Susan Mallery - Under Her Skin

Lexi let the past flow over her, so she could remember how it had all felt. “I remember being lonely the most. My parents split and my mom left me with my dad. I never knew why.”

Kendra looked at her. “Your mom didn’t keep you?”

Lexi shook her head. “I had nannies, but they never stayed long. Then my dad remarried and Pru, his new wife, was nice. I liked her. She had Skye and Izzy and I wasn’t alone anymore. But none of it was enough. I wanted more. I wanted my dad to notice me.”

“Did he?”

“No. And I’m still trying. I’m almost thirty and I want my dad to approve of me. It doesn’t go away. Those feelings. We all have them. When you’re here, you have to deal with your dad and that’s not comfortable. I’m here because of him, so I’m an easy target.”

Kendra brushed her cheeks. “Don’t be nice to me,” she said. “It doesn’t help.”

“I’d like us to be friends.”

“Grown-ups don’t stay friends with teens.”

“We could try.”

“Why would you want to? I’ve been mean to you.”

“You haven’t been so bad.”

Kendra swallowed. “Okay. We could do something. You know, for fun.”

“What about getting pedicures? I happen to own a day spa that’s a pretty cool place. Want to go this weekend?”

Kendra smiled. “That would be good.”

“Then I’ll make the appointment.”

“YOU KNOW I HATE this kind of stuff,” Dana complained. “But then you stick me with a trainee?”

The young woman who had just picked up Dana’s right foot glanced up, obviously startled by the remark. “I’ll be very careful,” she said, looking terrified. “I’m nearly ready to graduate.”

Dana gave her a tight smile. “Sorry. That wasn’t about you. You’re, um, fine.” She glared at Lexi. “You are so in trouble.”

Lexi leaned back in the comfortable massage chair. “Five extra people on a Saturday morning is a strain. I solved it by calling in more help.”

Skye smiled at Dana. “This is good for you. You need more girly stuff in your life.”

Izzy lifted up her eye gel-pack. “She’s right. Come on, Dana. Would it kill you to get a little polish on your toes?”

“No guy is worth the trouble,” Dana grumbled.

“You need a better class of guys,” Skye said. “Some of them are very much worth the trouble. Look at Lexi. What wouldn’t she do for Cruz?”

Lexi thought about how lonely her bed had been for the past couple of weeks. She and Cruz were barely speaking. She didn’t approve of his lack of relationship with his daughter, and he thought she should just stay out of it.

“Cruz is special,” she said, knowing in some ways it was true.

“Ick factor alert,” Kendra said. “I’m sitting right here and you’re talking about my dad. Try to remember that.”

“Sorry,” Skye said, smiling at the teen.

They sat in the pedicure room at Venus Envy. Kendra and Dana had glasses of soda next to them while the sisters enjoyed herbal tea. The music was soothing, the company fun and Lexi was determined to have a good time with absolutely no tension or awkward conversations.

“How’s Martin?” Izzy asked, then she adjusted her eye patch. “Kendra, Martin is Dana’s boyfriend. I use the term loosely because he’s a nerd, and not in a good way. She continues to date the same kind of guy. A wimp she can push around until she gets bored and leaves. You can learn from her example. If you find yourself having the same problems over and over with different guys, it’s not them. It’s you.”

“Why did I leave my gun in the car?” Dana asked.

“Were you planning to shoot her or yourself?” Lexi asked.

“I’m not sure.” Dana glared at Izzy. “Martin is perfectly fine.”

“But he’s getting boring, right?” Skye asked. “You’re so predictable. You need someone challenging. Someone slightly dangerous and sexy. Someone like Cruz.”

“Ick factor alert,” Kendra said.

“Sorry.” Skye smiled at her. “But your dad is hot.”

Lexi leaned over and patted Kendra’s arm. “You just have to let it go. Pretend he’s not your dad.”

“That’s really hard.” Kendra turned to Dana. “What’s wrong with Martin?”

