J. Cooper - The Other Side of Love

“You like me, huh?”

“Kinda, sorta.” She grinned up at me. “I did invite you to my place, didn’t I?”

“Kinda, sorta, huh? That’s it?” I kissed her cheek and she shifted her face so that I was kissing her lips.

“Well, maybe a bit more than that.” She grinned as she pulled away from me. “And maybe that bit isn’t so little.”

“Great.” I grinned back at her and sat back feeling dazed. Part of me was excited that Robin was falling for me, really falling for me. But the other part of me wanted to scratch my eyes out for leading her on when I knew that nothing good could come out of our relationship. I closed my eyes to try and stop the guilt from spreading through my body.

“I can’t wait until tonight,” Sshe whispered in my ear, and I opened my eyes and turned to her.

“I can’t wait as well.” I held her hands as I stared into her eyes, trying to memorize her face. I was going to be selfish and spend one more night with her. And then I was going to leave. I had already decided that there was only one answer to the pain in my heart. I had to go to Palm Bonita and I had to take Skylar and we had to disappear. And I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone my plan. Not if I wanted to keep Sklylar safe. If everything went as planned, we’d have to disappear off the face of the earth. I stared at Lucky and Zane chatting in the front seat and then at Robin as she sat next to me with a happy smile on her face. I should have been happy. I was finally surrounded by love and happiness. But I wasn’t. I was sad. I was sad because I knew that this future, this life would forever elude me. I was not destined for the happily ever after like Zane was. I was destined to save a life. And if her safety meant giving up everything, it was something I had to do. I was Skylar’s everything. I couldn’t be the next in the long line of people to let her down and fail her forever. Walking away had already broken her heart. I couldn’t allow her spirit to be broken forever as well.

“Hello,” Lucky grabbed her phone as soon as it rang. “Yes, I called earlier and left a voicemail.” Her voice was low as she spoke and I saw her look at me quickly before turning back to the front. “Can I call you back in about ten minutes please? A different number? Sure, hold on.” She grabbed a pen and piece of paper from her bag. “Ready.” She scribbled something down and then pushed paper back in her bag. “Got it, thanks. I’ll call you back on the other number.” She hung up the phone and pushed it into her bag.”

“Who was that?” I asked her curiously.

“Oh, no one.” She looked at me with a quick smile, as her face turned red. “Someone about a class I wanted to take at UCLA.”

“I see.” I didn’t push the conversation, even though I was sure she was lying.

“I’m super hungry.” Lucky changed the subject. “I could eat about ten pancakes.” She laughed and Zane joined and laughed with her. I was about to say something else when Robin whispered in my ear. “I’d rather be eating big Noah.”

I turned to her with a shocked expression and she grinned at me. “Maybe I’ll get to eat him tonight.”

“Zane, why did Mom leave?” I whispered into the darkness of his room as I opened the door.

“I’m sleeping, Noah. Go to bed.”

“Okay.” I continued my walk into his room and sat down on his bed. “I was thinking she might be lost.”

Zane remained silent and rolled over away from me, so I grabbed his shoulder and shook it excitedly. “I was thinking that maybe we should draw a map so she can find her way home again.”

“Noah, if she can’t find us, how are we going to give her a map?”

“We can post them in the grocery stores and on street lamps. We can put one on every corner.”

“She’s not going to see them and that’s not going to work.” Zane sat up and turned on his nightlight. “Just go to bed, Noah.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.” I shook my head and snuggled in next to him. “And the maps will work. Those posters work to find missing kids, why can’t it work to find Mom?”

“Mom isn’t a missing kid,” he sighed, exasperated.

“But she’s lost and wants to come home.” I whispered tightly. “We need to do everything that we can.”

“I’m too tired to draw.” He reached over and turned the light off. “You can sleep in my room tonight, but you have to be quiet.”

“If I went missing, would you draw a map for me?” I whispered out aloud to the ceiling. “Would you look for me or would you go to sleep?”

There was more silence, and for a moment I thought Zane had fallen asleep. I felt sad and cold and I wanted to cry.

“Noah,” Zane finally spoke and he turned around to face me. “If you went missing, I would search heaven and earth to find you. You’re my brother. I will always be here to protect you and to love you. There is nowhere you could go and nothing you could do to stop me from loving you and being here for you. Absolutely nothing. If you went missing, my life would never be the same and I’d have to go missing as well, just so I could have a chance to find you.”

“You can’t go missing as well. What if I come back home?” I said matter-of-factly. “You have to be there to greet me.”

“I’ll always be here for you, Noah. I will always do everything in my power to make sure you are okay. If I sense anything is wrong, I will fix it.”

“What if I don’t tell you and I keep it to myself?” I said wide-eyed, deliriously happy that Zane was taking so much time to talk to me and show me how much he loved me.

“I will always know, Noah. Even if you keep it to yourself. I will always know when something is wrong. And I will always do whatever I can to make that situation right.”

“You’re like a magician” I yawned and snuggled under the duvet. “My very own magician brother.”

“Sleep tight, Noah,” he whispered. “I’ll never let the bed bugs bite you.”

“Did you have any foster brothers and sisters that you were close to?” I sat on Robin’s cream couch as she poured two glasses of a bottle of Riesling for us. This was the second night I was spending at Robin’s and I felt sad that it was likely the last night that either of us would have together.

