I woke to find him gone from the bed, but he had not left me. In shirt and hose he was stretched out on the low window seat, back propped against the stonework, a little pottery bowl in his hand. I thought that he was at ease, until I realised that the scene beyond the window did not take his attention. So I had not dragged his mind from the loss of English life for long, or from whatever it was that had now placed its hand on him. Grief, I would have said, studying the stark lines. I lay and watched him for a little while, shocked to see such torment. He was eating steadily from the bowl, as if the delicacy would assuage his worry as well as his appetite.

Eventually when I could remain apart no longer and the dish was empty—how could I enjoy my own happiness when he was clearly bleeding from some inner wound?—I wrapped one of the linen sheets round me since no other garment came to hand and walked slowly to stand at his side. But there I was even more disturbed, for although he acknowledged me with an arm sliding comfortably around my waist, a mask instantly fell into place to hide the rank despair of minutes ago. The mask was good, the muscles of his face relaxed and I followed his lead, calmly relieving him of the dish, placing it on the floor beside us, because I dare not tap the ugly depths of that distress.

Kneeling beside him, resting my head against his shoulder and feeling the tension there that the mask could do nothing to hide, I changed my mind.

‘Was it very bad?’ I asked. I thought he needed to speak of it after all. He did not resist.

‘It was bad. Our army suffered beyond belief.’ Then: ‘I hear no good of what I did.’ Straight to the point, as ever.

‘No.’ I could not deny it. The loss of men and land had come in for scathing criticism, the Duke’s reputation ravaged.

‘My policy in France has been stripped bare. Once we ruled a mighty Empire stretching from Calais to Bordeaux. And now we hold the towns but no land to connect them. Our Empire is no more and I failed to bring England a victory…’ He looked away towards the window, as if he could absorb the grumbling complaints from the London streets even at this distance. ‘What do you think?’

‘How can I judge?’ I combed my fingers through his hair. Nothing I could say would make matters any better. He would have to face his demons, as the burden demanded by royal blood, but I would stay at his side as he faced them. He would not be alone.

‘I am of a mind…’ He hesitated. ‘I think I was wrong…’

‘And I never thought to hear you admit that.’ I essayed a little humour.

And indeed the faint remnants of a frown were smoothed out by a wry twist of his lips. ‘Do you accuse me of arrogance, Lady Katherine? Many would.’ And then with a lift of a shoulder: ‘What value is there for England in such a war, to hold fast to territories so far away and surrounded by those who would take them from us?’

Such an admission astonished me, and he saw it.

‘Should I not admit to it, when I am coming to believe that it is true? What do we gain, except a drain on our wealth and the death of our soldiery? The Pope is calling for negotiations and a lasting peace. I think we should do it.’

‘It will not be well-received,’ I ventured.

‘I care not. It’s a storm I must weather. I am not popular now, and the losses at Bordeaux will bring more invective down on my head, but who can harm me?’ The Duke’s sardonic smile became even more pronounced. ‘Consider the advantages. Peace will bring an increase in trade, lower taxes. We cannot continue as we are with this vast drain of money and taxation so high that it all but beggars our merchants. The stain on England’s reputation is a wound on my soul.’

‘Parliament will not support peace with France,’ I suggested.

‘God’s Blood! I’ll be damned if I let Parliament dictate my policy.’

Which promised no good for the future when foreign affairs and finance must collide. ‘Will the King agree? To peace-making?’ I asked, to divert into calmer channels.

‘I must persuade him. Since my brother is too ill to hold the reins himself it’s for me to take up the banner of England’s future. I’ll do it readily, with or without Parliament behind me. They’ll follow me if they know what’s good for them.’

And as I felt a single, solid beat of his heart beneath my hand, my presentiment that this was not the full cause of his wretchedness was enforced as the Duke turned his face against my hair and, beneath my hands, in his laboured breathing, I felt the earlier grief rush back in a torrent.

‘John…’ I whispered aghast.

He shook his head but I persisted. When he might have pulled away, I held onto his shoulders so that he must look at me. It was all I could give him. And by some strange female intuition, I realised what it must be to make such pain live in his eyes. The breath continued to shudder in his lungs.

‘It’s the Prince, isn’t it?’

‘He’s dying.’

My heart throbbed with reflected pain. His much-loved older brother, his hero, the perfect prince.

‘I doubt my brother will live to see our father die.’ And then because the pain had spread its tendrils much further: ‘What will England do with a child king? I doubt Richard will be more than ten years when the crown drops into his lap. What then?’

‘I will tell you what then,’ I replied with smooth urgency, fastening my hands tight around his wrists. ‘You will stand at Richard’s side. You will support and guide him until he is of an age to rule in his own right. You will do it for your father and your brother and because it is your duty to your name and to England. That is what will happen.’

I could not reassure him about the Prince’s health, but I could paint a bright picture of the future in which his role would be so very important. I pressed my lips against his brow as I felt at last an infinitesimal softening in his shoulders.

‘You see it very clearly,’ he observed.

‘I see the truth,’ I replied. Here was no place for doubts, and so I lightened my tone. ‘Would you argue the point with me? I don’t advise it.’

And the Duke’s eyes were now clearer, and his mouth curved in a vestige of a smile. ‘My thanks, Lady de Swynford.’

‘My pleasure, my lord,’ I responded archly, still intent on distraction because I could do no other. ‘And I have to say, you have eaten all my sweet pears.’

‘I have?’

I nudged the empty bowl with my toe. ‘What do I demand in reparation? I swear you have as great a sweet tooth as young Henry, and I’ve never seen any boy clear a dish of marchpane as fast as he can.’

He laughed, a little rough at the edges, but still a laugh. It was not from his heart, and I had perforce to accept the limitations on my powers. It was his brother who weighed heavily in his mind, and I had to allow it as I acknowledged that I could do nothing to lift the burden, and yet my heart was steadier, for the Duke had opened a new door for me, one that I had never been allowed to step through before, allowing me the right to trespass in his own emotions and fears. But only as far as he saw fit. All I could do, with gratitude that he gave me freedom to know the thoughts that troubled him, was distract and wrap him around with my love when he needed it. It was my pleasure and my heart’s delight to do so. I knew that he laid that burden down before no one else.

Was it not a precious milestone in the journey that we were travelling together?

‘You should sleep now, John,’ I said.

And he did, deep and dreamless. For the first time, I thought, for many nights. I lay awake to watch over him. Was that not the essence of love? It was for me. Sometimes it was all I could do for him. And was that not another lesson for me to learn? I had had no recognition of the inner strength I would need to draw on as the truth of our relationship was exposed. Now as our love grew, I needed to be strong for him too. For who else was there for him to turn to in grief or despair?

He could turn to me, and I would answer all his needs.

It had its repercussions, our reconciliation at The Savoy. When the Duke left Tutbury, en route to London in August to commemorate the sixth anniversary of Duchess Blanche’s death, he held me close in a final embrace, for I was not to accompany him. His arms were firm, his lips soft, then he raised his head and looked at me. And looked again, trailing the palm of his hand over the panels of my close-cut gown.

I drew in and held my breath, perhaps still a little nervous.

‘Are you breeding?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

‘When?’

‘At the start of the new year.’

‘Does it please you?’

‘Yes.’

‘It pleases me too.’

He kissed me, lingeringly gentle but with the underlying passion that was now part of my life. I smiled. I would never again need to flee in fear that the Duke would reject me and this new child. Our love would stand firm against everything.




Chapter Twelve

She had the dreaded sweating sickness.