Susan Mallery - The Rancher Next Door

“You’re assuming a lot,” he said, sounding dangerous.

She was operating on sheer nerve and wasn’t sure how much longer it was going to last. “Then tell me I’m wrong. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t give a damn. Tell me you’re not still hurting because I promised to love you forever and then married someone else instead. Tell me you didn’t spend every day of your marriage expecting your wife to walk out on you and when it finally happened, it validated your worst nightmare.”

She swallowed hard, fighting tears, hopelessness, love. “Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you’re glad I’m not pregnant.”

He didn’t say anything. He simply dropped her bag on the porch, turned on his heel and left.

Katie told herself his silence was a victory of sorts. Unfortunately, instead of feeling happy, she felt as if she’d been kicked in the gut. She wasn’t pregnant, and she might have just lost Jack, as well.

Jack stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Sunlight poured in the window, reminding him it was afternoon and not an hour before dawn-his usual time for showering. But a couple of calves had gotten caught in a fast-moving stream. He and one of the ranch hands had fished them out, but only after wading through muddy water and nearly going under twice.

He glanced at his left thigh, where two hoof-shaped bruises darkened his skin. The calves had fought the entire time, not realizing Jack was trying to save them. “Dumb critters,” he grumbled as he flexed the muscle in his thigh. The bruise would last for a couple of weeks, but there wasn’t any permanent damage.

He wrapped the towel around his neck and stepped over the muddy clothes on his bathroom floor. In his bedroom he avoided looking at the bed where he and Katie had made love the previous week. He opened a drawer, pulled out a pair of briefs and stepped into them. A quick glance at the clock told him it was barely one in the afternoon. There was plenty of work left in the day. He would finish getting dressed then head to the western pasture. More thunderstorms were expected to roll through anytime, and once they arrived the whole area would probably be under a tornado watch. He wanted to round up any stragglers before the storm hit.

But his mind wasn’t on cattle or weather as he collected a clean pair of jeans and a shirt. Instead he found himself remembering what he and Katie had talked about the previous afternoon. Although “talked” didn’t capture the spirit of the exchange. She’d been furious and he’d been-

Stunned.

Jack finished fastening his jeans, then shrugged into the shirt and started on the buttons. Stunned by her ability to grasp the truth and see into his soul. Even though it was crazy, he’d wanted her to be pregnant. He’d wanted to have a baby with her.

It wasn’t just about having a child of his own, he thought. He and Melissa had talked about having kids, but in his heart he’d never believed the words. He’d never been able to picture her pregnant or holding their baby. Because he’d never gotten over Katie.

Jack stiffened as the realization washed over him. Events from the past moved through his brain like a disjointed movie. Melissa laughing, Melissa smiling…Melissa in tears, begging him to let her inside his heart. To share what he was thinking. He remembered all the times their fights had ended with her frustrated because he kept himself so closed off. He’d tried to explain that it was the only way he knew how to be in control, but she didn’t understand. When she’d finally told him she was walking out on their marriage, he’d felt relief. What he’d suspected from the beginning was true-the marriage wasn’t going to last.

He’d been so damn happy that it hadn’t been his fault, he thought. How noble that he’d been willing to stick it out when she hadn’t. As if the blame was hers, not his.

But it was his. He was guilty of all Melissa had claimed…and one additional sin she hadn’t named. For the entire length of their marriage, he’d been in love with someone else.

Katie’s words returned to him. Her questions about whose fault it had been. That leaving wasn’t always an indicator of who had destroyed things. Jack understood the questions even though he hadn’t answered them. He’d been too ashamed. Because while Melissa had some responsibility in their disagreements, he was the reason the marriage had ended.

Time after time his wife had begged him to be emotionally intimate with her. She’d tried talking, sex, silence and finally threats. Nothing had worked. He hadn’t been able to give her his heart because he’d already given it to Katie.

He knew he had to figure out what he was going to do now. With Katie not pregnant, he had no excuse to make her a part of his life. He wasn’t sure loving her was enough. She’d already left him once. Would she do it again, this time taking her son with her? Would she-

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He left his bedroom and entered the small living room. When he opened the door, he found Katie waiting for him.

It was her day off so she was dressed casually in jeans and shirt. Shadows darkened the skin under her blue eyes, as if she hadn’t been able to sleep the previous night. He knew the feeling. He’d stared at the ceiling until close to dawn.

“I need to talk to you for a second,” she said, stepping inside. She laced her fingers together in front of her waist and stared at him. “About yesterday. I thought about all that we talked about and I realize that I owe you an apology.”

“No, you don’t.”

He couldn’t believe what she was saying. What could she have done wrong? He was the one who had screwed up everything.

She shook her head. “Please listen. You see, I was angry and hurt and I lashed out. The truth is, I was upset about not being pregnant and I was angry you weren’t. Which is crazy. Why should you be sad that your life isn’t about to be thrown into turmoil? It’s just that I was so afraid that without me being pregnant you’d toss me aside like so much used tissue, and I didn’t want that.”

“You think I want you out of my life?” he asked incredulously.

“Don’t you?”

He took a step toward her. “No. Katie, I don’t know what’s going on between us. Somehow you’ve managed to slip back inside of me, and even if I wanted to get rid of you, I couldn’t. I’m just so damn scared I’m going to do the wrong thing.”

