“I can’t handle this,” I cried out.

“Yes, you can. You didn’t come all this way just to give up. So what if Ally is here? It doesn’t change the fact that you still care about him. It’s been two years, Emma, since you walked away from him, and you still can’t let go. That should tell you something. You still love him as much as you did back then. People search their entire lives to find someone they care about as much as you care about Jesse. You can’t just walk away because of Ally.”

“What if she tells him?” I whispered.

I felt him tense.

“There’s nothing we can do if she does. I told you from the beginning that I thought he should know. I never wanted to hide it from him. Lying to him won’t make it go away. It’ll only haunt you until you tell him the truth.”

“I plan to tell him once we get everything worked out. I’m just afraid that he’ll hate me.” That was mostly true. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I had ever planned to tell Jesse the truth. I wasn’t sure I could handle his reaction.

“Then, he’ll hate me, too. What’s done is done, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. I wish I could change what happened, but I can’t.”

“We were stupid,” I said.

“We were.”

I closed my eyes as the worst mistake of my life played over and over in my head.

“Emma? Are you okay?” Andy whispered in the darkness as we sat together on his couch.

I raised my head to look up at him. “No.”

“Me either,” he said as his other hand came up to cup my face.

A small amount of light was coming from the kitchen. It was enough to see him leaning down toward me. I only had a second to realize what he was about to do before he did it. I froze as his lips crushed against mine. I gasped in shock, but I didn’t pull away.

My head was fuzzy as I opened my mouth to allow his tongue to slip inside. I moaned as he pushed me, so I was lying back on the couch with him on top of me. Fuck, this feels good. My head swam from both lust and the alcohol I’d consumed.

Both of his hands went to my hips and pulled me tighter against him. I could feel him through his shorts, and lust shot through my veins, making me moan. His breath was ragged as he kissed a trail from my lips to my neck. I moved my head to the side to give him better access.

“You smell so good,” I panted.

“You taste good,” he muttered before running his tongue across my skin.

Goose bumps broke out erupted everywhere as he continued to kiss and lick his way across my skin. He raised me up long enough to pull my shirt over my head before pushing me back down onto the couch. His hands skimmed across my stomach, causing my muscles to jump. His kisses felt like fire as he kissed between my breasts and down my stomach. I wiggled my hips, trying to feel his thickness against me.

“Emma? Emma! Where did you go?” Andy asked.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about…”

“About, what?”

“That night.”

He was silent as he studied me. So many things had been left unsaid between us, even after all this time. We’d talked about what had happened but not really. Every time one of us had mentioned it, the other would change the subject. I knew that we would have to talk about it eventually, but I couldn’t. If we admitted to what had happened, then it would be true.

“Don’t think about it. Think about how you’re going to get Jesse back,” Andy said as he hugged me.

“You’re right. I can’t let Ally destroy everything again. I came all this way to find Jesse, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

* * *

I felt like an idiot as I sat outside in my car with Andy, waiting for Ally to leave work. It felt wrong to follow someone, like we were stalking her, but I didn’t have a better plan at the moment.

The restaurant had closed almost twenty minutes ago. We’d been sitting here for over half an hour, and there was still no sign of Ally. Surely, she would be leaving before much longer.

I had class early tomorrow, and I didn’t want to sit out here all night. I could barely keep my eyes open as it was. More than once, Andy had nudged me when my eyes started to close.

This is getting ridiculous.

I opened my mouth to suggest going home and trying again another night when the restaurant door opened. Ally and a few other girls came out. I watched as Ally waved good night to them, and then she walked over to an older model Ford Escort.

“Showtime,” I said to Andy as I started my car.

It was almost eleven, but a few cars were still on the road. As I followed her, I made sure to stay far enough back, so she wouldn’t notice me. She had no reason to suspect someone was following her, but it would look suspicious if the same car tailed her the entire way home. She slowed and turned into a driveway next to a one-story white house. I was surprised at just how close to campus she was.

I parked a few cars down the street and watched as she walked inside the house.

“Now what?” Andy asked.

“I have no idea. Maybe wait around for a few to see if someone comes out?”

“Really?” Andy asked in disbelief.

“Do you have a better idea?” I shot back.

“Yeah, let’s go knock on the door and see if Jesse answers.”

“And what if he doesn’t? Just because she’s here doesn’t mean he is. This might not even be her house. She could be visiting a friend.”

“Okay, you’ve got a point. But do you really think someone is going to randomly walk out of the house this late at night?”

I sighed. I didn’t, but I wasn’t sure what to do. “Not really.”

“Why don’t we come back tomorrow? If the car is still there, we’ll know it’s her house.”

“I guess,” I said, unwilling to leave just yet.

“Come on, Emma, we need to go. We’re starting to act like stalkers.”

He had a point. I never thought I’d find myself desperate enough to sit outside a house, hoping that someone walked out.

“Okay. I’ll drive by tomorrow before class to see if anyone is around.”

* * *

No one was outside when I drove by the next morning. I hadn’t really expected to see anyone, but it still sucked. I was starting to feel desperate. There was a good chance that he was in that house, and I couldn’t even see him. I hated the fact that he might be living with Ally, but I couldn’t do a thing about it. I just had to wait and hope for the best.

