Vivian Arend - Turn It Up

She wanted to believe. Wanted to love him back, but that last step was proving more than she could take. Call her a fool, say she was crazy, but even almost a year of being loved wasn’t long enough to erase the pain of too much previous rejection.

The baby rolled, feet and elbows bulging the surface of her skin and she sniffed, running a hand over the thin layers separating them. This was the only truth she knew to be absolutely real. There was someone here who was going to need her and would accept her completely.

“Tasha, where are you?”

She wiped her eyes frantically as Maxwell stepped down the porch toward her. “Here.”

“I was worried. Not even you take that much time in the bathroom.” The teasing tone in his voice matched his expression for a split second as he knelt beside her. Then he spotted her tears and swore. “Hey, what’s up? You feeling okay?”

He dropped a hand to cover hers where it rested on her belly. She grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him close, burying her face in his neck. Leaning against his body in an attempt to draw strength from him. While the evening was tainted with the poison of Lila’s words, she didn’t want to make it worse by giving Max ammunition to want to hunt his cousin down.

The constant rubbing of his fingers along her neckline soothed her, but she’d had enough. “Just hormones. Can we go home?”

“Of course. I’ll grab our things. You don’t even have to come back into the house.”

Yeah, that would be good to avoid. Having to explain that Lila had been cruel, or blaming the tears on the baby—neither of them sat right. He helped her up, his hands tender on her body as he brought her to the car and seated her.

“Let me say good night for us and I’ll be right back.” He raced up the stairs with his usual energy as she collapsed back in the seat, grateful to be away from the crowd and any reminders of the twisted conversation.

They couldn’t go on this way. Somewhere she had to find the strength to take the final steps needed to rid herself of her fears.

“Wait a minute. Back up a bit. Did you crash or get a virus?”

“Neither, I think. But there’s a whole section of the files I can’t access anymore and I’m not sure why.”

With that, Max’s goals for the morning dashed out the window. He had to take this call—rescuing the program now was preferable to having to rewrite the entire system later. He scribbled a note for Tasha who was still asleep, and left.

It took nearly two full hours to rescue his client’s computer, and since he was out, he stopped on the way back to pick up a few groceries and do a few chores.

Gramma had made the decision to move. He’d received the papers that he and Tasha needed to sign so Maxine could go ahead and take ownership of the Turner’s legacy home. Miracle of miracles, their own house was done, with the first loads of boxes already taken over. Tomorrow the rest of the furniture would be moved via Turner Clan Express, and they’d officially start life in their new home. In the nick of time too, with the baby’s due date only two weeks away. Fourteen days, or three hundred thirty-six hours, or twenty thousand one hundred sixty minutes…not that he was counting or anything.

Max yawned as he leaned back in the elevator and waited to reach their floor. Tasha was already looking ready to pop, and uncomfortable all the time. He slipped into the apartment, anticipating the day they’d be in the house and he wouldn’t need to take that long trip anymore.

“Tasha? Where are you?”

He dropped the bags in the kitchen and went looking for her. It didn’t take long—she had collapsed on the couch with her shoes kicked off and her eyes closed. Seeing the dark smudges under her eyes turned a knot inside him. Maybe it was a normal part of having a baby, but she seemed so tired all the time, especially since that game night a week ago. He’d even asked at the last prenatal visit if she might have caught something, but the doctor had laughed.

“It’s called pregnancy. She’ll get over it soon.”

He sat beside her, wanting to smooth his knuckles against her cheek but resisting for fear he’d wake her. The mound of her belly lay on the couch next to her like an obedient puppy, and wonder of wonders, the baby fidgeted and he saw the movement.

Just a little longer and I get to see who you are.

“You were out for a while.” She stared up at him, her eyes barely opened as she sighed drowsily.

“Work emergency. And groceries, and gas. Plus, I picked up the final light fixture the builder insisted they couldn’t get. Idiots.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry. I should have done those things, but I’m feeling awfully lazy.”

He gave in to his need to touch her. He tucked his hand around her neck, leaning down to kiss her soft lips. “Please. You’re not being lazy. I told you I’d do them, just wasn’t expecting to do them this morning.”

“What was the emergency?”

“Just computer stuff. Next time, though, I’ll get Maxy to take the call. She’s doing great.” In fact, she was better than she thought she was. He’d have to remember to let her know.

“She’s very happy working with you.”

Her words pulled him back to attention. “And I’m glad to have her on board. I feel bad that I’ve loaded her down with a bunch of extra work over the next while.”

Tasha stretched, reaching down to lift her belly with her hands as she twisted to a sitting position. “Don’t worry about it. She needs something to distract her right now.”

Max crawled up on the couch, settling her between his legs so he could reach around and massage her stomach. She moaned with pleasure, relaxing against him and his heart leapt. “Why does she need a distraction?”

“Why? She broke up with Jamie.”

Hallelujah. “Finally. I mean, she never mentioned it to me.”

Tasha snorted. “You really think she was going to with the attitude you’ve shown toward him since the start?”

“Good point. I’m still glad he’s gone. She needs a far nicer guy.”

She let her head fall back on his shoulder. “She doesn’t need nice, Max. She needs someone to let her be herself. I just hope she…”

The words faded away and she attempted to retreat.

