Gerri Hill - The Rainbow Cedar

"Jesus Christ!" she yelled, ripping both wires from her ears. She touched her chest. "Christ, Drew, you nearly killed me."

"Sorry, kid. Where's Jay?"

"She left."

"So I heard. What's up?"

"I don't know, but she's in some kind of mood. She had a bad weekend or something."

Drew raised her eyebrows. "Where'd she go?"

"She went to the paint store. Shopping cures all ails, you know."

"Does it now?"

"Well, for most women," she said. "You may not fit into that category."

Drew laughed. "I think I'll take that as a compliment." Drew turned away and pulled out her phone, dialing Jay.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself," Drew said as she moved back outside. "Where are you?"

"At the paint store, arguing with Tim over color mixes."

"I see. Is everything okay?"

"Of course." Then she paused and Drew waited. "Not really, no."

"Wanna talk about it?" She heard the sigh, felt the hesitation.

"I'm okay, Drew. Just had a bad weekend. You know, Katherine and I aren't used to spending time together. And it didn't go so well."

"Okay. I was just checking on you. Johnny said you left tire treads when you pulled away and Connie said you were—"

"In some kind of mood," Jay finished for her. "I know." Another pause. "How was your weekend?"

"Not bad. Okay."

"You had a date Friday night. How was that?"

It was Drew's turn to hesitate. She looked up into the clear sky, trying to form the words. How was it? Well, it was okay as far as blind dates went. And she liked her well enough. It's just, well, there wasn't that spark, that interest. And she didn't have blue eyes that captivated her. They were neutral brown. So how was it? "It was better than some," she finally said. "Not too bad."

"Great." Another pause. "Are you going to see her again?"

Drew smiled at Jay's attempt at showing polite interest, all the while fishing for information. "Yes, I'll probably see her again."

"Wonderful."

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Uh-huh."

"I should go," Jay said quickly. "Tim is glaring at me."

"Okay."

"Will you be at the house?"

"No. I'm not dressed for work. Had a meeting."

"So I heard. Then I guess I won't see you."

"I'll be around tomorrow, Jay."

As soon as she hung up with Drew, Jay smiled apologetically at Tim, then turned her back to him, dialing Audrey's office. She paced, waiting for her to answer.

"You called the secret hotline. Something must be up."

Jay smiled. "Hey. Sorry to bother you at work, but I need you."

"No problem. What's up?"

"I need a therapy session. Can you do lunch?"

"Lunch? Must be serious."

Jay bit her lip. "Audrey, I think I'm losing my mind."

Audrey laughed. "You're just now realizing that, huh?"

"I'm serious. My life is a total mess. I had an awful weekend, just awful. And now Drew is avoiding me, I know she is. Just because, you know, we had the talk last week."

"The talk?"

"You know, the I'm attracted to you talk, but there's Katherine."

"Oh, that talk. Okay, let's do lunch. Meet you there at one?"

"Thanks, pal."

"So she actually fell asleep during sex?"

Jay blushed. "Yes. I mean, right smack in the middle of it, then couldn't remember it the next morning. How sad is that?"

"Let's get back to this Hawaii thing. That sounds like fun."

"That's another thing. She wants to get away for a couple of weeks. Hawaii? We couldn't spend one weekend together. How the hell are we supposed to spend two weeks?"

"I think she realizes how far you've drifted apart. Maybe this is her way of trying to get you back on track. And Hawaii, well, you'll both be removed from your work and friends, it'll just be the two of you. This could be the either sink or swim part of your relationship. After two weeks together, you'll know whether you should try to salvage it or just let it go."

"Oh, and I didn't tell you this. She met an old friend of hers at lunch one day last week. At lunch. I didn't think she ever took a lunch because every time I offer, she's too busy. But that's another issue. Anyway, this friend—an old girlfriend—they're going to do lunch this week to catch up, and she thought it'd be nice if we invited her over to dinner. I'll cook, of course. And Katherine will make it a point to get home early that evening to entertain. Can you believe that? And she had no clue how hurtful that was to me. I was floored. I mean, I don't think she did it on purpose. Surely she wouldn't do it intentionally. But it hurts to know she'll make time for someone else, but doesn't make the effort with me."

"I agree, that is cruel. But she's just not thinking. You know what they say, you always take the one closest to you for granted."

Jay rubbed her temples. "Part of me feels like a spoiled brat, wanting attention, you know. Like Apathetic spoiled brat, I might add."

"Oh, don't be silly. Anyone would be pissed off."

Jay looked up. "Audrey, how did it get like this? Two years ago, I was happy, wasn't I?"

"You were... content, I think. That's a better word. I don't know that I'd use the happy word."

"Of course I was happy. We still saw each other, we still did things together." She tilted her head. "Didn't we?"

"Let's see, two years ago, she took that trip to New Zealand with a friend because you couldn't get away for three weeks. Remember?"

"Well, yeah, but that wasn't her fault."

"And wasn't it around that time you started complaining that the only time you went out was with friends of hers? That the two of you never took the time to go out alone?"

"Jesus, Audrey, what'd you do? Store away information for later use?"

"Hey, you asked."

"So you think after eight years Katherine is tired of my company?"

