Madeline Sheehan - Unbeautifully

“You fuck!” Hawk roared, sending his fist into Jase’s face. His nose broke on impact, an audible, resounding crack that had me cringing in sympathy. And he just kept going. With every punch Hawk threw, blood from Jase’s broken nose sprayed everything in a ten-foot radius.

Two security guards came rushing from around the corner at the same time my father and Mick were trying to pry Hawk off Jase, without much luck.

It took four men to drag Hawk away and even then, all four of them were struggling to keep a good hold on him.

One hand covering his broken nose, the other grasping for the wall, Jase struggled to stand up.

“What is wrong with you?” he yelled, his voice muffled by his hand.

“What’s wrong with me?” Hawk bellowed. “You almost got Dorothy killed. You almost got my fuckin’ kid killed! That’s what’s fuckin’ wrong with me!”

Jase’s hand fell away from his face. “What did you say?”

“Danny,” Eva said frantically, grabbing Ivy’s waist and pulling her off my lap. “Let me take her.”

Clutching Ivy, Eva headed quickly toward the front doors while Hawk managed to wrench an arm free long enough to elbow one of the security guards in the face. The man went stumbling backward and Hawk used the distraction to break free. My father lunged for him but ended up missing him by a mere thread.

Jase found himself pinned up against the elevator by his throat.

“Do the math, asshole,” Hawk hissed. “Nine fuckin’ months ago, where the fuck were you?”

I quickly counted the months backward in my head and my mouth fell open. That wasn’t Jase’s baby. Jase and Bucket had been on a run through Mexico for over a month, if not longer.

“No,” Jase whispered. “No, she wouldn’t—”

“No? Brother, yes. She’s been comin’ to me for years, cryin’ about you. And if you’re still havin’ doubts, I know for a fact you were usin’ protection with her, and me, I wasn’t even tryin’ to safeguard my shit. I blew my load inside her every fuckin’ time, know why? Because,” Hawk growled. “I was tryin’ to knock her up. Wanna know why? Because I was tryin’ to get her the fuck away from you!”

Spittle flew from Hawk’s mouth into Jase’s face as he continued laying into him. But Jase couldn’t care less. Dumbfounded, unable to speak, he could only stare unblinking at Hawk.

“Just one fuckin’ day,” my father muttered, grabbing my wrist, startling me as he uprooted me up off the chair. I hurried to keep up as he pulled me toward the hospital entrance.

“Just one motherfuckin’ day I would like to not be dealin’ with bullshit.”

He punched open the door and yanked me outside. Pausing, he scanned the parking lot. Finding Eva and Ivy sitting on the tailgate of his truck, he started toward them.

“Daddy,” I said, trying to shake free.

He ignored me.

“Daddy!” I yelled. “Stop!”

He stopped so fast, I crashed into him.

“What?” he demanded.

“I love you!” I shouted. “That’s all!”

He blinked. “What? Why you tellin’ me this shit?”

I gave him a small smile. “Because it’s true. And even though I’m a huge disappointment to you, I thought maybe with all the crap you’re dealing with, you needed to hear it.”

Blue eyes, identical to my own, surrounded by tiny lines etched finely into suntanned skin, stared back at me.

“You’re not a disappointment,” he said quietly. “I never said that.”

I shrugged halfheartedly. “I can read between the lines.”

“Jesus, Danny, I never fuckin’ said that, what I meant was…”

Trailing off, he let out a frustrated sigh.

“It don’t matter what I meant. What’s fuckin’ done is done and you’re my kid and shit fuckin’ happens and despite all that shit, I’m still proud of you, darlin’. You met the devil head-on and came out alive. Not many fuckers out there can say that.”

He sighed again. “You wanna be part of the club, I ain’t gonna stop you. You want to be Ripper’s old lady, I ain’t gonna stop you. You’re twenty-one, a grown-ass woman who’s been makin’ her own mistakes for some time now and doin’ just fine.”

“You’re okay with me and Ripper?” I whispered, shocked. “I mean…even after everything…and what I did to ZZ?”

He snorted. “Am I happy that you and Ripper were sneakin’ around behind my back? Fuck no. Am I likin’ the fact my daughter was forced to kill a bitch? No. Is it okay that so far you’ve run off two of my high-rankin’ boys? No. Should you have told me you were fuckin’ knocked up? Yeah, baby, you fuckin’ should have. But Jesus, Danny, who am I to be judgin’ anyone? Made my fair share of mistakes too. I spent too much time wantin’ a woman I kept lettin’ get away, and I don’t want that for you.”

My jaw dropped. Who was this man?

“Darlin’, we live in a fuckin’ cesspool of shit and dirty-ass motherfuckers, but if you found somethin’ good and true, somethin’ that you can bank on bein’ there for you when everything else is fallin’ apart around you, whoever it is, I’m good with it.”

He smiled. A true smile, full of dimples.

“Just don’t be tellin’ Ripper that. I want that boy shittin’ his pants every time I look his way.”

My lips split in a smile I couldn’t contain any more than I could stop breathing.

“There it is,” he said softly, reaching out and running his knuckles down my cheek. “There’s my Danny girl.”

And just like that, I had my father back.

Life may not always go the way you’d planned, you may not have the perfect family, you may not be the most beautiful, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of what you do have.

My father wasn’t perfect, far from it. He’d made a lot of mistakes and I had no doubt he was going to make a lot more. But he was mine and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

• • •

In the club parking lot, I sat inside the truck long after my father, Eva, and Ivy had gone inside. Just thinking.

About me.

About Ripper.

About everything.

I cried a little. Smiled. Closed my eyes and just appreciated the sun on my face.

I knew who I wanted.

I knew he wanted me.

