing Russians? Had he moved to Nantucket from a gulag? Clen was hesitant to talk about himself, but he let certain details escape: He lived with his mother, he said. He was an only child. His mother waited tables at the Lobster Trap. They lived in a cottage out behind the restaurant.

That must be fun! Dabney said. Do you ever get to eat free lobster?

Clen nodded. His mother brought home lobster for dinner every night, along with dried-out crab cakes and small potatoes coated with congealed butter that looked like beeswax. He was sick of lobster, although he did not say this.

Dabney took to sitting next to him in the cafeteria, and at study hall, where she doodled in the margins of his loose-leaf paper. The doodles became notes. The notes said things like, I am an only child, too. And, I have no mother.

He raised his eyebrows at that one. Wrote below, Is she dead?

I don’t know, Dabney wrote back. Probably not.

Clen wrote, My father died drinking.

To which she drew a face frowning, with two fat tears.

Clen had wanted her to know that he didn’t cry over his father’s death. He hadn’t felt sad, only relieved, because his father had been a very large man with an even larger drinking problem, and…well. Clen had been surprised when his mother cried, but not surprised when she said they were moving.

We need the ocean, she’d said.

Clen had wanted the city, Boston; he’d wanted a shot at going to Boston Latin or Buckingham Browne & Nichols, where he could really get an education, but his vote didn’t matter. Nantucket it was.

Do you hate it here? Dabney wrote.

He looked at her. On that particular afternoon, they were swaddled in the hush of the high school library and Dabney was wearing her headband, and a strand of pearls that he assumed were fake-or maybe not, because something about Dabney announced money, even though he knew her father was a policeman. She had a freckled nose and those big brown eyes, which seemed to shine a warm light on him.

No, he wrote back.

When the surprise early snow came, they were not boyfriend and girlfriend, but they were not nothing. The snow piled up outside and Dabney wrote in the margin of his paper, Dead Horse Valley, 4pm. Dress warmly. I’ll bring my toboggan.

Clen had done his fair share of sledding and other winter sports in Attleboro, but he hadn’t enjoyed them. He was big and heavy, clumsy on skates and skis. If it was snowing, he preferred to stay inside and read.

Okay, he said.

The after-school scene at Dead Horse Valley during the first snowfall of the year was frenetic, but most of the kids were younger. The other high school kids, Clen surmised, were probably hunkered down in someone’s den, drinking beer and smoking pot. Dabney was waiting right on the road, wearing navy snow pants and a bright pink parka and a pink hat with a white pom-pom on top. She held up the most beautiful toboggan Clen had ever seen. It was made of polished walnut and had a graceful bullnose at the front; secured to the base was a green quilted pad.

“It looks too nice to ride,” he said.

“My father and I have been using this toboggan since I was little,” she said. “We take good care of it.”

Clen nodded, and again thought, Money. There wasn’t a single piece of furniture in his rental cottage as nice as that toboggan.

Dabney manned the front and held the reins. “This is great,” she said. “You can push. We are going to fly!”

Clen wasn’t afraid of the speed, although the hill looked steep and bumpy and he wondered how the hell there could be a hill this steep on an island where the highest elevation was 108 feet. The other kids-the ten-year-olds and twelve-year-olds-were shooting down with high-pitched screams, some of them spilling halfway, some of them catching air off a bump and landing with a thud, then picking up even more speed. What frightened Clen was the athletic feat that was expected of him-to push the toboggan while running behind it and then to launch himself neatly onto the toboggan, tucking his legs on either side of Dabney. He didn’t think he could do it.

But for her, he would try.

He bent over and placed his gloved hands flat on the toboggan, and with his head down, he started running, pushing with all his might. Dabney whooped. Clen felt the momentum of the hill pulling him down. Inertia was real. He could not stop his legs from running. He would never be able to fling his legs up and get on behind her. Never.

No wonder the horse was dead, he thought.

He sent the toboggan down the hill while he stumbled behind it for a few steps before doing a spectacular face-plant into the snow. He raised his head to see Dabney flying indeed; the fancy toboggan might have been a magic carpet. She careened down the hill away from him, getting smaller and farther away, until she disappeared behind a stand of fir trees. He had lost her.

He had thought, When she gets back up to the top of this hill, I am going to kiss her. I am going to make her mine.

Thirty-some-odd years had passed, but there was an eerie similarity in Dabney’s tobogganing down the hill at Dead Horse Valley and the slide for the worse in her health, which had started in late September. Clen felt as helpless and inept and incapable as he had then. She was going. He could not go with her.

For days, she was bedridden. The pain, the pain! Agnes called Dr. Rohatgi. There was nothing he could do; this was how the disease progressed.

She was being eaten from the inside. That was how it felt, she said. Like thousands of tiny razor teeth. Her healthy cells were being attacked and colonized by the mutant, deformed, cancerous cells. There was pain medication, but many times Dabney cried out in the night. She cried for him, mostly, but also for Agnes, and for her mother.

Mama!

Clen tensed, believing he had misheard her. But then she said it again, in a voice that was much younger than her adult Dabney voice.

Mama!

There had been times in their growing up-high school and college-when they had talked about Dabney’s mother, Patty Benson, and what she had done. Dabney had consistently spoken with what Clen would have called “resigned indifference.” She wasn’t cut out to be a parent. Whatever. Lots of people aren’t. She didn’t smother me with a pillow or drown me in the bathtub, she walked away. She left me in capable hands. I am grateful for that. I’m sure she has her regrets, wherever she is.

Clen had puzzled over her attitude. He knew that Dabney had spent years in therapy with Dr. Donegal in order to achieve such insouciance. But really, wasn’t she angry? Clen himself was furious at his father, the empty bottles of Wild Turkey on the coffee table, the long hours at the bar after work and all weekend long when he should have been teaching Clen how to throw a spiral pass, or how to run skillfully behind a toboggan and then jump onto it. He had cared only about drinking, drinking, drinking until it killed him.

The ugly truth was a punch to the gut: Clen was no better than his father or Dabney’s mother. He was no better.

Mama!

Clen wiped Dabney’s forehead with a cool washcloth and watched her eyelids flutter closed.

There were still good days, days when Dabney got out of bed smiling and went for her walk, although slower, and then slower still. One day, Dabney came home and said, “Mr. Lawson asked if he could drive me home. I said no, and still he slowed all the way down and trailed me for the last quarter mile. Do I really look that bad?”

Clen kissed the tip of her nose. “No,” he said. “You look beautiful.”

He could feel sand running through the hourglass. There wasn’t enough time to tell her how beautiful she was-how much he loved her or how sorry, how hideously, awfully sorry, he was that he hadn’t come right home from Bangkok. He should have come right home!