My father said: “Are you beginning to get the feel of Paris? As soon as the opportunity arises I shall take you to one of the highest points in the lie de la Cite—that is the top of Notre Dame, and from there you will be able to look down on the centre of Paris.”
“Thank you,” I said, “that would be wonderful.”
The Countess was impatient. We had come here for business and she was anxious for us to get on with that.
During the days that followed we looked at several premises—all of which were not quite suitable. My father did take me to a number of interesting places and sometimes the Countess accompanied us, but more often she was looking at shops and studying fashions. She was always bursting with ideas of what she should do.
“She is a very invigorating lady,” said my father, “but sometimes it is well to escape from her. Yes?”
I agreed with him. I found his company very pleasant. We were discovering each other. He was very tender to me, always anxious to make up for the years of neglect; and I was beginning to admire him, for he was undoubtedly a man of great ability. The Countess thought so. She demanded a certain amount of his time when they talked business with intensity … costings … possibilities of starting and increasing business. It was quite fascinating to hear them and I realized more and more that I should never be as dedicated as she was. She had one interest: the success of business; I had others.
I was able to give myself up to the pleasures of Paris. We walked a great deal together—my father and I. We would stroll arm in in arm along the banks of the Seine and he would talk to me of the history of the country he loved so much. He showed me the Palace of the Tuileries and that exciting monument which Gustave Eiffel had set up only a few years before. It seemed enormous towering over Paris—its chief landmark now.
“Only a part of the high cost was borne by the state,” he said in his practical businesslike manner, “the remainder by Mon-sieur Eiffel. He hopes, I hear, to get the money back—and of course more in admission fees—over the next twenty years.”
“Do you think he will?”
“I am not sure. He is now in trouble over some breach of trust over the Panama Canal. Monsieur Eiffel is a speculator … and that can be a dangerous thing to be.”
“I do agree. That is why …”
“I understand, it is wise to be cautious … and rather than speculate and lose it is better not to speculate at all. Then some say … nothing venture nothing have.”
“There is a homily for every kind of action,” lagreed. “That is why it is difficult to choose the right thing to do.”
He told me a little about his family—which was, after all, my own.
“My father is a very hard man,” he said. “He has ruled the family for many years … and he still does. He believes himself to be just and acts according to his beliefs. But he has little pity for anyone … and little understanding of human frailties. He is a tragic man, really. He is the most powerful man in Villers-Mure and surely the most unloved. Everyone goes in fear of him … even now, I could tremble before him. I become a different person in his presence. That is why I rarely go to Villers-Mure now. I have a vineyard bordering on it. It is one of my best vineyards. I think he has a little respect for me now as I have broken away from the family and done well in my own way without his help. He wouldn’t admit it… but it is there. It is for that reason that I am received at his house.”
“After all these years he still remembers!”
“He will remember for ever. He never forgives or forgets. One has to displease him once and that is enough. My sisters and my brothers were all in awe of him … still are. The villagers tremble at his approach and get out of the way as quickly as possible.”
“He sounds like a monster. Surely nowadays …”
“He lives in the past. His great preoccupation is silk. He is the greatest silk producer in the world. That is what he has always aimed to be and that is what he intends to remain.”
“He must be getting old now.”
“He is seventy.”
“And he still behaves like a tyrant.” He nodded. “It is a sort of tradition throughout the village and the factories. After all Villers-Mure is the silk works. People depend on him. If they lose their livelihood they will starve. So he has become the master of them all.”
“He sounds like a monster,” I said. “I had hoped to meet him one day.”
“That is hardly likely. He would never receive you.”
“Would he not want to see his granddaughter?”
”He would not recognize you as such. He is strictly religious … if you can call what he has religion. He will not tolerate what he calls immorality. He says he is determined to keep Villers-Mure pure. When the girls marry he calculates the time elapsing between the ceremony and the birth of the first child. If it is not nine months there is an enquiry.”
“I do not feel exactly endeared to him.”
“That matters not as you will never meet him.”
“It’s a pity. I should have liked to see Villers-Mure.”
“You will come very close to it when you visit me in my vineyard. My sister who is married and lives close by will welcome you.”
“So it is just this old man whom I shall not see?”
He nodded. “Cheer up. You are happier without seeing him. He spends a great deal of time in church … goes to Mass every day and twice on Sundays. It is a strange view he has of what is right. It hardly conforms to the Christian Faith. I believe he would like to set up the Inquisition in France. He thinks that all those who are not members of the Catholic Church are sinners, He has never forgiven that branch of the family which broke away all those years ago … they were the Huguenots … though he is following what they are doing in England. Oh, he is still aware of the family … even though they have gone away and adopted another country and even call themselves Sallongers. He will see them when they come to France. He always hopes to bring them back to the Catholic Church.”
“It is always very interesting to hear about one’s family, and before this I had had only Grand’mere.”
” She is a good woman,” he said. “She stood up to my father. The only person who ever has. I think he has a grudging admiration for her. He it was who sent you with her into England to be with that branch of the family there who call themselves Sallongers. And now … you have married one of them.”
Each day I learned more and we grew closer.