My two classes were much like the day before. In each one, we went over our class syllabus the entire time. Abby wasn’t in either of them, but I managed to meet a few new people who seemed nice enough.

I sat by myself at lunch. I knew that I could sit with one of the girls I’d met earlier, but I didn’t want to. I was too preoccupied with finding Jesse to be social. After lunch, I dropped off my books in my dorm room before getting in my car and driving to the restaurant where Ally worked.

Her car was parked out front, so I knew she wouldn’t be home. Now was my chance. I had to go while she wasn’t at the house. I was terrified as I drove to the house she had entered last night.

Maybe if I knocked on the door, Jesse would answer. Again, I knew I was grasping at straws, but I didn’t care.

I parked a little ways down from the house and stepped out of my car. My heart was beating out of my chest as I walked up the steps to the front door. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door. When no one answered, I knocked again. I stood outside, feeling like an idiot, as I waited for someone to answer. After the third time, I finally gave up and accepted that no one was home. I turned and walked back down the steps and to my car. I sat in my car and waited for over an hour to see if someone would come home.

With no signs of life, I finally gave up and drove back to my dorm. I had a small assignment from my math class today, and I needed to get it done before I forgot about it.

After I finished my assignment, I drove to the local mall and purchased the printer I’d mentioned to Andy before. It was sad that I was excited to go out for a printer. I had absolutely no life outside of finding Jesse and spending time with Andy. Since Jesse was still a puzzle and Andy was working late, that left me with my printer.

I returned home and took my time with hooking it up and installing the software. When that was done, I checked my Facebook page to see if I had any new messages. I smiled when I saw one from Lucy, asking how I was.

She thought I was nuts for traveling across the country to find Jesse, but she still loved me. When I’d first told her about my plans, she had gotten mad at me. She’d pointed out that there was no way we would be able to stay close while living so far apart. I’d known she was right, but it hadn’t changed my decision.

After messaging her back, I sent my dad an email to let him know that everything was going well. Then, I shut off my laptop and crawled into bed. There was no use in going back out to see if Ally had returned to the same house. Even if she had, it wouldn’t mean that Jesse was there with her.

I closed my eyes as exhaustion took over. The last thought I had was whether or not I was insane.

* * *

Over the next two weeks, I fell into my new schedule. I only had morning classes, so after I was finished with those, I went back to my dorm and worked on my homework. When that was done, I’d either go to Andy’s house on his nights off, or I’d park outside of Ally’s house, like a stalker. I knew I was being pathetic, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Occasionally, I’d mix it up by going out for dinner with Abby, but that had been rare. I considered her a friend, but we weren’t close enough for me to tell her why I was really here.

When I went to Andy’s, we’d order something to eat and watch movies. Once in awhile, he’d drag me out to see a movie in an actual theater, or we’d do something dorky, like bowling. I had to admit that I was glad he’d decided to come with me.

I’d made a few friends since school started, but I was too focused on Jesse to put much energy into bonding with people. I knew something would have to give, or I was going to lose my damn mind. My stress levels were through the roof at this point.

Things finally did change one night, but it wasn’t in the way that I’d hoped. As each day had passed, I’d found myself spending more and more hours outside of Ally’s house. More than once, I’d fallen asleep and woken up the next morning, almost late for class. I’d started bringing my Kindle with me to pass the time, and it’d seemed to help most nights.

Unfortunately for me, I’d forgotten my Kindle tonight. Andy was working again, and I couldn’t call him to keep me awake. I’d caught myself drifting off several times, only to jerk awake. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, it was dark, and someone was tapping on my window. I groaned as I looked at the time on my dashboard. It was after midnight.

As I rolled my window down, I expected one of Ally’s neighbors to be there, waiting for me, so that they could yell at me for parking in front of their house. Instead, I stared at the face of a shocked Ally.

“What the fuck?” she shouted.

I froze as I stared at the person I hated most in the entire world. We’d never been alone together since everything had happened.

“I can’t fucking believe this! I thought I was nuts when I kept seeing this car every night when I came home. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Looking for Jesse,” I said defiantly. I knew I was busted, so there was no point in trying to lie.

“You’re pathetic. Did you really come all this way to find him?”

“Did you?” I asked. “Because I think you did.”

“Maybe I did, but at least I’m not parked outside of his house every night like a fucking psycho.”

“So, he does live here,” I said excitedly.

She’d given me the information I needed. Now that I knew he was here, there was no way that I was leaving without talking to him. She would have to beat me unconscious to keep me away.

“He does, but he doesn’t want to see you. I think you’ve hurt him enough.”

“I did hurt him, but I won’t again.”

I started to open my door, but she slammed it shut.

“Let me out of the fucking car.”

“No. I won’t let you go in there and destroy everything I’ve worked for.”

“What? Are you together now?”

“We are.”

I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. The moment I had seen Ally that day in the diner, I’d suspected something like this had happened. I wasn’t going to leave until I had the chance to talk to Jesse though. Maybe if he knew I was here, he’d leave her and come back to me.