“I had three sisters and three brothers.” She handed me a glass and smiled. “However, they are all a lot older than me, so I’m not really close with any of them.”

“It must have been hard growing up in foster care.” I gave her a smile as she sat next to me. “Not really knowing where you came from and all that.”

“It’s hard.” She nodded at me. “Some days, I just want to know what they looked like. What they did, why they gave me up. But then some days, I’m glad I don’t know, because what if it was bad? I don’t want to carry that burden with me.”

“That makes sense,” I agreed. “I was really worried about how Zane would feel about his birthmother’s death. I was scared he would carry that burden and guilt forever.”

“You guys are really close, aren’t you?” She took a sip of wine and sat back. “It must be nice to have someone you’re that close to.”

“He’s my best friend and my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”

“Asides from tell him you’re going to fake your own death.” She teased me and I gave her a wry smile.

“Yeah, asides from that, I guess.”

“Wasn’t it hard keeping it a secret? I’m not judging you, but how could you do that?” She looked at me with wonder in her eyes. “Personally, if you had been my brother, I’m not sure I would have ever forgiven you. I hate being lied to, especially by the people closest to me.”

“It was for my brother’s safety.” I started and she shook her head.

“That’s bullshit.” She took a sip of wine. “No offence, but you do realize that’s bull. He’s your brother and from what I know of him, he seems like a pretty great and trustworthy guy. You should have told him.”

“Sometimes you have to lie to the ones you love to protect them.” I gave her an earnest look as I said the statement Special Agent Waldron had instilled in me. “Sometimes the ones you love are better off not knowing the truth.”

“What malarkey is that?” She shook her head vehemently. “You should never lie to the ones you love. What sort of foundation is that for a relationship built on love and honesty?”

“Sometimes you can’t tell people everything.” I shrugged and took a deep gulp of wine. I was starting to feel claustrophobic and I didn’t know how much longer I could continue in this conversation.

“I don’t agree.” Robin looked upset and jumped up. “Do you want anything to eat? I have some turkey slices and some grapes.”

“That sounds good, thanks.” I nodded and sat back as she walked into the kitchen. I looked around the apartment and enjoyed the opportunity to have a glimpse into her soul. The apartment complex itself was sketchy, but her apartment was a real home. It smelled like peaches and pie and while everything was slightly worn, it wasn’t tattered. It was lived in and homey. The only thing that I noticed was that there weren’t a lot of photographs at all, and for some reason that surprised me. I looked at a console table with two frames and went over to look at the two photos. One appeared to be a photo of her and an older couple, whom I assumed to be her foster parents, but the next photograph was a photo of her with a man and he had her arm around her. I felt a surge of jealousy as I looked at the photograph. I wanted to know who the man was and why she still had his photo up in her apartment. Did she still love him? I wanted to go into the kitchen and demand that she tell me who he was, but I stopped myself from doing so. For one, I thought that only a crazy guy would go demanding answers when he wasn’t even officially in a relationship, and secondly, I realized that this might be the last night I ever spent with her. Who was I to go act all jealous and then just leave? I already felt like scum staying the night at her apartment, knowing I was going to be leaving Los Angeles the next day. The phone call with Skylar was still at the forefront of my mind and I knew that I had to go and save her.

“Here we go,” Robin walked back into the room with a smile. “I hope you’re hungry, I put quite a bit on the plate.”

“Thanks. I’m pretty starved.” I sat back down on the couch and grabbed some grapes. “So who’s the guy in the photo?” I pointed to the console and almost groaned to myself. I just couldn’t stop the little green monster from coming out.

“Oh,” Robin paused. “That’s me and my ex. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry.” I gave her a quick smile, trying to pretend I was not terribly disappointed. “Do you still love him and miss him, then?”

“No.” She shook her head slowly. “Not really.”

“So sometimes?” I leaned towards her.

“I guess.” She sighed and sat back. “I don’t have feelings for him anymore. But sometimes I miss him. We used to be friends.”

“I see.” I didn’t see and I didn’t want to do anything but smash the photo.

“Do you still miss your ex?” Robin looked at me curiously and her eyes were alert.

“No,” I shook my head as anger raced through me. “I hate her.” I sighed and then paused. “Well, no, I don’t hate her. But I dislike the person she is. She’s the sort of woman who makes you want to protect her because she acts like she’s a victim, but really it’s others who need protecting from her.”

“Sounds like she really hurt you.”

“She did hurt me.” I said bitterly. “In her own way, she hurt me the best way she knew how.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. She was married, you know. She escaped from her ex. She told me that he had been beating her. She even had some scars. She was really broken. I knew that from the start. I could see it in her face, hear it in her voice. We both were in Palm Bonita because we had to be, not because we wanted to be, and we both missed the outside world. That’s how we bonded.” I talked more than I had expected to, but I wanted Robin to understand. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but once she realized I was gone and why, I wanted her to remember this conversation and understand why I had to leave. I wanted her to know it wasn’t because I didn’t like her.

“That sounds pretty reasonable.” She nodded, but I could see little sparks of jealousy in her eyes as well.

“We shared personal and intimate information about each other.” I sighed. “I told her why I was really in Palm Bonita. I had wanted her to know I wasn’t one of the bad guys. That I was really there for a good reason. I even told her who my father was and that I came from a family of money. I made all the mistakes I wasn’t supposed to make. And she held it over me.”