Gerri Hill - The Rainbow Cedar

Jay nearly spit out her drink. "No! You know what I mean. Besides, Drew knows about Katherine. She knows it's just friendship between us."

"She may know that Katherine exists in your life, but does she know how this last year has been? Does she know Katherine has been absent for the last eight months? Does she know how unhappy you are?"

Jay stared at her. "I'm not unhappy."

"Oh, Jay, you don't have to say it for me to know. You're miserable. You had an anxiety attack the other night, didn't you?" Audrey gripped her hand. "When you left the bar?"

Jay nodded.

"If you feel like your relationship with Katherine is failing, spending time with Drew is not going to solve anything. It'll just make it worse."

"Worse for whom?"

"For everyone, Jay. Katherine may be totally blinded by this. She may have no idea how unhappy you are. In fact, I'd swear to it. She's not around enough to know. And knowing you, you've not told her. You just go along with this crazy plan of hers, letting her work herself into an early grave, just to make partner at a firm long known for its suppression of women. Good grief, with her reputation, she could probably go to any firm in town and name her price. But no, she wants to prove something, wants to be the first."

"It's crazy, I know."

"So you've got to tell her. I know you've said you talked, but have you really told her how miserable you've been?"

"How can she not know? My God, we see each other less than roommates would." Jay got up to refill her glass. "And the other night, she comes home well after midnight—nearly two— and wants to have sex."

"And you didn't?"

"No." She took a deep breath. "I don't. I mean, I have such ... such anger inside me. How can she not see that? Doesn't our relationship mean anything to her? Doesn't it mean more than her goddamn career?"

Audrey's eyebrows shot up and Jay smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I know you hate that word."

"So, you're angry at Katherine for the deterioration of your relationship?"

"Yes."

"And that's where Drew comes in?"

Jay shook her head. "No. I don't have any romantic interest in Drew. I like her. I enjoy her company. And I don't see anything wrong with having dinner with her."

"You're so full of shit. Fill me up," Audrey said as she handed Jay her glass. "So if you see nothing wrong with it, then why are you here wanting me to give you my blessing?"

"Because I feel guilty," Jay said.

"Why?"

"Because... damn, she's cute and attractive and... and perhaps I am a little bit attracted to her."

"A little?"

"Okay, a lot. Jesus, you're good at this," Jay said with a laugh.

"There, we've got it out in the open finally. You're attracted to Drew, you feel guilty for seeing her, and what else?"

"I swear, Audrey, sometimes I hate you."

"What are friends for?"

"So I shouldn't go to dinner with her, right?"

Audrey laughed. "We both know you're going to dinner with her. But I think you need to decide how far you're going to take it. I think you should be honest with her. Tell her about Katherine, and tell her you're attracted to her."

"Are you crazy? I will not."

"Why?"

"Because, that's why. Because."

"Because you know she's attracted to you too? Because if you admit it to her, then who knows what will happen?"

"Oh, Audrey . . . yes and yes." Jay put her glass down and paced, moving behind Audrey. "Yes, we have this thing. I know it. She knows it. But we've not said anything, you know. It's just there. And I mean, really, it's crazy. We've been out alone a handful of times, we talk on the phone, we see each other during the day when we're at the same house, but still, we've not said one word about it. And it's, well, it's because of Katherine. Drew knows she exists. Drew knows I'm not single. So maybe she's okay with us just being friends. I mean, maybe she's just content to hang out."

"And you're living in a dream world."

"So I shouldn't go out with her?"

"If you're believing this dribble that you're spewing, no. But why can't you just be honest with her?"

"Honesty is scary."

"Honesty is the best policy."

Jay laughed and went to Audrey, wrapping her arms around her. "I love you. I swear, you make sense even when you make no sense."

"I know. I'm the best friend ever."

"You are."

"Thank you. And I love you too."

At four thirty, her phone rang. And it wasn't the call she was expecting. It was Katherine.

"Hey."

"Well, hi, stranger."

Stranger? Jay held back her sarcastic reply and forced a smile. "Taking a break?" she asked casually.

"Just got out of a meeting. I thought I'd call since I had the chance. Where are you?"

"At one of the new houses. Just finishing up the kitchen," she said, glancing at the one painted wall.

"How's that going?"

"Good. We're done painting the first house. Just starting on the second."

"And who is we again?"

Jay took a deep breath, trying to pretend Katherine was interested. It was at least the third time she'd asked the question. "Connie. She's the engineering student."

"Oh, that's right. Well, I just wanted to tell you that I know it's Thursday, but I doubt I'll make it home in time for dinner. This meeting really set me back several hours."

Jay flicked her glance to the ceiling. Surprise, surprise. Katherine hadn't made a Thursday dinner in the last six weeks. "It's okay."

"I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Sure."

"You say that as if you don't believe me."

Jay bit her lip. She didn't want to get into it with Katherine over the phone. "Sorry. I'm sure you'll make it up to me." She paused. "And just what is it you're making up?" she asked, unable to resist.

"Jay, please don't start. I've had a very bad week. I was thinking, maybe I'll take the weekend off. How does that sound?"

"Off? Like not go to work?"

"Well, I'll have to bring work home, of course. But I thought maybe I could make a short day of it Saturday, say come home by noon. Then just work from home on Sunday. How does that sound?"