Katie held her breath. Was she hearing him correctly? Did she matter to him even though she wasn’t pregnant?

It was her turn to move closer. She pressed her hands against his hard, masculine chest. “Jack?”

“I can’t say those things,” he told her. “You were right about all of it. I’m still hurting because you left. I did want there to be a baby.”

She couldn’t believe it. “Really? You swear?”

Instead of answering, he wrapped his arms around her and hauled her next to him. She went willingly, needing his touch, his heat and his nearness to make everything all right. She’d been so sure she’d blown everything-that she’d spoken the truth harshly and thoughtlessly, catering to her need to lash out. She shouldn’t have dumped on him that way. But it was all right, she thought hazily as his mouth claimed hers.

His lips swept over hers, then parted. She reacted in kind, admitting him, tasting him, knowing that no moment had ever been more right. They belonged together-and when they made love everything else could fade away.

Outside the small house the wind blew fiercely. She could hear the howling call, and in the distance, the answering grumble of thunder. A different kind of storm raged inside the cabin. Heat-like white lightning-flared between them. A wanting that made her legs tremble and her breath catch. Their kiss deepened, and then she was in his arms and he was carrying her toward the bedroom.

Clothes disappeared. Protection appeared. She found herself naked, on her back, in his bed. Once again his fingers trailed over her skin, teasing her breasts then moving between her legs. When he touched her there, she gasped.

“You’re already so wet,” he breathed as he bent low and kissed her mouth.

“I want you. Just you.”

His dark gazes brightened with an answering fire. He began to move around her most responsive spot, circling, exciting, making every muscle in her body tense and tighten until she had no choice but to fall under his spell and shudder into her release.

While the contractions still rippled through her, he plunged deep inside of her. His deep, slow thrusts brought her back to the brink. Before she could catch her breath, another spasm rippled through her. The frenzy of release went on until Jack shuddered and groaned, his body finally giving him what he desired.

As they clung to each other in the aftermath, the storm raged around them. Katie smiled, thinking that what she felt for him was as powerful as the strong winds rattling the windows. The clouds had moved in and covered the sun. The bright bolts of lightning were closer, the claps of thunder making the house shudder.

“It’s going to rain soon,” Jack said, kissing her forehead, then her nose and her cheeks. “You should get back to the main house.”

“I know. Shane isn’t usually frightened of storms, but this one is pretty big.” But she made no effort to move. It felt too good, too right, being in Jack’s arms. “At least with it raining all morning he was able to get his homework done. He had a big project for school.”

He stroked her hair. “How’s his Web site design coming?”

“Really well.” She smiled. “Apparently he has impressed his classmates.” She paused. “I’m actually starting to think I made the right decision to move back.”

“Did you ever doubt it?”

“Nearly every day. When things were going so badly with my father and Shane didn’t have any friends, I thought I’d made a huge mistake.”

He shifted so he was lying on his side, his head supported by his hand. Using his index finger, he traced the shape of her mouth. “I’m glad you came back.”

“Me, too.”

She paused. Feelings welled inside her. Things that she’d thought but had never said. She wasn’t sure if this was the time or if he even wanted to hear it right now, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“I love you,” she said softly. Once the words were out they sounded right.

Jack continued to stroke her face, but she felt the tension filling him. She tried to give him a reassuring smile. “Please don’t panic at the information. I’m not asking for action-I just wanted you to know.”

“Katie, I-”

“No. Don’t say anything.” She sat up and pulled the sheet up to cover herself. “I didn’t realize it when I first moved back home, but after a while I began to see that I never stopped loving you.”

“I want to believe you,” he said quietly.

He turned away, then stood and crossed to the window. The storm had moved closer while they’d been making love. Streaks of lightning lit the darkening sky, and howling wind made the trees bend. So far there was no rain, but black clouds threatened on the horizon.

She knew what he meant. That she’d said the words before and they’d had no meaning. Her throat tightened.

“This is different,” she said. “I’m different. I’ve grown up. We were both so young. You told me to go, and that was right for that time. But I’m back and I don’t want to go away again.”

Pain and desperation filled her. He had to give her-them-a chance.

“I meant what I said yesterday,” she continued. “You’re not going to get rid of me so easily this time. I plan to fight for you, for us.”

He closed his eyes, but that didn’t keep him from hearing. Love. She bared herself to him emotionally and physically. Could he do any less?

“I’m not who you think,” he said, still staring out the window. If he were any kind of a man he would face her, but he didn’t have the strength. He supposed he’d always been a coward where she was concerned.

“Of course you are. You’re the basis by which I’ve measured every other man in my life, and they’ve all come up short. Only you, Jack. Always you.”

He pressed his hand against the glass, then curled his fingers into a fist. “You don’t understand. You were right. About Melissa. About what you said about my marriage. I’m the one who ended it. She wanted us to be close. She wanted to crawl inside of me and be a part of my soul. I wouldn’t let her. I kept her far enough away that there wasn’t any danger. She tried everything to save our marriage, but it didn’t work because I wasn’t participating. In the end she walked away, but I forced her to go. Then later I got say that I was the one willing to hang on when she quit. I was so damn proud of that. Yet all the time it was me.”