God, she hated that about herself. “Okay, look. The truth is, the sexual tension between you and Ben is hot enough to boil water, so maybe you should get it over with.”
Rachel put down her pencil. “What are you up to?”
It was automatic to deny, and she opened her mouth to do just that, but then shut it and sighed. “Oh, Rach. I’ve screwed up good this time.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” Rachel immediately came toward her, arms out, offering a hug. “What’s happened? It’s Monday. Shouldn’t you be at work?”
Melanie soaked up the affection she didn’t deserve, then pulled back. “Forget that for now. I have to tell you something. And I don’t really have a gentle way to say it.”
“You don’t have a gentle bone in your body. Why start now? Just spill whatever it is. You’ll feel better.”
She doubted that. “Well… I lost my job.”
“Oh, Mel.”
She lifted her hands, shook her head. “Wait. No. That’s not what I meant to say. For once, this is about you, not me.” She dragged in a deep breath. “Okay, here goes. I discouraged you from Ben because I didn’t want you to be happy.”
Rachel blinked. “What?”
“I mean, I wanted you to be happy, which is why I was into the whole Adam thing, but to be really, really, really happy you need Ben, and I discouraged that because I didn’t want you to be really, really, really happy until I was.”
Rachel let out a little laugh. “I thought you gave up smoking dope.”
“I did. Damn it, I haven’t been smoking. And I mean it. I encouraged the wrong man, Rach, and I’m trying like hell here to fix that. Ben floats your boat, feeds your soul, is your other half, however you want to say it, and we both know it.”
Rachel stared at her for a long beat, then turned away. “Yeah. Well, it’s too late. He’s leaving. Tomorrow, in fact.”
“And you’re going to let him?”
“Let him?” Rachel laughed again, though there was no mirth in the sound. “Melanie, no one stops that man when he’s got an idea in his head.”
“You could.”
“And have him regret it? No way. He was meant to go.”
“And you’re just going to watch him do it. Again.”
“That’s right.”
Melanie nodded. Fine. She’d done what she could. Anymore and she’d have to be a saint. There was no doubt she was not a saint.
Goodbye, Ben.
Goodbye, Garrett.
She grabbed her purse. Yes, it was early, but this was South Village. She could shop till she dropped around the clock, and she needed that desperately now.
Thank God for credit cards…
BEN HAD GOTTEN UP early to take his last photos of the people in South Village. Midmorning, he stepped back inside the foyer of Rachel’s house and smelled burned eggs, which meant Emily was cooking again. She had the morning off school for teacher conferences. A smile tugged at his lips that she’d cooked rather than sleep in, before he remembered this would be his last day enjoying his daughter’s attempts at cooking.
His flight was tomorrow. Smile gone, he moved into the kitchen in time to hear Rachel say, “I don’t like the idea of you going into Los Angeles for someone you met off the Internet.”
“Mom! It’s not a porn convention, it’s Alicia.”
“You have no idea if this Alicia is who she says she is.”
“But she is! She’s twelve, like me, and goes to a middle school that sucks, like me. She’s my best friend and we want to meet.”
“Who’s idea was it? Yours or hers?”
“Both.”
“And how long have you two been talking?”
“You know this already. A couple of months.”
“It sounds unsafe, honey.”
Emily tossed down the wooden spoon on the stove. “You’re so mean!”
“Stop,” Ben said, grabbing her when she would have whirled out the room. “Hold on. I don’t want to hear you talking to your mom in that tone.”
“But she talks to me like I’m a baby.”
Rachel stood up. “You are my baby.”
“Mom!”
“Okay, hold on.” Ben spun Emily around so she and Rachel faced each other. “Look at your mom. Listen to her.”
“But Dad-”
“Listen.” He glanced at Rachel. “Obviously you’re worried about the whole unknown factor with Alicia.”
“Of course! She’s too young to take the bus by herself into the heart of L.A. and meet someone I don’t know.”
“I agree.” Ben gently squeezed the glaring Emily. “So why don’t I go with you, Em? Wouldn’t that work?”
“I’ve been informed parents aren’t allowed,” Rachel told him.
“Bad choice, sweetness.” Ben tsked at Emily over that. “If you change your mind about that today, let me know and I’ll-”
“Us,” Rachel corrected. “We’ll both go.”
“Us. If you change your mind and want us to take you, then you’ve got a deal.”
“But you’re leaving,” Emily reminded him, reminded them all, and her voice cracked a little on the last syllable, cracking his heart as well.
“Yeah.” Leaving. His middle name. “But I could take you into L.A. with your mom tomorrow and then leave right after.”
Emily brooded over that for a moment. “Could we go to, like, a restaurant or something, and you guys let us have our own table?”
Ben slid his gaze to Rachel. “Rach?”
“Fine. But I still don’t like it-” She broke off when Emily leaped forward and bear-hugged the life right out of her.
“You’re the best, Mom!”
Rachel shook her head and laughed. “Could you do me a favor and try to remember that?”
With a grin, Emily danced out of the room. A moment later they heard the front door slam as she left to catch her bus.
“I wish you hadn’t agreed to that,” Rachel said, sitting back down at the table.
“Why? After this Asada thing, meeting an online friend seems pretty tame, especially with us right there.”
“At a different table.”
“I’m not going to let anything happen to her, Rach.”
“You’re not going to always be there.”
He stared at her bowed head as she calmly paid bills, and marveled that she never broke stride in writing her checks while she managed to dig in hard at his heart. “I thought we were okay.”
“We are.”
“So what’s the matter?”
“Do you really need me to spell it out?”
“I’m a guy,” he said so despondently she actually let out a laugh. “I need everything spelled out.”
