Lucy Gordon - The Pregnancy Bond

FOR a while practical matters held their attention. Jake put his flat on the market, finding a buyer at once.

‘But I’d like to keep that money aside for a deposit on a proper home,’ he said. ‘This’ll be a bit small when there’s three of us.’

She agreed, but didn’t say more, leaving Jake wondering how their future life was to be organised. For the moment it was enough that they were back together. When he looked into the future he saw several paths, all with turnings that he couldn’t follow. Yet, strangely, the uncertainty didn’t trouble him. Everything was in Kelly’s hands, and there were no hands that he trusted more.

One day Kelly said, ‘You’re feeling a lot better, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, how did you know?’

‘You’ve stopped talking like a robot. When you were at your worst the words came out sounding harsh and mechanical. Those pills the doctor gave you were good.’

‘It wasn’t the pills, it was you.’ But it was true that the clouds were shifting. Now he found he could organise his work into some kind of order, and at last he had a synopsis of his book.

‘We’ll give it to a literary agency,’ Kelly declared. ‘Carl says his own is excellent, unless you’d rather-not Carl?’

‘It’s all right. I’m feeling kindly towards Carl these days.’

The result was an advance large enough to ease Jake’s gloom some more, and enable him to work with an easy mind. Even so he knew that there was a question mark over his television future. His major commissions had come from Olympia, and that source must have dried up. She’d overlooked the first time he’d let her down, that night in Paris, but he supposed she’d wanted to add his scalp to her belt, and wouldn’t easily admit defeat.

But what had happened in her apartment was another matter. He’d rejected her and exposed her to humiliation. He hadn’t meant to. Every one of his actions had been driven by illness, but Olympia wasn’t the woman to understand that.

Yet even this didn’t trouble him. His career seemed to live on the fringe of his consciousness, taking any crumbs of attention he could spare it. The centre was here, where Kelly was growing larger every day.

‘Are you keeping up to schedule on that book?’ Kelly asked once. ‘I know they wanted it fast.’

‘I’m doing my best.’

‘If you need some secretarial help I could-’

‘No!’ His yell was so loud that she almost dropped her cup. ‘Don’t even think of that. You’ve got your own work to do. Give it all your attention.’

‘But I only-’

‘I said no!’

‘All right, all right,’ she said hurriedly.

There was a silence. His mind had gone dark again, brooding over how close history had come to repeating itself. Once before he’d snatched away her chance of making her own success. Now she’d calmly offered him the opportunity to do it again. Sweat stood out on his brow.

‘Hey, it’s all right,’ she said, giving him a little shake. ‘Don’t take everything so seriously.’

He took her hand. ‘I’ll try.’

‘But get finished soon, because Olympia will be calling you.’

‘Not her! She’s not a forgiving lady.’

‘No, but she’s an ambitious one. Without you her ratings have fallen.’

He stared. ‘How do you know that?’

‘One of the lecturers on the media studies course does freelance work for her company, and he hears things. They’ve tried to find someone to be as popular as you, but they’ve failed. People have been asking her when they can expect you back. You can virtually write your own ticket.’

Kelly’s tone gave no clue to her feelings. She was heavy now, calm and content with her child and her man. Nothing outside seemed to touch her very much.

He only half believed her about Olympia, but a week later the phone rang, and it was her. She was gracious, as always. The evening in her apartment might never have been.

‘And you’re well enough to start work again?’ she enquired.

‘Perfectly well.’

‘I have a job that might interest you. It would mean-’

It was peach of a job, a major assignment that would put him right back at the top. Jake Lindley, the voice of truth, the man who brought you the facts: he could have it all back. Kelly had been right.

‘Sounds interesting,’ he mused in a non-committal voice that should have warned Olympia.

‘Fine. I’ll need you to leave next week-’

‘Wait, I haven’t said I’ll do it yet. There’s some unfinished business between us.’

‘It surprises me that you want to mention it.’

‘It doesn’t surprise me that you want to avoid it, but I thought you might have some explanation for the Forest Glades stunt. It makes me sick that you actually tried to have me locked up to stop me going back to Kelly, but it’s just possible that you thought you were acting for my benefit-’

‘Just possible?’ she yelped. ‘You were out of your mind that night, on the verge of insanity. You needed help and I got it for you.’

‘Well, you got me the wrong kind of help.’

‘And what about me?’ Olympia screeched. ‘Talking about your wife and baby in front of those men! Do you know how you made me look?’

‘If you hadn’t sent for them it wouldn’t have happened. It was pure spite.’

‘Look, if I got it wrong that night I’m sorry-’ Olympia spoke nervously. Without Jake the ratings had slumped badly.

‘Skip it. Too late. And even if it hadn’t been, there’s no way I’d go away next week, or for several weeks. The baby’s due soon and I’ve got to be here.’

‘And people are supposed to just hang about indefinitely, waiting for you to be man enough to start work again?’ demanded Olympia, letting her temper get the better of her caution.

‘Man enough?’ He savoured the words slowly.

‘I didn’t mean it like that-’ She back-pedalled frantically.

‘I don’t really care how you meant it,’ he said. ‘You’ve made me realise that I’ve changed some of my ideas about what it means to be a man. I couldn’t do this job, Olympia. Not next week, or the week after, or ever. I’m not watching my child’s birth with a packed suitcase in one hand and a watch in the other. I’m not going to ask Kelly to hurry up because I’ve got a plane to catch. Nor am I going to be away after the birth, when she’ll need me more than ever.