Meanwhile the Countess had found exactly what she wanted, It was a shop, small but elegant and close to the Champs-Elysees.
“A good spot,” declared the Countess. “It is just the thing.”
She was eager for my father to see it, which he did and approved wholeheartedly.
I loved the Champs-Elysees, the Cours la Reine and the magnificent Arc de Triomphe. I loved to see the children at play in the gardens. I thought: I will take Katie there. She shall have a hoop to bowl. It must be beautiful in the summer when the little tables with their brightly coloured umbrellas are brought out.
I was drawn into the excitement of planning for the salon. There were fewer jaunts. My father was almost as excited as the Countess. She herself was working tirelessly. She could not wait to get everything in motion; she chafed against the delays; she wanted to see those splendid creations of Grand’mere’s in that window and several seamstresses working away in the room behind the showroom.
Completing negotiations took longer than we had thought it would. We had been away for six weeks. I felt it was an age since I had seen Katie and I was longing to get back. I had bought her several presents including a big doll which was unlike any doll I had seen before. It was an elegant Parisian lady with clothes which came off and on; and when she closed her eyes, which she did when she was held back-wards, her beautiful lashes lay luxuriantly against her pink-tinted china cheeks.
It was wonderful to be going home. I was on deck for the first glimpse of the white cliffs.
Then there was the journey to London.
They were waiting for us when we arrived. Katie flung herself into my arms.
“Oh Mama … it has been such a long time!”
“We shall never be parted again for so long,” I promised her.
And there was Grand’mere ready to welcome me … but all was not well. Grand’mere’s looks betrayed that.
“How is everything?” I demanded.
“Very well. Very well,” she replied too vehemently, so that I knew that she was not telling the truth. Grand’mere’s face always betrayed her.
There was a great deal of talk. The Countess was bursting with news of our wonderful find in Paris. Soon we should be opening. The formalities drove her mad. Why could not the buying of premises be a straightforward affair? There had to be this … and that … and it was all quite maddening.
Cassie was delighted to see us.
“We’ve been waiting and waiting to hear that you were coming home, haven’t we, Katie?”
Katie nodded. She kept close to me holding my hand as though to prevent my going away again. I was very touched.
I had the news from Grand’mere that night after everyone had retired. I went to her room and demanded to know what was wrong.
She looked at me steadily for a few moments and then she said: “Drake is getting married.”
“What?” I cried. “To Julia,” she added. I could only stare at her, all my dreams of the future suddenly dissolving round me.
“She is sending invitations to the wedding. It is to be in two weeks’ time.”
I could think of nothing to say except, “So … soon.”
“Yes. It seems it was a hasty decision.” She did not meet my gaze. I said: “Oh … well… good night.” I had to be alone. I was completely shattered. I felt suddenly numb with misery. I had not realized until then how very much I had cared for him.
I don’t know how I got through the next day. It was hard to keep smiling for Katie. She wanted to know all about Paris. I told her much of what my father had told me. I knew that both the Countess and Cassie were shocked, by the manner in which they meticulously avoided any mention of Drake.
I was bitterly wounded. I thought I should never believe my own instincts again. I had been sure that he loved me.
It was quite impossible to keep up the pretence with Grand’mere.
The next night she came to my room after the household had retired, in the way she always did when there was something to say between us two alone.
She said: ”My darling, you need not pretend with me. I know how you feel. This is one big shock to you. I wondered how best to break it. I am afraid I did it clumsily.”
“No … no, you did not. I had to know quickly.”
“And you cared for him?”
I nodded.
“I did not understand. I thought perhaps it was something you knew … I thought perhaps you had told him you would not marry him … and he had turned to her. I thought you cared for him … and I was happy about that for I thought he was a good man. Oh, mon amour, do not bottle up these feelings. Let go. … It’s only the old Grand’mere… . You and I are too close for pretence.”
“Oh Grand’mere … dear Grand’mere. I feel so … so lost and bewildered. I do not know what I feel.”
She came to me and held me in her arms rocking me as though I were a baby.
She said: “It will pass. All things pass. It is better that you do not marry such a man. He is clearly fickle … not what we thought him.”
“Just because he prefers Julia.”
“But he showed so clearly that he loved you. Then to do this … it is not understandable. He came back the day after you left. He called that very day. Cassie saw him. I made her tell me everything that took place. Poor Cassie! She thought she had done some wrong. He was only in the place five minutes. He asked for you. Cassie said: ‘She has left for Paris. She has gone with Monsieur St. Allengere and the Countess. They are going to look for premises for a salon there. They are very excited about it.’ She said those were her very words. She said his face went very white. He said: ‘I understand. I can’t stay. I must leave at once.’ She said he would not see me. She said he was not exactly curt but determined to go immediately.”
“How very strange. He had always been so friendly with us all.”
“He did not call again. And a little while ago there was this announcement of his engagement to Julia. She came here for her wedding costume.”
“Oh… no!”
“I could not turn down the order. It would have looked so odd. It would have betrayed us. The thing is made now. She’s taken it. I hated doing it. But… what does it matter anyway?”
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