N. Walters - Touch of Topaz

John stood beside her with a warm cloth in hand and proceeded to clean her breasts and between her legs. It was embarrassing and she batted at his hands, but he was relentless. Finally, she gave in and let him do as he pleased. After what they’d just done in the living room there was really no need for her to be self-conscious about him washing her in such an intimate manner.

When he was done, he pulled the cover up to her chin and kissed her forehead. “Sleep. I’ll be along in a few minutes.”

She let her eyes close and wished she was wearing her nightgown, needed it like protective armor to help keep her heart safe. It might already be too late for that. John Knight had come into her well-ordered life and blown it apart, by doing no more than simply being what he was.

She shivered and thought about getting her nightgown, but it was in the living room and she wasn’t prepared to leave the bed for it. The sounds of dishes clinking reached her and she knew John was dealing with the remains of their meal. She’d forgotten all about that. It was a very domestic sound and it soothed her.

Her thoughts drifted along, refusing to touch on anything for long and, before she knew it, John was back. She knew the second he stepped into the room. The texture of the air seemed to change when he was there—thickening and filling with anticipation. The sound of fabric against fabric filled the silence and she knew he’d brought their clothing into the room.

She tensed when he crawled into bed beside her but relaxed again when he put his arm around her and pulled her back against his chest, spooning behind her so her back rested against his chest and her butt was cradled against his groin.

It was then she realized she’d been unconsciously waiting for him. Now that he was here, everything was right. She felt his lips brush against the top of her head as she drifted off to sleep.

Topaz woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and frying bacon. She gave an experimental stretch, feeling the slight muscle twinges in her legs and other more intimate areas. She’d slept long and hard, except for the hour around dawn when John had woken her to make love once again. This time had been long and slow, but no less explosive than what had occurred the night before.

She was still naked and with John gone the bed was much cooler. Sitting up, she pushed her hair out of her eyes and yawned. She really needed some coffee. The covers started to slip down to her waist so she grabbed them and pulled them back up to cover herself. Shower first and then she’d get her coffee.

Before she could move, the door opened and John walked in. It wasn’t fair. No man should look that good first thing in the morning. He was wearing a pair of worn jeans that fit him to perfection and had topped it with a long-sleeved Henley shirt in a heather-gray color that went well with his pale-blue eyes.

Unlike her hair, his was so short it was impossible for it to be disheveled. Even though he’d been out of the Army for two years he was still cutting it with military precision.

He smiled and held out his hand, offering her a steaming mug of coffee. She grabbed it like a lifeline and sipped. “Thank you.” The heartfelt desperation in her words made him laugh.

“Glad I could help.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “How are you feeling this morning?”

She took another sip of the rich, dark coffee, fixed just the way she liked it with sugar and no milk, and pondered how to answer his question. She wasn’t about to tell him about her physical discomforts. Overall, she felt good. “I slept well.” That was certainly the truth. She hadn’t slept so deeply in months.

“Good.” He tucked a finger under her chin and tilted it back so he could drop a quick kiss on her mouth. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

“Is there time for me to shower?” In spite of his efforts last night, Topaz felt sticky and sweaty and desperately wanted to clean herself up.

“Make it a quick one.” He turned and left the room. When the door closed she realized she was staring at his butt.

“Get a grip,” she mumbled. Tossing back the covers, she shivered and grabbed her robe off the chair. It covered her, even if it wasn’t very warm, and that was all that mattered.

It didn’t take her long to dig through her suitcase and pull out clean clothes, her brush and toiletries kit. She dragged all of it, as well as her coffee, into the bathroom and shut the door.

There was a showerhead installed above the cast-iron tub and a curtain that enclosed it. She turned on the water and while it was heating, drained her mug. The caffeine kick-started her brain and got it firing on all cylinders. When the water was warn enough she discarded her robe and stepped beneath the spray, letting it cascade over her head and body.

What had she done?

She’d made love to a man who was dangerous to her sense of well-being, a man who could destroy the emotional equilibrium she’d managed to build over the years. She tilted her head back and wiped the water from her eyes.

Was last night worth the emotional upheaval it would cause?

Yes. Topaz grabbed the bar of soap from the edge of the tub and began to wash. She couldn’t regret her time with John no matter what happened when they returned to New York. He was what he was and she was what she was. This was a time out of time. And it belonged to them.

She reached out of the shower long enough to grab her shampoo out of her toiletries bag and then washed her hair and rinsed her body. When she turned off the water and stepped out onto the bathmat, she felt like herself again—calm and in control.

She noted several small bruises on her legs and arms while she moisturized, but that was to be expected given their vigorous lovemaking. She donned a pair of jeans and a turtleneck sweater in a russet color that set off her black hair. She didn’t have a hairdryer but it didn’t matter with her short hairstyle. She brushed it and fluffed it with her fingers. Then she added mascara and some lipstick. Nothing heavy.

Topaz stared at her reflection. She looked like herself, but yet something wasn’t quite right. There was a knowledge, a haunted quality in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. She thought the first time they’d made love last year was a fluke, that the explosion of passion between them was an anomaly. But it had happened again last night. If anything, the heat between them had skyrocketed, leaving her wondering how long it could continue without burning out.

