Those things happen, she said philosophically. They never said Elizabeth's name, but they both knew what they were saying. I just never expected them to happen to us. That was the hardest part. At first, I just didn't believe it. But after a while, I guess I just figured we were like everyone else, battered, broken, and embittered. It was like losing all our magic, she said, looking at him for the first time in a long time, and he spoke softly and took her hand across the table.

You never lost your magic, Blaire.

Yes, I did ‘ when we lost ours.

Maybe we didn't lose it ‘ maybe we just misplaced it, he said hopefully, and she smiled at him. She couldn't imagine things ever going back to the way they were. Too much had changed. None of it was on the surface. Superficially, they appeared to be what they had always been, polite, intelligent, creative, happy people with a great family, and a warm, loving life. But inside, she knew different. She had been totally alone for the last year, abandoned for the second time in her life. It's going to be nice having the baby in the house, he said softly, and Blaire looked sad again and defeated.

If that's what you want, Simon, you can still have your own. I can't.

Does that matter to you? he asked, surprised. He had never even considered that with Elizabeth. Marriage, and certainly children, had never been an issue, just lust and excitement.

But Blaire nodded her head in answer to his question. Sometimes it matters. Having babies was important to me. Now I feel so old. She had gone through the change of life that year, the same year he had chosen to be unfaithful to her with a woman almost half her age, almost the same age as her older daughter. It hadn't been great timing, to say the least. But there had been nothing she could do to stop it.

I don't want other children, Simon said firmly. I've never wanted to be married to anyone but you in my entire life. I never wanted to leave you, Blaire. And I know it was terribly wrong, but I just wanted some time off. I don't know what happened to me, except that I'm old and stupid. She was young, she flattered me, maybe you and I had hit a flat spot in our life. But I've never regretted anything so much in my life. They had paid too high a price for his pleasures. She doesn't hold a candle to you, he said gently. It was hard to be this honest with her, but he knew it was time. There's no one in this world who's even half of what you are, he said as he leaned over and kissed her, and for the flicker of an instant, she felt something for him that she hadn't felt all year.

I'm a grandmother now, you know, she said with a small smile, and she kissed him hesitantly. Just saying it was something of a shock, and they both laughed.

What does that make me? I feel even older than I am. Elizabeth Coleson had renewed his spirit at first and made him feel half his age. But losing Blaire, emotionally, had suddenly made him feel a thousand years older. Come on, he said, standing up slowly, and putting an arm around her. Take this old man upstairs. It's been a long night, I need to lie down. There was mischief in his eyes as he walked up the stairs with her. They were both tired, but he had something in mind for her that he hadn't dared in months, till that morning.

If you ever do it again ‘ she said, with a spark in her eye he hadn't seen in nearly a year, and it made his heart sing just watching her. Her step was light and her body enticing as she walked quickly upstairs beside him. She turned around at the top to look at him again, and there was murder and mayhem in her eyes. You won't get away with it twice, Simon Steinberg. There's no mercy for badly behaved old men in this house. But he didn't need to say a word; she could see all his remorse, and love for her, in his eyes. He had come back to her, in spite of everything. It still made her tremble to think she had almost lost him.

You don't even have to say it, he said to her, as he put his arms around her and kissed her. It will never happen again.

No, it won't. She smiled at him as they walked into their bedroom. The sunshine was streaming into the room; it was a beautiful day. I'll kill you next time. She said it softly. But more likely, she knew it would kill her if she lost him.

Come here, he said, sounding gruff and sexy. They hadn't made love in months, and he could barely wait to go to bed with her now. They bounced onto the bed like two kids, and she was laughing at him, and then suddenly he was kissing her, and she was remembering everything she had tried so hard to forget about him. How she loved him, how sexy he was, and how much fun they had together. She had never thought she could trust him again, or even love him, but as they lay in the sunshine, on the day their first grandchild was born, they both discovered with relief that nothing had been lost. If anything, their love for each other had grown, and they knew they'd been lucky, and Sam's tiny newborn boy had blessed them.

Chapter 20

As August unfurled, all the important things in their lives seemed to be happening the way they were meant to. Jeff's movie was going beautifully. Carmen was still shooting, and behaving herself, and her pregnancy had caused no problems, though Alan managed to show up every time they shot a love scene, and the director had called Allegra and was upset about it. But both movies were going well. And Allegra was helping Jeannie Morrison sell their house in Beverly Hills, and move to their ranch in Colorado. She wanted to get as far away as she could, and she wanted to complete the move before the kids started school in September. They still had bodyguards around the clock, but it appeared that the event that had shattered their lives had been the disturbed, passionate gesture of one random gunman. It had inspired a great outcry among the celebrities in L.A., about the insanity of the public, and the limited protection that was available, given our laws. But Jeannie was beyond lobbying or making speeches. She just wanted to get out of the limelight, and disappear with her children.

Allegra felt terrible for them, and there was to be a memorial concert for Bram in September. It was scheduled for just after her wedding, and she and Jeff had talked about delaying their honeymoon, but Allegra finally realized that she had to understand now where to draw the line. She called and told Jeannie she and Jeff would be on their honeymoon. She understood perfectly Allegra had already done far too much for them, and she had always been wonderful to Bram.

