I caught the eye of an elderly woman who had that deer-in-the-headlights look of someone who senses a speech is about to veer into a very ugly direction. I figured I’ d better cut to the chase. ‘ And yet changing someone’ s life is still crossed off the list. To explain why, I’ ll have to tell you something I’ m not exactly thrilled to admit. Because the truth is, before I started doing this list, I hadn’ t made much of my own life. In fact, a person who in recent months has become a very close friend-someone who has been there when I needed him and whose opinion I’ ve grown to truly value and respect-said he always felt I was just going through the motions. As much as I hated to hear it, he was right.

‘ Part of the reason I did the list was so I could feel what it was like to have purpose and direction the way Marissa did. I had no idea whether I’ d finish it, and I’ ll have to confess right now that I didn’ t. There’ s one item I still have to do. But that’ s the point I’ m trying to make. On my way over here, I was still trying to finish the list. Even though I hadn’ t completed it on time, I wasn’ t going to give up.’

The last few words came out as a squeak. Tears welled in my eyes. I heard Kitty say, ‘ You’ re doing fine, sweetie.’

My voice quavering, I said, ‘ What I realized is that I didn’ t need to change anyone’ s life. Because Marissa changed mine. She’ s taught me what it means to value life. To try. To put myself out there for something that’ s important to me.

‘ I’ d hoped to come here tonight to tell you about what I’ d done for Marissa& but the best I can do is say how truly grateful I am for all she’ s given me. I’ ll never forget it. And I’ ll never, ever take it for granted.’

With that, I set down the microphone and padded back to my seat with the crowd cheering and whooping. Susan greeted me with one of her bone-crushing hugs, and Sebastian and Kip were both sobbing.

‘ Best fucking speech I ever heard,’  Martucci said, using his thumb to wipe a tear from my face.

Brie said, snuffling, ‘ That’ s it, I’ m going to do me a list.’

A guy bearing bagpipes who said he was in the marching corps with Marissa came to the front of the room, saying he wanted to play her favorite song, ‘ Amazing Grace.’  We listened attentively because, frankly, it’ s hard to have a conversation with bagpipes blaring. After he finished, and not getting any more takers on the microphone, Troy thanked people for coming. ‘ Please stick around,’  he announced. ‘ There’ s still a ton of food. Plus, we’ ll be cutting the cake soon.’

The jukebox kicked on as Norma came up to the table. She was eating a piece of pie. Considering she was a Weight Watchers leader, I admired how she didn’ t feel the need to apologize for it.

‘ Well done on finishing the list,’  she said.

I corrected her. ‘ Almost finishing it.’

‘ Ah. Close enough. I’ m sorry you never came back to the group, but you look good. Thin.’

‘ It was the I’ m-too-depressed-to-eat diet,’  I said.

Brie shook her head. ‘ I wish that would happen to me. I eat when I get upset. And when I get mad. Or stressed. Or if I’ m happy. I eat then, too.’

Norma swallowed a bite of her pie, then said, ‘ I hear you there. And Marissa dying so soon after she lost the weight-it was so sad. The group took it pretty hard. We had a couple meetings that were less about food and more about the process of grieving. Poor Buddy took it the hardest. He-’

I nearly choked on my drink. ‘ Did you say Buddy?’

Sebastian glanced up. ‘ Who said Buddy?’

‘ I did,’  Norma said, clearly startled. ‘ I was telling June how Buddy took Marissa’ s death especially hard. He’ s in my Weight Watchers group, and he and Marissa were quite-’

Sebastian cut her off. ‘ His name isn’ t Buddy Fitch by chance, is it?’

‘ I do believe his last name is Fitch. Why-do you know him?’

I couldn’ t believe it. I’ d been searching everywhere for this guy, and I never thought that he might be one of the Weight Watchers group. I may have even seen him the night I went for my one and only meeting. The last thing I wanted to do was face those people again. But if I had to, I would. I’ d be able to finish the list. ‘ I want to meet him,’  I said. ‘ Does he still go to the meetings?’

‘ Not since he reached his weight goal,’  she said.

‘ Oh no.’  I couldn’ t hide my disappointment. But they probably had records. Of course they did! I’ d be able to-

‘ But if you want to meet him, it’ s no problem. He’ s here.’