“Oh no, you don’t.” He scrambled around and blocked her path. “You don’t start a sentence like that and then leave in mid-thought. You hope what?”

Tasha wrinkled her nose. “She’s looking for her independence, that’s all. I mean, she’s the same age as you, and she’s feeling the need to find someone to love. I think she was hoping Jamie would be the one. I don’t think he was the right guy for her first.”

“Argh.” Max stood and paced away. “Thanks for sharing that with me. Damn it, why didn’t I know they were getting that serious?”

“Umm, hello?” Tasha frowned. “She’s old enough to know her own mind. It wasn’t your job to be the defender of her virginity.”

Max stopped in confusion. What was Tasha giving him hell for? Shit… Okay, not a topic he wanted to discuss. “No, I’m not talking about her having sex. I didn’t expect her to be some kind of vestal virgin until she died, although I would have been happy to discover she was.”

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Max. You had sex before we got married. Hell, we had sex before we were married.”

“I know, I know, but she’s my…” Her glare stopped him cold. “Okay, I won’t use that ‘she’s my sister’ as an excuse again, but you know what I mean. My parents are never supposed to do it, neither is my sister. It’s an unspoken rule.”

She shook her head. “You’re a nut.”

He gave her a mock salute before worry forced his legs to move. How come he never saw this coming? “It’s the other part that bothers me. You said she’s looking for her independence? You don’t think she’s going to run out and find some guy to move in with? Shit. That’s why she was asking me all those questions the other day. I should have known.”

Tasha wiggled her way upright, frowning at him. “Now you’re being a jackass. She’s not stupid—that wouldn’t be independence. Like she needs another bossy male organizing her life. You know, not everything is yours to fix, discuss or be responsible for.”

“She’s my sister.”

“Jesus. Good job. You went all of thirty seconds without using that excuse. Yes, fine, she’s your sister, and your business partner. So worry about those roles, instead of the stuff you’re not in charge of.”

Max shook his head vehemently. “You don’t understand. I feel like I’ve been neglecting her. I should have noticed. Not to fix it for her, but to be there and offer support. I’ve always been there before, and I had no idea this was even going on. I feel like I missed the boat.”

Tasha held out her hand and he took it, helping her off the couch. When she leaned against him, he automatically hugged her, sheltering and holding her close. His frustration didn’t diminish, but it slid to a back burner. How could he stay on edge with her in his arms?

Her voice was soft, but clear. “Max, how many hours are there in a day? And how many of those hours do you spend doing things for other people? Dealing with emergencies, taking care of family? Then add the hours you’ve put into building your business.”

He still could have done better. “I’ve always been able to do it all before.”

“You’ve never been in this situation before. You’ve dealt with your education and moving out and living alone—I bet during each one of those seasons of your life you had different responsibilities, right?”

Fuck. No fair breaking out the logic. He couldn’t fight logic. “I know where you’re going with this, but that doesn’t make it any better.”

She grabbed his chin in her hands and squeezed. “It makes it real. You can’t be everything to everyone. You’ve got a full-time job, you’ve got me and a baby about to arrive. Your life has changed, this is your new reality. Maxine is old enough she’s not going to share everything with you anymore. She’s thinking about the same kind of things you have. About establishing a family and moving to the next stage of her life. Don’t you want that for her?”

“Of course.”

“And since you’re not spending all your time with her, that means she’s got time to visit with others like me. I think she’s enjoying my company. Are you going to begrudge me that?”

“Of course not.”

She squeezed him hard, her smile lighting up her face, and she’d never looked more beautiful. “Then set the routines into place that will let you take care of what’s really important—like you taught me back when we started exercising together. Take care of the things that are important, and that’s all you can do. But, Max, make sure you’re asking your sister what’s significant to her. You might be surprised how eager she is to grasp more independence, especially from the family.”

The sense in her words settled deep. “I still think Jamie was an asshole.”

Tasha snickered. “Agreed. And I guess he sucked in the sack—”

“Nooooo.” Max slammed his hands over his ears and mock-glared at her.

She covered her mouth to hold back her laughter, the other hand dropping to support her belly.

Minx. He tweaked her nose, then more seriously wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, staring into her beautiful eyes. God, he loved her. “What would I do without you?”

He leaned in and kissed her thoroughly before grabbing a file folder off the table and retreating to his office. He needed to figure out the legalese of the family legacy and the house, so he could make sure that Maxine didn’t lose the one thing she’d already made clear was important to her.

Tasha stared at his back as he left, feeling as if she’d somehow won the lottery. Being able to reassure him? Priceless.

She wandered into the kitchen, struck by a sudden desire for orange juice. After pouring it, the bags of groceries on the table caught her eye, and the dirty shelves in the fridge. They’d be moving tomorrow and the fridge was still a mess. She pulled everything off the top shelf, grabbed a warm washcloth and a small box, and started organizing items as she organized her thoughts.

This morning she’d woken with a million different threads running through her brain, looping around and knotting together until she’d given up on sleep and hauled her heavy body out of bed and into the shower. The water had done nothing to clear the tangled mess, and she’d wandered the apartment restlessly for hours.