‘I couldn’t bear it either,’ she said fervently. ‘It was so dreadful without you. I kept trying to believe I’d done the right thing, then I’d weaken and decide to follow you, but then I’d be afraid of embarrassing you because you’d probably found somebody else-’

‘You stupid, stupid woman,’ he said lovingly.

He winced again at he spoke.

‘Come on,’ she said tenderly, ‘you should be in bed.’

With his arm around her shoulders he hobbled the few steps to the bed, where she helped him off with his robe. Beneath it his chest was bare, except for some strapping, and she gasped at the multitude of bruises, blue, black, red, overlapping each other.

‘It’s all right, they’re getting better,’ he said.

Clinging to her he eased himself down onto the bed and lay back, exhausted.

‘If you could pull the sheet up-Selena? Don’t cry.’

‘I’m not crying,’ she wept, trying to brush back the tears that flowed down her cheeks.

‘You’re not?’ he asked tenderly.

‘No, I’m not. You know I never cry, and don’t you dare try to suggest-oh, look at you! Oh, my darling, darling-’

He held her as close against him as he dared, kissing the top of her head.

‘It looks worse than it is,’ he reassured her. ‘Just a few bruises-well, OK, a cracked rib or two, but nothing to what it might have been.’

Guido slid out of the door, unnoticed by either of them.

‘I never thought I’d see you again,’ Leo said. ‘It’s like a dream come true. How could you leave me?’

‘I don’t know. But I never will again.’

He was home in a week, promising the doctor to go straight to bed, and spending the first day in the car while Selena drove him over his lands.

‘Now you’re going to bed, as you promised,’ she said firmly when they got home.

‘Only if you come with me.’

‘You’re not well enough.’

‘I’m well enough to hold you against my heart,’ he said. ‘That’s what I’ve missed the most. Don’t you know that?’

He was still a very odd colour but he moved more easily, and when he’d settled into bed he was able to put his arms about her without wincing too much.

‘Are you going to be all right for the journey next week?’ she asked.

‘Sure, Venice is no distance, and I wouldn’t miss seeing Marco’s wedding for anything. And don’t worry, just because they’re marrying in St Mark’s, that doesn’t mean that people will start nagging us to do the same. They understand that we’ll be marrying here.’

He sighed. ‘It can’t be soon enough for me. We might go down to the church and talk about it tomorrow.’

Silence.

‘Carissima? Is something the matter?’

‘Don’t let’s rush anything, Leo.’

‘Well, I can’t rush anything, can I? Look at me. I need to get fully fit because I want to enjoy our wedding day, but that won’t take long-’

‘No, that’s not what I mean.’ She sat up, evading his hand that would have drawn her back.

‘Leo, I do love you, please believe that. And now that I’ve come back I won’t go away again. It hurt too much. But in a sense, nothing has changed. The things that were wrong before are still wrong now.

‘I won’t leave you, I swear it, but-I can’t marry you.’

CHAPTER TWELVE

FOR breakfast Gina had a wide choice of dishes, each one a favorite of Leo’s, which she pressed on him until he begged for mercy.

‘I’ll clear away, Gina,’ Selena said. ‘I know you’ve got masses to do.’

‘Si, signorina.’ Gina nodded and went on her way.

‘That’s it,’ Leo said when she’d gone. ‘Gina’s accepted you as her employer. As far as she’s concerned it’s a done deal.’

‘Gina’s flattering me. I wouldn’t know how to run a house and she knows it even better than I do.’

‘Of course. That’s her job. Your job is to leave everything to her. But haven’t you noticed that these days she asks you, not me?’ He rested his fingertips on the back of her hand. ‘Signora Calvani,’ he murmured.

‘Leo-I told you last night-’

‘I was hoping that was a nightmare,’ he groaned. ‘You went away so soon afterwards-’

‘You weren’t saying anything.’

‘I was trying to pretend it hadn’t happened. Selena, please let’s forget last night. After everything that’s happened we weren’t our normal selves.’ When she shook her head he demanded, ‘Are you trying to send me white haired?’

‘I can’t marry you. I couldn’t be a countess if my life depended on it. Your uncle won’t live for ever. What happens when you inherit? One day you’ll want to do the whole “count thing” properly, Venice, the palace, society, the whole lot.’

‘Me?’ he demanded aghast. ‘Selena, for pity’s sake, I’m a country man. You can’t rear horses in Venice. They’d drown.’

But the attempt at a joke fell on stony ground. Selena’s face was as stubborn as he’d ever seen it, and he was filled with alarm.

‘I don’t believe this,’ he said. ‘I thought we’d settled that we loved each other and were going to be together for ever. Or did I miss something?’

‘No, my darling, I do love you. Oh, Leo, if you knew how much I love you. I’ll stay, but not like that.’

‘Well that’s too bad, because like that is how I am,’ he snapped.

He spoke more harshly than she ever heard him before, but his nerves were taut. His head was aching, his foot was aching, and his normal resilience was at a low ebb.

‘But it can’t be how I am,’ she said, setting her chin.

And suddenly the chasm was there again, as though they had never been reunited.

They papered over the cracks to drive to Venice for the wedding. There they smiled and played their roles perfectly. The palace had only just got back to normal after Guido’s trade show, before it was snowed under with guests for the wedding.

Selena was glad to vanish into the crowd. She and Leo had agreed not to alert the family to their differences, and there were a few of the usual hints about setting the date. But they could cope with these more easily than the truth.

And she knew that Leo was hoping that if nothing was said, her resolution would simply wear out.

