Gerri Hill - The Rainbow Cedar

No. That wasn't Katherine's style. She was always the aggressor. If she wanted to end things, she'd just do it, regardless of how it affected Jay. Which brought up the question, why was she sneaking off with Jenna? After their conversation at dinner last night, after Katherine and Jenna went off to enjoy the nightlife—alone—and after Katherine had slipped into their bed in the wee hours of the morning, doing her best to avoid even touching Jay, why would she go to the trouble of hiding this?

Does she think I'm totally clueless?

Or most likely Katherine... like Jay... just didn't want to have this great big dramatic scene here in paradise, didn't want to spoil everyone's vacation.

Didn't want all this for a backdrop when ending their relationship.

They sat on the sand, legs outstretched, watching the approaching sunset in silence. It had been a full day, a good day. There was no mention of Katherine or Jenna, no mention of where they were or what they were doing, and no mention of the affair.

Which was fine with Drew.

Because the day had been too perfect. From the sunrise, the snorkeling and playing, the lunch they'd shared in a quiet corner of the boat, the swim with sea turtles—which Jay absolutely loved—and now, a few quiet moments alone as they sat side by side, waiting for the day to end.

"Good day?" she finally asked, watching as Jay continued to stare out over the water..

Jay turned, gently bumping Drew's shoulder with her own. "Yeah, great day. You?"

"I loved it. I'm tired, but I loved it."

"So when are you going to tell me about this personal teacher you had?"

Drew grinned. "She was something else. Rhea. My trip here was a gift from my grandfather when I finished college. I'd always loved the water, but my exposure to all this," she said, waving her hand to the ocean, "was a handful of trips to Galveston Island. And it couldn't even begin to compare. When I stood on North Shore and watched the giant waves come in, I was terrified. But then I saw her. Long raven hair, her body bronzed, head to toe." She laughed. "I found out later that it was indeed head to toe."

Jay laughed too. "What were you? Twenty-one? Twenty-two?"

"Yeah. And she wasn't much older. And she could do anything. We went snorkeling and diving. We went kayaking out in the surf. Wind boarding. And then one day she brought an extra surfboard. And we spent the entire day in the water, her teaching me the basics of surfing."

"And when did the basics of the bedroom come into play?"

"Dare I say the first night?"

"Oh, you're so bad," Jay teased.

"Yeah, I was. We were together for ten days, day and night. I was exhausted," she said with a laugh. "I think I slept two days straight when I got back home."

"And home was your grandfather's place?"

"Yeah. My grandmother had passed away the year before, so it was just the two of us."

"You talk about your grandfather, but you don't really mention your parents."

"Well, like I told you, I don't see them much. Christmas, that's about it." Drew looked out over the water, memories crowding in as she watched the sun touch the horizon. "My dad was ill, always had something wrong," she said. "So my grandfather, well, he was everything my father wasn't." She glanced quickly at Jay. "Plus, I think they gave up parenting when I came along. I mean, I wasn't the son they'd hoped for." She scooped up a handful of sand and let it flow from her fingers. "Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a crappy childhood or anything, but I was never challenged. I went to school, did my homework and that was that. I wasn't ever pushed to do more, to do better. I was just left alone. If I passed, I passed. If I didn't, no big deal. But during the summer, I'd go to Austin to stay with my grandparents. All summer long. From the day school let out until it started up again. And there were always projects and activities, and he let me help him in his nursery, and then there was the pool." She pointed toward the sun, and Jay nodded, her eyes moving from the orange ball then back to Drew. "Anyway, you should see his pool. Well, my pool now. It's spring-fed. He found it quite by accident. They were digging, trying to level out an area where he was going to put a garage, of all things." She smoothed out the sand with her hand, then drew an elongated S. "It's like this," she said. "It's got a limestone bottom, and it's all stone around the edges. No concrete."

"Sounds lovely."

"You'll love it. It's so lush. There's stuff growing all around it. It's like swimming in the forest."

"And knowing you as I do, I'm guessing you swim nude."

"Of course. Is there any other way?"

They were both quiet, watching in silence as the sun slipped from their sights, leaving behind a swirl of orange and red that rode the ocean waves back to shore, leaving the colors lapping at their feet as the waves retreated back to the sea.

"Perfect way to end the day," Jay murmured. She sat up, curling her arms around her knees and resting her cheek there. "But I suppose we should get back."

"Yeah. Wonder if they even miss us?"

Jay shook her head. "I'm guessing not." She sighed, then lifted her head. "You knew they went out last night, right?"

"I assumed, since it was very late when Jenna came in."

"I'm not sure how much longer I can take this." Jay looked away. "It's just so crazy to keep on pretending nothing out of the ordinary is going on."

"You're ready to confront her?" Drew asked.

"I'm ready for her to be honest with me. I'm ready to end this charade."

Drew nodded. There wasn't much of a charade on her part. She and Jenna spoke even less than Jay and Katherine. And they weren't sharing a bed. Each night, Drew pulled open the sofa and made up the queen-sized bed, further evidence that she was only here for the sake of appearances.

"Do you want me to say something to Jenna?"

Jay shook her head. "No. You and Jenna shouldn't be involved."

"I think it's too late for that."

