Chantal Fernando - Toxic Girl

“What was going through your mind when you left?” I ask, needed to know this.

“I guess I was wondering if it would be easier to end things like that, than explain myself,” he says.

I’m not going to lie, that hurts. However I’m glad that he told me the truth. The truth can hurt but lies do more damage.

“I will give you time, if that’s what you need. But please don’t shut me out or stop me from seeing you. We can go slowly, build up the trust between us again. I’m fighting, Paris. I’m fucking fighting here, and I need you to fight with me,” he says, gripping the ends of his hair in frustration.

I swallow, my mouth suddenly parched. “Trust isn’t going to come easy.”

“I know, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Are you?” he asks, drawing me onto his lap and circling me in his arms. “Do you know how much I’ve missed you? It felt like I was missing a fucking limb or something. What have you done to me?”

I lay my head back on his shoulder. “Why does love hurt so much?”

“I guess anything worth something doesn’t come without a price,” he says into my neck, kissing me there. His hands wander lower.

“I thought we were taking it slow?” I admonish, gently slapping his hand away.

“Ouch,” he says, chuckling. “Slow it is. Guess I’ll be having a cold shower after this.”

I scoff. “Trying to guilt trip me, are you?”

He starts laughing, his head thrown back in abandonment. “No, babe. Let’s do this the right way. From the beginning. In fact, would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?”

I pretend to consider it. “I guess so,” I say with a straight face.

“You guess so, huh?” he repeats, tickling me under my ribs.

“No!” I gasp. “Don’t tickle me.”

He stops and turns my face to the side, drawing my lips in a scorching hot kiss. His soft lips demonstrate exactly what I’ve been missing out on, his tongue demanding as it plays with mine. When he pulls away from me, I’m more than willing to screw going slow and to take things straight back to the bedroom. I tell him so. He laughs at me, shaking his head no, but his eyes say something completely different. His eyes are dark, lids at half-mast and giving away how much he wants me. So does his hardness. I stand up and offer him my hand.

“Babe,” he says, lip twitching.

“What?” I ask innocently, batting my eyelashes.

“You just want me because now I’m unattainable,” he says in a mock high pitch voice.

My body shakes with silent laughter. Damn, it feels so good to laugh. “You’re never unattainable to me, Mr Mills.”

He raises a brow. “Is that so?” He runs his hand down the side of my body, touching over the side of my breast and down to my hip. My breath hitches, and a knowing smirk plays on the corners of his lips.

“I better take you home,” he mutters, smiling down at me.

“Or,” I say, dragging out the word.

“Or what?”

“Or you could take me into your room and put me to work,” I say, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip.

He groans. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” He lifts me into his arms, and just when I’m about to cheer and think I’m winning, he carries me outside and to the car.

“Slow,” he says when he puts me down.

I sigh heavily and nod. Guess we’re taking things slow.

I methodically write down notes, hoping not to miss anything I need to know for exams. I’m stressed out to the max, wanting to do well and trying to balance work with some kind of social life as well. And by that I mean spending time with Grayson and Anaya. I see London enough at work, and to be honest, London in small doses is definitely the right way to go if you want to leave with your sanity. It’s been just over a week since Grayson and I decided to start over. We haven’t slept together yet. Although there have been times I wanted to give in, it’s good to take things a little slower and get to connect on a different level again. That doesn’t mean I’m not dying to get him naked—because trust me, I am.

“You do realise you’re the last one left in class,” he says, looking around. Amused eyes land back on me, waiting for my response.

“You’re here too,” I point out.

“Only because I’m waiting for you,” he says, bending down and grabbing my files and notebook to pack them away in my bag for me. “There you go. We can study some more when we get to my house.”

“I thought we were going to mine?” I ask, standing up and pushing the chair back in. Going to my house is usually a little safer, because Anaya is there sometimes, or London will invite herself over. That way we aren’t alone, and it’s a tiny bit easier to avoid temptation. Stupid I know, but true all the same.

“Need to go to mine,” he says, not looking at me. Something is definitely up.

“Why?” I demand.

He grimaces. “I don’t know why. I got this message,” he says, lifting his phone and showing it to me.

London: Take Paris somewhere else after class. Don’t bring her back to her apartment just yet please! It’s important.

My jaw falls open. “What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t know,” he says, taking my hand in his. “I was torn between not wanting to upset you and knowing that if I didn’t tell you the truth you would kill me.”

“You know we have to go there and see what’s going on now, right?” I say, marching out of the room.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Grayson mutters from behind me. I turn and give him a look, which makes him shut his mouth. We park his car and run up to my apartment. I can hear London yelling from out here. I walk inside; the front door’s been left unlocked, and storm into the kitchen where I can hear all the commotion. I freeze in my tracks when I see my brother, Brody, standing there looking back at me.

London’s blue eyes narrow on Grayson. “One thing I asked you to do!” she snaps.

“Don’t yell at him! We’re trying a new thing where we’re completely honest with each other,” I say, my eyes not leaving Brody.

“I get that! But come on, Paris, do you really want to see him?” she asks, looking worried. For the first time in London’s life, she was trying to protect me. I’m speechless. Grayson puts his hand on my lower back, a sign of silent support. I’m grateful and flash him a look that tells him so.

