Seth wasn’t sure of that, but he nodded anyway.

As if to pull himself back from the brink of his emotional pain, Kaden took a deep breath. “Back to the rules.” He looked at Leah. “No one is allowed to touch her—ever—except you and me. Only in an emergency.”

Back to mass confusion for Seth. “She’s hugged me before. And I’ve seen her hug and shake hands with people.”

Kaden shook his head. “Sorry. I mean in non-vanilla circumstances. Or when we’re vanilla-formal. Besides, a lot of the rules we have I’ve never applied to you. You’re around so much, you’re family. It wouldn’t have been practical without outing ourselves.”

Seth pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do I get a glossary of terms and a syllabus for this whacked-out course I’m cramming for?”

Leah actually laughed a little at that. When Seth looked at her again, her sad smile made his heart thump in a strange way. At least he’d made her smile in this whole crazy mess.

She shared a brief glance with Kaden. He nodded. She spoke. “Vanilla means, you know, everyday, plain, normal setting. Like what you used to see us as before all this. Vanilla formal means we’re doing something but no one else knows what’s going on. Like a private game in public. Formal is just that, how I address you and Master in public or private, how I dress, what you do with and to me. Informal is still we’re playing but not with the protocols.”

“Protocols?”

“You’ll learn them,” she quietly said. “It’ll be okay. You’ll do fine. I know you will.”

“Do you ever, you know, relax in private?”

Kaden took over, nodding. “Usually, unless Leah’s very stressed, she doesn’t call me Master unless we’re having a session. But for now…” He stroked her hair again. “It’s comforting to her. It helps her cope.”

She nodded but didn’t speak.

Seth felt his heart break for both of them. How the hell was he supposed to help them through this and do what he was supposed to do and deal with losing Kaden?

Kaden’s dying.

Kaden kissed her one more time. “We can deal with more stuff later. Go get the big guest room ready for him. We want him in there. It’s got its own bathroom.”

She nodded, climbed out of Kaden’s lap, and kissed his hand again. She started to leave the room, then turned to Seth. “I know this isn’t any easier on you than it is on us. I appreciate this. I really do.”

Seth watched her go. He finally turned back to Kaden.

“You’ll need to go to the doctor,” Kaden said, low enough his voice wouldn’t carry down the hall. “I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but you need a full round of testing for HIV and STDs. Your last ex was a royal bitch. Frankly, I heard rumors she slept around on you. I also want you to get a full physical. I’ll pay for it.”

Seth felt his stomach roll in a bad way. He’d heard the same rumors but never wanted to think about them. “Okay,” he hoarsely whispered.

“I’ll have Leah make you an appointment with my doctor. She’ll go with you and take care of the bill. I also want to make sure you’re healthy. If you’ve got any issues we need to catch them early, get you taken care of. I know you’ve got VA, but I want you checked out now. It’s bad enough I’m dying on her. She damn sure doesn’t need to lose you, too.” His voice choked at the end. Seth wondered at his friend’s inner strength. If their positions were reversed, Seth suspected he’d be a blubbering mess by this point.

“What if I fuck this up?” Seth whispered. “What if I can’t do this right for her?”

Kaden drained the last of his drink. “You can, and you will. I know you can. She won’t let you fail. Neither will I.”

“Glad you’re so confident.”

They sat in silence until Leah returned. She took Kaden’s hand and kissed it before cuddling in his lap.

When Leah next spoke, it nearly startled Seth.

“I’m glad Kade asked you. If nothing else…” She choked up, paused, then spoke. “If nothing else, I mean, down the road…I know I can always turn to you, like that at least, even if you decide you want to move on. I know I can count on you. You guys have been best friends for so long. You’re my best friend, too. You’re my oldest friend. I mean that. You really are. I’ve always felt comfortable around you.”

“Even that night in the Keys?”

She laughed, loud and genuine that time. “Yeah. Especially that night.”

Kaden smiled. “She almost let the cat out of the bag that night.”

Seth thought back, then remembered. “Wait! You did call her ‘love’ that night, I remember now. And you—”

She nodded. “I almost called him Master.”

Seth remembered the night fifteen years earlier. They’d been on a lobster trip with some other friends, hitting the two-day mini season when every yahoo with a tickle stick and a lobster gauge was out on the water. Two of their buddies got into a bar fight. Kaden had gone to the bathroom before it started, and by the time he returned the whole place was involved.

Leah had gotten trapped in a corner behind two guys duking it out. When Kaden started her way, another guy jumped him. Seth, realizing what happened, immediately abandoned the friend he’d been trying to help and fought his way over to Leah, grabbed her, and ran outside to the car with her.

And in near hysterics when she’d seen Kaden fighting with another guy, she’d screamed for him, shouting, “Mas—Kaden!”

When Kaden finally fought his way out a minute later and ran to join them, he scooped her into his arms and called her ‘love.’

Seth never would have admitted it, but later that night he lay in his bed in their rented condo and listened to them make love the next room over and thought how good it felt holding her for those few seconds, how good her hair had smelled, how protective he felt of her.

How envious he’d felt of Kaden.

“I made apple pie this afternoon,” she said, bringing him back to the present. “I bought vanilla ice cream for you. Can I get you some?”

He blushed again. Leah taking care of him.

“Admit it,” Kaden gently teased. “She takes good care of you already.”

“How the hell do you read my mind like that?”

