Jodi Thomas - To Wed In Texas

“I moved back into my room upstairs.” Karlee tried to keep her hand steady as she wrapped the leg. If he wanted her to stay, he'd have to ask.

“That's for the best,” Daniel finally answered.

He now seemed to be strangling the velvet ribbon in his fingers. She could almost hear him say, “I want no wife. I want no more children. I'll never love again.” The ribbon had somehow reminded him of those promises.

Karlee finished and climbed the stairs to her room. For the first time since she'd been in Texas, she reached for the box beneath her bed.

Her letters.

No matter where she traveled, she always took the box with her. It was all she had left of her parents-their letters to one another while her father was away at sea. She'd read them so many times, the paper bent beneath her touch, as pliable as cloth.

Carefully, she lifted the first letter dated before she was born.

“ My darling, my love,” it started.

One by one, she read the letters. They told a story of a young couple desperately in love. Again and again, her father begged her mother to sail with him. Over and over, she wrote of reasons she couldn't. Then, finally, in the last letter, she promised she'd go with him on the next voyage.

Karlee closed her eyes and remembered the last day she'd seen her parents. They'd left her on the dock crying in her grandmother's arms as they sailed. She'd waved until the ship disappeared over the horizon.

A month later, they were gone. Another month and her grandmother died. By Christmas, Karlee was alone. Totally alone. One unanswered question had haunted her from the day she'd bid them farewell. Why hadn't they taken her with them?

She scrubbed her eyes with her fists and hurried downstairs. She needed to feel the wind in her hair.

For a long while, she stood on the cold front porch and listened to the wind stir the branches. The air was humid, turning her hair wild with tiny curls, but she didn't care.

Finally, when she could breathe deep without choking back tears, she went inside.

Daniel's door was open, but his light was out. He was back in his dark world once more to sleep.

She tiptoed to his bed and made sure he was covered.

Without warning, his hand grabbed her arm. “What is it?” His voice was too harsh for him to have been asleep.

“I was just tucking you in.” She pulled at his grip.

“I don't need a nurse,” he answered. “I'm not a child who must be checked on at night.”

“I know.” She stepped away in the blackness. The dark mood that haunted him earlier remained.

“Then go to bed, Karlee. We both need time.”

His words were almost a slap, but this time she wondered if the harshness were for her benefit, or his own. If they couldn't talk about what happened between them, maybe they did both need time. After all, they had a lifetime.

Karlee pressed her lips together, wishing she could see him. “Must you always be so short with me?”

The room waited in total stillness. “Yes,” he finally said without explanation.

Karlee could barely see his outline. He still sat up in bed. He hadn't been asleep at all, and it was growing very late. Where was the man Wes and Adam had talked about who loved a wife so much? Who always helped people? Who protected his children with his life? Did he plan to display that kindness to all the world except her?

Karlee raised her head. She could live with that. She'd lived in houses where they openly hated her for inconveniencing them. She could live with his coldness.

“All right.” She reached the door. “It doesn't matter to me, but I should tell you something.”

“What?”

Karlee smiled, anticipating how much her words would bother him and delighting in the thought. “I've decided, Daniel McLain, to love you for the rest of my life.”

DANIEL TOOK HER WORDS LIKE A BLOW. “I DON'T think I ever asked you to love me.”

“I know, I just decided to.” Karlee's smile flashed shorter than a wink.

“Well, stop it. I told you from the beginning I could never love you. People don't go around loving folks who don't love them back.”

“I do.”

“I don't want your love, Karlee. I'm happy with how it is between us. I don't want to love anyone else or have anyone love me.”

“Too late, I've made up my mind.” Karlee crossed into the hallway. “Good night, Daniel. I love you.”

“Don't say that,” he yelled after her.

Karlee closed the door as she left but she could still hear him grumbling about her, calling her every name he could think of. She smiled. Despite everything, he was a man worth the loving, and she planned to do so even if he never spoke to her again.

He could close himself off from the world if he wanted to, but not her. She planned to love him even if it drove him mad.

Crawling into her bed, Karlee shut her eyes. It felt so good to love someone.

She reached for the pen and paper in the bottom of her letter box and began, ‘My darling husband…”

“She's crazy,” Daniel swore beneath his breath. “I've given her no reason to love me. Hell, I don't even like the woman.” He opened and closed his hand. “All right. I like the way she feels. But that doesn't mean I want to love her, and I sure don't want her to love me. Can't she see that? Hasn't she heard a word I've said since the day I let her out of the trunk?”

Daniel rubbed his forehead. She had him talking to himself. The insanity was spreading. In no time he'd be yelling “clear the decks” and running outside every time he needed to use the privy.

He closed his eyes, trying not to think about the way she'd looked standing at the end of his bed while she changed clothes. Her skin seemed made of cream, and her breasts were high and pointed-and full. They were so full and rounded, made for a man to rest his head on.

Daniel slapped his forehead so hard stars danced in his eyes. He was going mad! Here he was thinking of a woman in a way he was sure wasn't proper for a man to think of someone he never planned to bed. He was a preacher, a reasonable man, not some lovesick cowhand who hadn't seen a woman in months.

