Gerri Hill - The Rainbow Cedar

Dear God in heaven.

As if sensing her presence, Drew turned, their eyes meeting for a second before Drew's slid lower. Jay saw the smile form and couldn't prevent one of her own. She hadn't worn a bikini, but her suit left little to the imagination. And thankfully, the time spent in the pool last month had paid off. Her tan was nearly as pronounced as Drew's.

"Beautiful," Drew said, her voice low.

Jay smiled, letting the word sink in. Yes, Drew made her feel that way. Beautiful. Special. Like she was somebody, not nobody. She flicked her gaze over Drew, her eyes lingering on her small breasts, barely covered by the red top. "That should be illegal."

Drew grinned. "I don't like being in the water with anything on. This was the smallest I could find and still be considered wearing something."

Jay moved closer, surprised at her impulse to touch Drew— her arms, her waist, her shoulder—anywhere to feel flesh. But she controlled her desire, twisting her hands behind her back and looking away. "This is so not fair," she said.

"Sweetheart, if you think your swimsuit is fair, you're mistaken. And I lied. I have undressed you with my eyes."

With that, she turned, jogging easily to the water's edge, leaving Jay staring after her.

We're going to get into so much trouble.

"So, we'll meet back here and decide on dinner? That's good with everyone?" Katherine asked early the next morning as the four of them sat by the pool nibbling on fruit and sipping champagne. The table was littered with brochures, and Katherine and Jenna had decided a trip back to Oahu was in order. They just had to hit the museums today.

Whatever.

Because Jay decided she wasn't going to worry about it. Yesterday had been a lazy, relaxing day. She and Drew had played in the water, had soaked up the sun, had walked the beach, and finally had joined Katherine and Jenna at die pool. There, they'd spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know Carlos, the very friendly bartender who was spending his first summer there after years of work in his native Cancun. He made a killer margarita. For dinner, Eleu had ordered them an assortment of platters from the nearby Polynesian restaurant. They'd eaten out in the common area near the gardens, meeting some of the other guests staying there. Jay had finally crashed, the five-hour gain finally catching up with her. She had no idea when Katherine had come to bed.

"Sure, whatever," Drew said. She picked up a flyer and held it up for Jay. "Feel like snorkeling?"

"Yes. Anything in the water. I'm game."

Drew raised an eyebrow teasingly and Jay shot a glance at Katherine, but her eyes were on Jenna. She looked back to Drew, wondering if Drew was at all concerned that Jenna, her date, was planning on hanging out with Katherine the whole trip.

"Well, we're off then. Manko is driving us to the airstrip. We'll leave the rental car for you."

"Manko? Is he even old enough to drive?"

"Who cares?" Jenna asked with a laugh, standing. "Come on, Katherine, we don't want to be late."

Katherine shoved her chair back, bending to place a light kiss on Jay's cheek. "You girls have fun. See you this evening."

The smile Jay had forced faded as soon as they were out of sight. She turned to Drew, her brow furrowed.

"You're not really dating Jenna, are you?"

"Not so much, no." Drew stabbed a piece of pineapple. "But she invited me, and well ... I wanted, well, I thought it'd be good, you know to ... I mean you and I—hell, I was being selfish."

Jay reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "Thank you. I'm glad you're here." She cleared her throat. "Because I think they're having an affair."

Drew's eyebrows shot up but she kept quiet.

"You think the same thing, don't you?"

Drew nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"No need." Jay stood, moving to the edge of the pool. She took a deep breath, plunging both hands into her hair. She spun around. "Do you mind if we skip snorkeling today?"

"Whatever you want, Jay."

"Yeah? Well, I'd really like to take a very long walk on the beach. I feel like talking." She met her gaze. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all. But is this one of those talks you normally reserve for Audrey?"

Smiling, Jay returned to the table, bending down eye-level with Drew. "It's really you I want to talk to. Not Audrey."

Drew nodded. "I'm all yours then."

The words were spoken casually, lightly, but their double meaning wasn't lost on either of them. As those beautiful green eyes held hers, Jay felt herself being pulled to Drew. And it would be so easy to fall, to let herself go, to trust Drew to keep her safe.

But no. That would only add to the mess her life had become.

"I know I led you to believe that my relationship with Katherine was all roses," Jay said later as they walked side by side along the surf.

Their feet were bare, their swimsuits covered by shorts and tank tops. Drew wore a baseball cap, her hair bound and pulled through the back. Her sunglasses were perched on the brim of the cap and she held a water bottle loosely between her fingers. Jay reached for it, pulling it from her grasp and taking a drink.

"I knew it wasn't roses, Jay. I'm not blind."

"Frankly, the last year's been awful," Jay said, handing Drew the water bottle.

"Why have you stayed?"

"Do you leave someone just because they've turned into a workaholic?" Jay shook her head. "She had career goals for herself. I can't begrudge her that. Hell, I have them too."

"But?"

"We've drifted apart." Jay laughed. "God, that's such a copout, isn't it? Drifted apart. But the last year, she's stayed at work longer and longer, we see less and less of each other. And this trip," she said, waving her arms toward the water. "She hates the ocean. I should have known something was up."

"Has she said anything to you?"

"No. We don't see each other enough to have those kinds of talks, you know. But her actions speak louder, I suppose."