“Well, we could start with Asada.”
Just the name on her lips swamped him with guilt. “Who’s dead as a doornail.”
“Not in my dreams, he’s not.”
Another nail in his heart. “Rach-”
“No. I’m sorry.” Tipping her head back, she stared at the ceiling. “It’s Emily, too. I just realized how much she’s growing up. I mean look at her, she no longer even needs me, and I’ve…I’ve just come to understand my show of strength with her is really just a farce.”
“You’re an incredible mom.”
“Thanks. It’s just…”
“Just what, Rach?”
“You’re out of here tomorrow.” She smiled sadly. “And I just might admit to missing you this time.”
He reached for her hand, took the pen out of it and linked their fingers. “I’m going to miss you, too. So damn much. Do you remember the other night? In your bed? Where we came together like we’d never been apart?”
“I remember.”
“You were into my touch, and God knows, I was into yours.” He pulled her up against him. “Neither of us can have what we really want,” he whispered, skimming his lips over her ear. “But wouldn’t it be nice if we could have one more night?”
“Ben-”
He opened his mouth and sucked the edge of her ear-lobe into his mouth. Her fingers tightened on his, her breath left her lungs in a whoosh. As he took his mouth on a tour down her throat, her eyes drifted closed. “Ben, what are you doing?”
“Getting you there,” he said. “To that one spot we can both share, where we can both be happy.”
“Mindless sex?”
“If that’s all we can have, what’s wrong with that?”
“Spoken like a true red-blooded male,” she said on a breathless laugh, but he had her, he could feel her softening beneath his hands, which were roaming her body now, could hear it in her breathing against his shoulder. She tilted her face a little, and when he gently touched his mouth to hers, she opened for him, nipping at his lower lip, then soothing it with a lazy swipe of her tongue.
As an act of acquiescence, it was an irresistible offer, an artless seduction.
“Mel’s here. She went shopping though.”
“Shopping is good.”
“This won’t change anything.” She sucked on a patch of skin at his throat, making his knees weak. “Nothing at all.”
“No,” he agreed, catching his breath when her hands ran down his chest. “Rach…” His eyes crossed when she boldly caressed his thighs…between them. He struggled to remember they were right in the kitchen. “Upstairs-”
Her fingers did the talking, outlining the erection he sported, which was threatening the seams on his jeans. His body arched slowly into her exploring hand. Stifling a groan, he caught her fingers, then lifted her in his arms.
With a laughing gasp, she held on. “Bedroom?”
“Bedroom.”
“And I thought you were so adventurous.”
“I’ll give you adventurous in your bed.”
When they got there, he tumbled her to the mattress and followed her down, carefully pinning her arms over her head, holding her captive while he slowly and surely stripped her bare. Insinuating himself between her thighs, he looked into her beautiful eyes. Her beautiful, wet eyes. His heart cracked and broke. “Ah, no. Rach-”
“Love me, Ben. Just shut up and love me.”
Hadn’t he always?
“This has to last us,” she whispered. “After this…I can’t do it again, I can’t-” Her breath hitched. “I can’t keep watching you go-”
“Shh.” He bent his head for a kiss, filling his hand with her breast, indulging himself in her softness, the feel of her, the sounds that came from her throat, the taste of her skin… She was hot, ready and more than willing when he slid down farther, running his mouth over every inch.
The way she arched and squirmed and cried out nearly undid him, so he held her writhing, damp body still. If she so much as touched him, she’d take him right over the edge. He might have let her, too, if he hadn’t wanted more, so much more.
“Ben…please, now.”
“Now,” he agreed, and put his lips on her, there.
She bucked right into his mouth. Perfect. Holding on, he took her slowly, using his tongue, his teeth, teasing her with soft, little licks, and when she was mewling at him, he pushed her harder, switching to long, languid strokes that choked another cry out of her.
Her head thrashed on the pillow, her fingers fisted in his hair, pulling, holding him…as if he intended to go anywhere. “Come for me,” he whispered. “Come in my mouth.” He slipped a finger into her soft folds, coaxing the sweet spot on her body into a hard little bud.
“Don’t stop,” she begged him, shamelessly arching into his hand. “Please…don’t stop.”
“Not on my life,” he promised, and watched her fall apart for him.
When she’d stopped shuddering, he surged to his knees and managed, barely, to get on a condom.
Then, while she was still sighing with pleasure, he sank inside her. At the hot, wet feel of her surrounding him, hunger and desire mingled, skittering down his spine, pooling between his legs. Curling his toes. Moving his mouth to hers, holding her to him, he thrust all the way home, and she went wild beneath him.
Watching her, hearing her, with the taste of her still on his lips, he thrust again, catching her every whimper, her every breath, with his mouth. Her shudders rippled down her body to his. Another thrust and his body started to tighten and contract, too, pulsing with the need for release. Again. Then again, losing himself in her soft, wet heat, following her over, shattering into nirvana as he poured himself into her.
Dazed, spent, he stared down into her face, knowing the truth.
There was no doubt now.
He’d gone and fallen all the way in love with her.
Again.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
RACHEL LAY SIDEWAYS on the bed, her head hanging off, and a heavy weight on her chest that turned out to be Ben.
With a groan, Ben lifted his head. “Did you ID whatever hit us?”
“Don’t worry, it’s on its way to Africa.” It came out of her mouth before she could think, and of course, she regretted it immediately. “Ben…”
“No. It’s okay.” He rolled to his side, putting a hand flat on her belly to hold her to the bed. His fingers danced over her skin, and even now, when she should be sated and limp as a noodle, he drew shivers with his touch. “I can’t change, Rachel.”
“Because you’re too stubborn? Or too old?”
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