Lindsay Delagair - Unforgivable

When I managed to get dressed and had walked down to her office, Micah was already seated and looking about as comfortable as I was on the exam table. Doctor Kannova wasn’t in the room yet, so I whispered to him, “I’m sorry I made you go through this-I didn’t know it was going to be so-”

The office door opened and I immediately straightened in my chair. It was an odd feeling, like getting called into the principal’s office when you honestly didn’t know what you’d done wrong. At least she was smiling.

“Hello, you must be Micah,” Doctor Kannova said shaking his hand before seating herself behind the desk. “It’s good to meet you.”

Micah smiled, but remained silent.

“Leese tells me she’d like to try the rhythm method of birth control, but since you are the other half of this union, I have to ask if you’re okay with that, too.”

“I-I don’t know what the rhythm method is,” he stated uncomfortably.

“There are roughly seven days that a woman who has a regular cycle isn’t fertile. During this time period unprotected sex is not likely to end in a pregnancy,” she began.

Micah nodded as if that made sense to him.

“But,” the good doctor continued, “it’s far from perfect. Leese expressed to me in the exam room that she doesn’t want to try the pill, patch or injection; she wants to keep this as natural as possible.”

Micah nodded, “I can understand; I feel the same way.”

“Good, because from using your calendar, Leese,” she said turning to me, “your wedding falls perfectly in line with your seven days. I actually prefer to only trust this method for about four or five of those days, but that risk is up to you.”

“How big is the risk?” Micah asked before I could get the identical question out of my mouth.

“You’ll be running about a ten to twenty percent chance that this first union will end in a pregnancy.”

We both swallowed audibly.

“I could use a condom,” Micah interrupted, his face turning scarlet.

“True and I’d normally prefer something like that in this situation, but after examining her, it might not be a viable solution.”

Micah’s eyebrows rose and an odd smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, “Why?”

Now I would finally learn what she found so odd about my anatomy.

“You’re going to have to forgive me for broaching what I hope is a subject you two have already discussed, but Micah have you ever had sexual relations with a woman before?”

“Yes,” he stated bluntly.

“Ever with a virgin?”

“Ah-no,” his face was getting red again.

“Good, then I don’t have to tell you to forget whatever you learned with that person, because Leese is a little different from most women.”

We were both silent, but I was sure everyone in the quiet room could hear my heart slamming against my rib cage.

“Leese, you have a very thick hymen; that’s the barrier that partially closes the entrance to the vagina. Usually it is a thin membrane that is, more often than not, broken by a woman herself either by exploration or sports; yours is not thin; it’s more than a half inch thick actually.”

“What does that mean exactly,” Micah asked, curiosity written clearly on his face.

She looked at him and semi-smiled, “You’re going to think there is no entrance. She’s a bit like Fort Knox.”

“But there is an entrance,” I said, a little shocked she was telling my future husband that I was similar to an impenetrable government facility.

“Yes, but there is a little bit more. I realized when I was checking you that you have an additional barrier just beyond the hymen. We don’t often see it so I ordered the sonogram to make sure I was correct. This is why a condom may not be a viable choice,” she said turning to Micah. “You’re going to need to be forceful to get past the hymen and you may feel you’ve met a wall when you get to the next barrier, but I assure you, you can push through it; it’s just going to be uncomfortable for Leese, and it might be too much stress on a condom.”

We were back to being silent as her words were being ingested.

“I could,” she spoke up, “surgically remove most of, or the entire, hymen.”

“No!” we responded at the same moment, but I had a feeling for totally different reasons.

“I recommend you take a little tension off an hour or so before you actually have sex,” she said, once again looking to Micah. “You under-”

“Yes,” he said, red-faced again, but deeper this time.

“I’d prefer to put you on a low-estrogen birth control pill now Leese, so-”

“No-I told you my mother had all kinds of problems with the pill and I don’t want to risk it.”

“I understand, but you’re made from more than just her gene pool; you might not have any problems.

“Just the same, I’d rather our wedding night be as natural as possible.”

“I do recommend you switch to condoms after the first few nights. Well,” she said standing up and reaching out to shake my hand, “Enjoy your wedding night and take your time. Sex will become more comfortable for you once you two are past the first night, but you are going to be sore.” Then she reached out and shook Micah’s hand. “You, Micah, are a very lucky man to get to experience this with her.”

He finally smiled, “I’m a lucky man even if this wasn’t her first time.”

Now it was my turn to be red-faced as it seemed the doctor was presenting me as some type of strange prize.

We didn’t speak to each other as we left. I handed him my keys and went for the passenger’s side.

“You don’t want to drive?” he couldn’t mask his surprise.

“No,” I whispered. I was still rolling everything she had said around and wondering if my first magical night with Micah was going to really be as difficult as the doctor predicted.

He backed out and headed away from the complex, “You’re pretty quiet. Are you afraid now?”

“I just didn’t expect… I mean, I thought everything would be normal.”

He squeezed my hand and then brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it, “You’ll be fine, I’m sure it’s not going to be quite as difficult as she thinks.”

“What if it is? What if I can’t take it?” Now I was getting emotional. I craved Micah with every fiber of my being, and I couldn’t imagine not being able to consummate a relationship with him.

