Виктория Холт - The Merry Monarch’s Wife

Lady Suffolk, herself overcome by embarrassment, was not looking at me.

I heard myself faintly: “I do not think I have met this lady.”

I was shaken and wanted to be by myself.

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING I felt better. I must stop thinking about Lady Castlemaine. Just because she had once been a friend of the King did not mean that she was now. I had to cast off my conventional ideas. My mother had understood. A young man with Charles’s gifts, his high position — even though at that time his rights were not acknowledged — would have many women to fawn on him. He was human. It was natural. And I was certain now that any amour of the past was over. We were married and he had shown well enough during the time we had been together that he loved me. He had said so many times.

I had to be worldly. I had to understand. The past was over. I must not look back. Soon he would be with me and I should be reassured.

Ignore her, my mother had said. Treat her as though she does not exist.

What sound advice she always gave.

I would forget what I had heard. There would no doubt be many stories about such a woman. It was no concern of mine that she had left her husband.

Charles returned. It was wonderful to see him. His eyes shone with joy at the sight of me. He put his arms round me and picked me up. I was so small and light that it was easy for him.

“Well,” he said. “Have you missed me?”

“Very much,” I answered.

“And I you…so much, my Catherine.”

I felt wonderfully happy.

We talked together. He said my English had certainly improved.

“Lady Suffolk has become my tutor.”

“I would be your tutor.”

“But when the master is away should not another take his place?”

“No one must ever take my place with you, Catherine.”

“Nor mine with you,” I added.

“You are my wife. Does that not mean something?”

“It means everything to me.”

It was wonderful to be together. When we were about to retire for the night he took a paper from his pocket and said carelessly: “Here is a list of the ladies I have agreed shall be in your household.”

I was about to glance at it when he took it from me and put it into a drawer.

“Look at it tomorrow,” he said. “There is time for that later.” He was smiling. “We shall be leaving this place soon and you will need a household fitting for the Queen of England. I know these people well and you have yet to meet them so I can vouch for their suitability…and you know you can take my word. I want you to be well served, my love. So…leave it all to me.”

I said I should be happy to do so.

It was not until the following morning when I was alone that I remembered the paper in the drawer. I took it out and studied it.

I felt faint, for the name at the top of the list was that of Lady Castlemaine.

My hands were trembling. What could this mean? He had chosen this woman, who had been his mistress, and was now involved in some scandal, as one of my ladies-in-waiting!

I could not understand what it meant. “Ignore her. Do not have her near you,” my mother had said.

I would not. I took up my pen and scratched out her name.

I sent for my secretary, Sir Richard Bellings, and said to him in Spanish, “Sir Richard, this is the suggested list of the ladies of my household. I have amended it. You will know where to take it.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said and took the paper from me.

I sat down. I felt dizziness coming over me and I thought I was going to faint.

I sat there trembling, wondering what this could mean.

* * *

CHARLES CAME TO ME. He dismissed the women who were with me and I knew what he wanted to talk about before he began.

He said: “I see you have scratched out the name of Lady Castlemaine on the list I left for you.”

“Oh yes,” I said, speaking in Spanish. I was too emotional to think in English. “I could not have her in my household.”

“I have selected her,” he said coolly. “I have promised her the place.”

“How could you do such a thing?”

“My dear Catherine, I am choosing those whom I think would serve you best.”

Like most docile people, I am aroused to temper rarely, but when it is released it is apt to be more fierce than tempers which are allowed to show themselves more often. I felt angry now, and my anger was the greater because of the sadness behind it. He had chosen her. There could be only one reason. Because he wanted her here. She had been his mistress. She had borne a child. Whose child? She had left her husband, implying that he had no claim on the child. Then who…? It was becoming clear to me. The urgent business which had taken him away from Hampton Court had been to go to her. I had been deceived. I had been innocent…ignorant…and he had used my innocence to betray me.

I said: “Are you sure you do not mean she would serve you best?”

“What does that mean?” he demanded.

“It means that I know she has been your mistress in the past. The indication to me is that she still occupies that dubious position.”

He was angry; he was disturbed; but even so he managed to be amused. I felt then that he would be amused by any situation, no matter what pain it caused to others.

“What amuses you?” I could not help asking.

“Your solemnity, my dear. This is nothing…a bagatelle. We can arrange this.”

“I have already done so by crossing her name off the list.”

“But I wish her to have the post.”

“Why?”

“Because she is the most suitable for it. I know these ladies.”

“Very well, it would seem.”

“Catherine, you are so different. Where is my sweet little wife?”

“You cannot expect sweetness from her when she is asked to accept your mistress into her household.”

“I admit to a liaison in the past. There were…others, you know. It is natural enough. I was never meant to be a monk. All that is changed now. I swear I have not been with Barbara since our marriage.”

“Barbara!”

“Barbara Palmer, Lady Castlemaine.”

“And you are now proposing to resume the relationship?”

“Catherine! What has happened to you?”

