It felt…

He shuddered.

kaden’sdying

* * *

His sister-in-law had the day off from work. When Seth walked into the kitchen, Helen turned, smiled, and then her face fell. “Seth? What’s wrong?”

He sat at the table, his head in his hands.

“Kaden’s dying,” he sobbed.

He barely felt her comforting arm around his shoulders as he cried.

* * *

Somehow, Seth made it through class. Helen helped him pack when he returned. He didn’t tell her everything about their new arrangement, only that Kaden and Leah had asked him to move in with them because of the obvious, that he wanted Leah to have help with him as his illness progressed. He did hint that Kaden was worried about Leah’s state of mind and wanted Seth there to take care of her as much as to take care of him.

Helen looked sad. “They’re so sweet. You guys have been friends for so long. Ben will be upset to hear about Kaden.”

“I don’t know how many people he’s telling right now. Tell Ben not to tell anyone yet, okay?”

She nodded. “Right.”

When all his stuff was crammed into the Ridgeline, Helen hugged Seth. “Give us a call. Don’t be a stranger.”

“I appreciate you guys putting up with me. I feel like the neighborhood stray dog everyone takes pity on.”

“Hey, don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve had a rough time. I’m sorry about Kaden.”

He struggled not to cry again. It’d been hard enough to hold it together during class. He didn’t want to break down in front of Leah and Kade.

“Thanks.” It was after four when he started for their house. Halfway there, he pulled into a Publix parking lot and cried again. How was Leah holding it together? He was a fucking wreck.

After twenty minutes he put himself together and pulled into their driveway a little after five. Kaden walked out, smiling, as Seth backed up to the garage. He already had the tailgate down by the time Seth climbed out.

“Glad to see you, buddy. I sort of worried you might have second thoughts.”

Seth snorted as they started unloading boxes into the garage. “I did. And third and fourth and fifth but I guess you’re stuck with me. God only knows why you want me.”

Leah walked outside wearing her collar and dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, much to Seth’s relief. Her sad smile and welcoming hug set something spinning inside him.

“I’ll take your clothes and get them unpacked for you.” He handed her a suitcase and one of the several garbage bags holding his clothes. She took them inside.

“That’s why I want you,” Kaden said in a low voice. “That woman right there. She needs you.”

Kaden helped Seth get the rest of the boxes neatly stacked in the garage while Leah took care of all his clothes. His ex-wife had ended up with the house and furniture. To avoid bankruptcy, he’d sold off everything relating to his business. That left him with a beat-up Mustang and what was now sitting in Kaden’s garage, mostly books and some personal mementos.

“We’ll get new bookshelves for the bedroom,” Kaden offered, studying the boxes. “This weekend, we’ll go out and get some.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” Kaden turned to Seth and dropped his voice, angry. “What aren’t you understanding? This is your home now. You live here. Yeah, it’s my name on the deed, but you need to get used to the idea that you are lord and master of this fucking place, so to speak. The faster you can get that through your thick skull, the faster you can help her, because I don’t have time for this kind of bullshit when you’ve got serious stuff to learn!”

Seth stepped back as Kaden closed his eyes and took a deep breath, calming himself. Had he thought Kaden was handling this remarkably well? Apparently not as well as Kaden tried to portray.

“I’m sorry,” Kaden apologized. He stepped closer to Seth, his voice low and calm again. “When I…when it happens, you need to be at the point where you literally step in and fully take over in name as well as function. Leah needs to see you in that role by that time. It’ll be too late to get her trust and faith in you by then.”

He jabbed his finger at Seth. “That means you need to drop the bullshit, right now, and step up, buddy. I know it sucks. I know it’s weird. I know it’s contrary to every fucking thing you might feel right now. But you need to get used to pulling up in that driveway and looking at this house and thinking, ‘I’m home. This is my house. That’s my wife.’ When you’re doing that, she’ll feel it, and it will help her.”

Seth nodded, unable to think of a reply. Kaden returned to the house. Seth looked around. Leah had already taken all his clothes inside. He suddenly realized she’d also grabbed a bag containing dirty clothes.

He grabbed his guitar case and hurried inside. When he reached his bedroom she was still there, organizing his clothes for him, some things now neatly folded and stacked on his bed, dresser drawers open, the closet half-full. He anxiously searched for the bag of dirty clothes. When she looked at him, she laughed.

“I already got the dirty ones.”

Stunned, his jaw dropped. “What, being into this stuff turns you psychic or something?”

She pointed to a pile on the floor in the bathroom. “You looked panicked. Don’t worry, I figured it out as soon as I opened the bag.”

He reddened, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Leah. I’ll go wash them.” He started for the bathroom.

She frowned, firmly shaking her head. “No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“That’s my job.”

“Leah—”

“No!” Her eyes widened. At her nearly frantic tone, Seth held up his hands in supplication.

“Whoa. Calm down, babe.”

But she wasn’t calm. “No! It’s my job, Seth. I do that. I take care of Kaden, and I take care of you.” Her whole body trembled. Kaden suddenly appeared in the doorway, a worried look on his face. He didn’t speak, just stood there watching. Seth suspected Leah didn’t know he was there.

Seth tried again, forcing his voice to stay calm. “Leah, honey, I don’t expect—”

She stepped forward, almost in his face now, looking up at him. “It’s my job. Please.”