Did I believe he was going to stay? Yeah, I did.

And my father had given me his blessing.

Everything was out in the open now.

No more secrets.

It was time to stop dwelling on the past, time to let go of my painful memories and make new ones, better ones.

With Ripper.

Giggling, I pressed my hand against my mouth.

I was going to be Ripper’s old lady.

And maybe…someday I would be his wife.

My stomach suddenly full of butterflies, I squeezed my eyes shut and laughed out loud.

Erik and Danielle Jacobs.

Danielle Elizabeth Jacobs.

Perfect.

More than perfect.

It was beautiful.

I jumped out of the truck, suddenly desperate to find Ripper. To start my life, our life, right this very second.

“Well, ain’t you adorable.”

Startled, I whirled around. A tall, curvy black woman stood mere feet from me, her head cocked to one side, smiling.

There were very few African-Americans living in Miles City, Ellie’s family being one of them. In a town where everyone knew everyone, I knew immediately this woman was not from around here.

Which meant one of three things. Either she was a club associate, or she’d met one of the boys on a run and was passing through for a hookup, or…

She shifted and her jean jacket opened slightly, revealing a holstered gun on either side of her body.

I backed up a few steps and her smile widened.

“Security’s tight,” she said. “Wasn’t easy gettin’ in here.”

Or…she was here for less than honorable reasons. Yep.

“Um…my father,” I stammered, my heart in my throat. “Do you want me to get him?”

“Who’s your father, boo?” she cooed, her tone sugary sweet.

“Deuce,” I whispered. “My father is Deuce.”

Her smile turned into a vicious grin and my stomach took a nosedive.

“He’s inside?” she asked, nodding at the club.

“Yes,” I whispered, fighting the urge to run. This woman might appear calm, but there was something in her eyes…

Something that told me running would be a very bad idea.

“I’m gonna need a favor then, Deuce’s daughter.”

She glanced over my head, at the club. “You go on and get your daddy for me, can you do that?”

I nodded.

“Well, honey,” she said, smiling. “You go on then.”

Shaking, I turned to go, readying to run…

Pain radiated through the back of my skull and my vision went fuzzy.

Then black.

Then I was falling…falling…

And then, there was nothing at all.

Deuce stared at the security footage, feeling nauseous. It was happening all over again. Someone he loved had been taken from right under his fucking nose.

For the fifth time in a row, he watched as Mama Vi smiled at Danny, then Danny, looking scared shitless, turned away, then that fucking black bitch pulled her piece and slammed the butt of her gun into the back of his daughter’s skull.

Danny’s eyes went wide…

His chest went vice-fucking-tight.

And he watched as his daughter crumpled to the ground.

Breathing rapidly through his nose, his heart pounding in his throat, he tightened his grip on the bar top, tighter and tighter until the wood began to creak, splitting beneath his hands.

“That bitch is goin’ to ground,” he said quietly, trying to breathe through the crushing pain in his chest.

“I’m gonna fuck her with a baseball bat in every motherfuckin’ hole she’s got, then I’m gonna cut her into pieces, startin’ with her feet, workin’ my way up, makin’ sure she stays alive as long as possible.”

Nobody said a word.

“I wanna hear her scream,” he continued, still staring at the computer screen, watching as Mama Vi grabbed hold of Danny’s arm and dragged her off and out of sight of the cameras.

“I wanna fuckin’ record her screamin’ and bleedin’ so I can jerk the fuck off to it after she’s fuckin’ dead.”

“Baby,” Eva said softly, slipping her arm around his waist. “We’re gonna get her back.”

Yeah, they were. His one saving grace was knowing Danny was, in fact, alive. If Mama Vi had wanted her dead, Danny would have been dead the second contact had been made, if not sooner. The bitch wanted something and she’d lifted his daughter to get it.

But he wasn’t stupid. Danny was only leverage, dead weight after Mama Vi got what she wanted. And what she wanted was him. He’d been playing this game long enough to know a revenge vendetta when he saw one. As far as Mama Vi was concerned, it was his fault she’d lost her brother and her business. He’d gone to Preacher; he’d put the wheels in motion.

And she wanted him dead.

And once she had him, Danny was as good as dead.

He turned to his boys; aside from ZZ, every last one of them was here. Even Jase and Hawk. They weren’t speaking to each other, but they were here. Because no matter the bullshit, a brother was a brother and you didn’t forsake your brother or his family.

“Suit the fuck up and get the fuck out. She’s gotta be holed up somewhere in town. You get wind of anything, a fuckin’ whisper of somethin’ not right, you check in then check it the fuck out.”

While his boys scattered, he turned to the one man that had remained behind. The one who looked as maniacal as he felt.

Turning away from Ripper, he pulled his cell phone and smokes from his cut. He placed the phone on the counter in front of him and lit up a smoke. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

He sucked that shit down in record time and lit up smoke number two.

By smoke number five, he was ready to jump out of his skin.

“Why the fuck hasn’t she called?”

Deuce didn’t answer Ripper. They both knew why she hadn’t called. She was playing the fear card. Making them crazy waiting, wanting them more focused on getting Danny back than anything else. Then she’d use it against them.

It was working.

Fuck.

He had to keep it together.

He had—

His phone started vibrating.

danny calling flashed on the screen.

“Game on,” he growled, hitting answer.

My body heavy and sluggish, my vision blurred, my head throbbing and ears ringing, I tried to focus on my surroundings. It was dark and I couldn’t see much, but I could smell everything. And wherever I was smelled like urine and feces and something else I didn’t recognize. Something that smelled like a cross between rotting meat and…cat litter…and a sweet sort of smell. Sweet in a bad way, like a putrefied, sickly sweetness.