Tymber Dalton - The Reluctant Dom

Seth didn’t reply, pretended he was studying the power lines running along the edge of the property. They looked intact.

“I said, with both of us doing it—”

“I heard you.”

“You were ignoring me.”

Seth turned to him and dropped his voice. “Let me do it. Come on, it’s my job, okay? This kind of shit is what I can do. Let me do it.”

Kaden’s face hardened. For a moment, Seth thought he was in for another confrontation.

Then Kade laughed. “You’re not going to melt down on me like Leah over your laundry, are you?”

“I just might if you don’t let me do my job.”

Kaden looked up at the gunmetal grey sky and took a deep breath, blew it out. “Okay. I still feel useless.”

“No, you need to change your thinking like you’ve done all along. I feel like a fucking freeloader. This kind of shit, I can do it and I do it well. At least one thing I don’t totally fuck up. Let me have my pride, dude.”

Kaden met his gaze. “Sure you don’t want to go into psychology instead of nursing?”

“Fuck you.” But Seth smiled. Crisis averted.

“You wish. Not in your wildest dreams, buddy.”

Kaden didn’t feel up to going out to shop for Christmas gifts. That relieved Seth, because he worried about Kaden picking up a cold. Seth helped him shop online or made mall runs for him, conversing over the phone to coordinate his purchases for Leah.

Seth put up the holiday lights and outdoor decorations, adding even more blow-ups and menagerie animals to the displays than the previous year.

Kaden helped with some of it, sometimes simply sitting in a lawn chair and untangling and testing lights for Seth. He didn’t push the issue, didn’t try to wear himself out. Many times Leah would join them, helping Seth or just sitting on a blanket by Kaden’s feet, her head resting against his leg.

None of them spoke the obvious, that it was Kaden’s last Christmas. They also didn’t make references to “next” Christmas.

It was too painful.

When Seth flipped the switch on the lights the night before Thanksgiving, Kaden’s face lit as brightly as the display, one of the few times Seth witnessed true joy in his friend in the past month. Seth knew the pain had to be miserable, but Kaden rarely complained.

Leah and Kaden slowly walked through the displays, her arm around his waist to steady him as he looked at everything. Seth grabbed the video camera and filmed them. In the dark, against the soft glow of the colored lights, Kade’s skin tone looked nearly normal if you could ignore the deep hollows forming in his cheeks and under his eyes.

And he looked happy.

She would want these memories. Seth knew he did.

They put up the Christmas tree. Seth teared up when Leah hung their “First Christmas” ornament prominently at the front of the tree, next to her one with Kaden.

Where did the fucking year go? Too fast. Way too fast.

Thanksgiving was very quiet and subdued. Just Tony, Ed, Kaden’s brother and sister-in-law, and Ben and Helen joined them. Leah had made no mention of holiday parties, one worry off Seth’s plate. If she had he would have been forced to put his foot down. It was too close to the end for him to try to pretend to be okay in front of people he barely knew, and Kaden didn’t want others seeing him like this.

* * *

Seth was taking Kaden’s blood pressure one morning while Leah was in the shower. Kaden grabbed his wrist. “Thank you.”

Seth briefly met his friend’s gaze and nodded, focusing on what he was doing. It hurt to look into Kaden’s grey eyes and see them yellowed by jaundice.

It was two days before Leah’s birthday. Kaden could still keep water, clear fluids, and some starches like rice and mashed potatoes down. They’d have to stop the Ensure soon. That was starting to upset his stomach. It wouldn’t be long before he was down to water and broth, and then…

Seth had quit weighing him the first of December. It was too hard emotionally to document the decline. By now he knew Kaden had to be under one thirty. It was stupid and pointless to continue.

When they needed groceries, Seth usually forced Leah to go alone, leaving Kaden time to talk with Seth about things that needed discussing outside her hearing. Seth didn’t want her to know his biggest fear, that Kaden might die while she was alone with him, and Seth didn’t want her alone with him when it happened. His second greatest fear was Kaden’s weakened condition, that he might fall and not be able to get up and Leah wouldn’t be able to help him.

It kept her mind focused, got her out of the house for a little while. Even though Kaden got out of bed and walked around and was still continent, he spent most of his time either in bed or on the couch in the living room.

On the morning of Leah’s birthday, Kaden produced a tiny box and handed it to her. Seth knew its contents because he’d wrapped it for Kaden.

She smiled as she fingered the small silver tags, with both Kaden and Seth’s initials engraved on them. Then she leaned over and gently hugged him. “Thank you, Master.”

Seth’s present was an intricately braided silver locking choker necklace, similar to her other day collar. It already bore a matching engraved tag.

She hugged him, hard. He heard her barely choked back sob as she pressed her face against his chest. “Thank you, Sir,” she whispered.

“Well, let’s put it on you and see how it looks,” Kaden said.

She leaned in and held her hair up while Kaden made the switch.

“It’s beautiful, love,” he said with a smile. “Now you’ve got another collar in your collection. Sir picked this one out for you.”

Kaden wasn’t fooling Seth. He probably wasn’t fooling Leah, either, unless she was really burying her head in the sand. Seth knew damn well why Kaden insisted on Seth ordering the necklace. He wanted Leah to get used to the fact that she’d be wearing other collars in her life, not just the ones he’d bought for her. The dual-engraved tags were yet another tactic, helping ease her through the transition as gently as possible under the circumstances. Kaden hadn’t pushed the issue sooner and knew he couldn’t put it off any longer.