“I keep telling you. Maybe the problem all these years was that you hadn’t found the right woman.”

“I’ll be honest with both of you. I’m not sure I can get used to having a ‘slave’ serving me hand and foot.” Seth used finger quotes around the word.

“It’s not like that,” Leah insisted. “I get as much out of this as Kade does. With you, too.” She blushed. “I mean, when I’m doing things for you. Like cooking dinner and stuff.”

Kaden patted her thigh. “Go fix us some pie, please.”

She kissed him and went to do it.

Kaden dropped his voice. “It’s not about sex, either. That’s tied into it, but in our case it boils down to giving her what she needs to function. Some people are in it for the sex. Yeah, the sex is hotter for us because of this. I won’t lie. You’ll find it’s the hottest fucking sex you’ve ever imagined. But it’s not about the sex. It’s about fulfilling a need for someone. She needs to serve. She needs the structure, the safety and security. And the release for her emotional pain. Just keep an open mind. Have I ever lied to you?”

Seth shook his head. No, Kaden had never, as far as he knew, lied to him.

He was probably the one person Seth knew never would lie to him.

Kaden stood and motioned Seth to follow him to the kitchen. They took up two seats at the counter and watched while Leah finished the preparations. She even nuked Seth’s a little to warm it before adding the ice cream.

The perfect way he liked it.

She handed Kaden his first. When she slid Seth’s plate in front of him, she touched his hand and waited until he met her eyes.

“It’s okay,” she said. Then she gently squeezed his hand before letting go and fixing her own plate.

He hated himself that her touch made him harder than a rock.

“Any house rules I need to know about?” he asked, to distract himself more than anything.

Kaden shrugged. “Toilet seat down after you go, but you’re good about that anyway.”

“I figured you’d tell me rules about the dungeon,” Seth snarked.

Kaden laughed, then sighed. “Honesty. Never lie. The only way this works is if we all talk to each other. It’s going to feel weird and uncomfortable at first. It will get easier, I promise.”

“Can’t get much fucking worse,” Seth muttered.

Kaden continued. “Whenever red is called, whatever’s going on immediately stops without question, regardless of whether it’s her or you or me calling it. You’ll learn the routines and protocols as we go. It becomes automatic after a while. Oh, I’ll give you keys in the morning. You already know the gate code, and the house alarm code is 1218.”

“Leah’s birthday.” Seth didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud until he looked up and saw her sad smile.

“You remember.”

Kaden also smiled, to Seth’s surprise. His friend clapped him on the arm, squeezing briefly before letting go. “See? You’ll do fine.”

They finished. Finally, Seth excused himself. “I need to go to bed, guys. I’m worn out. Frankly, my brain’s fried. I don’t know how I’m going to get through class tomorrow.”

He walked to what was now his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Looking around, even though he’d stayed here before, he saw it for the first time. The bed was perfect, king-size, a helluva lot better than the rocklike mattress at his brother’s. Not that he’d ever complain to his brother, because it had been free and a roof over his head. He always slept well when he spent the night at Kade’s. The room was nearly twice as large as the one at his brother’s, and the attached bathroom as large as many master bathrooms in smaller homes.

He’d started unbuttoning his shirt when he heard a soft tap on his door. He opened it. Leah stood in the hall. Kaden had apparently gone on to bed, because their door was shut.

Seth’s heart hammered, panic threatening. “Leah, I meant it when I said I can’t do anything—”

She shook her head. “No! No. I…I just wanted to say good night. And thank you.” She looked up at him. “And you didn’t give me my hug when you got here tonight.”

He laughed but it came out sounding harsher than he intended. “You sort of caught me off guard with that outfit.” This one wasn’t much better, especially now that he knew what was under it. Or rather, what wasn’t.

After a long moment, he opened his arms to her. Even though he tried to lean his upper body into it, to keep her away from his hips and feeling his hard-on that demanded attention, she pressed into him. Not lewdly or even seductively.

Desperately.

When he realized this, he relaxed and held her tightly, worried she’d cry. But she didn’t, despite clinging to him like a drowning woman.

It took several minutes before she relaxed a little. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I know this sucks for you. I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” He made her look at him. “Stop. If things were different and we were single, I’d…” Suddenly, that sounded like a really stupid thing to say under the circumstances.

But she smiled again. “Yeah. I would, too.” She rested her head on his chest for a moment longer and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.

“Just…go easy on me, okay?” he said. “You guys are going to fry my brain at this rate.”

She stretched up and kissed his cheek. He was a little taller than Kaden’s five eleven and knew that would be an adjustment for her.

“Just remember, I can and do have the ability to stop anything I don’t like,” she assured him. “I always have. There have been times in the past I’ve red-lighted a scene. Kaden usually does before I do, but I have. So don’t ever worry about going too far. As long as you respect the safe word, you won’t hurt me.”

She left, quietly closing the door behind her.

* * *

Seth got up around two a.m. to get a drink of water. Leah had left a robe hanging on the bathroom door for him. Instead of getting dressed he pulled that on. When he opened the door he heard a soft, strange, rhythmic noise he couldn’t quite place.

The house was dark. A few carefully placed nightlights and his familiarity helped him make it to the kitchen without incident. The noise sounded louder now and almost sounded like…splashing?

He spotted a dark shape on the lanai. When he stepped out the kitchen slider, he saw Kaden standing in the shadows, staring at the pool and leaning against the wall near the sliders leading to the master bedroom.