“What are you doing here, Brody?” I ask him. He looks the same, short blond hair, familiar blue eyes and a tall, lanky build.

“I wanted to see how you are,” he says solemnly. “London mentioned she was here when I rang her last week, and I wanted to see you both. I’m so glad you’re both together now.”

My brow furrows, wondering why the change of heart. “You hate me,” I say, the words hurting me even to say.

He shakes his head furiously. “I hated what you were doing. Come on Paris, stripping? Mum and Dad must have been tossing in their grave.” He pauses. “Is this your boyfriend?”

I puff out a breath. “Yes, Brody, this is Grayson. Grayson, this is my brother.” Grayson gives him a chin lift, not saying anything else. I know he’s angry. I can tell by the tension pouring out of his body and his rigid stance. He knows what Brody did to me, and how much it killed me.

“I didn’t know London was in debt, Paris. I didn’t know that’s why you were…” he trails off.

“Where’s Elizabeth?” I ask, referring to his she-devil wife.

“I filed for divorce. It took me some time, but I finally saw her for who she really is,” he says, looking down.

“A fucking psychotic bitch?” London adds, grinning.

Brody looks tired. Tired and weary. I shouldn’t care, but I do. “I’m sorry,” Brody says, “Both of you.” He looks between London and me. “You’re welcome to come home any time. That house is yours too,” he says, giving me a small smile.

“It’s your house Brody. You paid for everything,” I mumble. “Look, thanks for coming by and putting in the effort. I’m not going to lie—what you did hurt me a lot. You chose your wife over me and judged me instead of being there for me when I needed you the most.”

He drops his head. “I know. I fucked up.”

“I know you took care of us when we were younger, and I appreciate what you sacrificed for us—you were only young yourself,” I admit, trying to see it from his point of view.

London rolls her eyes. “You’re too nice, Paris! He chose pussy over his blood.”

“London!” I admonish, my voice coming out choked at her colourful choice of words.

“I’m sorry,” Brody repeats, looking genuinely remorseful. He looks at Grayson. “London tells me you’ve been looking after the two of them. I can’t thank you enough for doing what I should have.”

“I’ll always look after them,” Grayson says in a deep rumble. “I don’t care for what you did to Paris, especially because she needed you. But it did bring her to me,” he says, flashing me his dimples.

I slap his arm. “What?” he asks, lip twitching.

“Where are you staying?” I ask my brother.

“Got a hotel for two nights, and then I’m going back home. Only got three days off work,” he says.

“Will you stay for dinner?” I ask. Everyone in the room stares at me. They may think I’m a pushover, but I don’t want to live my life with anger and resentment. I want to forgive Brody. For many reasons, but mainly because he took care of me growing up. He brushed my hair; he wiped my tears and got our aunty off our backs. Sure, he was an ass, but I don’t want to hold that against him forever.

“I’d love to,” he says, his eyes filling with unshed tears.

I smile at him, and he gives me a shaky smile back.

It’s easy to give in to hate.

But sometimes, there is strength in forgiveness.

“Guess what!” London squeals as she walks into my house.

“What?” I ask, closing the book I was reading.

“I bought myself something. I earned it all myself and I’m very proud of it,” she says, clapping her hands together.

“What did you buy?” I ask her.

“A car!” she yells.

I wince at her loudness. “You bought a car?”

“Yeah, come out and see it,” she says, running to the front door. I get up and follow behind her. When I walk into the car park, I see her standing there hugging a piece-of-shit white car. It’s a bucket. Paint is peeling off, and I’m kind of surprised she managed to get it here without breaking down. But the look on her face.

Pride.

She did this all alone, without a guy buying it for her. And she’s proud. She should be.

“What do you think?” she asks.

A slow smile breaks out on my face. “I love it,” I say, laughing when she jumps up and down.

“If you ever need a ride, I can now offer you one, sis,” she beams, rubbing the boot of the car. I shake my head at her antics.

“Are you sure the car can take your weight and mine?” I tease.

She rolls her eyes. “Very funny.”

“I hope you took someone with you who knows something about cars.”

“I took Aiden. I don’t know if he actually knows anything about cars, but he made sure I didn’t get ripped off,” she says.

“Aiden, hey?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing like that. Aiden deserves someone better than me. I think we both know that.”

“London--”

“I’m not good enough for someone like him yet, but I’m working on it,” she smirks. “Soon I’m going to have beauty, brains, and independence.”

“Brains?” I ask, laughing when I realise how it came out.

“I’m enrolling in TAFE. I’m going to study something fun,” she says, a thoughtful look on her face.

“Fun? Like what?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” she says. “Tourism? Or maybe beauty? I haven’t decided yet.”

“That sounds great, London,” I say. “I’m sure you’re going to do amazing.”

“I think so too,” she replies. She has a look on her face, like she has just realised the world is her oyster.

“Proud of you, London,” I call out as I walk back to the front door. My mind roams to Brody, who left yesterday. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I’m glad he decided to try to make things right.

Life is looking up for once.

* * *

That night, I jolt awake when I feel someone slide into bed with me. “What the f—”

“It’s me, babe,” Grayson whispers, spooning my back.

“What are you doing here?” I ask with a smile, snuggling back into him. His arms come around me.