"I think after eight years, the shortcomings of your relationship have become more glaring, that's all. The newness is gone. The need to please has subsided. Differences now become more apparent."

Jay leaned forward. "So exactly how many psychology classes did you take in college?"

"Oh, Jay, when two people quit working at a relationship, this is what happens. Doesn't take a degree in psychology to figure it out."

"I don't think I've quit working at it," Jay protested.

Audrey stared at her. "Can you honestly say you're still in love with her?"

Jay opened her mouth to say just that, then closed it again. Was she? After eight years, love evolves, feelings change ... emotions shift. Was she still in love with Katherine? She finally dared to meet Audrey's eyes. "I don't think I am," she whispered.

Audrey reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "Which brings us to Drew."

Jay slowly shook her head. "I can't deal with Drew right now. I think it was too ambitious of me to try to be friends with her. I... I get around her and I just lose all sense, you know."

"That's because you're attracted to her."

"Well, I can't be attracted to her right now." Jay rubbed her temples again. "Do you think I should talk to Katherine about this? Do you think we should have a heart-to-heart?"

Audrey grinned. "I'd wait until after the Hawaii trip."

"So, are you avoiding me or am I avoiding you?" Drew asked after she'd cornered Jay in the kitchen.

"I don't know what you mean."

Drew raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'd thought I was the one keeping my distance, but now I'm not so sure."

Jay leaned against the counter, wondering if Connie could hear their conversation, and wondering why she even cared. "I'm not really avoiding you, no."

"Not really?"

Jay pointed her finger at Drew. "But you can't say the same, can you?"

Drew took a step closer. "Look, I just thought, after our little talk, that you'd be more comfortable if you didn't see me every single day."

"So you were avoiding me," Jay said.

"Perhaps."

"And you've been out three times now with your blind date?"

"Yes."

"So what does that mean? Now you're going to break up with me?"

Drew laughed. "Cute."

Jay smiled. "Yeah, thought so."

Drew moved farther into the kitchen, standing close to Jay. "What are we going to do?"

"We can't do anything, Drew. Nothing's changed."

Drew caught Jay's eyes, seeing the sadness there, wondering if it were for her. She tilted her head. "What's wrong?" she asked quietly.

Jay looked away. "My life's a mess."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I don't know what's happening with it any longer, that's why. Katherine and I are strangers, really. The woman I've lived with for eight years has turned into someone I don't even know." She looked up. "And you, Jesus, you confuse the hell out of me."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. I feel things when I'm around you." She met her eyes again. "Things I haven't felt in a very long time," she said softly. "And it scares me."

"Don't let it scare you, Jay. I told you, I know where I stand with you."

"I don't even know where you stand with me. How can you?"

"Look, whatever you're going through with Katherine, that's between you two. I'm just doing my thing, okay? I don't want to complicate anything for you. Right now, we're just friends. That's it. Whatever feelings are there, they're just going to be there. We'll work around them."

Jay shook her head. "I'm insanely jealous that you're on a third date with someone."

Drew leaned closer, her face only inches from Jay's. "And I'm insanely jealous that someone's had eight years with you."

"Dinner? Tomorrow night?" Jay asked, holding her paintbrush in one hand and cell in the other.

"Yes. That won't be a problem, will it?"

"I just wish you'd given me a little more warning. I've got work planned all day tomorrow. Now I have to squeeze in shopping and cooking."

Katherine laughed. "How hard can that be?"

"A meal just doesn't miraculously appear on the table, Kath. And I have a deadline here, you know." Jay looked around her, the stained drop cloth littered with her painting supplies.

"Then let's just cater dinner and be done with it. Call a restaurant and order something extravagant. We could do French."

"No, that's ridiculous. I can manage."

"Then why don't you make that lovely pot roast I like? Maybe steam some asparagus? That would dress things up."

"Sure." A pot roast only took hours.

"Oh, and Jenna's bringing a date. I thought that would be better than just the three of us. Jenna and I will most likely sneak off to my office. I'm sure you'd be bored to tears listening to our stories."

"Of course. No problem," she said lightly. Just how I wanted to spend my evening... entertaining a stranger.

"Thanks, Jay. And since I'm making an early day of it tomorrow, I'll probably be here until after midnight. Don't wait up."

Jay nearly laughed. Wait up? She hadn't stayed up waiting for her in more months than she could count. In fact, there were times when she wondered if Katherine came home at all. She wasn't in bed with her when she went to sleep and she wasn't there when she woke.

And she was well past worrying about it.

"You have no idea how much I'm dreading this," Jay said as she walked back into her office and shut the door. "I'd rather have a root canal."

Audrey laughed. "That's because you enjoy the gas he gives you."

"You know what I mean." She plopped down into her recliner. "And with my luck, Katherine won't even make it home in time and I'll be stuck here with them."

"Oh, she'll be home in time. This is her dinner, not yours. She'll be there."

Jay glanced at her watch. "I should get in the shower. I have to prepare the salad still."

"And for dessert?"

"Shut up, Audrey."

"Oh, I know you have something planned. What is it?"

"I got apple pies at the bakery."

"And ice cream?"

"Yes, and ice cream."

"You're such a good little housewife," Audrey said. "Now go get ready. You want to make a good impression on Katherine's new friend."