Susan Mallery - Under Her Skin

“Cruz isn’t Jed.”

“I know. I’m not that twisted. But he’s not interested in giving any part of himself and I’ve seen what that does to a woman. Jed drove my mother away and Pru killed herself.”

“You’re stronger than both of them.”

“I don’t feel very strong.”

“What do you want to do now and how can I help?”

“I’m leaving. I can’t stay here. I need time to think. I have to figure out what I’m going to do next.”

“About the bargain?”

“In part.” Right now paying back the two million was the least of her problems. She sighed. “I’m pregnant.”

She’d never seen Dana speechless before. Her friend went white. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

Lexi shook her head. “I haven’t told him yet.”

“I guessed that part of it. Pregnant. When you want to make a statement, you don’t mess around.”

“I know.” Lexi walked to the stairs. “I need to pack a few things, then I’m going to take C.C. and go back to my condo.”

“I’ll help.”

They made quick work of filling her suitcases. While Lexi made sure she had everything she would need until she could get back for the rest of her things, Dana collected the cat and kitty supplies.

Lexi stood in the middle of the bedroom she’d shared with Cruz. She’d been here such a short time, yet there were so many memories. So many chances to get it right. Only Cruz wasn’t interested in getting it right. He wanted…

She realized she wasn’t sure what he wanted. A fantasy, maybe. The perfect connections. Wealth and privilege. But that wasn’t life. Life was messy and unexpected and exciting. It wasn’t about bloodlines, it was about heart. It was about giving and accepting, sharing and needing. It was about connection.

Maybe she was just as guilty of avoiding all those things as he was. She’d played it safe for years. She’d hidden behind the family name and her reputation for being an ice princess because she didn’t get hurt that way.

But now she had to worry about more than herself. She had a child to think about. Not a legacy or a new generation but a wonderful baby whom she would love no matter what.

As for Cruz, she would figure out a way to get over him. Yes, it was possible she’d spent the past ten years trying to decide how to get a second chance, but so what? She could conquer this. She had to. If he couldn’t give her what she wanted-love freely given, love that didn’t have to be earned-then she wasn’t interested.

Strong words that sounded really good. She planned to believe them, too. Just as soon as her heart stopped breaking.

JED FREQUENTLY SPENT his Saturday mornings with his horses. He said they were better company than most people he knew and they didn’t talk back. Lexi found him in the barn, curry brush in hand as he groomed his favorite stallion.

Jed looked like a typical Texas rancher. He wore jeans and a long-sleeved shirt instead of a suit, but managed to pull off the look of being in charge.

“Hey, Daddy,” she said, walking into the stall and stroking the horse’s nose.

“You’re up early.”

She hadn’t slept much. Thoughts of what had happened with Cruz, the realization that she’d made a huge mistake…again, had kept her tossing and turning. Trying to buy something that should have been earned. First the loan from Garth and then the solution with Cruz.

“I wanted to get a head start on my day,” she said. She rubbed the horse on the neck and spotted a few white hairs. “He’s getting older.”

“We all are, but he gets around. I’ll have to put him down eventually, but not today.”

Light streamed in from the open windows. A barn cat snoozed in the sun. Lexi had grown up in this place, had laughed and cried, planned her escape and been afraid to leave. Glory’s Gate would always be her home, but she no longer belonged here.

“Why did you marry my mother?” she asked.

Jed glanced at her, then returned his attention to the horse. “That was a long time ago.”

“I’m sure it had something to do with polishing the rough edges.”

He grinned. “You saying I’m not fit for polite society, little girl?”

“Sometimes you’re not.”

“That’s true.” He patted the horse’s flank. “Your mother wasn’t a beauty, but there was something about her. A cool reserve. I kept thinking if I could break down that wall, there’d be fire inside.”

“Was there?”

“No. But she was everything I wanted, so I married her. It was different with Pru. She was all fire. A beautiful woman. Every man wanted her and I won her.”

Won her and threw her away, Lexi thought sadly. Broken Pru-driven to suicide because the man she loved most wouldn’t love her back. Her death had taught Lexi to be wary-to not give so much of herself that she was in danger of getting lost. She’d vowed to be different. She promised herself that when she had a child, she wouldn’t ever leave it, no matter how much she was hurt.

“She wasn’t a strong woman,” Jed said. “I should have seen that.”

“She wanted more than she had.”

“Sometimes a person has to settle.”

Is that what his daughters were to him? Something to settle on? A compromise?

“About eighteen months ago my banker came to me with the offer of a loan,” Lexi said, bracing herself for the conversation. She knew what was at stake-what she was going to lose. But sometime in the night, when it was dark and the walls threatened to close in, she’d realized that some things came at too high a price.

“An investor?”

She nodded. “That’s when I bought the building I’m in and renovated. The investor claimed he only wanted a return on the money, not a piece of the business.”

Jed frowned. “Why?”

“I didn’t know at the time. I took the money and ran. There was only one catch.”

Jed put down the brush and crossed his arms over his chest. “There always is. You should know that, Lexi.”

“You’re right. But I wasn’t thinking. I thought I had a chance to show you what I could do. So I expanded quickly. While the new spa was successful, it wasn’t bringing in enough money for me to pay back the loan.”

“What’s the catch?”

“The loan was callable.”

“How much?”

“Two million dollars.”

Jed turned back to the horse. “He called the note. You should have been more careful.”

“You’re the one always saying that being careful means finishing last.”

“I play to win. Did you?”

