Maya Banks - Theirs to Keep

“What if we left things as they are now? I mean with the three of us. Only we’d take things up a notch. But the three of us would remain together. She’d be with…both of us.”

Merrick reared back, leaning against the back of his chair as he let Cade’s words sink in. Holy shit, but this hadn’t been what he’d expected at all.

He cupped a hand over his nape and rubbed hard as he struggled to make sense of the situation and, hell, just to imagine it.

“That’s assuming she’d even ever agree to such a thing,” Cade said evenly. “She still has a lot of issues to work out. All we know is that we want to be with her for the long haul. It wouldn’t be easy with just one of us. But if both of us are involved? It’s going to be ten times as hard.”

“No shit,” Merrick muttered.

“Is that all you’ve got to say?” Cade asked in frustration. “I’ve put it all out on the line. Me, us, her, our friendship.”

“This is heavy shit, man. I mean, I can’t wrap my head around it. I know such relationships exist. Hell, there was a damn documentary on one of the cable networks a few months ago.”

“Think about what it solves,” Cade said quietly. “I don’t want this to ruin our friendship. Our partnership. Your career. We’d have to be extremely careful to keep this private. The thing is, Elle trusts us both. I think she feels something for both of us. Maybe I’m reaching here, or maybe it’s wishful thinking. But I think we could make this work, as bizarre as it may sound. You and I already trust each other. We’re as close as brothers. I’m not going to screw you over, and I know you won’t screw me over. If we were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and trying to salvage a very sticky situation.”

He took a deep breath and plunged ahead.

“Trust is key in a relationship like I’m proposing. We can’t be stupid, jealous bastards. We have to know going in that we’re basically a family unit and that we have to work together, not at opposites. We have a common goal. We both care for Elle, and we both want to see her happy, safe and protected.”

Merrick nodded. The more Cade talked, the more this craziness was starting to make twisted sense. Or maybe he was just scared shitless that he’d lose in a showdown, and this was his chance to hedge his bets.

“I don’t know what to say,” Merrick admitted. “I wasn’t expecting something like this.”

“You were expecting worse,” Cade said grimly.

Merrick nodded again. “Yeah. I’ve been dreading it. If it were any other girl, I’d back off, you know? I’d say no woman was worth a lifelong friendship, a partnership and a vested business interest.”

“But she isn’t just any girl,” Cade finished.

“Yeah, exactly. She’s…” Merrick broke off even as the firm realization took hold. “She’s the one.” And he knew as he said it that it was the irrevocable truth. Somehow speaking it aloud gave it more strength. It solidified what he’d been grappling with for months now. It was a relief to get it out, to say the words, for Cade to know where Merrick stood.

His pulse was pounding in his head and chest like a freight train roaring down the tracks. He stared back at Cade as the enormity of their discussion hit him like said freight train.

“Now you know why I’ve been doing so much thinking about this,” Cade said in a grim voice. “Because I feel the same way, and I know you do too. One of us has to lose, and I don’t want that. I don’t think Elle wants it, even if she doesn’t know exactly what it is she wants.”

“You’re telling me you would be okay with…sharing…her with me?” Merrick asked in disbelief.

“What I’m asking is whether you’d be okay with sharing her with me,” Cade said. “I know what I’m okay with. I don’t know what you are. I’ve had several months to make peace with this. I don’t see an alternative. At least not one that offers us all a chance at happiness.”

He was right. It was insanity, but Cade was right, and Merrick couldn’t even wrap his brain around it. Didn’t know how to respond. What to say. How to even agree to such a bizarre proposition.

“We don’t know if she’ll ever go for this,” Merrick muttered.

“Of course we don’t. But how stupid would it be for me or you to even mention it to her if we weren’t in agreement ourselves? If we do this, we have to present a united front, and we have to be damn convincing. She’s not going to want to cause trouble between us. I think she’d up and disappear on us if she even thought this would strain our relationship.”

“Christ.”

“Yeah, exactly. We have to be careful, man. I don’t want to lose her. She’s been through enough. I want her to be happy. I want to make her happy. Hell, I want us to make her happy.”

“And what about her past?” Merrick asked, putting into words the thought that had haunted him the last six months. What happened when she remembered everything? What if she had a life she wanted to return to?

“We cross that bridge when we get to it,” Cade said quietly. “What else can we do? Look, no one has been looking for her. We’ve had feelers out. Dad has been monitoring missing persons through his friend at the station. From everything we know, I’d say whoever was in her life was the one who tried to kill her. There’s nothing for her to go back to.”

“That’s my feeling too, but my gut is screaming that this could backfire on us in a big way. We get emotionally invested, and then she gets yanked away from us.”

“Merrick, we’re already emotionally invested.”

Merrick was quiet for a long moment. “You got me there. I am. That’s not going to change.”

“So let’s do something about it,” Cade urged. “We talk to Elle. Find out how she’s feeling. I don’t want to rush her. I’ll wait for damn ever if that’s what it takes. I don’t want to push her into a physical relationship. I just want and need her to know what’s going on here…and what we want.”

Merrick swallowed hard. This may well be the most fucked up, insane thing he’d ever agreed to in his life. It also might be the most rewarding. He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. When he reopened them, Cade was staring back, determination etched in every one of his features.