“Nothing. He’s very nice. A computer programmer. He’s a gentleman.”

“Are you scared of strong men so you date the ones who aren’t?” All four of them stared at her. Kendra shrank back in her chair. “What did I say?”

“You were very insightful,” Lexi said.

“Someone’s watching a little too much Dr. Phil,” Dana muttered. “I’m not interested in a serious relationship. I just want to get…” She paused, as if remembering there was a fifteen-year-old in the room. “I just want someone nice.”

“You want a boyfriend,” Kendra said with a sigh. “Me, too. There’s this guy I like, but he’s only interested in cheerleaders. I thought about trying out, but I’m not really into that.”

“If the boy in question only likes cheerleaders, then he’s pretty shallow,” Skye said. “He wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. You want someone who likes you for who you are.”

“Do you want a foot massage?” Dana’s technician asked tentatively.

“Of course she would,” Lexi said, holding in a grin.

Dana narrowed her gaze. “You want to play dirty? Fine. Gee, Kendra, did you know that Lexi tried out for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?”

“Seriously?” Kendra’s voice was a squeal. “You did? What happened?”

Lexi writhed in her chair. “That’s so unfair.”

“But true,” Dana said.

“She was great,” Skye said. “I went with her. They should have picked her.”

Kendra looked impressed. “What happened?”

“I didn’t make it. I got to training camp but was let go the first week. I couldn’t keep up with the dancing. I didn’t have enough training and I couldn’t learn the routines fast enough. I was still in college, so I went back to campus and buried my sorrows in business classes.”

Actually she’d gone out with friends, raced her car, lost it to Cruz and then slept with him. It had been a busy week.

“Did you try again?” Kendra asked.

“No. I could have taken dance classes and worked on my skills, but I was close to graduating and I knew I was going to go work for my dad. But yes, I did try out.”

“That’s so cool.”

“It was an experience. But if you want to hear about adventures, you should talk to Izzy. She’s done nearly everything. Climbed mountains, swam with sharks, sailed to Hawaii on a very small boat.”

Kendra looked more shocked than impressed. “Why?”

“I like the rush,” Izzy said, her eyes still covered by her gel pack. “I’m an adventure junkie.”

“What about you, Skye?” Kendra asked. “Any fun secrets in your past?”

Skye hesitated only a second, then shook her head. “Not me. I’m pretty boring. I’m Erin’s mom and I work. That’s about it.”

“But you were married before, right?”

“Yes. To a wonderful man.”

“So you were in love.” Kendra sounded wistful. “I want to be in love one day. Is it like people say?”

“I think it’s different for everyone. For me, love grew slowly. Sometimes, it’s a flash. Wasn’t it like that for you, Lexi? Didn’t you know the moment you saw Cruz?”

“Yes,” Lexi said, avoiding Dana’s gaze that warned her she was treading in dangerous territory. “Although it wasn’t the second I saw him. I knew from our first kiss that he was the one.”

A partial truth, she thought, still able to recall that first kiss, when his mouth had touched her and every cell in her body had responded as if they’d been waiting for him for a lifetime.

“You’re glowing,” Dana said in a low voice. “Be careful.”

“I’m fine.”

Dana didn’t look convinced, but this wasn’t the place to say that nothing had changed. Her engagement to Cruz was nothing more than a business arrangement.

“Izzy, have you been in love?” Kendra asked.

“No, and I don’t want to be. Men are great, but I don’t need one in my life.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m independent.”

“Don’t you want to belong to someone?” Kendra asked.

Izzy raised her gel pack. “Is that what you want?”

Kendra nodded. “I want to be special.”

“You are,” Lexi told her. “Very special.”

“And you have us,” Skye told her. “Cruz and Lexi are getting married, so we’ll be part of your family.”

“I’m going home soon.”

“But you’ll be back.”

Kendra shifted in her seat. “I know, but…my dad doesn’t settle down. He’s always saying that. I know he’s engaged to you.” She looked at Lexi. “I want him to marry you. That would be great. But I just don’t think…he’s going to.” The last three words came out in a very small, quiet voice.