‘I’m finished with dashing off around the world. I had my fun and it was great, but I had it at Kelly’s expense, and now that part of my life is over.’

‘You know what they’ll all say, don’t you?’ Olympia asked nastily. ‘That you’ve lost your nerve.’

‘Let ’em.’

‘Your career will never recover.’

‘I’ll make another career. I think I’m still sufficiently in demand for that. At any rate, it’s time I found out.’

Olympia’s voice was full of doom. ‘Are you mad? You’ll end up doing gardening programmes.’

‘I like gardening,’ said Jake, who’d never planted a seed in his life. ‘I was thinking of getting a house with a garden. Goodbye, Olympia. And I mean goodbye.’

He hung up and sat brooding for a moment. When he looked up he saw Kelly standing in the doorway, smiling.

‘You heard.’ It was a statement, not a question.

‘Yes, I heard. You turned down a job to be here when the baby’s born.’

‘To be with you when the baby’s born,’ he corrected insistently, helping her to the sofa. ‘That’s the most important thing in the world to me now-that the three of us should be together, not just then but later. Marry me, Kelly.’

‘What did you say?’

Jake dropped to his knees beside the sofa so that his eyes, full of intensity, were on a level with hers.

‘I want more than just living together; I want to marry you,’ he said, so fervently that it came out sounding almost fierce. ‘I always wanted to be married to you, right from the first. You were my love and my star, but you were also-’ He hesitated.

‘Also what?’ Kelly asked, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing.

‘The rock I clung to,’ he said at last. ‘It took me a long time to see it, but you were always my centre. You kept me safe. You always have. I began to understand when you started divorce proceedings. I was so arrogant I couldn’t believe you’d really go through with it. I thought you’d see in time that you needed me. I wouldn’t admit the truth to myself-that it was I who needed you.

‘I dashed home, thinking I was in time to stop the divorce. I was going to say, “OK, you took it to the wire. Just tell me your terms for staying married.” I’d have agreed to anything to make you call it off. But there was a mix-up about the date and by the time I got there we were already divorced.

‘When I came to your party that night I was in a state of shock. And there you were, someone I didn’t recognise. I began to see that I’d been wrong about everything. Suddenly I was at sea-no rudder, no compass, no Kelly.

‘I didn’t just lose my love, I lost my best friend, the person who primed me for every challenge. Suddenly I was faced with the hardest struggle of my life, and instead of advising me she was on the other side.’

‘I wish you’d told me this,’ she said softly.

‘I might have tried if I could have talked to Kelly that night. But she wasn’t there. She’d sent Carlotta in her place. And Carlotta-oh, boy!’

‘You seemed to like her,’ Kelly remembered tenderly.

‘She gave me the best night of my entire life. Talk about sex personified. I hope-’ He hesitated before saying almost shyly, ‘I hope she and I will meet again. I’d be really interested in furthering our acquaintance. But that night she scared me. I suddenly saw what I was up against, how eager you were for your new life, how little reason you had to regret the old one. I saw the men who wanted you, all of whom would probably have appreciated you better than I had.

‘And after that incredible night-the next morning I was waiting for you to say that everything was all right between us now, but all you said was that it was a perfect way to end our marriage. After that I couldn’t get out fast enough, in case you guessed how close I’d been to begging you to take me back.’

‘If only I’d known about this then,’ she mused. ‘And yet-’

‘And yet it wasn’t the right time.’ He picked up her thought quickly. ‘Not for either of us. We had a journey to make, to find each other again. I love you, and I want to marry you, and stay married to you for ever.’

She touched his face. ‘That’s what I want too.’

‘Then let’s do it now, at once.’

‘Darling, we can’t-’

‘We can if we get a special licence.’

‘But the baby’s due any day.’

‘That’s why I want to hurry. I want us to be married before the baby comes. It’s not something I can explain-it’s just an irrational feeling. Marry me, Kelly, please.’

‘All right,’ she said, loving him for his urgency. ‘Just as soon as it can be fixed up.’

‘I’ll do it now,’ he said, jumping up. ‘Let’s see if my old contacts are still good.’

His luck held. One contact knew how a special licence could be obtained fast, and got working on it.

‘But can we get a booking in the register office at the last minute?’ Kelly asked anxiously.

‘We’re not going to a register office. We’re marrying in church.’ He seized her hands. ‘I’m going to make up for last time. I can’t give you the white dress and bridesmaids, but I can give you the church and the clergyman.’

He started dialling furiously.

‘Don’t tell me one of your contacts knows a clergyman?’ Kelly asked.

‘Nope. One of my contacts is a clergyman, and he owes me a favour.’

In a shorter time than she would have believed possible she found herself set to be married in two days’ time. She was dazed, feeling the world spinning out of control about her. But one glorious fact stayed constant at its core. Jake loved her more than ever, and was racking his brains for ways to please her.

The clergyman turned out to be the Reverend Francis Dayton, who agreed to marry them as soon as the licence arrived. He was in his nineties, and long retired, but he assured them there would be no trouble about ‘borrowing’ a church.

‘I’ll just lean on one of my boys,’ he said conspiratorially.

His ‘boys’ turned out to be his two middle-aged sons, both of whom had followed their father into the church and had parishes locally.

Kelly had immediately warmed to the Reverend Dayton. Despite his age he had sparkling eyes, and seemed to regard it all as an adventure.

With the arrival of the licence everyone swung into action. Carl was giving the bride away and Marianne, his sister, got to work on Kelly’s appearance.

‘But what are you going to do about my bulk?’ Kelly said, indicating her enormous size.