She thought she had. She thought she was going to dazzle Jed with her success. “He called the note. My investor. Garth.”

The brush stopped moving for a second, then resumed. “Part of his so-called plan to destroy us?”

“It was the opening shot. There have been more.”

“You’re saying Garth set you up?”

“I’m saying he dangled the bait and I took it.”

“You need two million dollars.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“I thought you were smarter than this, Lexi. I’m very disappointed.”

“I know.” She’d thought the words would rip her apart, but they weren’t even a surprise. “I understand this means I’m out of the running for Titan World.” She paused to let the feelings wash over her. The biggest was sadness, but not for the reasons she would have thought.

“And if I’m not, I want to be,” she said, half surprised at how right the words felt.

“That’s bullshit. Everybody wants what I have.”

“You’re wrong, Daddy. What I wanted and still want is a father who sees me for myself. Who cares about me because we’re family. Not because I’ve managed to earn his attention.”

Jed glared at her. “Are you questioning the way I raised you? Are you complaining?”

She raised her chin. “I’m saying that Titan World was never the goal. At least not for me. I wanted you to see me. To care about me.”

“All that emotional crap makes me tired.”

She felt a little of Pru’s despair, but fought it.

“You could have gone to Skye for the money,” Jed said. “She would have given it to you. You could have kept this from me.”

She’d already tried that once and it hadn’t worked. Besides, keeping it a secret wasn’t her goal anymore.

“This way is better.”

“Fine. I’ll have the check for you by noon. Use it well.”

“I will.”

Jed sighed. “I thought it was going to be you, Lexi. I thought you were going to convince me.”

“So did I.”

It was just like last night, she thought. Nothing about this conversation surprised her, but it was like being able to see for the first time. Her relationship with her father seemed more clear, in all its twisted ugliness. The sharp edges could have cut her, but she knew to pull back. To protect herself. To walk away.

Jed wouldn’t change and neither would she. They were at a crossroads. The difference was, she saw it and he didn’t. He would always be her father, but the fantasy of what could have been had faded.

He would only want what she could do for him and she would only ever want a father who loved her unconditionally. They were both destined to be disappointed.

“Goodbye, Daddy,” she said and left the barn.

When she was outside in the sunny morning, she paused to draw in a breath. The house loomed in front of her. Just a house, she told herself. Not home. Not anymore.

CRUZ ARRIVED BACK at his place in the late afternoon. He’d stayed away to give Lexi time to calm down and to give himself time to figure out what the hell he was going to say to her.

He’d been an ass. He knew that. There was no excuse for what he’d done. Worse, he’d hurt her and he hadn’t meant to do that. Not when he’d just decided he wanted them to make their arrangement permanent.

He pulled up in front of the house and walked inside. Two steps into the foyer, he knew she was gone. It was too still, an emptiness that told him she’d moved out.

He found the check on his desk in the study. It was made out to him in the amount of two million dollars. Next to it was the diamond engagement ring he’d given her.

Where had she gotten the money? From her sister? From Jed. The latter frightened him more because to admit the need to her father meant giving up on her dream. It meant he didn’t have a second chance.

She’d only been with him because of their deal. Without that, she would never come back.

IZZY PETTED C.C. “If we’re going to have regular meetings, we should find a caterer. I want snacks to go with our talks of doom and destruction. Planning someone’s ruin makes me hungry.”

Lexi curled up in a corner of her sofa, wishing they weren’t having this conversation. She hurt all over. Even though she knew leaving Cruz was the right thing to do, the act itself hadn’t been easy.

“Why are we here?” Skye asked. “What don’t you want Cruz to hear?”

“It’s not about Cruz not hearing,” Lexi said, checking to make sure the box of tissues was close by. Lately she seemed to cry more easily. Maybe it was hormones or maybe it was her life. Either way, she wanted to be prepared. “I’m not living there anymore.”

Both sisters stared at her left hand. She held it out so they could easily see she wasn’t wearing the engagement ring.

“We’re not together anymore.”

“Why?” Izzy demanded. “I liked Cruz better than any of the guys you’ve dated. He was cool and, I don’t know, strong.”

“What happened?” Skye asked. “You two were obviously crazy about each other.”

Had the show been that good? “Remember the loan I told you about before? Garth’s callable note for two million dollars?”

They nodded.

“I got the money from Cruz. I didn’t know where else to turn. Going to Jed meant walking away from Titan World. I couldn’t let him know I’d failed. So I went to Cruz.”

“Big whoop,” Izzy said. “You two were engaged. Of course he’d give you the money.”

Skye’s breath caught. “You weren’t engaged,” she said. “Was that the deal?”

Lexi nodded. “We would pretend to be engaged for six months. He’d give me two million dollars and I would introduce him to society.”

“Indecent Proposal meets Dallas.” Izzy’s eyes widened. “Lexi, I gotta tell you, I didn’t think you had it in you. Way to go, girlfriend.”

Lexi swallowed. “I’m not proud of what I did. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Because you couldn’t come to me for the money,” Skye said, sounding bitter. “You thought I’d tell Jed.”

“It could come up in conversation.”

“I’m your sister. You should trust me. When have I ever done anything to hurt you? When have I ever let you down? Lexi, I love you.”

The promised tears fell. Lexi reached for a tissue. “I know,” she said. “I’m sorry. I was so scared of losing that I couldn’t think. I reacted.”

“I hate him,” Izzy said angrily. “Jed is a complete jerk. Why does he do this?”