No. It can’t be.

My hands clutched my hair as a cloud of torrid memories sucked me under.

“Hurt her, puta.”

“I’m going to rape this one—then you’ll know what it will feel like when I start on you.”

My ears roared. My heart died.

Blonde Angel.

It can’t be!

But it was. I’d stared into her eyes while hitting her. I’d listened to her screams while Leather Jacket tortured her. I would recognise her anywhere. She was a tattoo upon my soul.

She raised her arm, pointing at me. Painting me like the witch who deserved to be burned. The blissfully happy six months evaporated under the weight of what I’d done. How could I forget? How could I pretend I’d paid the toll when I’d killed a woman? When I’d brutally tortured another?

“Tess—Tess?” Q’s voice cut through my horror, dragging me back to the sunny warm day in France. Innocent. Safe. But it wasn’t innocent or safe.

My past had found me.

And now I must pay.

“Her,” I croaked. “It’s her.”

Blonde Angel fought Franco, trying to climb the steps. Her eyes never left mine, locked together in purgatory. She wore such innocuous clothing—a pair of loose fitting jeans and huge yellow jumper. Her hair was up in a ponytail—she looked so young. So young!

My eyes fell to her walking stick, splintering my heart more surely than any bat I’d swung or any terror I’d rained.

“Please—I just want to talk,” she called.

Her voice sent me straight back to Rio—to my dreams. There she’d been reincarnated to die night after night. Here she was real—a figment of my nightmares come to haunt me for my crimes.

Q wrapped an arm around me. I didn’t register his warmth or comfort. I didn’t register anything but bugs and beetles and pain.

“Please—let me pass. I promise I mean no harm,” Blonde Angel pleaded.

Franco looked to me. His chiselled face was dark. “Tess—what do you want me to do?”

Blonde Angel fanned her hands. “I only need a minute.”

I couldn’t say no to her. Regardless if she was there to kill me. I couldn’t’ say no to the woman I’d hurt so badly.

“Let her go, Franco.” My voice was reedy, lost.

“Tess?” Q shook me, but I sank into memories.

“That’s it. Do it. Hit her. Harder.”

 Blonde Angel hurled herself up the steps, beelining for me. Her mouth opened, but I heard nothing. Only Leather Jacket lived in my ears.

“You’re so weak, puta. Beg for your life. Beg for it—maybe then we won’t make you kill her.”

Tears.

They sprouted up my throat, trickling from my eyes. My entire body wept for what I’d done to this girl. She halted a foot away; both of us breathing hard, both staring silently. Her tears matched mine—a torrent of emotions on her heart-shaped face.

A story screamed in her gaze.

Confusion.

Hatred.

Sadness.

Forgiveness.

She cried out, deleting the space between us. I cowered, bringing my arms up to protect myself, but her body smashed against mine, clutching me hard.

I froze. Not breathing, hardly existing under the horror I’d caused.

Q grabbed the girl’s shoulder, wrenching her back. “Qu'est-ce que tu penses faire?” What the hell do you think you’re doing? His voice was livid, his body trembling with rage.

I opened my mouth to explain. How to explain? I’d told him what I’d done—what they made me do. But having the evidence standing as judgement was too much.

“I had to see her. I had to tell her,” Blonde Angel sniffed, uncaring tears tracked down her face.

I sucked in a fearful breath. My limbs quaked. “I’m—I’m—” I’m so damn sorry. So eternally, endlessly sorry. I’ll never ever forgive myself.

She shook her head, a smile breaking through her sorrow. “I had to tell you—I…” A fresh spillage of tears ruined her strength. Swallowing hard, she managed, “It wasn’t your fault. All that time, I knew you cared. You accepted more pain to stop us from receiving, but in the end nothing you did could’ve stopped it.”

She reached for me again, burying her face in my shoulder.

Something snapped inside. The grief I thought I’d dealt with gushed forth, purging the remaining darkness in my soul.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, clutching her, drowning in tears.

Q stiffened but never let go of my waist. I stood hugged by two people. My past and future. Anchored by my love, drifting on a sea of pain.

The world ceased to exist as I found closure in the arms of my victim. The arms of the woman who I’d watched be raped and traumatised.

Q’s hand shifted to my lower back, linking me to the present where I was good. Where I’d repaid my sins by saving others. He gave me silent support while I came undone on the steps of the Paris town hall.

Slowly, my grief ebbed. Blonde Angel smiled, her face blotchy and red. I knew my reflection would match completely.

A smile graced her lips, a weight lifting off her shoulders, evaporating into the sunny sky. “Thank you.”

I shook my head. “Thank you. For being strong enough to forgive me.”

She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “We were both their victims. We knew that. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Tess—is everything okay?” Q murmured, rubbing my spine. His eyes never stopped glaring at Blonde Angel. He stood as my guard, soothing my soul.

I smiled softly. “I’m better. Now.” Turning to Blonde Angel, I asked, “What’s your name?”

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s Sophie. And I’m guessing yours is Tess?” Her eyes flickered to Q, growing wide with awe. “I remember you. I remember you coming into our cell and some guards taking us away. I remember your home.”

My eyes snapped to Q. “She stayed at our house and I never knew?”

He clenched his jaw. “I didn’t want you to see any girls from Rio, Tess. For this exact fucking reason.” His gaze softened. “I’m very glad you’re happy now, Sophie, but can you please let go of my wife?”

Sophie laughed, rubbing the saltiness from her cheeks. “Sorry.” Letting go, she added, “Sorry for jumping on you. I just—when I saw you—I had to—”

I captured her hand. “I’m so glad you did. I’ll never be able to thank you.”

