Rachel Dyken - The Wager

A groan escaped Char’s mouth before she could stop it.

Jake put his hands out in front of him as if to calm Grandma down, or maybe himself; who knew? “Grandma, we can’t spend every day together figuring out last-minute wedding details.”

“Why ever not?” Grandma paused, concern etched in her brow.

“Because… I’m busy.” He coughed.

“Feeling sorry for yourself isn’t an occupation.”

“Neither is whoring around, and look where that got him,” Char added.

“See what I mean?” Jake pointed back at her. “I can’t even get along with her, let alone plan something. Do you want her death on your hands?”

“You’ll be fine. Besides, Char needs you—after all, she does have a job, and a great one at that. Now, you know how to get a hold of me if you need me.” Grandma jerked her sunglasses out of her giant purse and put them on her face. “Love you.”

The bell on the door jingled as Grandma swept out of the shop, leaving Jake with a list in his hands and Char wondering if it was at all possible to kill a person by staring daggers into their back. 

“Grandma’s up to something.” Kacey looked at the picture text from Grandma and sighed.

Travis snorted. “Since when isn’t she up to something? I almost feel sorry for Jake.”

At Kacey’s’ glare he put up his hands in front of him. “Easy, tiger, I’m just saying, Grandma can be relentless. I mean, she’s staying with him.”

“She fired him, too.”

“What?” Travis roared. “From Titus Enterprises? Can she do that?”

“Apparently.” Kacey shrugged and showed Travis the picture. “She’s also bent on playing matchmaker.”

Travis grabbed the phone and burst out laughing. “Is that Char?”

“Yup.”

“In a wedding dress.”

“Right.”

“And Jake behind her… staring?”

“Lusting,” Kacey corrected. “He’s lusting.”

“You can’t even see his face.”

“No.” Kacey snatched back the phone and pointed at Jake. “But his stance is all He-man.”

“Pardon?”

“You know.” Kacey nudged him. “He-man.”

“Are you speaking English?”

With a dramatic sigh, Kacey put her hands on her hips and showed Travis how Jake was standing. “You see what I mean? Guys only stand like this when they’re presenting, or he-manning. They take up as much space as they can to look bigger and more protective.”

Someone honked their horn at Kacey. She rolled her eyes and turned to glare at the car full of people. When she turned back around Travis had his hands on his hips, legs wide.

“Point proven.” Kacey pointed at Travis and laughed.

“Damn.” Travis rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t prove anything, and let’s be honest, if Jake wanted to date Char he could have dated her years ago. I mean, it’s not like she’s a stranger to our family. She practically grew up with all of us.”

Men. Kacey threw her head back and laughed. “Right, and you and I grew up together, yet we just reconnected and now we’re getting married. Growing up together doesn’t mean anything.”

“We gonna run or gossip about my whorish brother?” Travis smacked her butt and jogged past her.

“Remind me why I thought doing the soldier wedding workout was a good idea?”

“It was in one of those stupid magazines you’ve been collecting like squirrels collect nuts. I noticed the girl’s six pack, you bruised my arm—thanks for that by the way—and then you said you were going to be hotter for your wedding. Thus the current five-mile run that has me dreaming of a nice hot shower.”

Kacey fell into her stride next to him. “Whatever, and it’s not my fault you bruise like a peach.”

“Aw, baby… You know I don’t mind when they’re those kind of bruises.” He bit down on his lip and stopped running, pulling Kacey into his embrace. “I love you.”

Kacey scowled. “But what are we going to do about Grandma!”

“Women are weird. I’m talking about biting every square inch of your body and you want to talk about my grandma? Really?”

“Travis.”

“Kacey.” He nibbled her lower lip and then kissed her nose. “We’ll beat her at her own game. If she wants to play matchmaker, we’ll just play matchmaker ourselves.”

“You mean, like, set Jake up ourselves? And see who wins?”

“Absolutely.”

“I like that idea.” Kacey wrapped her arms around Travis’s neck. “After all, we know what’s best for Jake.”

“The monastery?”

Kacey snorted. “Probably. At any rate, we can invite some single girls to the wedding, ones that would really click with him.”

“A wager.” Travis nodded. “Between us and Grandma. We win, she pays for the honeymoon. She wins…”

“She can sing at the wedding,” Kacey sighed.

“No!” Travis touched his forehead to hers. “I’m not that insane. I’d rather buy her a boat or pay for her stripper workouts every week.”

“It’s what she wants.”

“She also wants to buy a tiger like Mike Tyson. Just because she wants something doesn’t mean we have to indulge her.”

“Travis.” Kacey kissed his lips softly. “There’s nothing to worry about; it’s not like she’ll win.”

Grunting, Travis kissed her head. “Fine, but if Grandma does win and she ends up with a microphone, it’s on you. Now, let’s finish our last mile so I can have my way with you in the shower.”

“Gotta catch me first!” Kacey yelled as she breezed past him. 

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” Jake stared at the building with a mixture of horror and confusion. “We have to have the wrong address.”

Char snatched the piece of paper from his hands. “Let me look.”

“I can read, you know.”

Rolling her eyes, she scanned the paper. “Unbelievable.”

“What?” He leaned over her shoulder to look at the address. Her scent pulled at him, making his insides tense.

“That you can read.”

“Very funny.”

“It’s the right address.” Char slapped the paper against his chest and walked up to the dark door. “I guess we just… go in?”

“Hell, no.” Jake crossed his arms. “Not gonna happen.”

“The list says that Madame is expecting us at one! We’re going to be late if we don’t go in.”