Sebastian slapped his hands on the table so hard that it made our drinks jump. ‘ Get outta town. Here?! In the bar?’

‘ Well, yes. When Kitty Jones invited me, she said to go ahead and extend an invitation to anyone I wanted.’

‘ He’ s here,’  I said, stunned. Buddy Fitch was here. ‘ Where?’

Norma gestured toward a man standing with his family. ‘ Over there. Here, I can take you to meet him. Let me go get my-’

I didn’ t even wait for her to finish. Here was my chance to complete the list! Oh, I hoped he’ d confess to whatever misdeed he’ d visited upon poor Marissa. If not, I’ d do whatever it took to drag it out of him.

‘ That was a great speech,’  he said when I approached. He was a husky man with thinning red hair and a square but friendly face.

‘ Thanks,’  I said, and then got right to the point. ‘ Are you Buddy Fitch?’

‘ Me? Nah. Name’ s Peter Fitch.’

My spirits sank, but then a kid’ s voice said, ‘ I’ m Buddy.’

I gasped. ‘ You’ re Flash!’  I said right as he pointed to me and said:

‘ Now I remember who you are! You’ re the lady from the race!’

‘ You’ re Buddy Fitch?’  How could the nice kid from the race possibly have hurt Marissa? There must be a mistake. ‘ I need to talk to you a minute,’  I said, leading him away.

‘ You still running?’  he asked, settling into a chair behind a giant potted fern where I thought we could get privacy.

I gave him a guilty look and admitted I’ d done it only for the list. ‘ Speaking of which,’  I said, unfolding it, ‘ maybe you can explain something to me.’  I showed him #7: Make Buddy Fitch pay. ‘ You have any idea why Marissa would write the one about making you pay?’

‘ Sure. She and I had a bet. When I joined Weight Watchers, I had thirty pounds to lose. I wanted to get on the track team, and one day when I sat next to Marissa, I told her I bet I’ d never make it. She bet me I would, and we put money on it. She promised that she’ d help me train.’

Unbelievable. ‘ So it was literal. Make you pay.’

‘ She came to run with me a couple times after school before she& um& Anyhow, I didn’ t quit. I kept running.’

‘ How much did you bet?’

‘ A dollar.’

I leaned close so my eyes were level with his. ‘ So I guess what I need to know is, did you make the track team?’

‘ Yep.’

‘ In that case, Buddy Fitch’ -I extended a hand, palm up-’ pay up.’

#7. Make Buddy Fitch pay


SOON AFTER I brought the list back to the table and crossed off the last item, my friends gathered to leave.

‘ I’ m so lucky to have all of you,’  I said, overwhelmed with emotion. It was finally sinking in that I’ d finished the list. Mere minutes earlier, I’ d thought I still had a long way to go. ‘ I could have never completed the list if it hadn’ t been for your help.’

There was much murmuring of ‘ You’ re welcome’  and ‘ Glad to do it,’  until Martucci said, ‘ Don’ t start blubbering all over me, Parker. This is a new shirt.’

‘ Are you going to give back the list?’  Susan asked.

I nodded. ‘ That was always the plan: that I’ d return it as soon as I was done. I was starting to fear that it might never happen.’

‘ It did-and on time,’  Sebastian said warmly. ‘ It must be the writer in you& can’ t miss a deadline.’

Everyone left except for Martucci, who said he’ d stick around to give me a ride home. I found Kitty Jones straightening a balloon bouquet. ‘ Here you are,’  I said, handing her the list. ‘ Complete.’  I explained about Buddy Fitch.

‘ He told me that he made the track team at his school because of Marissa,’  I said. ‘ So that’ s another thing she made happen by herself.’

She squeezed my arm, her voice breaking. ‘ Now don’ t make me cry. I’ ve managed to hold it together so far. I’ m going to take this’ -she held up the list-’ and have a good, long look at it as soon as I get home.’

I glanced around the crowd, which was starting to thin. ‘ I need to get going, but I wanted to say good-bye to Troy first.’

‘ He’ s over by the food table with his aunt Lorraine. She’ s probably grilling him about why he’ s not married yet. I’ ll bet he’ d be eternally grateful if you rescued him.’