Jay sighed. "You're right. I guess I should just enjoy the time I have with you and not worry about them. I just hate it that she thinks she's being so discreet with this affair. She must think I'm a complete idiot."

The colors had nearly faded from the sky and dusk was upon them. They should get back, Drew knew. But really, did she care? She was more interested in sitting here with Jay, more interested in how Jay felt, what she was thinking.

"Are you ready to let her go? Do you want to fight for your relationship?"

Jay smiled. "Are you asking for yourself or as a concerned friend?"

"Can I say both?"

Jay nodded. "If this was six months ago, I'd say I would fight" She turned her gaze to the darkening sky. "But it's not six months ago. And I can accept how unhappy I've been." She turned her head, looking at Drew. "And you weren't in my life six months ago."

"What if I wasn't in your life now?"

"I'm not sure. I mean, our relationship for the last year hasn't exactly been a good one. But I think it took meeting you for me to realize how completely different Katherine and I are. We were going through the motions, that was all. We never talked anymore. I can't imagine being on this trip, just the two of us. We wouldn't last a week."

"And when we get back?" Drew asked. "Then what?"

"What do you want, Drew?"

Yes, what did she want? Did she want to go through the ritual of dating? They'd known each other a handful of months. They'd been to lunch together, to dinner. They'd seen each other at their respective jobs. Jay had seen her with mud and dirt up to her elbows, and she'd seen Jay with dirty shorts covered in paint stains, her hair disheveled from her habit of running her hands through it, paint and all.

No, she didn't think the ritual of dating was necessary. But she couldn't very well ask her to move in with her, could she? So she said what she thought was expected.

"I want to be able to see you, to go out. I want to have the right to look at you and not have to worry if someone sees me."

Jay laughed. "And here I thought you'd say you wanted to take me up to one of the cottages and have your way with me."

But Drew didn't laugh. She turned, moving around to face Jay, watching her face in the shadows. "I want to make love to you, yes. I want to touch you and kiss you," she said quietly. "But I didn't think you wanted to hear that." She took her hand. "Jay, since the day I met you, I've had this... this thing. God, I can't even describe it without sounding like a complete idiot."

"Try."

"It's like, I looked into your eyes and I was possessed by you. Like Cupid's arrow got me. Like a siren's song pulling me to you. All of those things, Jay. And it takes all of my willpower not to touch you. Because you're not free."

Jay reached between them, her palm soft against Drew's face.

Drew closed her eyes, loving Jay's touch.

"I don't want to be like them, Drew. I don't want to sneak off with you. I don't want to have an affair with you. That's not what you want, is it?"

Drew shook her head.

"Because if you did," Jay continued, "I'm not sure I could resist. But I don't want that to be our defining moment, Drew. How could you ever trust me again?"

"What do you mean?"

"If they're having an affair, then it's okay if you and I do too? That's our justification? Because if, in the future, you and I should ever have something, be together, would you always remember that? I know it's a cliché and all, but would you always wonder if I was capable of doing that to you? I mean, I did it once, right? Katherine and I haven't discussed anything about our relationship. Yet here I am, with you, talking about making love."

"Jay, I don't want you doing anything you're not comfortable with. This whole situation is just cra2y, anyway. Us being here in Hawaii, them going off on their own as if it's perfectly normal, and these feelings that we have for each other, yet..." Drew took Jay's hand again and brought it to her lips, kissing it softly. "I want what you and Katherine had. I want to be the one you come home to. I want to be the one you make love to. But right now, that's not possible. Because Katherine met you first. And whatever you have to resolve with her, whatever the outcome, I have to accept it. I told you months ago that I knew what my limitations were. And I do. You're in a very long relationship with her. You're not available to be courted," she said with a smile. She kissed her hand again, her lips lingering. "And I didn't have the right to fall in love with you."

"Oh, Drew," Jay whispered. She touched Drew's face again, her thumb rubbing lightly across her lips. "All this and we haven't even kissed."

"I don't think I could stop with a kiss, Jay."

"I can't believe we're having pizza," Katherine said as she reached for a piece. "I mean, really, we can have pizza in Austin. Is this the best Eleu could come up with? Have we run out of authentic dishes already?"

Jay and Drew exchanged glances, Jay noting the amused twinkle as Drew took a huge bite. "Well, you guys weren't back yet," Jay said. "And we were starving." She grabbed her third piece. "If you want something else, just let Eleu know. I'm sure she won't mind."

"No, it's getting late. I suppose this will be fine. I'm ready for an early night myself."

"Really? I thought you might want to hit the town again tonight." Jay took a sip of the margarita Carlos had made for her earlier. "How was it, anyway?"

"Oh, we had a great time," Jenna said, her smile beaming.

"We found a nightclub that was made up to look like a Seventies disco. Totally amazing."

"Disco?"

"Oh, yes. It was so much fun," Katherine said. "It was all original disco music. We had a blast."

"Disco?" Jay asked again. "You like disco?"

"Well, its heyday was before my time, without question, but I still remember the music."

"And I'm really sorry I missed it," Jay said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Did you get your shopping out of the way today?"

"Oh, God, we hit every boutique on the island, I think," Jenna answered. "Surely she's had enough." She softened her words with a laugh, but Jay wondered if perhaps Jenna had been overwhelmed. She'd been on a shopping spree with Katherine years before. She swore she'd never go again.