K. Robinson - Twisted Ties

I suddenly felt nervous. No one had seen me like this except for Jesse, and I barely knew Andy. But Jesse had cheated on me. He didn’t care about me, and he never had. It was time to move on even if it was for only one night. Andy’s body covered mine, and I pushed Jesse from my mind.

I watched as Andy reached over and grabbed a condom from the nightstand drawer. He ripped it open and slipped it on. I closed my eyes as he lowered his body over mine, and then he slipped inside. My breath hitched as he filled me.

This wasn’t about emotions. This was about getting off.

Andy started thrusting as I raised my hips. I clung to him as he worked to push me over the edge. My breathing grew ragged as he brought me closer and closer to the edge. I tightened my legs around him to bury him deeply inside me as I came. He groaned as he released with me.

When our heartbeats slowed down, he slipped out and threw the condom away. We were both silent as he climbed back into bed with me. He didn’t hold me, and I didn’t expect him to.

* * *

“Well, isn’t this cute?”

I opened my eyes to see sunlight coming through a window. My head was fuzzy as I tried to figure out where I was. The events of the night before came crashing back as my eyes landed on Andy in bed beside me.

“Sorry to wake you.”

My head snapped up to see Ally standing in the doorway. Oh god, this couldn’t be happening. There was no way that I’d slept with Andy last night. There was no way that Ally had just walked in to see what I’d done.

Andy groaned and rolled over. He opened his eyes enough to see me beside him and Ally across the room. His eyes widened as he stared back at me. It was obvious that he was as shocked as I was.

“I would say I’m surprised, but I’m not,” Ally said as she watched us digest everything.

I wanted to slap the stupid smile she was wearing right off her face.

“Get out of here,” Andy said quietly.

Ally laughed. “I’m going, I’m going. I just want to savor this for another minute or two. I always knew she was a slut. This just proves that I was right. Jesse has been gone for, what? A month? She barely waited a month before she moved on with his best friend.”

“Get out!” Andy roared.

Ally rolled her eyes, and then she turned and walked out. Andy waited until she closed the door before he rolled over to look at me. We both stared at each other, unable to think of anything to say.

“This can’t be happening,” Andy finally groaned as he looked away and stared up at the ceiling.

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“I do. We fucked up—big time. I’m sorry, Emma. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

That stung a little even though it shouldn’t. From what Jesse had told me, Andy slept with everyone without a second thought, but he now regretted sleeping with me. My eyes welled up with tears. This whole situation was a mess.

“Hey, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that you’re Jesse’s girl—or at least, you used to be. You’re an attractive chick, but last night should have never happened. I didn’t invite you over with the intention of sleeping with you. I’m an asshole, but I’m not that big of an asshole.”

I gave him a weak smile as tears continued to flow. “I feel like I cheated on him. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it.”

Andy sighed. “Look, we were both messed-up. There’s nothing we can do now. Let’s just pretend that it never happened and move on.”

“That’s a great plan—except Ally knows. She hates me, and she can use this against me. All of your friends know that I was with Jesse. If Ally tells them that I slept with you, everyone will think that I’m a slut. I don’t want that to get back to my school. I can’t handle that.”

“I’ll deal with Ally. She can be a hard-ass, but she’s my sister. She won’t say anything if I ask her not to.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Thank you. Andy?”

“What?”

“I need to go, but I’m naked.”

“Oh shit.” He laughed. “I’m so torn between embarrassing the fuck out of you or being the nice guy.”

“Andy, I will kill you.”

“Fine.” He threw the covers off of himself and stood.

My cheeks flamed as I stared at a naked Andy. “You’re an ass.”

“What? I’m just getting up, so I can get dressed. I’ll leave you alone to find your clothes.”

I stayed silent as he grabbed a pair of shorts and threw them on. He grinned as he walked to the door and opened it.

“See? I’m just being a nice guy.”

“Out!” I yelled.

He simply laughed again as he closed the door behind him. I waited a few minutes to make sure that he was really gone before I stood and started searching for my clothes. My bra and shirt were in the living room, so I searched until I found a baggy shirt of his to wear home.

When I opened his door and walked into the living room, he was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my shirt, bra, and keys before slipping silently outside to where my car was parked.

I shook my head to push the memories away. What was done is done, and there isn’t a thing I can do to change it. I’d regretted sleeping with Andy for the last two years, but I’d accepted it. We’d made a mistake while drinking—that was all. We’d rarely talked about it since, and we had become really good friends after that night. Everything happened for a reason, and I knew that we never would have ended up as friends if I hadn’t gone over there that day.

I just hated that Jesse knew.

No, I didn’t hate that he knew. I hated the fact that I wasn’t the one who had told him. If things had worked out the way I’d hoped, I would have told him eventually…maybe. Of course, things never worked out the way I wanted. I’d never factored Ally into the equation, and she was the one who had screwed up everything. She always did. It was her fault that Jesse and I had split in the beginning. It was her fault that he’d left. It was her fault that he knew about what had happened between Andy and me. It was her fault that I couldn’t be with him now.