She wasn’ t kidding. As soon as I approached, Troy said loudly, ‘ It was a pleasure chatting with you, Aunt Lorraine, but I need to talk to June here.’

‘ Guess what?’  I said as he ushered me to a quiet end of the bar. ‘ We found Buddy Fitch. He’ s here& and he’ s a kid from her Weight Watchers group. So the list’ s done.’

‘ June, that’ s incredible.’

‘ Anyway, I was about to leave, but I wanted to say thanks for everything.’

‘ I didn’ t do much, but you know I was glad to help any way I could.’

‘ By the way,’  I boasted, ‘ I wound up getting the promotion at work.’

‘ I knew you would.’  He rubbed a hand nervously through his hair. ‘ Look& about the other day when I came to your office. You told me that the phone message I left you got cut off. Which is probably for the best. I did a lot of blabbering. But the upshot was-and I know this sounds cliché-but as far as what happened in Vegas, it wasn’ t you. It was me.’

‘ It’ s okay.’

‘ No, it’ s not. I snapped at you because you were going to adopt a baby. And did I even understand you right? It sounds now like you aren’ t going to do it.’

‘ I didn’ t really want to be a single mom-I got swept up in everything. And as for Vegas, it was no big deal. Honestly. You’ ve been through so much; you and Marissa were so close. I can understand that you’ d feel conflicted.’

He shook his head and smiled. ‘ I should have seen it coming. I remember the first time I saw you at the funeral, when you came down the line shaking hands. You had that huge black eye, and when you got to where I was, I thought, Wow, she’ s hot, and found myself peeking down your blouse to see how far the bruise went. Then I was disgusted that I’ d notice something like that at my own sister’ s funeral.’

Before I could respond-and really, what could one say to that?-a woman approached and said, ‘ Troy, your grandma wants me to tell you that you’ re needed. They’ re about to cut the cake.’

‘ Tell her I’ ll be right there.’  Then he turned to me. ‘ So you’ ll keep in touch?’

‘ Are you kidding? Now that I have this new job, I’ m going to need connections in all the right places.’

‘ You got it. Anytime.’

I hugged Troy good-bye and then walked back to where Martucci sat, discussing racing strategies with Buddy Fitch. ‘ I’ m ready to go when you are,’  I said.

As we left, I paused at the doorway to take one last look inside the room. Troy and his family gathered around the cake. Twenty-five candles had been lit, and the firelight danced on their faces as they leaned close. No one sang ‘ Happy Birthday.’  I watched-drained and yet never feeling more full-as Kitty took in a deep breath. And then everyone around her helped blow out the candles in one collective whoosh.




Chapter 26

I t’ s strange not to have anything I have to do,’  I said to Martucci as he pulled his car in front of my apartment building. The evening was warm, and he had the moon roof open, exposing a twinkle of city lights.

‘ You did good.’

‘ I just don’ t want to go back to my old ways.’

He cut the engine. ‘ Then don’ t.’

‘ How?’  As I asked it, I had to marvel. Once again, I was turning to Martucci for advice, when only months ago I could hardly stand to be in the same room with him. He’ d changed in my perception from repulsive to& well, I wasn’ t sure. I liked being around him. Suddenly I was noticing things like how he smelled good& the rumbly growl of his voice& how the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

‘ It’ s easy,’  he said, grinning-and see? There went the crinkles. ‘ Think about what you would have done before, which would have been nothing. Then do something.’

‘ Very funny.’  I added, ‘ The old me would leave to go inside right now.’

He lifted an eyebrow. ‘ And the new you& ?’

I shifted in my seat so I faced him, then I placed one hand behind his head and pulled him close in a kiss. And it was nice-warm and soft and sweet-and I kissed him again, and again, and soon I was gulping him in, and he was tugging me close, tangling his hands in my hair, and it was crazy& Dominic Martucci of all people! Yet for once I wasn’ t second-guessing myself or letting myself get lost in doubt. I knew for certain that-wherever it might go or whatever might happen-sprawled across Martucci’ s front seat with my tongue greedily seeking his was exactly where I wanted to be right now.