Would you like to see them again? Suzanne asked one last time, but Sam shook her head.

Not yet. For the moment, she wanted a breather. And Allegra took her for a milkshake at Johnny Rocket's when they left. She really looked awful. Even thinking about it was a total drain for Sam. It was a hideous decision. And now her doctor wanted her to do Lamaze classes, so the delivery would be easier for her. She had gone for the first time the week before, with Blaire, and they had shown the class a film on childbirth, and she'd almost fainted. She had to go through all that, for someone else. And then give them the baby. It was a lot to ask for. And she certainly couldn't imagine them being there, as Suzanne had suggested. Sam looked as miserable as she felt as she finished her milkshake.

I wish I were dead, she said unhappily, and Allegra was reminded of Carmen again, who wanted to be dead because she didn't have a baby. There were times when life had a strange sense of humor.

I think that's a little extreme, don't you? Allegra said calmly, and they looked surprisingly alike as Allegra drank a soda with her. How about wishing it were all behind you?

Yeah, I guess so.

And then Allegra remembered that Sam's graduation ceremony was that week, and she couldn't even go to see it. That was an added blow. She asked Sam how she felt about it.

Okay, I guess. Jimmy brought me all the stuff. My name is still on the program. And she had gotten her diploma. In spite of her absence these last two months, she had still graduated with honors. Jimmy said it was kind of boring.

What's with you and him anyway? Allegra asked by way of conversation. He was a cute kid, and he hung around the house all the time, especially lately. She had seen him whenever she came by, even in the evening. He seemed to be the only one of her old friends who had stuck by her. It was as though the others were all embarrassed and didn't know what to say, so they just stopped coming, even her girlfriends.

We're just friends, Sam explained. For the moment, he was her best friend. She told him all her hopes and fears and troubles.

Alan and I were like that at your age. We started out as boyfriend and girlfriend as sophomores, and then we just got to be like brother and sister. We still are, I guess.

I haven't seen Alan in ages. Sam smiled. She had always liked him. He loved to tease her. Though for the moment, he didn't even know she was pregnant. He left before Allegra had found out, and she still hadn't told him. He had his own problems in that department, with Carmen.

He's in Switzerland, Allegra explained, making a movie.

How's Carmen?

Not so hot. She had a miscarriage in Switzerland. He's still there, working. And she had to come back to do a movie. She's pretty miserable, and she misses him a lot. He won't be back till August.

Can't she get over to see him?

Not unless she wants me to strangle her. She's shooting.

Oh. That must be hard not being together. Allegra nodded. The miscarriage had actually been harder for her.

Allegra took her back to the house in Bel Air then, and it was too late for her to go back to the office. She had promised to meet Jeff on his set. And Allegra noticed as she drove away that Jimmy was arriving. She wondered if anything serious was happening there. But she doubted it. How serious could it be with Sam seven months' pregnant?

She thought about her all the way to meet Jeff, and it really made her heart ache to think of what she had to go through. And it made her even more uncomfortable when she thought of her giving birth with people standing by, just waiting to snatch the baby from her. It seemed so creepy. She was still thinking of it when she met Jeff, and they talked about it on the way back to Malibu later that evening.

I hate to see her go through it, Jeff said, shaking his head.

So do I, Allegra confessed. Suzanne is doing a good job for her though. I couldn't do it.

Yes, you could. He leaned over and kissed her, and their conversation finally drifted away from Sam, and on to Carmen. He asked if she had settled down, and Allegra said that things appeared to be quieter for the moment.

And then they forgot the others, and just talked about his movie, and their wedding.

Chapter 18

On July first, Allegra finally brought joy to Delilah Williams's heart. Allegra and her mother went shopping at Dior, and they ordered a dress that Mr. Ferre was apparently willing to have slightly readjusted to suit Allegra. It was white pique, with a white lace overlay. It was short in the front, long in back. And he was going to add a short, high-necked, long-sleeved white lace jacket. It came with a huge white lace picture hat, and it was exactly what Allegra had in mind for her wedding. It was elegant, young, and exciting! Blaire cried when she saw her daughter in it, and Allegra beamed the moment she saw it. They were also going to order white lace shoes. And her mother said she would lend her the fabulous pearl choker Simon had given her on her fiftieth birthday. They wore exactly the same sizes, even in jewelry, which was extremely convenient.

And on the same day, they found a short beige lace dress with short sleeves and a little peplum in the back that was perfect for the bridesmaids. Blaire suggested they have little beige lace hats made for them, like smaller versions of her huge one. And the people at Dior had already promised her miles of white tulle over and trailing behind it. It was going to be absolutely stunning.

Well, we're all set, Blaire said, going down one of the lists Delilah Williams had sent her.

Now you can tell her to stop calling me at the office. I don't have time for that nonsense.

It's not nonsense, dear. It's your wedding.

They had chosen classic wedding music for the ceremony and Beethoven for the recessional through the guests into the formal garden. Her mother had settled the menu for her, and she was going to carry white roses and lily of the valley and philanopsis orchids. The bridesmaids could carry tiny tea-colored cymbidium orchids. They had long since chosen the cake, and they were having dream cake for the guests, in little white boxes with their names and the date engraved on it in silver, like in Europe. The flowers for the tables were yet to be designed, the tent had been ordered months before, and they were having Peter Duchin to play at the reception. The only thing that really remained to do was clean up the garden. The landscape architect was still promising total completion by the first of September and the wedding was only four days later.