“Baby,” he said, using his deep sexy tone with me, “people get through this all the time. I’ll be gentle.” I could see the smile was working hard to turn the corners of his lips, though he was obviously attempting to resist it.

I managed a smile as I looked away, “Well, at least it sounds like you’re going to have a fantastic night.”

His smile could no longer stay down, “I won’t lie to you, baby, you’re right. It sounds like I’m getting the better end of the wedding night, but I’m going to do everything I can to make it perfect for you.”

I brought his hand against my cheek, absorbing the warmth after the doctor’s office left me feeling so cold.

He was gently stroking my cheek, but then had to pull away to shift gears. “I love you, Leese; if you tell me to stop, I will. We can come back and have the doctor make this easier for you.”

“I can’t imagine stopping once we…” I felt a flush of heat fill me, opening the yearning I knew was made for him alone.

“I can stop, if you tell me,” he was completely serious.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I can,” I admitted.

He smiled as we pulled up to the traffic light. He leaned over and kissed me slowly.

“I know I won’t want you to stop,” I whispered. “You’re right, we’ll be fine.”

Six weeks were gone in a blur. Linda certainly earned her pay because every single day it seemed she and I were working together to make this wedding flawless. Early on Micah and I discussed the bridesmaids and groomsmen for the wedding. Although we both had plenty of people to choose from, Micah felt it would have been an odd blending of two worlds, Palm Beach socialites walking the aisles with mafia men wouldn’t work well. We finally settled on a rather untraditional arrangement. He asked David, to be his best man, and I asked my mother to be my maid of honor. I asked Giorgio if he would mind walking me down the aisle, but when the time came to join the families by the giving away of the bride, my mother would be the one to speak up and give me away. Kimmy would be the flower girl and Mom and David would hold the wedding rings until the moment of exchange.

I invited my Pensacola friends, but the only ones who could make it were Kevin and Carlie. I was disappointed Jewels couldn’t make it, but she said her parents wouldn’t bring her nor allow her to travel alone. Ryan was still here with his mother in Palm Beach, planning to return to Pensacola a week after the wedding to complete his senior year. He seemed a bit relieved when I told him Jewels wasn’t coming down. He said they had basically broken up for the summer, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see her right now. I didn’t like the idea of his being alone, so I offered to fix him up with one of my other friends, just for the wedding of course, but he politely refused.

All seemed to be going well until David and Giorgio flew in the week before the wedding for the rehearsal. We invited them both to stay at the house. But it shocked me when David started to flirt with my mother! And, what was more shocking was Micah didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. I stole a few private moments with Micah after dinner that night, pulling him out to the garage and into my car to vent my frustration.

“Baby, David is 29 and your mom is 35, they only have one more year difference between them than we do.”

“She’s my mother!”

“Well, she is hot.”

“Micah!” I couldn’t mask my shock, “you never said you thought my mom was hot.”

“Leese, I’m crazy in love with you and I think you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met, but even you said your mom was beautiful.”

“Beautiful is beautiful-not hot.”

“You’re beautiful and hot.”

“But-but she’s my mother and he-he…”

“Is mafia?” he stated raising his eyebrows at me.

“NO-he drugged me! And, let’s not forget, tried to shoot me.”

He started to laugh, and then leaned across the leather seat and kissed me, “That was under totally different circumstances, and he does know how to behave when he isn’t trying to save my ass or yours for that matter. We both owe him.”

“Mom isn’t payment,” I hissed.

“I’ll tell him to cool it and we’ll leave the rest up to your mother.”

“Ah! Well then that means I have to have a talk with her,” I growled, my frustration level rising.

Micah sighed, “Baby, do you really want your mother to know what happened between us before I proposed?” I could see a small amount of worry in his eyes.

I calmed. He was right. I couldn’t tell Mom what to watch out for with David. And, he was being impossibly polite and charming (a side to David I’d never seen). “Just please do me a favor and let him know Kimmy picks up on things quickly, and I would prefer he didn’t make passes at Mom, especially with her around.”

“Deal. Besides, I don’t think he’ll get too forward with Dad here. Now if he were here alone, I think we’d have a problem.” He gave me one more quick kiss and suggested we go back inside and stop ignoring our guests.

We walked in to find Giorgio enjoying a card game with Kimmy in the dining room and Mom and David were out by the pool having a glass of wine. Damn wine! I knew I should have thrown it out. But I couldn’t deny she was actually having fun. She was smiling and laughing, her eyes sparkling with life and happiness. I remembered her motto about only getting one opportunity to live life. Suddenly, I felt bad for trying to take away a chance for her to feel attractive to someone, even if it was David. I could only hope neither one of them would fall for the other-it could get weird; my step-father-brother-in-law? That was a little creepy.

The next day we drove down to show them the monastery and to rehearse. I brought Mom, Giorgio, and Kimmy in my car; Micah and David followed in the Corvette. When we arrived, Micah had a constant sheepish look on his face as we went through our rehearsal, and I was beginning to wonder exactly what he and David had been discussing on the way down to North Miami. But his face changed when we took everyone on a tour of the grounds and buildings; he was beaming from ear to ear as his father mentioned multiple times that the church was outstanding and beautiful. He had impressed his father and that, I knew, was something very important to him.

We returned home and went out for lunch and then Micah used my car to take them back to the airport.