Lindsay Delagair - Unforgivable

They came out together, sleepy faced and puzzled, but smiling as they entered the kitchen and sat at the island.

“Just in time. I’ve got breakfast ready,” I said as I began filling their plates, “I put cheese over the scrambled eggs. I hope you guys don’t mind.” I placed the plates in front of the silent pair, “You two look like you could use some coffee.” I poured two big cups and set them down in front of them with the sugar and cream containers, as I sat down and joined them.

“What got into you this morning?” Ryan asked. “By the way, you look great.”

“You must be feeling-better,” Candace seemed to be having a problem finding the right word.

“I am.”

Ryan looked suspicious now.

“Honestly,” I defended. “I’m okay. By the way, Don called me early this morning and he wants me in studio, at the latest, by Wednesday morning.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to actually finish the show,” Ryan stated. “I’m going with you. You know that right? I’m not taking a chance that he’ll get his hands back on you.”

“He’s not going to bother me in a crowded studio and I don’t plan on being alone. It’s fly out, do the show, fly back the same night and…” I’d almost said a little too much.

“And, what?”

“And then I’m done. It’ll be all over with and I won’t be going back to L.A. ever again.”

“I’m still going.”

I could see the worry spread over Candace’s face. “I have an idea,” I said with a smile. “Why don’t we all go? Candace couldn’t go before because well, you would look like you were into polygamy, but she can now.”

I watched her face brighten.

“No,” Ryan snapped.

“Come on,” I urged, pushing his shoulder. “We won’t be in any danger during the show and we aren’t going to hang around afterward.”

“What if you win? They’ll expect you to hang around for a while.”

“Nope, win or lose, I’m out of there right after I say goodbye to my friends.”

“Please,” Candace asked, finally finding her voice.

He was out numbered and hopeless to turn down the women in his life. “All right, fine. But if I see him coming around, both of you are out of there.”

All the Remake contestants were back for the finale to a packed house. Tonight’s venue was completely different from how the show normally worked. The artists were to be a surprise. We would have less than a half an hour to meet and learn the song. Then we would perform with the artist and band, but we would be the lead vocal.

I wasn’t surprised when I found out what we were singing. They had been hand-picked by ownership. I would sing ‘The Reason’ with Hoobastank, and Sadarius would sing ‘I’ll Make Love To You,’ with Boyz II Men. Micah was either trying to make me remember what we meant to each other or he simply wanted me to breakdown and cry on stage. I wasn’t crying tonight. The song he chose for me had too much meaning now to do anything else but give it my best.

I had drawn the first slot and I went on stage and gave a stellar performance. I looked for him as I sang. I had a feeling, if he wasn’t sitting in his office watching on the monitor, he would be somewhere tucked away from the crowd and the cameras. Just as I was a verse away from the end, I saw him appear in the edge of one of the exit corridors. I knew he realized I’d seen him as he hesitated and seemed to be ready to back away from my gaze, and then he decided to stay as I finished the song.

I took my seat as Sadarius prepared to sing. I watched the whole time to see if he would leave or stay. Sadarius did an incredible job with his song as well; Micah standing off in the distance watching. When we finished our performances, they opened the voting lines and the public had one hour to vote while all the contestants came on stage for a music medley. They played numerous clips from the first show all the way through. I was being careful to avoid Carrie at all costs, but she didn’t seem like her old self, she was actually smiling and happy.

The big announcement had finally arrived as Sadarius and I were called to center stage. I had planned all along if I won I was giving the money to him. He was a decent, moral and kind person who deserved everything this opportunity could afford him. And, if he won, I’d simply be happy for him because he was truly an awesome singer, and I hoped he would get to fulfill his dreams of cutting a record deal after the show.

Our emcee opened the envelope as the lights all around us dimmed and we were the only two remaining in the spotlight.

“By a separation of less than three percent, the winner of season one, Remake is… Sadarius Collins!”

The confetti and balloons were dropping from the ceiling as the crowd rose to their feet. Sadarius was hugging me so tightly, tears running down his face. He kept saying, “I don’t believe it! I don’t believe it!”

“You did it,” I smiled over the roar of the crowd. But, what I didn’t expect was him to plant a big kiss on my lips right there, live on stage with millions of viewer watching as he dipped me slightly backward. I know my expression reflected my surprise as he righted me. He smiled and said we needed to give the tabloids more to write about. I laughed in spite of my dislike for the tabloids.

All the contestants went back stage and Dobrey approached me and gave me a hug, slipping something in my hand as I thanked her and tucked it away. Ryan and Candace fought through the crowd to get to me. The three of us were taking off despite the huge party they were throwing at the Hilton’s grand ballroom.

We were back in Colorado Springs by two in the morning, and they drove me home. Ryan was prepared to stay the night again, when I simply told him no.

“You two are going home-your home. I’ll-”

“No way,” he began.

“I’m going to make sure everything is locked up tight. I’m setting the alarm and I’m going to enjoy some peace and quiet-go home.”

We argued for a little longer until he finally realized that I would not relent. My mood had been so upbeat that I gave him no reason to worry and fret over me, and I could tell he was starting to give in. Reluctantly, he and Candace left for home.