They had booked a suite at the Bel Air for Mrs. Hamilton, and smaller rooms for the two bridesmaids coming from New York and London. Blaire had booked the hairdresser for all of them, and a makeup artist for those who wanted it. By July first, everything seemed to be very much in order. There was very little left to do, except plan what Delilah called the satellite events : the bachelor dinners, and the rehearsal dinner. Normally, that would have been given by Mrs. Hamilton, but coming out from New York, she wouldn't know where to have it. So the Steinbergs were hosting it for her upstairs at the Bistro. It was easy, it would be fun. And they had already booked it.

And Allegra had finally broken down and written to her father. She told him she was getting married, and that although she didn't expect him to come, he was certainly welcome. It cost her a lot emotionally to do it, and she spent a lot of time discussing it with Dr. Green, but writing had been easier than calling. She had written to him in early June, and he still hadn't answered, so she assumed he wasn't coming. She was enormously relieved that he wasn't.

Allegra went back to the office in a good mood, after buying her wedding dress. She and her mother had just been talking about their annual Fourth of July family picnic that weekend. The children always invited a few friends, and Blaire and Simon invited one or two couples. They usually had about twenty people in the backyard, and this year they would be barbecuing on dirt, but the whole family had agreed it didn't matter. The important thing was to be together. This year, Jeff would be with them too. It was his initiation into family tradition, since he had missed Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Steinbergs loved holidays and traditions.

And the morning after she'd bought her wedding dress, Allegra was sitting in her office, describing it to Alice.

It sounds fabulous, Alice confirmed, and the intercom instantly interrupted. Alice picked it up first, frowned, and then handed the phone to Allegra. There was a long silence as she listened, and then jotted down some hasty notes, and hung up the phone. And when she did, her eyes were blazing.

She flipped through some papers and said not a word, and then dialed an overseas number. It was Alan's hotel in Geneva. She asked for his room, and it answered after four rings, and just as she thought, Carmen answered.

Just what exactly do you think you're doing over there? Allegra blazed. You damn fool, you're giving up your whole movie career to be with him. And they're not going to forget it.

I couldn't help it, she whined. I missed him too much. She didn't dare tell Allegra she had come because she was ovulating, and she wanted to get pregnant.

They said you disappeared yesterday, and they can shoot around you today and tomorrow. But you're costing them a fortune. Starting today, they're docking you for it. After tomorrow, they're going to kick you off the picture. In other words, get your ass back here by tomorrow, or I'll kill you before they do.

I don't want to come back, she whined again, and Allegra was intentionally hard on her.

If you don't, then you'd better retire, because after tomorrow, that's what it will amount to. You'll be out of the business, Carmen Connors. And then she thought better of arguing with her and asked for Alan. Get her ass back here, will you? she told him in no uncertain terms, and he could hear that she meant it.

It's not my fault, Al, I swear. I never knew she was coming over. She just showed up. It was great, but I knew you'd be mad as hell. I'll put her back on a plane tomorrow morning. I'll be back in a month anyway, he reminded both of them. Just take care of her for me in the meantime.

That's no small job, you know. Allegra was really getting tired of her. She was a spoiled brat, and she whined constantly about how much she missed Alan. Maybe she's right. Maybe from now on, you two should only work together.

We'll talk about it when I come home.

Just send her back tomorrow without fail, or there'll be hell to pay. They're fining her fifty thousand dollars for today, and the same again tomorrow, and she deserves it. He whistled and wagged a scolding finger at Carmen.

I'll get her back to you right away.

See that you do it. She hung up and called the producers of Carmen's movie. She apologized profusely for her, said she'd been ill, emotionally overwrought, and needed to see her husband. It wouldn't happen again, and she would gladly pay the fine. And she would be back to work the day after tomorrow. They agreed to forget it had ever happened, as long as she paid the fine and returned to work as promised.

It certainly got her day off to a roaring start. She hardly slept all that night, and the next day she was waiting for Carmen at the airport. She read her the riot act almost the moment she came through customs, and Carmen was apologetic and just kept saying that she had needed to be with Alan. Because of her they were even going to shoot golden time on the Fourth of July, just to catch up on what they'd missed. She wasn't going to get a day off, and Allegra was so mad at her she didn't even think of inviting her to the Steinbergs' Fourth of July picnic.

She made sure that Carmen was on the set by four A.M. the next day, and she hung around till about nine just to make sure she was behaving. Then she went home to Malibu and climbed into bed with Jeff, and slept till noon, and then they went to her parents' place for the picnic.

The whole family was there, even Scott. He had invited a girl, and Jeff was there, of course. And Sam had invited Jimmy Mazzoleri. He was part of the furniture now, as Simon said good-naturedly. He was at the house all the time. Two of the neighbors had come, and a handful of Scott's friends, but none of Sam's this year. It was a small group, but it was a day they all loved, and they were having a great time, despite the mess in the backyard and the lack of a garden.

The people who hadn't seen Sam recently were shocked at what they saw. She was fully eight months' pregnant, and she looked it. Allegra thought that the saddest thing of all was that no one even mentioned it. It was the most visible thing in the backyard other than the swimming pool, and the least talked about. The subject was completely taboo, and Allegra wondered if that made it harder for Sam. Instead of being the happiest moment in her life, it was the saddest.