Sounds like you'll still be working. But she gave the expected answer. "Sounds great, Kath. Maybe we can have a meal together."

"Wonderful. Let's plan it, then."

The line went dead before she could reply, and Jay simply folded her phone, sliding down the wall to the floor. She closed her eyes. Was it Katherine she was angry with or herself? No matter how hard she pretended they still had a relationship, she knew it was fading fast. She suspected Katherine knew it too.

Was the current state of their relationship the result of Katherine working so much and being away, or was working an excuse so that Katherine could be away?

Eight years was a long time. A lot of years to throw away. Was that why they were hanging on? Pretending?

Jay's phone rang again, halting her thoughts. This time it was Drew. She felt a bit of her sadness lift.

"Hey you."

"I'm decent."

"Are you now? And clean?"

"Somewhat. They have a pool here."

"You washed in the pool?"

"I did a few laps."

Jay closed her eyes. "Wearing what?" she asked quietly.

"Wearing nothing, Jay."

She tried not to picture her naked, she really did. But she remembered the bronze torso she'd seen that first day, covered only in a red sports bra. It didn't take much imagination to lose the bra and shorts. Sweet Jesus. "That was mean."

"You asked."

"Soggy wet clothes would have been the appropriate answer."

Drew laughed. "My hair looks frightful. Will that help?"

"A little."

"So, still want to get together?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation.

"Meet at Rhonda's? Or want to go somewhere else?"

"No. A burger sounds good."

"Can you get away now?"

"Yes. I'm all done."

"Great. See you in a bit."

Jay again folded her phone, stretching her legs out on the floor as she leaned back against the wall, her eyes closed. Katherine brought her down. Drew lifted her up.

What a mess.

Drew waved as Jay walked in, a matching smile on her face. Jay was dressed similarly, khaki shorts and tank top tucked in, sandals on her feet. She looked cool, belying the nearly one hundred degrees outside.

"Your hair looks like it always does," Jay said.

Drew ran her fingers through it, feeling the dampness still. "I'm not sure that's a compliment."

"Of course it is." Jay pulled out a chair and sat opposite her, her eyes warm as they met Drew's.

"Would it be forward of me if I said I missed seeing you today?"

Jay smiled. "Forward, yes. But I missed you being around too."

"I suppose that's a bad thing, huh?"

"Pretty bad, yes."

"So I guess you're sorry you ran into my truck that day, right?"

"Absolutely not," Jay said with a smile. "But it does pose a problem."

"How so?"

Jay met her gaze. "Can't we have a drink first?"

Drew nodded. "On its way. I told Rhonda your usual. I wasn't sure if you had a special margarita or not." Drew watched Jay, wondering what thoughts were going through her mind this evening. Her eyes, while warm, had a wariness about them that she wasn't sure she'd seen before.

Jay leaned her elbows on the table, staring at Drew, holding her eyes. Drew couldn't look away even if she tried.

"I'm having a bit of a problem," Jay finally said.

Drew said nothing, waiting.

"Katherine and I have been together eight years. And mostly, it was a good eight years. But now, she's turned into this psychotic workaholic," she said, pulling her glance away. "For the last year, she's worked every day, every weekend. It's gotten to where we hardly see each other, hardly talk."

"No wonder you have so much free time."

"Yeah. That's where I give thanks for Audrey. She's always there when I need a pal." She paused, smiling at Shelly who brought their drinks. "You working the late shift today, Shell?"

"Margo called in sick so I'm pulling a double." She placed the margarita in front of Jay and slid the beer to Drew. "You want your usual burger, Jay?"

"Please."

"Drew? What's your fancy tonight?"

"I think I'll have the fried catfish basket."

"With two shrimp on the side?"

"If you can sneak them in."

"Like always. Coming right up."

Drew waited for Jay to sip from her drink before continuing. She had a feeling she knew where the conversation was going, but she wanted Jay to have her say.

"So anyway, I have no idea where my relationship is headed, no idea how long it'll last. And then I meet you," Jay said quietly. She looked up, meeting Drew's eyes again. "It's no secret to you, I suppose, that I'm attracted to you."

Drew shrugged. "The feeling is mutual."

"Yes, that's what I'm afraid of. That's why I don't think it's a good idea for us to see each other."

Drew attempted a smile. "You breaking up with me already?"

Jay smiled too. "I can't offer you anything, Drew. My life's a mess right now. And I need to figure out what I'm going to do. I don't want you to be a factor."

Drew leaned her arms on the table, reaching across to grasp Jay's hand. "If you think I'm waiting around for you to be single, that's just not the case. I know where I stand with you, Jay. I know what the rules are, what my limits are." She released Jay's hand. "I enjoy your company. I think you enjoy mine. I think we have the makings of a really good friendship. So please don't think I sit here undressing you with my eyes all the time. I'm not that shallow. I genuinely like you."

Jay spun her glass slowly on the table, making water rings as the ice melted. Jay finally looked at her and she fell into those blue eyes. Yes, she knew what her limits were but that didn't make it easier. She couldn't remember the last time she was so enthralled with someone.

"So you think we can be friends? Just friends?"

Drew nodded. "Yes. In fact, I have a blind date tomorrow night. Some attorney. I might get lucky."

Jay laughed. "Here's where I tell you to run. I never date an attorney."

"She's supposed to be very nice. It's a foursome dinner date."