“I will honor my responsibilities. In doing so, it is necessary for me to be strong. Emotion is weakness. You are a woman-I don’t expect you to understand. Just trust me, it is so. I will see to the girls’ needs. You can take care of their hearts.”
She didn’t know what to say or where to begin to argue with him. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard,” she told him. “Love isn’t weakness. It’s strength and power. The ability to give means you can be more, not less.”
He actually smiled at her. “Your passion is a testament to your caring. That’s excellent.”
“So it’s okay for me to have emotions, but not you? Because you’re a man?”
“More than a man,” he reminded her. “A prince. I have responsibilities for others. It is my duty to stay strong, to not be swayed by something as changeable as feelings.”
“Without compassion, there can be no judgment,” she snapped. “Without feelings, you’re only a machine. A good ruler feels for his people.”
“You cannot understand.”
“And you can’t mean this.”
“I assure you, I do.” He took her arm and walked her to the door. “Celebrate Christmas however you wish. You have my permission.”
“Can I have your head on a stick instead?” she muttered as she jerked free and walked out into the hallway.
Of all the stupid, annoying things she’d ever heard. He wasn’t going to feel anything because he was a prince? But it was okay for her because she was a woman?
“No way,” she told herself as she headed back to her own rooms. “Something is going to change around here and it isn’t going to be me.”
“It’s so egotistical,” Kayleen ranted the next morning as she paced the length of her living room. “So two hundred years ago. He gets to be in charge because he’s a man? What does that make the rest of us? Chattel? I’m so angry, I want to throw him in the dungeon until he begs. I’m smart. I’m capable. And I have a heart. Why can’t he see that emotions give us depth? They define us. Are all men so stupid? I have to tell you, Lina, the more I see of the world, the more I long for the convent.”
Her friend smiled at her. “Is it possible your energy and intensity on this topic is one of the reasons you weren’t called to serve in that way?”
“That’s what I was always told when I was growing up. I was too passionate about things. Too willing to go my own way. It’s just when I see an injustice, I can’t stop to think. I act.”
“As you did with Tahir.”
Kayleen remembered the tall chieftain who had wanted to take the girls. “Exactly.”
“Life does not always move on your timetable,” Lina said. “You need to be patient.”
“Don’t act impulsively,” Kayleen said, knowing she’d heard the same advice a thousand times before.
“Exactly.” Lina patted the seat next to her. “As’ad is a product of his world. His father taught all his sons to avoid emotion. To think logically. While my brother grieved after his wife died, he chose not to show that to the boys. In front of them, he went on, as if unmoved by her passing. In my opinion it was the wrong lesson.”
Kayleen agreed. “Because of that, As’ad won’t care?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “He’s not stupid. Why can’t he see the truth all around him?”
“He has been trained for a specific purpose. His is a life of service, in a way, but with ultimate power and ego. You haven’t met his brothers, but they are all like him. Strong, determined men who see little virtue in love. It’s probably why none of them have married.”
“But love is strength and a great gift,” Kayleen said as she sat on the sofa. “He has to love the girls. They need that. They deserve it. He would be better because of it. Happier. Besides, there’s a ticking clock here.”
Lina frowned. “You’re still leaving?”
“I can go back on my twenty-fifth birthday. That’s less than four months away.”
“But you have the girls now.”
“I know.” Kayleen hadn’t worked that part out. “They’ll get settled and then As’ad can bring in someone else.”
She spoke bravely, but the words sounded a little feeble, even to her.
“I’m surprised,” Lina admitted. “When you asked As’ad to adopt the girls, I thought you were taking on the responsibility with him. This isn’t like you, Kayleen. To retreat from the world.”
“The world isn’t always a fun place. I want to go back to where I belong.” Where she’d grown up. It was the only home she’d ever known. “I can teach there.” That was the deal. She had to stay away until she was twenty-five. Then she could return to the convent school forever.
“You can be a mother here.”
“Not really. It’s just a game. When the girls are older, As’ad will have no use for me. Besides, if he doesn’t want to get involved, maybe I can take them with me.”
“I assume my nephew doesn’t know about your plan to leave.”
“I haven’t mentioned it.”
“When will you?”
“Soon. It’s not as if he’ll miss me or anything.”
Kayleen had always wondered what it would be like to be missed by someone. By a man. To be cared for. Loved, even.
“Things change,” Lina told her. “You have a responsibility to the girls.”
“I know.”
“Would you walk away from them so easily?”
Kayleen shook her head. “No. It won’t be easy. Sometimes I do think about staying.” She didn’t know what was right. Her plan had always been to go back. Being here with the three sisters had changed everything.
Was Lina right? Did she, Kayleen, have a responsibility to the children? Should she give up her dreams for them? Could she go back later? When the girls were older?
Three weeks ago, she’d known all the answers and now she knew none. Her instinct was to go talk to As’ad about all this. But that made no sense. He was a man who didn’t listen to his heart and she had always believed the truth could be found there.
“My head is spinning. Enough about this. Let’s change the subject.”
“All right.” Lina smiled slowly. “Hassan is coming here.”
Kayleen stared at her friend. “The king of Bahania? The one you’ve been talking to all this time?”
“I can’t believe it, either. I just…We were talking and he said he liked the sound of my laughter and now he’s coming here.”
Kayleen hugged her. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy. You’ve been shut up in this palace for years. Good for you.”