Jake licked his lips and looked at the building again. The windows were filled with pictures of women laughing and throwing confetti into the air while men danced with them. It was like a very bad tampon commercial gone wrong.

“No. And who the hell is Madame anyways?”

Char rolled her eyes. “It’s her name. Why, you scared you’re gonna grow a pair of boobs? You afraid your balls are gonna disappear?”

Jake snorted. “Fine, let’s go.” Irritated, he grabbed her arm with his left hand and pushed open the door with his right.

The room was blanketed in black.

“See, wrong address.” Jake released Char’s arm and pulled out his cell just as music began to fill the room. Then a few stage lights popped on, causing Jake to go blind momentarily. “What the hell?”

And then the singing began.

Char tensed beside him. More lights flickered on, although Jake had no idea where they’d come from; he was still seeing spots from the first ones. He tried to take a step to the side and ran into a table. Placing his hands on the table he looked down.

Pictures of shirtless Chippendale men greeted him.

He jerked back and bumped into something hard. He turned around to steady whatever he’d bumped into.

A naked statue.

Of a dude.

Where the hell was he supposed to touch? He reached out to grab the waist of the statue since it had conveniently been set on a table so that he was eye level with the nakedness, and was bumped by Char, who apparently had been fighting her own battle with a swarm of balloons in the shape of, er… parts.

“Holy crap.” Char grabbed Jake’s hand. “We have to make a run for it.”

“It’s like hell, only worse.” Jake agreed grabbing her arm.

“Welcome, welcome!” Came a voice over a loudspeaker.

“Holy shit, we’re officially in the Hunger Games.” Jake grabbed Char and put her behind him. “Just let me die first. Please God, let me die first.”

“I’ve been expecting you!” the female voice happily announced.

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better,” Char whispered from behind Jake. “Oh, and by the way, it’s only romantic to sacrifice yourself for me if death isn’t the better option, twinkle toes!”

Jake paused. “You swore you’d take that to your grave!”

“Oops?” Char shrugged. “How many years were you in ballet? One, two?”

“Oops, my ass!” Why the hell would she bring up that old nickname? Now of all times? Had she any idea how emasculating it was?

“Just stay still—”

“I can both hear and see you,” the voice said. “And I don’t have all day. Now, let me examine you.”

“We’ve officially skipped Hunger Games and jumped into Saw.” Jake shook his head and yelled at the voice. “Can you at least turn out the lights? We can’t see you.”

“That, my dear,” the voice laughed, “is the point, is it not?”

“Er, not?” Char gave a hollow laugh.

“I do not have all day!” the voice yelled. “Now, separate. I need to see what I have to work with.”

Char slowly stepped out from behind Jake and stood, head held high. Jake had to admire that. Any other girl would have run out of the room. Shit, he was a guy and he was going to have nightmares.

“Not bad,” the voice said coolly. “Not bad at all.”

“Thanks.” Char grinned.

Jake rolled his eyes. “She’s only complimenting you so you’re all fat and happy before she kills you.”

“Sharp-tongued, that one,” the voice announced. “But you’ll do. Oh Jake, you’ll do just fine. Tell me, how comfortable are you with the stage?”

“Not comfortable.” Jake coughed. “Not at all, you see. I have this bad knee and—”

“His knee’s fine!” Char interjected with a wink.

He lunged for her just as the lights flickered off and the room returned to a normal state.

In the normal light, it wasn’t so daunting. It looked like a dance studio mixed with a really weird party shop.

“Hello!” A woman appeared from a balcony above them. “Sorry to put you on the spot like that, but your dear old grandma said you kids needed a good laugh.”

“Ha ha.” Jake was going to strangle his grandmother.

“Anyway, I assume you’ve been given instructions about the dance you’ll be performing?”

“Dance?” Jake asked.

“Performing?” Char echoed.

“But of course! I am Madame, the best dance instructor in the city.”

Yeah, Jake highly doubted that. The woman was at least his grandmother’s age and was at that point walking so slowly down the stairs that he was pretty sure she was actually aging before his eyes.

“Um, I think perhaps my grandmother was confused.” Jake’s eyes were glued to the woman’s shaky legs as she slowly descended. Good Lord, her heels were at least six inches and her skirt… It covered nothing. To be fair, the woman’s legs were quite fit. He tilted his head to gain a better view.

“I think it’s Jake who’s confused.” Char nudged him. “Either that or he’s under a spell in the form of a pair of long legs.”

Madame grinned as she settled on the last stair. “Happens all the time. What can I say? I’m a treat for the eyes.” She thrust her chest out and winked at Jake.

“I want to go home,” Jake whispered as he reached for Char’s hand.

Char jerked her hand away and approached Madame. “Like Jake said, I think Grandma was confused. You see, we have a list of things we have to get done before the wedding. This was the next appointment. So do we need to pick something up or—”

“Silence!” Madame shouted. “I will not have your back talk. Grandma said you will perform the dance, so dance!”

“Dance?” Jake croaked.

“Dance!” Madame twirled in front of them and snapped her fingers above her head. “I shall teach you the dance of love. You’ll perform it at the wedding ceremony. Now, this specific dance is that of a mating ritual.”

“Aw, shit.” Jake took a few deep breaths. “There will be no mating on the dance floor.”

Madame laughed. “But of course not! You’ll be dancing! It is a ritual, not the act, you naughty boy.” With a wink she lifted her hand and tilted Jake’s chin toward her. “My, but you’re pretty.”

Jake was going to kill his grandmother. But he was too traumatized, too shocked to do anything except stare back into the Cougar’s eyes and pray she didn’t tie him up somewhere and put him in a cage.