Vivian Arend - Turn It Up

The streak of pain that flashed through Tasha was real, and made her angry all over again. There was no way someone who wasn’t longing for a child could understand how much it hurt to have to spit out the words. “I’m not pregnant.”

“What the hell is going on then? And why aren’t you telling me the truth? I mean, one minute you’re sworn off guys and the next you’re getting married? How come I didn’t hear a word about your change of heart before now?”

Shit. “I just…”

“Just what? Didn’t think you could tell me? Didn’t think you should talk to someone before you made a life-changing decision?”

Tasha froze, her fingers clutching the edge of her cup. It was true. She hadn’t told Lila, not a word, about her plans for artificial insemination. All through the debating and questions, she’d clutched the idea tightly to herself and kept it a secret. Why hadn’t she disclosed her thoughts to Lila? The question had bothered her until she’d realized she didn’t want to tell out of fear Lila would try to talk her out of it.

Lila had always acted like she was the voice of reason, stilling many of the exciting new adventures Tasha wanted to try. Coaxing her back to far more ordinary paths. Some of the time Tasha was grateful, but there were times that she’d wondered if the safe route Lila insisted on was really the one to take.

Like she was trying to talk her out of this now.

Was she correct in this circumstance? Maybe, but it was still Tasha’s decision. Somehow, she needed to get that across.

She blew out a long slow breath. “I’m sorry. I have been keeping secrets, but I think this is what I need to do.”

“How can it be the right thing? Tash—you’re way older than him. You’re settled in your life. You’ve got everything you need. Why throw it away and make this kind of radical change?”

Tasha frowned. What the hell? “At thirty-four I’m settled? I’m not supposed to change or grow from here on? That doesn’t make any sense. There’s a whole lot of life in front of us still, Lila, and I never planned on staying stagnant. I know it seems like a stretch, but can you trust me? I’ve given it a ton of thought and—”

Lila rose to her feet, disgust written on her face. “Jesus, I didn’t know you were so desperate for a guy that you had to go cradle robbing. Don’t do this. You’re making a huge mistake.”

Tasha fought the tears that threatened. “Never in a million years did I expect you to respond like this.”

“Never in a million years did I expect you to go trolling through my family to find—”

“Enough!” Holy shit, where had this gone so wrong, so fast? Tasha stood and grabbed her purse, swinging it over her shoulder and stiffening her spine. “I’m sorry this upset you. That wasn’t my intention.”

Lila shook her head. “Then stop what you’re doing and listen for a minute. You don’t need to go racing off into marriage. Just…put it on the back burner for a while. Tell Max you need more time. You and I can take a holiday. Plan some fun things to do together. I don’t know, maybe some retail therapy. A bunch of girls’ time out and you’ll be able to see things in a clearer light.”

Fuck. She wasn’t getting it. “What light is that, Lila?”

Her friend rounded the table, as if coming in for a hug. “You need something to get you back to normal.”

A laugh burst out, shaky around the edges. Tasha backed away. Lila didn’t understand, and she was talking crazy-talk. Shopping was supposed to be an alternative to getting married? “Normal? What’s normal? Hanging out with you and—?”

“Yes. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with how things were going in our lives before you decided you needed a guy around again. It’s not worth it, Tasha. Just give up trying to find that kind of happiness, okay?”

Tasha closed her eyes for a second and prayed for strength. “You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t, and if you insist on going ahead with this stupidity, you’re on your own. I won’t be a party to it.” Lila’s arms were folded again, red flushing her cheeks.

“I take that as a no to witnessing then.”

“Damn straight.”

She waited for one more second, hoping that there would be some sign of weakening. Something that she could say to redeem this fuck-fest of a conversation. Nothing. Lila turned her back and slipped into the kitchen.

Tasha forced herself to walk calmly away, wondering if this was indicative of what she could expect in the days to come. So much for the entire Turner family being supportive and welcoming. Her friend had not only dismissed her and Max as a couple, but reawakened everything she’d worried about in terms of a long-term relationship with him.

What the hell had she done?

She escaped into her car before she gave into her tears, indulging for a moment. There wasn’t anything more she could do about Lila, but it hurt.

Damn hormones anyway. Getting her period hadn’t helped the situation either.

Her phone rang and she cleared her throat carefully before answering it.

“Hey, Max, what’s up?”

His voice sounded light and happy on the line. “I was wondering how it went with Lila. Does she need a ride or anything to the office for Friday?”

So much for having a clear throat. Her response stuck. “She’s not coming.”

“Damn, that’s too bad. I was worried with it being short notice people might have trouble. Did she already have a commitment?”

Tasha leaned her head on the cool glass of her side window. “She thinks I’m an idiot and cradle-robber. She does not approve of us getting married, and I think she hates me a little right now.”

“No way. Are you kidding? Lila would never hate you.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not coming.”

“Oh, Tasha, I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” They sat in silence for a minute.

He coughed, his voice gentle when he spoke again. “I’m not sure if this is the right time, but I actually called because someone had something they wanted to say to you. Are you okay if I put them on? I think…you might like to hear this.”

Right now? All she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and pull the covers over her head. “Fine.”

“Hey,” he whispered, “it’s going to be okay, all right?”

She sighed.