* * *

Christmas morning, Seth awoke and held his breath as he watched Kaden’s face. Kaden’s chest rose as he took a breath.

Seth closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you, Jesus.

Any day but today. They’d made it through Leah’s birthday. If they could at least make it until December twenty-sixth that was fine with him. After that…

After that, every day was numbered. Kaden refused doctor-recommended IV fluids and nutrients that would keep him going a little longer. He was down to water, broth, and pediatric electrolyte solution. The lever had dropped to the lower end on Seth’s mental gauge. Nearly pegged out at E.

Black.

He silently prayed for any time after January first and suspected that might be pushing their luck. It would be far easier on Leah emotionally to handle Kaden’s death on a date at the beginning of the year rather than at the end.

She was in the kitchen fixing Seth’s coffee the morning of December twenty-eighth when Kaden turned in bed and looked at him. “You know where all the paperwork is, right?”

Seth nodded. “Yeah.”

“DNR?”

Seth nodded.

“Okay.” He reached for the remote and turned on the TV. “I think you’ll be making the call pretty soon.”

Seth’s heart chilled. “Not yet. Please.”

Kaden’s wan smile didn’t reassure him. “I know. I’m trying to hang on until after New Year’s.”

“That’s fucking spooky, dude. Reading my mind again.”

“It’s logical. I don’t want to ruin this time of year for her or you. That would suck.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

Kaden smiled a little broader, reached over and patted Seth’s arm. “You say that now. But brother, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Seth didn’t know if he even wanted to ponder what was in store.

Another prayer answered—Kaden quietly celebrated New Year’s with him and Leah alone at home, although they all drank white grape juice and not champagne at Leah’s insistence.

Kaden, of course, smiled and let her have her way.

But he barely sipped his. Seth took the glasses away before Leah could see Kaden hadn’t really drank any.

On January third, Seth closed the door to Kaden’s study before making the phone call he dreaded. Everything had been arranged in advance. Starting tomorrow, the hospice nursing staff would be on hand to help.

Kaden called Tony and asked him to stop by. When he arrived, Kaden asked for some private time to talk with him. Seth took Leah out to the backyard and held her as they sat under an oak tree.

She couldn’t cry.

Twenty minutes later, Tony walked out to them. “How are you two doing?”

Seth nodded. “Hanging in there.”

Tony crouched down and started to reach out to Leah. She sat with her eyes closed and her head tucked against Seth’s shoulder. Tony met Seth’s gaze. Seth finally realized what he wanted. He nodded.

Tony gently touched her arm. “If you guys need anything, no matter what, and I’m talking not even…the other stuff. Anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to call me, day or night. Okay?” Tony was one of the few people Seth knew really meant it, not just spouting meaningless bullshit he had no intention following through on.

She nodded without opening her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Seth felt it, the dulling down Kaden had warned him of. Beyond exhaustion and grief, something more, something deeper, like a hard shell forming around her.

After Tony left, Seth helped Leah to her feet. He kept an arm around her waist, afraid she might fall.

Kaden was sitting up in bed. He had his glasses on and watched TV. Leah immediately curled up in bed beside him, tucking her head against his side, where she spent most of her time now.

Kaden reached over and stroked her hair. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hi, handsome.”

Seth leaned in the doorway. “Honey, can I make you any dinner?”

She shook her head.

The strength in Kaden’s voice surprised Seth. “Leah, you will eat a bowl of soup or I will send you out to the kitchen.”

Eventually, she nodded. “Thank you, Sir,” she whispered. “I’ll take a bowl of soup, please.”

Kaden stroked her hair again. “Good girl, love.”

Seth fixed her a bowl of soup and brought it to her. He sat on her other side and watched her eat it, making sure she finished every drop.

When she finished she immediately curled against Kaden’s side again. He looked tired, haggard. The weight loss was especially hard to witness, and why Seth suspected Kaden always insisted on wearing loose T-shirts now. The sight of his bones pressing against his flesh was almost painful to look at.

No matter what, Kaden still tried to make this easy on them. Forever a control freak.

Kaden carefully rolled to his side and curled his arm around her. “Love, you need a session tonight with Sir.”

She shook her head and clutched his T-shirt in her fingers. “No. I want to stay here with You.”

“You can come back to Me after you have a session, love.”

“Please don’t make me go right now.”

He nuzzled the top of her head. “No, not right now. Later. All right?”

“All right.”

Seth couldn’t guess how much longer they had. The fact that it was nearly impossible for Kaden to keep down anything, including water, wasn’t a good sign.

* * *

Ed had been another call to make. He stopped by the house every morning and evening. Seth fully appreciated Kaden’s planning now. He would have a hard enough time functioning, plus keeping Leah safe, without trying to deal with everything else.

Thank God for that.

The hospice nursing staff was excellent. Having been fully briefed ahead of time by Ed and Kaden, no explanations for Seth’s relationship was necessary.

Seth and Leah rarely left Kaden’s side. Seth timed her sessions to coincide with the nursing shift changes. They were quick and with very little ritual. Just enough to keep her with them.

Just enough to keep her crying.