But she was his wife. She was his! He'd about talked himself into believing that he could keep his hands off her. This morning had been a mistake. He told himself he could never make love to a woman he didn't love. It wasn't fair to her. But then she'd gone and said she loved him. Didn't he have any say about the matter?

Daniel dressed an hour before dawn. He might as well get up. He decided he'd probably never sleep again. He'd spent half the night thinking about her and the other half praying for forgiveness for his thoughts.

Limping to the kitchen, he made himself a pot of coffee. By the time Karlee came down, he was on his third cup.

“Morning.”

She looked at him as though she'd had a full night's sleep, which infuriated him.

“Morning,” Daniel grumbled. He was turning into a bear. He'd always thought of himself as even-tempered, but Karlee had managed to destroy that lifetime myth. She seemed determined to aggravate him. She'd worn a proper dress, but she must know how its snugness outlined her body. When she moved close, he had to fight the urge to reach out and touch her. She was driving him nuts on purpose.

Wolf stumbled in from his all-night outing, relieving them of the need to say more to one another. The hairy giant downed half a cup of coffee and sobered enough to fill Daniel in on details in town.

“We've got to get Jesse Blair's brother out of the stockade,” Wolf said between swallows of his second cup. “I heard word Logan is worried about the man dying before the hanging.”

Daniel glanced at Karlee, but she showed no sign of listening as she carefully burned eggs to match the bacon she'd already charred for breakfast.

“Some of Jesse's friends want to break in, but the place is too well guarded. There would be soldiers killed plus no telling how many prisoners.” Wolf scratched his beard. “We have to think of another way.”

“As a minister, I could go into the stockade,” Daniel volunteered.

Wolf shook his head. “You're barely walking.”

“I can handle it. Get me to the gate. I'll make it the rest of the way. Once I talk with Blair, we can come up with a plan to get him out. There has to be a way besides force.”

“Jesse says he'll come in as a trade to save his brother.”

Daniel rubbed his forehead. “They think Jesse's dead. They'd never agree to it. Not after Logan saw the body. We'd be no better off with Jesse in jail than his brother. Both the Blair brothers have to disappear.”

Wolf laughed without humor. “Funny thing is the brother, Altus Blair, didn't even fight in the war. He managed to stay home and safe for four years, then got caught up in the aftermath. He's a carpenter by trade, with thick glasses and a cough that's been with him since he was a kid. Jesse told me Altus wasn't expected to live to adulthood, much less long enough to be hung as a traitor.”

Daniel nodded. “He helped build the church and this house. I've heard a few folks mention that he was a good friend to the first preacher and his mother who owned this place.”

“You think he knows about the guns?”

Daniel glanced at Karlee and shook his head. “If he did, why wouldn't he have picked them up? The house was empty for a month before I got here.”

“Maybe he was afraid of Baker. If Cullen Baker and his men stashed them, Altus might have been afraid they'd come back.”

“I'll find a way to talk to him,” Daniel promised. “We'll see if he knows anything that might help us.”

“Can't hurt to try.” Wolf downed the rest of his coffee. “But I doubt the man will tell us much. Whoever knew about those guns is long gone, or long dead by now.”

“Can you hitch the team for Karlee to go after the twins and the buggy for me to drive to the stockade?”

“I can do better than that. I'll tell the settlement of Germans living in your barn that you need a driver and a wagon. They can get you to the stockade.”

Wolf excused himself as Karlee put breakfast on the table. The giant professed how sorry he was that he wouldn't have time to stay and eat.

Daniel picked at his food. Halfway through the meal, he broke the silence. “I want you to go after the twins and stay out at the farm as long as you can without stirring up questions.”

“All right.” Karlee didn't pretend not to understand why. She knew there could be trouble in town. “If you like, I could drive over and visit with AmyAnn today.”

“No.” Daniel looked up at her for the first time. “I don't want you anywhere near the Blair place. I'll meet you back here just before sunset.”

Karlee stood and moved close to his chair. “Be careful.”

Daniel smiled up at her. “You should have warned me about that before I ate breakfast.”

Karlee did as he'd instructed, staying to visit with Willow late into the afternoon. She pretended a great interest in learning to make pies, so it was easy to spend the hours in the kitchen. Granny had a habit of telling Karlee everything to leave out of a recipe as well as what to put in. Finally, loaded down with pies, Karlee pulled away from the Buchanans' farm.

When she neared home, she was surprised to find the house dark. She'd never have guessed Daniel would be gone so long.

She put the twins to bed and waited, thinking up places he might have stopped. His leg was not that strong, he must be exhausted, wherever he was.

To pass the time, she sewed another doll for the growing collection on the kitchen windowsill. The German widow, who lived in the barn, stopped by to visit. Karlee gave her two of the pies Granny had made and assured her she could stay as long as she needed.

It was after midnight when Karlee finally crawled into bed. She'd spent the evening listening for every sound, waiting for Daniel. But in vain.

At breakfast the next morning, she felt as if she'd slept on a bed of nails. The twins were happy to be home. They excitedly helped her make cinnamon toast and then were delighted when she said they could eat it in their tent.