“Why are you here?”

He instantly started chewing on the inside of his cheek, also not normally a reaction she associated with him. “I needed to see you. I thought I could do this . . . without seeing you . . . but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“You promised you wouldn’t ask me to stay.”

“No . . . no. I won’t.” He was holding his hands up as though he was worried she’d toss him out on his ass. He actually hadn’t made any move to enter. He was just standing on her porch, waiting for something. She had no idea what to say, and so she just looked at him. She eventually got her feet to move, and she stepped away from the door, letting him pass.

He stood in her entryway, fidgeting for a moment. “I was thinking . . . Do you remember the time I ran into you at the library? We ended up going back to your dorm room to watch a movie. Your roommate was supposed to be gone for the evening, and neither of us felt like studying?”

Her lips pulled up slightly. She remembered it well. It was a night filled with nerves and arousal—just like most nights she spent with him. “Yeah. Basic Instinct. Should not have grabbed that movie.” She shook her head for a second at the memory.

“I’d seen the movie. I pretended I hadn’t because I was afraid you wouldn’t want to watch it, but . . . I had seen it.” She’d picked a movie that had a ridiculous amount of nudity, sexual situations, and all-out smuttasticness. She and Jess would have loved it, but with Darren beside her, she’d gotten humiliated quickly. “I knew it would embarrass you . . . among other things.” He looked at her mischievously. It had gotten to her, sitting beside him on her small love seat sofa in her dorm room, unable to put even a marginal amount of space between them as they watched one panty-melting scene after another. She’d shifted around uncomfortably next to him, and eventually, he started chuckling. “I spent the entire movie trying to decide if I wanted to hit on you or not.” He smiled. His tension was finally starting to ease, and hers was too. “I wanted to. And under the circumstances, alone, completely turned on—hell, even single, I really contemplated it.”

“So why didn’t you?”

He smiled. “Because your roommate came home.” She inhaled deeply. “That was the only thing that stopped me that night. It was always hard to keep my hands off you. And I was always tempted, but never so tempted as I was that night. I was decided. I was going to push our relationship to that place, and I was going to deal with the fall out.”

“Thank goodness you didn’t, huh?” She didn’t actually think that at all, but she wasn’t sure what else to say.

“See, and I was going to say, too bad I didn’t.” He studied her, his eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to read her face.

“Yeah.” She couldn’t keep the breathiness from her voice.

“I was only thinking about what I wanted to do to you. There was nothing else. I wasn’t even letting myself consider what it would be like after. I normally found it impossible not to consider what the outcome would be if we ever made love, but not then.” She was breathing deeply as she watched him. She wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but her heart was pounding, her groin was pulsing, and she was trying to hide the panting. “If I could go back . . . that’s one change I’d make. I’d have made love to you that night. I’d have kicked your roommate out or taken you back to my apartment, but I wouldn’t have let that opportunity slip by me. Our lives were so much simpler and easier then. Our relationship was so different too. You trusted me. I trusted you. It was perfectly simple and balanced. Now it’s so complicated, and I hate that that moment is passed and we missed it before things fell apart.”

“I’m sorry.” She had no idea what to say. She understood exactly what he was saying, but she was clueless how she should respond.

“Don’t say that. I’m not asking for an apology.” He walked up to her then but didn’t touch her. He was close, and it was almost more uncomfortable to not be touched when he was standing so close than it would be if he’d just reach for her. “But I’m asking for something else.” Her heart was suddenly in her throat. He’d moved past his own nerves, and his dark eyes were searing into her. It wasn’t seduction, regardless of what he was proposing. It was an intense question that had sucked the air out of the room and left them both frozen in place.

She said nothing for an uncomfortably long time, and he kept his composure impossibly and perfectly. The moment she tried to get her diaphragm to move, her breath left her in a rush, and he chuckled very quietly for a half a second as his nostrils flared and he inhaled deeply. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.” He watched her, likely gauging just how possible it was to avoid her discomfort. But this was an odd discomfort. The kind that was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.

“You want to sleep with me?” Why did her voice sound so quiet? It was already quiet in her cottage, and her voice should make some impact on the dead silence, but her voice was so whisper soft that it could have been drowned out by nothing more than the whir of a fan.

“Sleep.” His face was almost amused, but he seemed a bit too serious to pull it off. “I want to make love to you.” Then as she watched, he released a sigh and he shook his head. “I don’t want to pass it by again. I’ll accept it if I have to, but I refuse to think we could really live a whole life and not have that between us.” He seemed as dumbfounded at the thought as his words suggested he was, and she understood. “But I don’t . . . maybe it will just complicate things more. You’re leaving, and I understand that. I respect that, and I know why, and. . .” He was rambling. “I don’t want to do more damage—”

“I don’t think that’s even possible at this point.” He stilled as she spoke. He knew she was right. They’d fucked up their relationship beyond recognition. “We can’t hurt this anymore than we already have.” She couldn’t believe she was reassuring him that this was a good idea, but she understood very well, and what she was saying was true. They’d destroyed this. They had little to lose but this. This she could have. One night. One last decent and good memory to add to the few she had stored up of them. There was just too much pain, but this would not be pain.