Suddenly her ear was filled with a long, loud squeal of delight. “Oh my word, Tasha, are you guys serious? You’re getting married? That is so fantastic, I swear I’m shaking.”

If a phone could produce bubbles, she’d have been buried in a flash, the sheer enthusiasm and excitement pouring over the line sending tiny smacks of refreshment against her weary soul. “Maxine?”

“I’m sorry, I should have said it was me. Junior just told me, and asked if I’d come and witness, along with Mom and Dad, and I’m so excited for you guys. This is perfect. I’ve been telling Max for years to get his butt in gear and stop farting around, and ask you out again, and now you’re not just dating, you’re getting married? I’m so happy for you.”

Tasha clung to the phone, not sure what to say. Which didn’t seem to matter because Max’s sister seemed to have enough to say for the both of them.

“I know you want to keep it pretty low-key and all, and I guess I can see that. I mean, a Turner wedding? Insanity times ten. But can I at least convince you to take some spa time with me on Thursday? Did you pick out what you’re going to wear yet? Oh my, what about some flowers—let me take care of that, okay? And if you’d like, I’ll ask Maxamin to come and take a few pictures. He’ll be happy to, and that way you can still have something to flash for the clan when they all ask.”

Tasha forced herself to cut in before the bubbly outburst continued for too long. “So…you’re okay with the idea of Max and I getting married?”

“Are you crazy? I think it’s awesome. Tasha, you’ve been around forever, and you guys fit perfect, really. Only I’m a little choked that I didn’t notice that you were dating. He only told me the night of Gramma’s party, and I thought that was like your first date. You guys have been sneaky, but I don’t care too much. It’s your life, and again, that whole Turner thing… Secrets can be a good thing.”

A short laugh escaped Tasha, the tightness in her chest easing. “Maxy, I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I’m touched.”

“You’re touched? I’m going to have a sister! I’m over the moon. It may seem like I’ve got people around all the time, what with the clan and everyone, but you’re special. You’ve always been special.”

Damn it, the girl was going to have her in tears again without even trying. “I’m very glad you’re pleased. Thank you for being willing to witness for us. And the pictures sound like a great idea. The spa as well.”

“Do you have a dress picked out? Can I help with that?”

A dress? Pictures, a spa trip? She’d planned to wear a nice suit she had and figured that would be enough. Suddenly, it wasn’t, and all of Maxine’s enthusiasm helped to ease the pain of Lila’s rejection. It didn’t wipe it away completely, but it was certainly a step in the right direction.

“I don’t want anything too fancy, but yeah, if you’d like to go shopping with me, we can do that. Monday?”

Maxine gushed a bit more before setting up a time and place to meet, and passing the phone back to her brother. Tasha’s thoughts spun as she considered what to say to him. Somehow in one move he’d accomplished the impossible, without even trying.

“Tasha?”

“You have the sweetest sister in the world, you know that?”

He chuckled. “I seem to have told her that a few times. She argues with me, but the proof is all there.” His voice dropped a notch. “You all right? I’ll be done my to-do list in about an hour, then I can join you.”

“You’re nearly done already? How the hell did you do that?” They’d split the list of things they had to accomplish, and she’d done…none of hers, since number one had been to get her witness lined up.

“Efficient task planning, and a whole lot of bullying my relatives into favors. Tell you what. Go home. I’ll meet you there. If I help you with your stuff, we’ll be done in no time. Also, if you’re okay with it, my parents wanted to have us over for a celebratory dinner.”

“That sounds…like just what I needed to hear.” She paused for a second. “Hey, Max?”

“Yeah?”

She could picture him, that flirty smile on his face, his eyes attentive and bright as he waited for her. “Thanks. I’m going to be okay.”

“We’re going to be more than okay, but it will take time. I’ll catch you in a bit.”

She hung up and stared out the window. There were a few clouds floating against the brilliant blue sky, but for the most part, it was clear and bright. She wasn’t crazy, she had to trust that the situation with Lila was merely a cloud passing in front of the sun for a brief moment.

She turned and headed home, surprised, but pleased to be looking forward to Maxwell’s company for the rest of the day. It made the bitter a little easier to deal with.

Max had a difficult time remembering to keep it light. From the moment he’d picked up Tasha from his sister’s where she’d been getting ready for the ceremony, he’d been fighting to hold back the sweet words that wanted to escape.

It was much more than she made him dizzy with lust. The fact she trusted him enough to tie her life to his without loving him—that appealed to him more than she could possibly know. He knew what he felt, and how it motivated him to want to give everything to her. She on the other hand, was going into this based strictly on logic, and somehow that impressed him more than if she had confessed her undying love.

Although he really wanted that as well.

Now she stood across from him, repeating the simple words they’d written together. Promises to be there for each other, and for their family when one came along. He grinned harder, remembering how smug Tasha had seemed that she’d managed to successfully avoid using the word love in their vows.

What was love, but a commitment? He hoped he’d be able to rub that in sometime during their first anniversary.

Having his sister there was sweet, and bitter, considering Lila had refused to reconsider and continued to give Tasha the cold shoulder. He couldn’t see how his cousin could be so self-centered and stubborn, especially after he’d called her to try and talk sense into her.

They finished the simple ceremony, kissed Maxine and his parents farewell, and ducked into his car.