Drew struggled with her thoughts, trying to figure out what to say, how much to say, trying to figure out how to get out of the proverbial tangled web she seemed to find herself in. She should just tell Jay the truth. No, actually she should have told Jay the truth weeks ago. But men they wouldn't be here, standing on the white sand, watching the clear blue water crash on shore, feeling die ocean breeze against their faces.

"What are you thinking?"

"How selfish I am," Drew said truthfully.

"Selfish?"

Drew stopped walking, facing Jay. "When Jenna asked me to go, I thought it was a little strange, seeing as how we weren't really dating. But I knew it would be a chance to be with you for nearly two weeks." She held her arms out. "Here. Like this. Alone."

When their eyes met, Drew was certain Jay was looking into her soul. She wondered what she saw. Did she believe the half-truth Drew had just shared? Did she think Drew knew more? Could she see the deeply buried desire that Drew had tucked away, far from the surface, thinking it safer to pretend they were just friends, pretend they both weren't struggling with this attraction. What did she see?

"When Katherine first told me you were going, I was... well, I was terrified." She pulled away from Drew. "Silly, I know. I mean, here I thought Katherine wanted to get away to work on our relationship, and I knew if you were here, that wasn't going to happen. You hold my attention more than she does." She turned back to Drew. "And I guess if I truly wanted to work on our relationship, I'd demand that Katherine and I spend time together."

Drew remained quiet, simply watching Jay struggle with her thoughts.

"I've known for quite some time that I wasn't in love with Katherine." Jay moved, starting to walk again. "But eight years, you know. You don't just throw that away without trying."

"No, I don't suppose you do."

"But it's hard to try when the other party is absent. And I mean absent for days. Oh, she came home to grab a few hours sleep, but that was about it." Jay bent down and picked up a broken shell, fingering it for a moment before closing her fist around it. "And I knew the end was really here when we had dinner with you and Jenna that first night. You see, Katherine never made it home for dinner when it was just me, never took time for lunch if it was me. But for Jenna, she made an exception."

"I'm sorry," Drew said.

"Will you quit saying that? I'm not upset, you know. It's not like this is some big shock to me. I mean, I've lived with it for months now." She stopped, turning to face Drew again. "I've been... lonely for months. I don't guess I really realized I was lonely." She looked down, away from Drew. "I didn't like the person I was turning into. I felt broken, defeated... lost." She looked up again. "And all those other negative words associated with failure."

"So you think it's your fault?"

Jay brushed at the strands of hair that had blown in her face, her eyes steady as she looked at Drew. "No. I don't think it was my fault. Not to begin with. But if I cared, if I truly loved her, why would I let it slip away like it was, like I knew it was? We had half-hearted talks about it, but nothing was ever resolved. I was just told to be patient. And I let it go at that." Jay walked again,

Drew beside her, but she stopped suddenly, her eyes boring into Drew. "How long have you known?"

"Oh, Jay, don't."

Jay reached out to take Drew's hand, squeezing her fingers tightly. Drew shivered. It was the first time they had touched like that.

"If you think that I'm angry with you, Drew, that's not the case. And I know we haven't known each other long, but your eyes," she said, her voice soft, "are like a book to me."

Drew turned her hand, entwining her fingers with Jay's, holding them tightly in her own. She tugged, bringing Jay closer. "And what am I thinking now?"

Jay held her gaze, not pulling away. "You're thinking the exact same thing you thought on the day we met."

"And what is that?"

"You're wondering what it would be like to kiss me."

Drew nodded. "So you can read me like a book."

"So tell me, how long have you known?"

Drew relaxed, letting her hand slip away from Jay's. This time, she started them walking down the beach. And this time, she would tell her the truth.

"I asked Jenna about it that night after dinner. She was actually quite embarrassed that I'd picked up on it." Drew looked quickly at Jay. "But she said they weren't having an affair. She said they were talking, getting reacquainted. She said there was still an attraction there, and that they were... talking about it."

Jay nodded but said nothing, still staring off in the distance. Drew stopped her with a light touch on her arm. "I should have said something to you."

"Why? Were they doing anything you and I weren't?"

"Jay, I told you I would never—"

"But we talked about it. We both knew it was there, is still here," she said. "Yet we continue to see each other, to talk, to flirt with each other."

"Jay, it's completely different."

Jay took a step closer, her bare legs brushing against Drew's, her face—her mouth—only inches away. "Is it different? How? I could get lost in your eyes, Drew. Just being around you, like this, I feel things I haven't felt in so many years, it's frightening. And I can just imagine how it would be to make love with you. So how is that different?"

Drew couldn't seem to catch her breath, Jay's words stealing it away from her. She came so close, so close to pulling Jay to her, so close to kissing Jay senseless right here on the beach. Jay was daring her to do just that. It took all of her willpower to step away, to put a little space between them. "Point taken," she said, swallowing down the lump in her throat. "But if you do that again, I'll forget all about my promise to you."

Jay, too, moved away. For a second, she rested her face in her hands, then looked up. "I'm sorry, Drew. That was uncalled for."

Drew smiled. "You came very close, Jay." It was her turn to move closer, her turn to tease. "I've made love to you so many times in my dreams, I know exactly what it would be like."

Jay's eyes slammed shut, and Drew heard the low moan that escaped from her mouth, saw the rapidly throbbing pulse in her neck. Again, she just barely resisted putting her lips there. "Very mean," Jay whispered.