Sam's baby, Matthew Simon Mazzoleri, was everyone's pride and joy, and he was getting fatter every day. Sam was nursing him, and Jimmy took a thousand photographs and videos of them at all times, having baths, sleeping, at the pool, on the lawn. The baby went everywhere with them, and within two weeks, Sam looked like her old self. She had even regained her slim figure.

The Whitmans were still selling disgruntled stories to the tabloids, and there was another interview on TV with them, after it had been announced that Matthew had been born to Mr. and Mrs. James Mazzoleri (Samantha Steinberg), a son, Matthew Simon, on August fourth, at Cedars-Sinai, eight pounds, one ounce. The announcements generally included that Mrs. Mazzoleri was the daughter of Simon Steinberg and Blaire Scott. There was a cute picture of Sam and Jimmy and the baby in one L.A. paper, and George Christy mentioned them in the Hollywood Reporter, in his column The Good Life.

The Steinbergs had also had a long meeting with Mrs. Mazzoleri. Although she was somewhat in shock over what Jimmy had done, marrying Sam without telling anyone, she said it was fairly typical of him to try to resolve things by himself. Ever since her husband died, Jimmy had been invaluable to her, but she was worried about what the Steinbergs' expectations of him would be. She wanted him to go to UCLA as planned, but so did they. Blaire and Simon had given them their guest cottage, and it was perfect for them. They would both go to school in the fall, and Simon said he was more than willing to support them both until they finished school. After that, like all his other children, they were on their own. Blaire had already asked her housekeeper to help take care of the baby in the daytime, when they went to college in the fall, and they'd have to work out the rest of it. Mrs. Mazzoleri was very grateful to them for all their help. But on the other hand, Simon said, her son had been fantastic to Sam. And in spite of their age, in the long run, maybe it would all work out.

Things between Simon and Blaire had improved immeasurably. In fact, it was like a honeymoon, now that Sam was living in the guest cottage with Jimmy and little Matt, and her parents were alone in the house. They were surprised, and embarrassed, by how much they enjoyed it.

They had forgotten what it was like to be alone anywhere, and they rapidly established a policy that the kids had to call before they dropped over at the main house. And whenever they did, Simon was amazed at how rapidly they were engulfed in utter chaos: baby seats, high chairs, Portacribs, disposable diapers. The thousand things they needed for Matt seemed to be everywhere; Sam was nursing in every room; and Jimmy was like a big, gangly kid, dashing around all over the house. Simon set up a new basketball net for him in the backyard, and they went out and shot baskets sometimes, just for fun, and to let off some steam and talk. He was pleased by how bright Jimmy was, how determined to get through school and make something of himself. He was definite about going to law school like his dad, and he was trying to talk Sam into going as well. The Steinbergs were not only pleased, but impressed by his devotion as a husband.

The only major upheaval in the house was still the construction everywhere. Dozens of gardeners attacked the backyard every day, and in the kitchen, you could still cook, but they were pulling out all the old tile, and rewiring the ceiling.

The only terrifying thing was that the wedding was only two weeks away. The garden was nowhere near complete, the bridesmaids hadn't had their dresses fitted yet, and Allegra's hadn't even arrived. She was hysterical about that, and a thousand other details, and she tried talking to Jeff about it at night, and he was just too tired. He was trying to finish his movie in the next ten days. He was irritable, and often snapped at her, but the tension on the set was driving him crazy.

Look, Allegra, I know ‘ but can we talk about it some other time? He seemed to be talking through clenched teeth most of the time. And Delilah Williams was calling them at home day and night, and driving him even more insane than his movie. It had taken them six months to get Carmen and Alan trained, and now Delilah was calling at eleven o'clock at night, to discuss a new twist to the cake, or a fabulous little notion she'd had for the flowers and the bridesmaids' bouquets. Jeff and Allegra both wanted to kill her.

It had been two weeks of hell for them, and total stress when their phone rang, as usual, late one night. Allegra figured it was probably Delilah again, complaining that Carmen hadn't tried on her dress, and Allegra was going to have to remind her that she'd do it as soon as the picture wrapped. Instead, when she picked up the phone, it was a familiar voice, but at first she didn't register who it was. It was her father, Charles Stanton. He was calling from Boston, in response to the letter she had sent him months before, and he had never answered, inviting him to her wedding.

Are you still getting married? he asked cautiously, after asking her how she was. It had been seven years since they last spoke or she'd seen him.

Of course. Just listening to him, she felt her whole body go tense. Jeff had just walked into the room, and when he saw her face, he couldn't help wondering who had called her. For an odd instant, he wondered if it was Brandon. He had sent her a little note a few weeks before, implying that he would have married her eventually, and making a point of telling her that he'd finally divorced Joanie. He even had the nerve to tell her to call him for lunch sometime, and after showing it to Jeff, she had tossed it in the garbage.

Something wrong? he asked, concerned, but she shook her head, and he went back to do some work in his office.

Do you still want me to come out? her father asked. She didn't remember asking him, but she knew she probably had in her letter. She thought she had just told him she was getting married.

I don't imagine it would mean anything to you, she said, explaining her letter to him. It's not as though we have much contact with each other anymore. It was partially a reproach, and in part just a statement.