I would never be able to articulate the freedom inside—the freedom I didn’t even know I needed.

The prime minster cleared his throat. His eyes bounced from me to the woman hemmed in between Q and Franco. “Um, miss. Are you saying you had direct contact with Mrs. Mercer when she was taken in the reported second incident?”

Oh, no. My heart picked up. I couldn’t have my crimes told. I wouldn’t be able to advocate Feathers of Hope if people knew what I’d done in that awful place. “No—she—”

Q growled low and threatening. “Leave her out of this. She came to see my wife. Nothing more.”

Sophie flashed me a smile, before facing the prime minster. “I respect Mr. Mercer, but yes. I knew this woman before I was rescued by him. I know what she went through, and I know how intrinsically good she is.”

My heart fell out of my chest. I was full of deceit. I hadn’t been good then. I’d been drugged out of my mind—their little puppet.

“Shoot her, puta. Or we’ll cut off her fingers.”

Why didn’t I shoot Leather Jacket? Why did I have to obey?

Prime minster nodded, his eyes glinting. “Would you be so kind to say a few words to the crowd, on behalf of the charities Mr. and Mrs. Mercer run?”

“Quoi!” What? “No. Definitely not,” Q snapped. “Leave her—”

“I’d love to,” Sophie said, almost giving Q a heart attack.

Sophie gave me another smile and I knew I had to trust her. Whatever she said would be the truth—I couldn’t control how people perceived it. There was no arguing with what I’d done.

Laying a hand on Q’s trembling forearm, I swallowed my fear. “Let her, Q. Let her speak.”

Q’s jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring with anger.

“Very good.” The prime minster handed Sophie a wireless microphone, guiding her to stand in front of us. “You may begin when you’re ready.”

The crowd hushed from bedlam to whispers. Their energy was infectious. My legs itched to run. I didn’t want to be here—not when people learned the truth.

Sophie looked behind, holding out her hand.

What? No. I can’t!

I squirmed backward, pressing against Q, seeking his protection like a wimp.

Q cursed under his breath. “I wish I could carry you away from this, Tess. But you can’t run—not now.” Pushing me forward, he murmured, “Stand beside her. Be strong.”

My heart confounded with terror, horror, and everything in-between. I inched close to Sophie, avoiding the eyes of the crowd.

All women. Women saved by Q.

The only woman I’d had contact with, I’d beaten until she screamed for mercy. I’m an imposter—a fraud!

I couldn’t breathe. The sun was too bright.

Please, fly me away from here.

Sophie linked her fingers with mine. Holding the mic to her lips, she said softly, “My name is Sophie White, and I owe my life to Mr. Mercer.”

The crowd went deathly silent. The quiet click of cameras and whir of video recorders were the only noise. I stood terrified and judged beside the woman I’d done such atrocious things to.

I couldn’t move.

“My story began with the death of my grandmother. We used to go to the regular flower show. I collect berry seeds—I make my own tea, you see…” Her voice trailed off before growing louder. “I was sitting on a bench, nursing my sadness, when a nice man sat beside me. He asked why I was crying. I told him about my grandmother—about how much I missed her. It felt so good to talk to someone, so when he asked me out for dinner, I didn’t hesitate.”

Her voice turned inward, filling with memories. “People think you’ll get taken from dark alleys or seedy nightclubs. The truth is…nowhere is safe.”

She swallowed. “They stole me three days before my grandmother’s funeral. I never got to say goodbye. I woke up cold and bruised in the dark. I was there for ages—or maybe it wasn’t that long at all—time plays tricks on you when you’re no longer a girl but property.”

Her hands tightened around the microphone.

My barcode tattoo with the sparrow inked into the cage, itched. I’d been property. I’d been merchandise for sale. I knew how it felt to be traded. And I also knew how it felt to be saved.

My heart lost its terrified rhythm. I stood taller. These women were my allies. These women were the reason why Q found me.

“I won’t go into my captivity—but I will say that when Mr. Mercer arrived, I didn’t want to live anymore. I was ready for death. I craved death. But he wouldn’t let me.”

My lungs stuck together. My own ordeal swamped me. Not only had Q fought to get me home, he’d sacrificed so much to bring me back to a life I no longer wanted. I’d been so busy wrapping myself up like Rapunzel in my tower—I’d forgotten how much I had to live for.

I hurt him so much.

He forced me to embrace pleasure as well as pain. He gave me a fuller life—a life I never deserved.

He loves me so much.

I turned to stare at my husband, suffering a flush of all-encompassing love. He smiled, the sun catching the tiny scars I’d marred him with.

 Sophie continued, “Mr. Mercer opened his home to those of us rescued in Rio. He paid for our doctors, provided psychiatric help, and gave us time to heal away from our families. Families who we didn’t want to let down by being broken.

“By the time I returned home, I was strong enough to be supportive of my boyfriend, Ryan. We forget, as the ones taken, that the ones left behind have it bad too—if not worse. They can’t do anything to save us. If I’d returned to him before I was strong enough, our relationship would’ve failed—I wouldn’t have been able to love him the way he needed.

“I won’t lie and say it was easy. But life does go on.” Her voice changed from storyteller to fierce advocator. “The key I found in surviving LAT… Life After Them…is…allowing yourself to acknowledge you will never be the same. Don’t try and return to who you once were. It won’t work. Give yourself the right to say you’re stronger, better, wiser, harder. Don’t let them win.”

She twisted, looking over her shoulder at Q. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you on behalf of so many other women. I’ll never forget you and will treasure my life because of what you did to give it back.”