Seth’s dick led the way. He nervously lined up the blow as he’d been shown in class the night before.

Kaden crossed his arms and smiled, watching.

Fighting a twisting in his stomach, Seth swung. Leah jumped, whined, and wiggled her ass at him. He looked at Kaden. Kaden held up his hand, indicating wait.

Sure enough, the vibrator clicked on again. Leah moaned, squirming against the bench.

Kaden waved Seth out into the hall and whispered, “She doesn’t know which of us did it, or when we’ll do it again. It’s driving her crazy.”

“Are you really going to leave her like that all day?” The thought of that made Seth partly feel bad for her.

And partly excited him.

Kaden raised an eyebrow at him. “I wouldn’t stop you if you want to give her some relief. You’re entitled to.”

Seth pointed down the hall to the living room. When they were safely out of Leah’s hearing, Seth asked, “What if I can’t be kinky enough for her all the time?”

“What do you mean?”

He wiped his mouth with his hand and wished for a drink. He knew he couldn’t have one for that very reason. “I mean, geez, yeah, okay, right, it’s fucking hot seeing her like that. But damn, you know, there’s a lot of times I’ll just want to cuddle or have straight sex and not all of…” He waved his arm down the hall. “That.”

“What?”

“That!” He pointed again.

Kaden smiled. “She doesn’t get off on the kink.”

Seth took another step toward the hallway and waved his arm again. “Uh, duh! What the fuck is THAT then?”

Kaden sat on the couch and picked up the sports section. “She would be happy having vanilla sex for the rest of her life. That’s not what this is about. It’s hotter, sure, but that’s just a bonus.”

Seth’s jaw dropped. “How about some fucking answers to my questions?” He stormed over to Kaden, grabbed the newspaper, and tossed it over the back of the couch. “What the fuck do you mean she doesn’t get off on the kink?”

“The pain is to help her process emotions, especially painful emotions, when she’s overstressed. If she gets off in the process, even better. They are totally different things, even though they’re related sometimes. If you did nothing but missionary with her for the rest of your lives and spanked her with your hand over your lap when she needed it, she’d be perfectly happy with that, too.”

“Then why do you do all of this other stuff?”

He shrugged. “We just sort of fell into it. As we got to know more people in the lifestyle and saw things, we decided to experiment a little. I told you, she’s not a pain slut. You’ll see people who put dozens of clothespins all over themselves, needles, hot wax, knife play, shit like that. She has no desire to do any of that. All she needs is the occasional grounding. That’s what the spankings are about. She likes and enjoys the other stuff. It’s fun. The shibari is nice for her—when done properly and she can’t get loose—because it forces her to relax and just be for a little while. You know how they say you should swaddle babies?”

“Dude, I don’t know nuthin’ about swaddlin’ no babies.”

Kaden froze, then laughed, loud and hearty. It was good to hear that sound from him.

Seth struggled against the mental heartbeat, but it came back anyway.

kaden’sdying

When he could talk again, Kaden continued. “It’s comforting. She’ll have to get to the point where she trusts you to do it with her, and she will. She just…” He thought about it. “It’s like she totally goes into subspace without laying a finger on her. She would literally allow me to keep her tied up twenty-four/seven if I found a position she’d be comfortable in without risk of her circulation being cut off. It’s like she gives herself permission to totally relax and unwind.”

Seth dropped to the couch and shook his head. “This is a lot to fucking learn.”

Kaden nodded. “I’m trying to cram nearly twenty years of trial and error into…into a short amount of time. The good news is, I know what won’t work and I can give you the benefit of my wisdom there, too.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “You saw how stern I was with her at the club?”

Seth nodded.

“That’s a hard edge for her. You’ll notice most of the time I don’t talk to her like that. And you can only talk to her like that when you’re dropping her into subspace or when she’s fully there. However, as soon as the scene is over and you’re giving her aftercare—and she must always have aftercare—then you need to be very gentle and tender with her. When the endorphin high starts to fade, you can amp it back up a little.

“I also never compare her to anyone else. Ever. And I don’t ever use humiliation with her. I don’t ever want her to feel like that. Frankly, I couldn’t do that to her anyway. I have never threatened, even in play, to find a new sub or let a stranger use her. Ever.”

“Okay. Explain what the fuck is subspace?”

“It’s sort of like a trance. What this does to her, it releases a huge flood of endorphins into her system. It’s like a natural drug for her. It medicates her, in a manner of speaking. That’s why she swam herself to exhaustion in the pool the other night. Think of a runner’s high. It’s sort of the same thing. Sometimes she can do that for herself with swimming or even running. A lot of the time, especially when she’s very stressed or upset, she can’t. That’s when you have to help her. Under normal circumstances it’s more maintenance than anything.”

Kaden took his glasses off, laid them on the coffee table. “Whether it freaks you out or not, having you here to teach has been a huge help for her. She’s got something—someone—to distract her. An alternate focus. We’ll deal with some major meltdowns with her as we go along. I have no doubt about that. For right now she’s finding a basic center she can function within.”

“What if…after. What if she slips too far away from me to bring her back?” Seth quietly asked. It was his greatest fear.

Kaden shook his head. “You won’t let that happen. You love her too much to not find a way to keep her safe.” He tipped his head toward the hall. “Why don’t you go have some fun with her? Don’t take the blindfold off. Just spend some time playing with her. She’ll really love it.”