“Kendra, you shouldn’t worry,” Lexi told her, feeling especially crappy at that moment. No one was supposed to be hurt by her deal with Cruz. Certainly not his daughter. Not that she could take responsibility for that. Lexi hadn’t known she existed. But Cruz should have been more careful.

“I know your father hasn’t settled down before,” Skye said. “But he wants to marry Lexi. You’ll see. They’ll be together and we’ll all be a family.”

“Maybe.” Kendra didn’t sound convinced.

“I WANT TO SEE my grandchild more,” Juanita said as she chopped tomatoes in her bright kitchen.

Cruz’s mother might be small, but she could see right through him. She was doing it now, giving him “the look.” It had worked when he’d been ten and it still worked.

“I’ll try,” he said, knowing that wasn’t going to be enough.

Sure enough his mother sniffed. “Try? You’re her father. You don’t need to try. Do. How often do you see her yourself?”

“Now and then.”

“A girl needs her father. Especially now. She’s fifteen. There are boys. You should make sure no one takes advantage of her.”

“Her mother…” he began.

Juanita waved her hand in dismissal. “I’m talking to you. She’s growing up too fast. The years, they pass faster and faster. When you told me your girlfriend was pregnant, all I could think was that I didn’t want your life ruined. But we made the wrong choice. All of us.”

“You think I should have married her?”

“No. But you should have been more involved. Sending a check isn’t enough.”

“Mom, you need to get off me.”

“And you need to pay attention to your responsibilities. Kendra is practically a young woman. Girls grow up more quickly than boys.”

The “girl” in question was in the other room, watching television. They’d driven down from Dallas that morning to have lunch with his mother. Cruz was questioning every part of his decision.

“Do you want her to grow up, go to college and start a new life without ever knowing who you are?”

“She knows who I am.”

He wanted to walk away, but he couldn’t. Not from his mother. But why couldn’t they talk about something else? This was too close to the fight he’d had with Lexi. He couldn’t escape the women in his life.

“She knows your name and where you live, but you don’t have a relationship with her. She doesn’t know you as a father. You should have been more involved. Money isn’t enough. There has to be love.”

The one word Cruz didn’t want to hear. “Love is a crock,” he muttered.

Juanita moved behind him and hit him on the back of the head. “You don’t speak like that. Are you saying you don’t believe I love you?”

He rubbed the spot and wished he’d kept his mouth shut. “No.”

“Are you saying you don’t love me?”

He sighed. “I love you, Mom. You know that.”

“What about your daughter? Do you love her? Do you say the words?”

“Don’t push me on this,” he told her. “Kendra is taken care of. That’s enough.” What no one seemed to realize was that his daughter was better off without him always hanging around. Safer.

“It’s not enough. She’s family.”

“So was your husband. Did you love him?”

His mother returned to her chopping. She dropped the tomatoes into a bowl and stirred in the cilantro. “Our marriage was arranged, and no, I did not love him. He was not a good man.”

There was an understatement.

“But he gave me you,” she continued, giving him the look again. “You are my son and you made it all worthwhile.”

He thought about the beatings she’d endured. The abuse. How she’d had to go to work with broken bones and black eyes. How no one had asked if she was all right. No one had helped.

“I wasn’t worth that,” he said.

“You were worth everything. You are my son.”

She believed it. He saw it in her eyes. How was that possible?

“Mom, this is different.”

She wiped her hands on a towel then crossed to him and cupped his face in her hands.

“You’re not him,” she said, staring into his eyes. “You’re nothing like him.”

“I know that.”

“You don’t. You worry. I know. I see. You have to trust yourself. You have to open your heart. If you would let yourself love Kendra you would know that she was worth everything, too.” She released him and returned to the counter. “With your next one, I think it will be better. You and Lexi will have beautiful babies. A son to carry on the family name.”