He glanced at Kaden, looking for help, but his friend stood there, unmoving, observing.

Swallowing hard, Seth finally nodded. He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently squeezed. “Okay, honey. It’s okay. I’m sorry.”

He heard her ragged breathing, watched her pulse thrum in her throat, her face flushed not from excitement but…

She stared at him, and he recognized the look from the night before. Barely constrained anguish fighting to bubble to the surface.

He suspected this was his second lesson.

Not sure what else to do, he grabbed her hands and gently squeezed them. “Babe, he told you to go easy on me. You’ve got to teach me this shit, remember?” He attempted what he hoped looked like a gentle smile. From the dangerous roll his stomach took, he wasn’t sure he made it.

She finally took a deep breath, then stepped into him for a hug. “I’m sorry, Seth,” she mumbled against his chest. “I know.”

It felt weird to hug her like that, knowing Kaden was watching. But when Seth looked at his friend, Kaden nodded and offered up a smile before silently disappearing down the hall.

Seth figured he must have passed this test.

She clutched at him, the same desperation from the night before. He dared rest his face against the top of her head, inhaling her scent. She always smelled good.

“We’ll get through this,” he whispered. “I promise. I’m fucking lost and I might be stumbling and tripping all over myself, but I won’t let you down.”

“I know.”

After a couple of minutes she stepped back, sniffling, and forced a smile. “Let me show you where I put everything.” She finished putting his clothes away, showed him where she’d stowed his stuff, including his toiletries in the bathroom. When she finished, she turned. “Any questions?”

“What do you want me to do with my dirty clothes?”

“Just leave them on the bathroom floor for me. Do you normally take your shower in the morning or at night?”

That was a weird tangent. “Usually in the morning. I mean, I need one now after moving that crap but usually just in the morning.”

“Before breakfast?”

“Um, I guess. No one’s usually cooking for me.”

She smiled. “Get used to it. What time do you need to be up in the morning?”

He shrugged. “It depends on if I’m working or have classes. Well, I guess working doesn’t matter anymore.” He’d stopped by after class to quit and pick up his final check. When he explained the basics of the situation, his boss understood and didn’t give him any grief.

“I need to know so I can make sure you’re up.”

“Leah, you don’t—” At her storm-cloud look he immediately backpedaled. “You don’t have to do that all tonight. We can sit down this weekend and figure it out.”

At that she relaxed.

Fuck.

His three ex-wives never doted on him like this. And he wasn’t even sleeping with Leah.

Yet.

Fuck.

* * *

Seth took a shower and joined Kaden in the den. Kaden sat on a stool as he idly strummed his guitar. Leah had already moved Seth’s to the den, the case freshly dusted and leaning against the wall in the corner. Kaden didn’t lift his head, but his eyes met Seth’s.

Seth took a seat in one of the chairs and shook his head. “Fuck.”

Kaden smiled and returned his attention to the guitar. “See why I needed you to move in? That isn’t something I can explain.”

“She nearly had a meltdown over my dirty clothes, for chrissake! Why the fuck didn’t you come in and help me, asshole?”

He shrugged. “I watched. I was worried for a minute that she’d need to go to the playroom. You did good. That was smart, reminding her what I told her about teaching you.”

Seth closed his eyes. “That wasn’t planned, dude. I didn’t know what else to say.”

“But you said the right thing.” He laid his palm over the strings to silence them and looked at Seth.

“I have to let you find your way with her as much as I can. It’ll be too much of a shock for her to lose me and try to adapt to doing things your way all at the same time. There are some things you have to learn to do exactly right, and those I will work with you on. Those relate to safety and to her security. There’s stuff like what happened earlier… There’s not a lot of time, but we have enough for the two of you to work on some things on your own. I won’t be there to help you out. You need to learn to deal with her in your way, not mine. To find things that will work for you and her. I can give you the map. You’ve got to make the journey.”

“Thank you, Master Fucking Yoda.”

Kaden smiled and strummed his guitar.

* * *

Leah called them to dinner. Seth noticed she’d prepared his favorite foods. After dinner, he walked into the living room to watch TV with Kaden.

“This feels weird, to be able to sit back and relax,” Kaden said.

“Relax?”

“Yeah, I know. Weird, huh?” He sighed. “New perspective. What’s really important now. Usually I’d still be working on a night like this. Getting home about this time, wolfing down dinner and changing clothes so we could turn around and go to the club.” He looked at Seth. “It changes a man’s perspective, that’s for sure. When you go back to school and get your degree and start working again, don’t ever forget what’s important.”

They talked for a little while, then Kaden stood. “Time to get ready.”

Seth wasn’t sure he had the right wardrobe. “I’ve got jeans, but I’m a little short on latex.”

Leah walked in from the kitchen and laughed. “I picked you up a couple of shirts this afternoon you can choose from. They’re in your closet. Just wear jeans and your black sneakers.”

They retreated to their rooms. Seth looked in his closet and, sure enough, found the shirts Leah had mentioned. Three button-up long-sleeved chambray shirts, nothing especially noteworthy. One black, one navy, one dark purple.

It didn’t take him long to change. She’d apparently already washed and ironed them, because they smelled like detergent.

He nervously waited in the living room and debated having a drink but wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. Kaden appeared first, a long duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He wore black jeans, black sneakers, and a button-up long-sleeved charcoal-grey shirt.