Or would it? Would she be able to let go? Would he be able to stow the anger that popped up so easily? Her face had fallen; she could feel it in the slackness of her muscles, and she could see it reflected in his own expression. He reached for her cheek, and she flinched inadvertently. It was as much from surprise as it was from fear. He’d never physically hurt her in her life, and she trusted he never would, but there was just so much baggage, and he was more capable than any of destroying her emotionally. This couldn’t become that or it would end her.

His face looked stricken, shocked that she’d flinched, but then her eyes teared, and he pulled her into his arms, shushing her quietly with his lips to the top of her head. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered. “Just remember how we used to be. That’s all I want for us right now. Just the two of us. No pain.” She listened to his words, and she did exactly that. She remembered. His gentle touch. The way he was always just a bit too close. The way she let him invade her space. The trust. The warmth. The protectiveness. She closed her eyes, and when he scooped her up in his arms, she remembered his smile.

She held tight to him, burying her face in his neck, and she blocked out everything that hurt in her life, and she remembered everything that had felt so good once. He laid her on top of the sheet that was still on her bed, and she watched as he undressed silently. She was still completely shocked she was going to do this, but there was no saying no to this. Right or wrong, she couldn’t walk away without it, not when he was so ready.

His body was such an impressive thing. He was strong and lean, and his height wasn’t towering, just commanding. His stomach muscles were toned and tight, and as she looked at them, they danced and twitched. Her eyes flashed to his, and he was watching her closely. She wasn’t sure how she’d managed to ignore his cock that was standing high on his stomach, but the moment her attention shifted back down, that’s where it stopped. Her lips parted, and she sucked in a quick breath before she could stop herself. As she watched, he gripped that impressive breadth, and he stroked slowly up, rounding the head, and then sliding back down.

She sat up, pulling his hips to her, and when she touched the pearly bead of cum on the tip of his penis, she trailed it down the length of him as he watched. He uttered her name and brushed his thumb along her lower lip. She licked around the head as he hissed, and when she parted her lips and pulled him into her mouth, he groaned. She set a slow rhythm, rising and falling, letting him push to the back of her throat, and then pulling her mouth back along the length of his shaft. He was moaning, and his grunts were choked out as she moved. He stopped her quickly, dropping to his knees and placing his hands on her legs.

She was still dressed in a T-shirt and underwear, and he slowly trailed his fingers up her thighs and then worked her underwear down her hips. She lifted her bottom as he slid the fabric down her thighs, and once he’d pulled them from her ankles, he looked back to her eyes. “Take your shirt off for me.” She reached for the waist, pulling the shirt up her chest and off over her head. His eyes zoned in on her breasts, and he kneeled up, latching his mouth to her nipple. He pulled hard, and she whimpered at the incredible suction. He released the pull, and he kissed, sucking her nipple gently into his mouth and releasing it quickly this time. It soothed the ache, and when he moved to the other side, she waited for the same. The pain of his initial suction was swift, but he quickly replaced that incredible tension with a soothing, laving kiss; she melted at the contrasting sensations.

“Spread your legs wider.” He kneeled back on his heels, and her legs trembled as she slid them apart. He lifted one heel, planting it on the bedrail. Then he lifted the other and did the same. It propped her knees up high, and when he asked her to scoot to the edge of the bed, he watched her seriously as she moved forward. He pulled her hips to teeter on the side of the bed, and she looked down at him. She leaned back on her hands and just watched.

He kissed first, parting her lips with his fingers. He pulled her clit between his lips, sucking and toying with the hardened nub, and he kept his eyes on hers the entire time. She just whimpered, unable to stay quiet as he tormented her arousal. Next he licked, and she watched as his tongue trailed slowly up from her entry to the hardened peak. Then he sucked hard. He pulled her clit into his mouth, lashing across it swiftly with his tongue. She was trembling, gasping, and groaning, and when he abruptly stopped, she thought the world had ended for a moment.

She stared down at him, gasping for air, and he smiled. “Not yet.” She was wet, and she could feel that wetness seeping from her, running down between her lips. His fingers explored then, pushing through her wetness, plunging into her sheath as it clenched around him. She could feel the wetness trickling down over her bottom, and when he pulled his fingers from her sex, he looked. It felt practically gynecological, and she wondered if this position was rather procedural to him. If it was, it was a damn good procedure to use in the bedroom.

His eyes followed the trail of her cum, and he licked his middle finger before reaching to her once more. She assumed he was going to continue the invading thrust, but he didn’t, and she felt his finger running gently over the puckered skin of her anus—gently spreading the wetness before he pushed into her bottom. The invasion was completely unfamiliar, and her feet slipped from the bedrails as her legs tightened. “Relax.” His voice was warm, and the seduction was there. Her feet hung in the air until he used his free hand to help her find the rail again, and when her feet were planted, he pushed in farther.

“Darren.” She didn’t even mean to say his name, but it tumbled out as she felt his finger slide deeper into her bottom, and he shifted his focus to her eyes. Her eyes were tearing, but it wasn’t pain—hell it wasn’t even fear; she was just falling apart, and she was trembling from head to toe. He stood in a flash, and he leaned over her, easing her back onto the bed. His finger stayed still within her between their bodies, and he hovered low to her face, watching her eyes.