“Does stuff like that put her in subspace?”

“A little. Not totally. The most intense is a public scene. Then private scenes like you saw that first night, only that was, like I told you, fairly tame. There’s been times where even if we don’t make the club, even just playing, literally slap and tickle in bed, it’s enough to keep her grounded. If she’s not totally stressed out or upset, it’s very easy to maintain her mood without major scenes of any kind. That’s why she enjoys the full-time slave lifestyle. It helps her give over some of her emotional baggage.”

“You’re telling me to go fuck your wife. That is fucked up, dude.”

“Then don’t do that right now if you don’t want to. You’ve got hands.” Kaden smiled. “Take the ball gag out and listen to her scream. Your cock will harden like concrete, buddy.”

“Oh, SO not having this talk, Kade!” Seth stood and walked halfway down the hall. From there he could hear Leah whimpering in the playroom, obviously wanting relief.

Seth returned to the living room and jabbed his finger at Kaden. “This is fucked up.”

Kaden sadly nodded. “Tell me about it.”

But Seth’s cock throbbed, wanting to return to the playroom for another look at her. Seth turned to Kaden. “I can’t…with you watching…yet. Just stay out here, okay?”

Kaden grinned. “Should I turn the TV on?”

“Might not be a bad idea.”

Kaden reached for the remote while Seth started down the hallway again. Seth heard Meet the Press come on in the living room. The vibrator was running. Leah trembled, squirming, trying to rub herself against the bench.

He took a deep breath and walked over, then sat down beside her. With trembling fingers he reached out with his left hand and gently caressed her ass.

Leah froze. For a second Seth worried she’d tell him to stop or grunt or something.

She moaned, furiously bucking her hips.

Her meaning was unmistakable—she wanted more.

Her skin felt cool and smooth beneath his hand. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to rip the vibrator out and fuck her silly right there.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to her right hip. Then he closed his eyes and inhaled. Her bodywash and the musky scent of her arousal mixed together in an intoxicating way.

Leah moaned.

He laid his cheek against her. Closing his eyes, he stayed his hand, his palm warm against her flesh. When the vibrator shut off, she moaned in frustration again.

“Shhh,” he whispered.

She quieted, waiting.

“Good girl,” he whispered. He imagined she had to know it was him by now, even though she once joked that she had trouble telling his voice from Kaden’s over the phone without Caller ID.

The vibrator clicked on a few moments later, and she jerked, twisted, and whimpered.

Shifting position, Seth left his hand on her ass and reached under her with his other and found her clit.

Leah’s whimpers changed tone, and she stilled her frantic squirming.

“Stay very still,” he whispered, “and be a good girl, and I’ll give you a reward.”

Her high-pitched whine struck a deep chord of desire within him.

She froze, statue still.

He found her swollen nub and gently tweaked it, rolling it in his fingers in time with the vibrator’s pulsation. He sensed the tension in her body, the urge to work her hips in time with his movements conflicting with her desire to do what she was ordered.

He pressed another kiss to her flesh and then whispered, “Do you want it, baby?”

A soft, keening whine in response.

“Give it to me.” He gently pinched her clit. She exploded, screaming against the ball gag, her entire body tensing and straining against the cuffs. When she finished and collapsed, limp against the bench, Seth once again kissed her hip and gently patted her ass.

He went straight to his room, locked the door, and fell on his bed. With the sound of her cries still fresh in his head, he fisted his cock, and within a minute had come again.

Fuck.

He hadn’t been this horny since high school.

* * *

Despite knowing in his head—the one on top of his shoulders—that Kaden was copacetic with the situation, it took every last ounce of Seth’s nerves to force himself out of his bedroom an hour later. The playroom door was closed, as was the master bedroom door, and the living room was silent.

Seth’s stomach growled.

He silently walked out to the kitchen, no sign of life. He could see out the front windows and knew they had to be here somewhere, because the Lexus and Ridgeline were parked in the drive.

Trying not to make any noise, he opened the fridge and found a package of sliced turkey. He turned to lay it on the counter and nearly screamed. Leah stood there, smiling, in her collar and long T-shirt.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry. Want me to make you something? I’m sorry I didn’t cook you breakfast this morning. You must be starving.”

Seth waited for his heart to quit racing. “How’d you sneak up on me?”

“We’re out in the garage. Kaden’s up in the attic taking inventory of the Christmas lights and decorations. You know him. Even though it’s still a few months away, he’s got to outdo himself every year.”

Danger! Danger!

Seth frantically struggled for something to say to wipe the impending storm clouds from her eyes. He knew she was thinking the same thing he was, that it was most likely Kaden’s last Christmas. At the very least the last one he could actively participate in. Putting up lights was one of his passions. His displays were always a hit at their series of holiday parties and dinners they held every year.

Seth forced a growl he didn’t feel. “You should make me something to eat. What kind of way is that to treat Sir?”

Her cheeks filled with color, and her lips slightly parted. Then a playful smile lit her face. “I’m sorry, Sir.” She pushed him out of her way and practically dove into the refrigerator to get what she needed. He stepped to the side, silently relieved he’d distracted her.

Fuck.

Now he understood what Kaden meant.

He retook his usual place at the counter and watched Leah quickly put his lunch together. She turned and set the plate before him. Their eyes locked. He reached out and touched her hand, gently squeezed it.