“Okay,” Merrick said quietly. “Okay. We’ll try it.”

ELLE PULLED INTO THE PARKING lot of the local grocery store, a goofy grin attacking her face. She’d done it! She’d left the sanctuary of Merrick and Cade’s house—on her own—and had driven to the grocery store…by herself!

Her triumph didn’t temper her caution, though, and she glanced carefully around the parking lot before she got out and hurried for the entrance. Despite her upbeat mood, there was still lingering insecurity over the fact that, for the first time since Cade and Merrick had found her in the gun shop, she was striking out on her own. The first time she’d been without at least one of them since the very beginning.

She grabbed one of the carts and pulled out her list, checking to make sure Merrick’s debit card was still securely in her pocket. Then with a deep breath, she began her shopping trip.

It was all absurdly normal, and she got an equally absurd thrill that she was doing something so mundane as grocery shop. Something everyone else likely considered a humdrum necessity and not the veritable mountain of an obstacle Elle considered it.

It took her half an hour to check off everything from her list. She’d been careful to ensure she bought things that Merrick could eat—and should eat—with his strict training regimen. But she’d also incorporated a few treats. It wouldn’t hurt for him to indulge every once in awhile, and she wanted to pamper him and Cade every bit as much as they’d pampered her.

It may not seem like much, but she was determined to give something back to them.

Elle piled her groceries onto the checkout conveyor and then hurried to stand in front of the cashier. Her hand slid into her pocket for the debit card Merrick had given her, and she froze and then stared at all the items she’d chosen.

Her heart began to race, and dismay crowded her mind. She swallowed hard and then glanced nervously at the woman who was rapidly scanning the groceries.

No. Not now. Damn it. She couldn’t freak out and melt down now. Not when she was so close to victory. She could taste it. She was a few short moments away from driving back home, a huge hurdle in her recovery overcome.

She closed her eyes as despair swamped her. Despite her best efforts to push through the panic and fear, she utterly failed.

For just a moment, she’d allowed herself to believe she was a normal woman going to the grocery store to buy the fixings for all the yummy things she wanted to make Cade and Merrick. As a thank you. Just to do something more to pull her weight.

But she had no money. She didn’t even have identification if she was asked for it. Merrick had given her the pin number, stressing there wouldn’t be an issue as long as she didn’t use the credit option.

None of this was hers. She had no right to Merrick’s credit card. Or his money. Or to be here like she belonged.

Despair weighed down on her. And panic. What if she never remembered? She couldn’t depend on Cade and Merrick forever. Couldn’t expect them to support her and for her to continue on in her helpless frustration.

Her mouth had gone completely dry, and she withdrew her hand from her pocket just as the cashier scanned the last item.

“I’m really sorry,” Elle said in a low voice. “I’ve forgotten my wallet.”

She began backing away from the register as she spoke. A look of annoyance creased the cashier’s face. Then the cashier surveyed the groceries that the bagger was steadily working on.

“They’ll be in the cart if you want to run home and get it,” the cashier said. “We can’t wait long, or the refrigerated goods will go bad.”

Elle nodded and turned and all but ran from the store, hoping she hadn’t drawn too much attention to herself. She felt like the worst sort of idiot. It had seemed like such a good idea, a fun idea, to go out on her own. Take the plunge. Be brave.

The last months had been so wonderful. She’d made friends. She had a circle of people—Merrick’s and Cade’s people—who accepted her and she hung out with. But she’d still remained solidly dependent on Cade and Merrick, never going anywhere without one of them.

She’d wanted to do something normal, something brave and independent. Only she wasn’t normal. She had no way to pay for the items, and it felt wrong to pull out Merrick’s credit card and blithely pay for her whims.

The grocery store was close enough to walk and that had been her plan to walk the three blocks, but Cade and Merrick had flipped out over the suggestion.

They hadn’t wanted her to go alone at all, but they’d put their foot down when she’d mentioned walking. The mere idea of her being so exposed without their protection had broken both men out into a sweat, so she’d backed down quickly.

Cade insisted she use his SUV, and she’d balked at the idea of driving without a license or identification. Both men had said they’d rather chance her driving the three blocks than walking. Now she was glad they had because she just wanted to be back in the sanctuary of their house.

She liked being close to them. Today had been more of a test of herself than it was the idea that she was actually facing her fears and venturing out on her own. That’s the way she’d presented it to the men, but she’d known the truth. She’d been terrified but determined to force herself out of her comfort zone. Out of the isolation she’d existed in for the last six months.

Yes, she associated with the people in Cade and Merrick’s circle. Good people. But she still led a very isolated existence, and she knew it. She did nothing outside of Cade’s and Merrick’s interests. Nothing for herself. Nothing on her own.

The truth was, and she realized it more than ever, that she didn’t want to go anywhere without them. Cade and Merrick had not just become parts of her life. They’d become the most important aspect of her existence.

She depended on them for everything. Even if it was just a comforting smile and the assurance that she’d always have a place with them.

That part always baffled her, but they were absolutely sincere. In fact, they’d settled into a comfortable existence that she took for granted more with each passing day.

It had been an alarming realization just the day before that she found herself hoping that she didn’t have to deal with her past and any possible issues it could present. She was happy and content with Cade and Merrick. In the present. Today. Now.