There was a lot to be done in a short span of time. I spent a couple hours packing and loading my car. Everything wouldn’t fit, and what was left would be bagged and set on the curb for one of the charity organizations to pick up. The rest of the time was spent cleaning the house and boxing food that I was leaving behind for Ryan to take home. I was finally getting away and he was not going with me. He had someone that changed his world and he needed to focus on her, not me.

I’d called a local salon the day before the show and made a private appointment for early this morning. The long brown hair extensions were going. I was getting a trim and going back to blonde, maybe even ultra blond this time. By seven a.m. I was in the hairdresser’s chair and losing my famous appearance; then it was back to the house by nine.

I had just sat down to compose my letter to Ryan when a UPS truck pulled into the yard. The driver came to the door with a small package in hand. I signed and went back inside, wondering what it could possibly contain. I opened it carefully and pulled away the lid to the brown box to reveal a new Apple iPod with a note. The writing was Micah’s and had evidently been scrawled quickly. All it read was “No one has to pay me for this job. Micah”

My heart was picking up the pace as I began looking around. He wasn’t far away the last time he had one of these delivered to me. I hated being afraid of him, but after our last meeting, and this odd note that seemed to lean toward murder, I was terrified. I got up and locked the door and turned on my alarm system and put my cell phone beside me.

The iPod contained a single song. I knew the group, and the song sounded familiar, but I didn’t remember it. It was ‘Breath,’ by Breaking Benjamin. I slipped the earphones on as the song began to play. My heart froze against my breast, a lump rising in my throat and my hands began to tremble as I listened to the words, ‘…So sacrifice yourself…I'm going all the way…You take the breath right out of me. You left a hole where my heart should be. You got to fight just to make it through, 'cause I will be the death of you.”

He had gone from being remorseful after he attacked me, to now letting me know he was going to end my life and no one had to pay him to get the job done this time. “Oh, Micah,” I whispered, “Why baby, why?” I had my escape planned before I received his threat, but I would be extra careful now because I couldn’t allow him to get anywhere near me.

I was prepared to write a farewell to Ryan, but now my heart was heavy and what should have been a happy moment to let go of him had been darkly overshadowed. I wrote it and left it lying on the coffee table. I made no mention of the fact that I was, once again, on the run from Micah. I simply told him I loved him too much to keep being the thing pulling him away from the life he should have had before he met me. Just as I was finishing the note, my cell rang. It was Ryan. I didn’t know if I could get through a conversation with him without breaking down.

“Hey handsome,” I said softly.

“Hey, yourself, baby girl. Candace is at work today and I’ve got permission to spend my free time with you. I’m on my way over and I don’t plan on you turning me away.”

I took a slow breath. I was really going to miss him. “Sounds good to me, just let yourself in when you get here.” I paused for a moment, “Ryan…”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

I could hear the smile through the receiver, “Love you too, Leese. I’ll be there in ten.”

I closed the phone and grabbed my keys. I would be long gone in ten minutes.

It had only been two days since the show ended. Micah was finishing up the details as he prepared to head back to Louisiana. What he really wanted was to see Leese and tell her how much he honestly regretted what he’d done that day. But, like the lady she was, she came back and finished the show with her head held high and wouldn’t look away when she saw him.

His health was back to normal. Once again he was rock-steady and under complete control, but the toxicology reports on his vial of blood came back as a near overdose of anabolic steroids mix with amphetamines. He knew D’Angelo spiked the food and probably the wine to make certain he was filled with rage and aggression when he confronted her. But, he couldn’t prove it, and D’Angelo had already denied any wrong doing when he questioned him. He couldn’t do anything about it at this point, and he still was furious over his own ignorance for going to where she was when he knew something wasn’t right, but what was done, was done. As far as he was concerned, no matter the reason or cause behind it, he made the worst mistake of his life.

If Leese harbored any doubts between loving him or Ryan, he was certain he destroyed any chance he had of winning her back. He didn’t have a reason to live any more, but he knew the stigma and suffering it would bring to his family if he blew his brains out. He would keep doing the ever increasingly dangerous jobs D’Angelo had for him until someone took care of the problem.

He neared the stage when one of Don’s assistants approached him. “This was just delivered for you, Mr. Gavarreen,” the young woman stated, handing the envelope to him and then walking away.

He stared at the plain white envelope. There was no need to open what looked suspicious in the presence of others, so he headed down the corridor toward his office passing people in the hallway as he did. Curiosity wasn’t going to be delayed for complete privacy as his finger slipped under the edge of the flap and tore it loose. They were photographs, and from the small piece of hip that was exposed they were of a woman with very little clothing on. He reached his office door, oblivious to those around him as he carefully revealed what remained of the first picture. Everything within him froze; unbearable wasn’t the proper word for what he saw.

Suddenly he felt two men on either side grasping his arms. He knew he didn’t have a chance. Their hold was like iron straps as they snatched the packet of pictures from his hand and pulled him into the office. He had no fight in him even if his reaction time had been faster. The pictures of Leese’s battered and bruised body had taken every ounce of resistance completely out of him.

“Yeah, I thought a little reminder about your handiwork might make this easier,” Ryan stated calmly. “This isn’t going to be a fair fight,” he admitted as Andy and Ty gripped Micah’s arms. “But, then again, it wasn’t a fair fight for her either.”