“I should have thought that would have been clear.”

“This jealousy…this unreasonableness…it is so unlike you.”

“I saw no reason for jealousy before this.”

“There is none now. Catherine, you are the Queen. You must behave like one.”

“And tolerate the presence of my husband’s mistress in my bedchamber?”

“She is not my mistress now.”

“She was.”

“I have never denied it. Listen to me. I will vouch for her. She will serve you well. Do you think I would not insist on that? Never think for a moment that she should be allowed to presume on her past relationship with me. If there were any sign of that, she would be dismissed. I promise you that.”

He held out his arms to me and smiled apologetically.

But I kept hearing my mother’s words. “Do not receive her. Do not have her in your court.”

I turned away. I thought: my heart is broken. Whatever he says, he wants her here. I have been deceived by him. So much charm…so many assurances of devotion…they did not go very deeply.

I said in a cold voice: “Charles, I will not have that woman in my household.”

His manner changed. I had never seen him look like that before. His face had darkened. He looked saturnine.

But he said nothing. He turned away and walked out of the room.

MY DREAM WAS OVER. FROM BEING THE HAPPIEST WOMAN in England I had become the most miserable.

I had not seen Charles since that scene. He was really angry with me, and that could only mean one thing: the appointment of Lady Castlemaine was of the utmost importance to him. And why? It could only be for one reason.

But he must know that I would never have Lady Castlemaine in my household. He must understand. Surely anyone would see the reason for it. He was certainly aware of it, but he was angry because he greatly desired the woman to be there. She had asked for the appointment and he had promised it.

So he must have seen her. His urgent business was to be with her. She had just left her husband because he had had her child baptized as a Catholic…and the child was not her husband’s.

Whose child was it? Why was she so incensed that it had had a Catholic baptism? The inference was obvious. Oh no! I could not believe it. But I must not shut my mind to the obvious. Charles had been so loving to me, so charming, because he was indeed practiced in these matters. I had been one of the many…albeit that I was his wife.

No wonder Maria and Elvira had looked so grave; no wonder Maria had talked to my mother, who had sought to prepare me for Lady Castlemaine.

I was seeing it all clearly now. I had been duped during those weeks at Hampton Court. And how easy it had been to deceive me! No wonder I had so often seen amusement in his eyes. He must have been laughing at the simplicity of the task.

I wanted to go home…back to my mother…back to her palace…back to the convent where I could live with my dreams.

It was several days since I had seen him. At times the longing to do so was so great that I was on the point of sending a message to him. “Please come back to me. I will do as you wish. I will accept her in my household.” Then I would say to myself: Never. Never will I have her near me.

And so I did not see him.

I had to make a pretence that nothing unusual was happening. I did my best, but it was not easy. Maria and Elvira noticed the change in me.

“Are you well? Is anything wrong?” asked Maria.

“I am well, thank you.”

“You are overtired,” said Elvira.

“Perhaps you should see the physician,” added Maria.

“Please…please do not fret. I am quite well.”

They looked at each other skeptically. Their disapproval of English ways as well as their manners of dress had not diminished.

Then came that day which I was to remember as one of the most unhappy of my life.

I was in the Presence Room and some of the ladies of the court were being presented to me. Maria and Elvira had taken their stand on either side of me as they always did, like a pair of dragons guarding me, which mever failed to cause some amusement in the company.

I was trying to behave normally when I heard Charles’s voice. My heart leaped with pleasure. He had come then! He had decided to end this trouble between us. He had realized, of course, that I had only behaved as a wife naturally would. He had accepted my decision. All would be well between us.

He had caught my eyes across the room and was smiling at me.

I felt my features relax. Happiness filled me. It was over. All was well between us.

He was coming toward me, holding the hand of one of the ladies as he always did when he presented them to me.

One could not help noticing her. She was tall and one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. Yet, statuesque as she was, Charles still towered above her. They looked splendid together. I often thought that his height made me look smaller than I actually was, and I was very conscious of that and felt a certain envy of tall women. This one’s hair was bronze in color, falling in luxuriant curls over her bare shoulders; her eyes were large and sparkling; she held herself proudly, arrogantly, one might say: she gave an impression of complete assurance. I supposed one would have that, with such looks. She was the sort of woman who would be noticed immediately whenever she appeared.

Charles presented her to me. She smiled and lowered her eyes as she bent to kiss my hand. The King murmured something I could not catch.

She turned away, Charles with her.

Maria bent toward me. “Do you know who that was?” she demanded.

“I could not catch the name.”

“He intended you should not. He did not pronounce it clearly for that reason. Can you not guess?”

I looked at her blankly.

Elvira whispered: “It is Lady Castlemaine.”

Now I understood why there was tension in the room, why there was a lull in the conversation.

How could he? I thought. How dare he!

I felt the dizziness overcome me; then something warm was spreading over my face, for the blood was gushing from my nose. I saw the stain on my gown and fell fainting to the floor.