It was all her fault.

No, that last part wasn’t her fault. Jesse obviously wanted to be with her, or he wouldn’t be. She might be the reason that we weren’t together, but it was his choice to be with her now. I hated her for everything that she’d done, but I hated her for what she couldn’t control most of all. No matter how much she schemed, she couldn’t control his feelings for her. She couldn’t make him love her, but he did anyway.

I wanted this all to go away. I wanted to go back in time, to be back in California, living the life I’d had before Jesse had come into it and changed everything. I wanted to be the girl I had been before, the girl who had never been hurt. It was amazing how one person could walk into my life and change everything. I was tired of hurting over a man who had moved on. I wanted to move on, too. I just wasn’t sure how. It was obvious that going to Sam’s party hadn’t helped. It had only made things worse. I just wanted to forget everything that Jesse had made me feel. If I could do that, I would be okay.

It was time that I figured out what I wanted to do with my life instead of hanging on to the past. There was nothing left for me from back then. I needed to accept that and figure out where I wanted to go from here.

West Virginia was great, but I wasn’t sure that I could stay here. There was always a chance that I would run into Jesse or Ally here, and I didn’t need that. I needed to be far away from both of them. I knew Andy would understand. He always had. The only question was whether or not he would follow me if I didn’t go back to California. I knew he’d come to West Virginia to help me with Jesse, but if I left, there was no reason for him to go with me. I wasn’t sure how I would handle being on my own and starting over completely.

I knew I couldn’t stay here, but I didn’t want to go home either. So, where do I want to be? I knew my dad would help me get to wherever I wanted. I just wasn’t sure where my destination would be.

I thought about the colleges I’d applied to last year. There were several that I’d been interested in despite my need to find Jesse. I could go to one of them. I smiled as a plan began to form in my head. I would stay here until the semester was over, and then I was going to transfer to a new school.

I stood and walked to my desk. I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing down the schools that I’d been genuinely interested in—University of California, Washington State University, Florida State University, Boston University, New York University. The University of California was in Los Angeles - too close to home, so that one was out. It rained a lot in Washington, so that one was out, too. That left me with three choices. I stared down at the paper, trying to decide where my life would take me.

I finally decided on New York. It was pretty much as far away from home as I could get without leaving the country. Plus, tons of people were there. Surely, I’d find a friend and a way to start over.

I tore the sheet of paper out of my notebook and put it in my desk drawer. I needed to think this through before I made my final decision. Plus, I wanted to talk to Andy. I wanted him to come with me, but I knew the chances of that happening were slim. I still had to try though. After I talked to him, I’d call my dad to see if he would help me. I knew he probably would, but I didn’t want to assume anything.

I would figure things out, and when I did, I was going to start living again.

I stared at the door Emma had just slammed in my face. I couldn’t believe that I’d said those things to her. I’d never meant to hurt her. I’d knocked on her door with every intention of telling her the truth about Ally, but the whole conversation had gone south before I had the chance. Emma had to think that I was the biggest asshole alive. For all I knew, she still believed that I’d cheated on her with Ally two years ago, and now, she thought that Ally was pregnant with my kid. It was like the entire world had decided that she needed to think the absolute worst of me.

Only Ally and I knew the truth. I’d done absolutely nothing wrong last time or this time. I was just the asshole who had been dealt a shit hand when it came to my relationship with Emma. If things were different now, maybe Emma would have been willing to give me a second chance. My promise to Ally and her relationship with Andy stood in the way. The two people who had meant the most to me for so many years were the ones who were destroying what I wanted.

I turned and walked away from Emma’s closed door. I needed to leave before I beat on her door and begged her to take me back. I wanted to take her and run away from this entire situation.

I walked back across campus to where my car was parked. There was no way that I was going to be able to sit in the library and work tonight. I had too much going on in my head. I couldn’t go home either. Ally wasn’t working tonight, so I knew she’d be there, waiting on me. I couldn’t face her right now. I knew it wasn’t entirely her fault, but at the moment, I wanted to blame her for all of this. Keeping my temper in check, I had to keep repeating to myself that she didn’t ask for this to happen to her.

I aimlessly drove around Morgantown. My mom and Mark lived about an hour south of Morgantown, so I was slightly familiar with it, but not enough to know where I was going. I really didn’t care at this point. I just wanted to drive. It didn’t matter where I ended up as long as I escaped.

Ally tried calling my cell phone a couple of times, but I ignored her. I knew she would worry if I didn’t answer, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear her whining. That was all she’d been doing lately—whining or yelling at me. Then, she would apologize a few minutes later, claiming the pregnancy was making her moody. For some reason, I didn’t believe her. Ally had always been moody, but it had been worse than normal lately. I thought it had more to do with the fact that Emma was around than anything else.

I did manage to get lost a few times, but I figured out where I was once I started to see familiar buildings. I drove by Andy’s apartment complex twice before I even realized what building it was. I slowed down the third time. I parked in the same parking lot where I had followed Emma to the first day I’d seen her.