In the great basilica of St Mark’s she watched the bride arrive, and knew that Harriet was at home in these grand surroundings. There was a magnificence about her as she gave her hand to the man she loved, and he looked at her out of eyes full of emotion. Their happiness seemed to fill the church and reach out to touch everyone there.

Selena turned and met Leo’s eyes. She was sure she saw reproach in them, as though he was accusing her of denying him the same happiness. She looked away. Why couldn’t he understand that she was doing what was best for both of them?

At the reception she drank champagne, toasted the bride and groom and cheered them when they left on honeymoon. As the evening wore on she looked around for Leo, but he’d vanished into the count’s study with some of the other men. And he stayed there until she’d gone to bed.

Next day he was subdued during the farewells, and on the journey home he dozed while she drove. They left late and it was dark when they reached home. Selena had told Gina to go to bed, and they found supper waiting for them.

As they uncovered the dishes she said, ‘You told them, didn’t you?’

‘I didn’t need to. They could tell. They kept asking me about our wedding, and you can only put people off just so often before they guess the truth.’

‘So now they know. Perhaps it’s best.’

‘Selena, didn’t anything that happened back there mean anything to you? Didn’t you see Marco and Harriet, the way they committed themselves to each other? That’s why marriage is important. Without it there’s no commitment. I thought we were committed, but now you’re telling me that you’re not. What kind of a future can we have?’

‘We’ll make our future in our own way-’

‘In your way, you mean? I love you, I want you for my wife.’

‘It’s impossible,’ she said despairingly.

‘It’s only impossible if you make it so.’ He took a deep breath. ‘What’s impossible to me is to go on like this.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying that I love you, and I’m proud of you. I want to walk out of church with you on my arm and tell the world this is the woman I’ve chosen, and she’s chosen me. I hope you wanted the same, but if you don’t-’

‘Go on.’

He said, as though the words were torn out of him, ‘If you don’t, then we have nothing. You may as well go home again.’

‘Are you throwing me out, Leo?’

Suddenly he slammed his hand on the table, and in this sweet-tempered man the gesture was more shocking than it would have been in anyone else.

‘No, dammit!’ he roared. ‘I want you to stay here. I want you to love me, and marry me and have my children. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But it has to be married. Does that sound like throwing you out?’

‘It sounds like giving me an ultimatum.’

‘All right then, I’m giving you one. If you love me one tenth as much as you’ve always said you do, then marry me. I can’t compromise on this, it’s too important to me.’

‘And what about what’s important to me?’

‘I’ve heard about nothing except what’s important to you, and I’ve tried to understand, although it put me through hell. Now it’s my turn to tell you what I want.’

She stared at him, a man she’d thought she knew through and through. Leo had finally lost his temper, not in the half humorous way she’d seen when he roared with frustration, but in deep, genuine anger. His eyes were as gleaming and dangerous as any man’s she’d ever seen. It was as though the last piece of him had slid into place.

That feeling persisted even when he immediately ran his hand through his hair and said, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.’

‘I don’t mind shouting,’ she said truthfully. ‘I can always shout back. I’m good at that.’

‘Yes, I know,’ he said shakily. ‘I don’t mind the shouting either. It’s the silent distances I can’t stand.’

‘There are too many of them now,’ she agreed.

She took a step towards him. He moved in the same moment, and they were in each other’s arms.

It was a long, fulfilling kiss and she felt her fears and tensions ease. While they had this-

‘Don’t ever frighten me like that again,’ she said. ‘I really thought you meant it.’

He released her. ‘I did mean it.’

She stepped back. ‘No, Leo, please-listen-’

‘I’ve listened as much as I mean to,’ he said firmly. ‘I can’t do it your way. In here-’ he touched his heart ‘-you’re already my wife. I can’t live differently on the outside. I can’t live a divided life.’

‘And you’d really send me away?’

‘My darling, if we tried to do it your way we’d pull apart sooner rather than later, and part miserably. We’d have nothing left but bitter memories. It would be better to part now, while there’s still love to remember.’

‘Oh, you-’

She turned away, waving her arms in angry, helpless gestures, then began to bang her head against the wall. He quickly took hold of her and pulled her away, pressing her against him.

‘I feel like doing that too,’ he said, ‘but it just gives you a headache.’

‘What are we going to do?’ she wept.

‘We’re going to have something to eat, and we’re going to talk like civilised people.’

But they couldn’t talk. They had each stated their position, and each recognised that the other was immovable. What was there to say after that?

They were both glad to go to bed, in their separate rooms, but after a couple of hours of lying awake Selena got dressed and came downstairs.

She didn’t put any lights on, but walked from room to room in silence, wondering if she would soon leave here. It would have been so easy to run back to Leo and promise to marry him, anything rather than leave him. But the conviction that they would both pay a heavy price for a brief happiness lay heavy on her. She could take the risk for herself, but not for him.

She wanted to bang her head against the wall again, but she didn’t because she was too tired and her head was aching already. At last she settled on a sofa by the window, put her arms on the back, and dozed off uneasily.

She was awoken by a hand on her shoulder.

‘Darling, wake up,’ Leo said.

‘What time is it?’ she asked, moving stiffly.

‘Seven in the morning. We’ve got visitors, look.’

They went out into the yard, where two cars that they recognised were coming up the slope.

‘It’s the family,’ she said. ‘But we saw them only yesterday. Why have they followed us here?’

The cars drew to a halt, and Guido and Dulcie got out of the first. Out of the second, to their astonishment, stepped the count and countess.