“I’m scared,” Lina admitted. “I thought my life was all planned out. I helped my brother raise his sons, I have my charity work. I was waiting to be a great-aunt. Suddenly there’s this wonderful man offering me something I thought I’d lost. There are possibilities. Am I too old for possibilities?”
“Never,” Kayleen said fiercely. “The heart is never too old. At least it isn’t in all those romantic movies.”
“I hope not. I married young and I was so in love. Then he was killed and I never planned to love again. I’m the sister to the king. It’s difficult to date. After a while, I stopped wanting to. Then Hassan and I started talking and suddenly I’m alive again.” Lina took Kayleen’s hands. “I want this for you. I at least experienced falling in love when I was young, but you’ve never had that.”
Kayleen squirmed. “I’m not good with men.”
“You don’t try. How many dates did you go on before you gave up? Five? Six?”
Kayleen cleared her throat, then pulled her hands free. “One and a half.”
“You’re too young to lock yourself away in that convent school of yours.”
“Because I would meet so many men here at the palace?”
“You’d meet some. More than you would there. There are many young men in the palace. I would be happy to introduce you to one or two of them.”
“I don’t know… I work for As’ad. As nanny to his children.”
“Why would he mind you dating?”
“He wouldn’t.” Not that she enjoyed admitting that truth.
“Then think about what I said. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to fall in love?”
As’ad looked up as his brother Qadir walked into his office. “I must speak with Neil about keeping out people who don’t have appointments.”
Qadir ignored that. “I am back from Paris, where the city is still beautiful, as are the women. You should have come with me. You have been locked up here working for far too long.”
As’ad had spent two sleepless nights unable to rest for the need burning inside. Worse, when he closed his eyes, the woman he saw satisfying his ache was Kayleen. An impossible situation. The nanny and a virgin?
“You are right, my brother,” he said as he rose and greeted Qadir. “I should have gone with you. There have been changes since you were last here.”
“I heard.” Qadir settled on a corner of his desk. “Three daughters? What were you thinking?”
“That I had been placed in an impossible situation and this was the easiest way out.”
“I find that hard to believe. There had to be another solution.”
“None was presented.”
Qadir shook his head. “To raise children that are not your own. At least they are girls.”
“There is the added advantage of our father now believing I am occupied with my new family and therefore cannot be expected to look for a wife.”
“Lucky bastard.”
“Indeed. Perhaps now he will focus more of his attention on you.”
“He has already begun,” Qadir grumbled. “There is to be a state function in a few weeks. Several likely candidates are to be paraded before me, like very attractive cattle.”
As’ad grinned. “I, of course, will be busy with my family.”
As’ad turned the corner to walk to his rooms and saw all three girls huddled by his door. They wore riding clothes and boots. When they saw him they ran to him.
“You have to help!” Dana told him.
“It’s terrible. Please!” Nadine begged.
Pepper simply cried.
He stared at the three of them. “What happened?”
“We went riding,” Dana told him, her blue eyes wide and filled with fear and guilt. “We might have been gone longer than we were supposed to, but we were fine. We were only a little late. But Kayleen got worried and came after us, even though we had a groom with us. She went out by herself and she’s not back yet.”
Pepper brushed her hand across her face as she tugged on the bottom of his suit jacket. “She’s not a very good rider. She gets thrown a lot. What if she’s hurt and it’s all our fault?”
As’ad’s first thought was that he regretted that whoever had let Kayleen go out by herself could not be flogged. Sometimes he missed the old ways. His second was the low-grade worry at the thought of a defenseless young woman alone in the desert. It was not a place to be traveled lightly.
The girls crowded close, as if seeking comfort from him. Although he had no time for this, he resisted the urge to push them away and instead awkwardly patted them on their shoulders.
“All will be well,” he told them. “I will find Kayleen and return her to you.”
“Promise?” Pepper asked, her lashes spiky from her tears.
He crouched down until he could look her in the eye. “I am Prince As’ad of El Deharia. My word is law.”
Pepper sniffed. “Promise?”
He gave her a slight smile. “I promise.”
Ten minutes later the girls were settled with Lina and he was in the garage, sliding into an open Jeep. The desert was a vast space and in theory, Kayleen could be anywhere. But in truth, an inexperienced rider would stick to trails and not get far. Unless she had been thrown.
He did not allow himself to consider that option. He would find her and if she were hurt, he would deal with the situation as it arose.
He found the riding trail easily. He had been taking it all his life. As it bent to the left, he considered how far Kayleen might have traveled, then accelerated. A mere ten miles into the desert was the permanent outpost of a local tribe. If Kayleen kept to the trail, she would end up there.
He drove slowly, checking the area for signs of any accident, or a woman walking without a horse, but found nothing. At the outskirts of the outpost he saw a cluster of people gathered around a petite woman with flaming red hair. She was holding on to a horse and gesturing wildly.
As’ad eased the Jeep to a stop and picked up the satellite phone. When he was connected with his aunt, he informed her he had found Kayleen and that she appeared fine.
“Will you be coming right back?” Lina asked.
As’ad considered. “I believe we’ll stay for dinner.”
“That’s fine. I’ll put the girls to bed. Thanks for letting me know. They were worried.”
He disconnected the call and parked, then walked toward the crowd.
Kayleen saw him and excused herself from the group, then raced toward him. When she was close enough, she launched herself at him.
He caught her and held her against him as she trembled in his embrace.
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