Chantal Fernando - Toxic Girl

“You okay?” he asks, pushing off the wall.

“Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?” I ask as we walk to the car.

“What am I doing here? I was worried about you. Have been all day. I thought you were running…”

“Just because of this morning?” I ask, surprised. I’m not going to get chased off by some random ex, even though it pissed me off. And hurt. A lot.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him. He opens the door for me to get in. I think about what to say to him the whole way home. He’s never even mentioned whether he likes children or not, so I have no idea what to expect from his reaction.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Paris?” he finally asks when we get home.

I bite my bottom lip. “We need to talk about something.”

He takes my hand and pulls me to our bedroom. His fingers tighten on mine before they let go, and he watches me with concern in his eyes. “I’m freaking out here, babe,” he says when I stay silent. He’s not the only one.

“There might be a slight possibility…” Okay, more than slight. “I’m pregnant,” I blurt out. Grayson stares at me for a few seconds, as if he didn’t understand what I said. He blinks. I wave my hands in front of his face. “Gray,” I say slowly.

“You’re pregnant?” he finally says, looking down at my flat stomach.

“Yeah, I mean, I think so. I did one test and it was positive, but they could be wrong I guess. I’ll have to go to the doctor’s tomorrow and see for sure,” I ramble on nervously.

“You’re on the pill though?” he says, making it sound like a question.

“Yes, I am, and I’ve been taking them as I always do,” I tell him. I wouldn’t do that to him. Besides, it’s not like I wanted to be a mother this young. I think back to our Sydney trip. The second night I got so drunk that I threw up—a lot. Maybe it was that? Fuck, I don’t even know. Grayson, who still seems to be in shock, circles his arms around me and buries his face in my neck. I rub his back, offering comfort—he seems to need it right now.

“Make an appointment for tomorrow, and I’ll go with you,” he says, kissing me on top of my head.

“Why are you not freaking out?” I ask him, pulling back to look into his face.

He swallows audibly, this throat working. “What is that going to do to help the situation?” he asks, touching my chin with his fingers. “No matter what, we’re in this together. Okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Now come to bed,” he says. “I want to make love to my baby mama.”

I slap his stomach, which just turns me on because my hand touches his ripped abs. “You’re lucky you’re hot.”

We have a shower together then make slow, gentle love on our bed.

“Paris?” Grayson whispers.

“Yeah?” I reply.

“If we have a little girl, I hope she looks just like you,” he says in such a soft tone, I start to feel emotional.

“We don’t know anything for sure yet,” I reply.

“Denial doesn’t look good on you, babe.”

“Go to bed,” I huff, snuggling closer into him. After Grayson falls asleep, I stay up until late thinking. I couldn’t be pregnant.

Could I?

I’m pregnant.

Grayson rubs my back as I throw up for the third time. My stomach burns, and my throat hurts.

“I’m going to die!” I say dramatically, feeling like utter shit. We’d gone to the doctor this morning, and he confirmed it. I’m having a baby. Grayson was calm and collected, and I keep staring at him waiting for him to lose it. He’s like a time bomb; he’s going to explode at some time when reality hits him. For now, I think it’s him living in denial.

“You aren’t going to die. Come on, I’ll get you some crackers to munch on,” he says, standing up and leaving the bathroom. I clean up and wander into the kitchen.

“Are you going to tell your parents?” I ask him, sitting down at the table. I’m wearing nothing but a singlet top and my underwear.

“I will,” he says. He walks over with some crackers and lemonade. “I read online that this might help.”

My eyes find him. “What else did you find out?” I ask, grabbing a cracker.

“Just read up on early pregnancy, what to expect and so on. I want to be able to help you as much as possible,” he says.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” I say, forcing myself to eat the cracker.

“I try,” he says, lip twitching. “I’d prefer ‘fucking hot’ or something, but adorable will do.”

“You’re all of the above, how about that? I’m sure many would agree.”

“Your opinion is the only one that matters to me,” he says in a low tone.

I put the cracker down. “We can do this. You know that, right?”

He nods. “I know it. You’re going to be an amazing mother. Our baby is so lucky.” I blink furiously trying to stop my eyes from watering. “Babe,” he says, shaking his head when he sees me getting emotional.

“What? I just have something in my eye,” I say, wiping my face with my hands.

“Happy tears I can take,” he says, rubbing my back. Someone knocks at the door and Grayson goes to answer it, kissing me on top of my head before he walks away. He comes back into the kitchen with London trailing behind him.

“I tried to get rid of her,” he jokes.

“Congrats, Miss Preggo,” she says, grinning wide. “Shotgun on all your clothes when you can’t fit into them!”

“Over my dead body,” I reply, opening the can of lemonade and taking a sip.

“And you,” she says to Grayson. “Mr Super Sperm. Getting through contraception and everything.” I almost choke on the drink, and put my hands to my face, laughter bubbling out of me.

“Why are you here again, London?” Grayson asks, sounding a mixture of amused and annoyed.

I peep through my fingers. “My sister’s pregnant,” she says. “I want to savour the moment.”

“What?” Grayson asks, looking and sounding confused.

“I’m the screwed up sister, everyone thought I’d get pregnant first…”

She seriously has no filter. Grayson drags her to the front door and kicks her out. “Your sister is a menace.”

Don’t I know it?

* * *

I can feel his gaze on me throughout class. When it’s finally over, we walk out together.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, placing his hand on my lower back.