A knock sounded on the door. “You almost ready?” He didn’t sound impatient, but concerned.

“Be right there.” She waited until she heard his footsteps fade, gathered her belongings and left the bathroom. She dumped everything in the bedroom for now, grabbed her coffee mug and hurried to the kitchen.

John had two plates on the table filled with bacon, eggs and toast. There was a glass of orange juice in front of each plate. “Want more coffee?” He held up the coffeepot.

“Please.” She offered him her mug and thanked him when he filled it. They sat at the table and ate in silence for a few minutes until she couldn’t stand it any longer. “What are our plans for the day?”

John shrugged. “Thought we might take a walk, maybe have a nap after lunch. There are a few books tucked away on the shelf and a few more in the bedroom closet if you want to read.” He reached out and cupped her cheek in his large, warm palm. “You need to have a day where you don’t do anything but relax.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly what she’d expected him to say. Of course, what could he say? I want to get you naked and make love to you all day. She squirmed uncomfortably on her seat before she could stop herself. She was aghast that she was slightly aroused just sitting at the breakfast table with John. Something about last night had splintered all the barriers she’d erected to keep that from happening.

“What’s wrong?” He skimmed a finger down her jawline, worry in his pale eyes.

“Nothing.” She leaned back and his hand fell away from her face. To cover her awkwardness, she grabbed her mug and drank deeply.

She sensed John’s frustration, but he let things be, at least for now. He cleared his plate and sat back, resting his hands on his flat belly. “Last night was special,” he began.

Topaz jumped up from the table and started clearing the dishes. “You cooked, so I’ll clean up.”

John shook his head and slowly pushed back from the table. “I know you’re not ready to talk about us. But you’ll have to before we leave tomorrow morning.”

Tomorrow morning was a lifetime away. Right now, all she wanted to do was enjoy the moment. She’d spent her entire life setting goals and attaining them. She was tired of thinking and planning. Tired of making decisions and wondering about the consequences of her actions, both in life and in business. For the next twenty-four hours, she wanted to do whatever she wanted and damn the cost.

“Do you want more coffee?” She didn’t even acknowledge what he’d said. He shook his head and sighed.

“No. I’m good. I’m going to take a quick walk around the cabin. I won’t be long.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, grabbed his coat and headed out the front door, leaving her alone.

She set the pot back on the coffeemaker burner and turned off the machine. The room seemed so much larger now without John in it. She scrubbed her hands over her eyes, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. “You’re just tired,” she assured herself.

Pushing up her sleeves, she went to work on the dishes. Work would help keep her mind off her troubles. It always did. She scoured and scrubbed the dishes and pans before wiping down the table and countertops.

When she finished in the kitchen, she made the bed and tidied the bedroom, then she set her sights on cleaning the bathroom. Anything to keep her mind off what was happening between her and John.

Snow crunched under John’s boots, breaking the silence of the morning. Frustration ate at his gut, but he wouldn’t allow it to rule his actions. Topaz was afraid. It was like a punch in the gut when he’d realized it this morning. She didn’t want to talk about a future between them, and it wasn’t because she wasn’t attracted to him. There was no question that they were physically compatible.

So what was the problem?

He was tempted to call one of her sisters and ask, but knew he wouldn’t. Whatever was happening between him and Topaz was private.

His phone vibrated and he yanked it out of his pocket and read the display. He might have known. He thumbed the button and held the phone to his ear. “Yeah.”

“You okay?” His brother’s voice rumbled on the other end. Jake and he had a connection that went deeper than simply being brothers. They were twins and always knew if the other one was upset about something. There was an unspoken communication between them that had helped save their lives many times over their years in the Army and during their time with the Rangers.

John rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and settled against the trunk of a birch tree. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. How are things going with Topaz?”

Jake was the only person he’d told what he was doing. And that was only because it was so ingrained for him to have a backup just in case of emergency. “I don’t know.” Saying the words aloud unsettled him. He’d been so certain if he could just get her away from all the distractions of life he could get her to see that they had something special together. Now he wasn’t so sure.

“They’re complicated women.” John could hear the humor and the underlying strain in his brother’s voice.

“They are that.” He knew that Jake had a thing for Sapphire Jewel and was trying to come to grips with his own feelings. “I’m forty years old, Jake. We’re forty. I know what I want out of life.”

“And you want Topaz.” Jake finished John’s thought.

“She’s the missing piece. What I need for my life to make sense.” He wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. “She quiets the demons, you know? She gives my life focus. Direction. A reason.” Shit, it sounded stupid to say it out loud and he wouldn’t say it to anyone else but Jake. He felt like a pansyass talking about his feelings.

“I know what you mean.” Jake’s quiet response made John feel not quite so stupid.

“Yeah, I guess you do. What a pair we are.”

Jake laughed. “We are at that. But we know how to fight for what we want, how to get around barriers and gain the objective. We don’t give up. Ever.”