“I’m fine; you don’t need to baby me, Gray.”

“I’m not babying you. I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he says, sounding a little hurt at my comment.

“I know,” I sigh. “My emotions are all over the place right now.”

“Why don’t you take a few days off and relax? I already told Aiden you’re quitting the bar,” he says casually.

I wait until we get into the car before I say anything. “I’m not quitting work, Gray.”

His head snaps to me. “You’re pregnant. I’m not having you working when I have the means to take care of you. You will be exhausted!”

“That’s my decision to make,” I say, lifting my chin.

“And it’s my job to take care of you,” he replies, hands gripping the steering wheel.

I rub my forehead. “You don’t get to just make decisions for me. Whether we’re together or not. Yes, I’m having your baby, but you don’t get to control me. If you wanted me to stop work, you should have discussed it with me!”

“I knew you would be against it! And you’re not fucking working!” he says, raising his voice.

As soon as the car comes to a stop, I’m out of there. I grab my key, unlock the door, and storm inside. Grayson walks in about a minute later, sighing heavily as he puts the car keys on the table. I pull out my phone and put it to my ear.

“Hey Aiden,” I say before the phone is pulled away from me. He hangs up then turns to stare at me, his jaw clenched.

“What the fuck?” I snap, reaching out for my phone.

“You can’t work and study, Paris, it’s too much! Especially when you don’t have to!” he growls, starting to pace up and down. “Why can’t you just let me take care of you?”

“So what, you just want me to rely on you for everything? So I’ll have to ask you for money, since I won’t be making any? Will you what, give me a weekly allowance or something?” I yell.

He stops pacing and fractionally turns to stare me down. “I don’t know why the hell you’re with me when you obviously think so little of me,” he says, before grabbing his keys and walking out. He doesn’t slam the door, but it closes with a resounding thud all the same.

I hear the sound of his car leaving as the first tear drops. Doesn’t he understand? I can’t not earn any money, or live off him. It’s not who I am. I want to pay my own way. I don’t want to have to ask him for money when he has already done so much for me. He thinks that I think little of him—but that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s because I don’t want to take advantage of him. He’s so giving, so loving. I try and call his number, but he doesn’t answer. I really messed up this time. I ring him one more time before I give up.

Then I crawl in bed and fall asleep.

* * *

My phone rings, pulling me from my deep sleep.

“Hello?” I say sleepily.

“Paris, it’s Leah, sorry to wake you,” she says, speaking loudly. There is music in the background, like she’s at a club or bar.

“No problem. What’s up?”

“You might want to come and get Grayson…” she says, sounding worried. “I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay, is everything okay?” I ask, sitting up.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Just a little drunk,” she says.

“Coming now,” I say, hanging up the phone. I check the time, ten pm. I can’t believe he never came back after that. Sure, we had a fight, but he’s never left me like that before. I text London and ask her if she can come and pick me up, and she says yes. I quickly dress in jeans and a white tank top, shoving my feet in my ballerina flats.

“What mission are we on?” she asks when I get into the car.

“Mission pick up drunk Grayson,” I say, lifting my head back. “We had a fight.”

“Put the address in the GPS,” she says, handing me her phone. I type in the address, and we let the GPS guide us. We pull up to a bar about twenty minutes from home, and I see his car parked out front straight away.

“I can go in and get him if you want?” she offers.

“No, I’ll go and get him,” I tell her. As I walk to the bar, I smile at the bouncer and show him my ID before walking in. The place is packed out. I walk to the bar, Grayson coming into view. Only he’s not alone. Dylan sits beside him. They clink their shot glasses together, then drink. I see red. I storm up to him, only to get side tracked by Leah.

“He didn’t do anything,” she says quickly, eying Dylan and grimacing. “He came here with me and then she rocked up.”

Just. Fucking. Great.

I walk right up to Grayson, pick up his bottle of beer, and tip it over his head. I get he was mad, but he’s gone too fucking far right now.

“What the f--” he growls, standing up. When he sees it’s me, his eyes widen. I’m confused as a small smile makes an appearance on his lips. Dylan puts her hand on his arm, and he glances down at it, then at her. Realisation comes to him, as his face blanches. He pushes her arm off him, and steps closer to me, his movements slow. He’s drunk. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this drunk.

“Babe,” he says, taking another staggered step closer to me. I put my hand up, halting his movements. He lifts his shirt up, revealing his six-pack, and wipes the beer off his face.

“I’m going home,” I say.

“Decide to join the party?” Dylan says, standing next to Grayson. He ignores her, dark eyes on me. I step forward and grab Dylan by the neck.

“Listen here, you bitch, he doesn’t want you. Have some fucking self-respect. I’m having his baby. So why don’t you go find someone else to harass?” I growl, seeing red. She tries to pull out of my hold, so I squeeze tighter. “Nod if you understand me.”

She nods. “Great,” I say in a sarcastic tone. I feel Grayson’s arm wrap around my waist. So I let go of her. She instantly takes a few steps back, holding her neck. Her eyes are wide with shock and fear. Okay, so I may have lost my temper a little.

“Let’s go home, babe,” Grayson says, pulling me away from Dylan. I snatch my arm away.

I turn to Leah. “Can you take him home?”

“Of course but…”

“No, Leah,” I say, shaking my head. I know she wants me to take him home, to make everything better. But this time I can’t. I turn and walk away. I hear him calling me, and then I hear him yelling. I power walk to the car and slide in, slamming the door behind me.