Jen Frederick - Unraveled

"No way. He was even denser. I had to basically club him over the head and then drag him back to the car. Even then I had to climb onto him before he realized I was interested.”

"Hey, no," he protested. "I just wanted to be sure you were sure.”

"I couldn't have been a surer thing if you'd had paid for me." She shook her head in mock dismay. "But I took him against the car anyway."

"Against the car?" I was torn between being aghast and envious.

"If you haven't tried that position then I’m really sorry because up against the wall or door while he's between your knees, one leg slung over his shoulder is," she paused and shuddered, "un-friggin-believable.”

I stared at her and recalled the truncated promise Gray had given me. Just the memory made me shiver. "I believe you. I think I'm turned on just by hearing you describe it.”

"I know I am," said Randy.

"Can't wait for tonight, baby." She leaned over and cleaned his tonsils out. I watched them far too long to be polite. I realized then that I had been missing sex and more, real intimacy with another person. I missed what Eve had with her boyfriend, the right to have casual intimate contact. To hold hands with someone in public, to know that on all the important holidays someone was thinking of me. I’d missed it so much that I’d attacked a stranger in the hallway. Should I go after Gray and explain? Should I explore these feelings he’d roused? I thought I was immune to men and that my girl parts had shriveled because not one guy in the two years since Will died even warranted a second look let alone stirred sexual desire.

Eve must've seen my envious glance or felt my overlong stare because she broke it off and shooed her boyfriend away.

"It's been two years, why not give another guy a chance or at least just hook up? Get back in the game.”

I looked down at my left hand and the diamond winked backed at me. "I don't know how.”

“Go over to Adam’s house tomorrow. Maisey said he’s staying there for like six weeks. Or ask him over to your condo for coffee.”

“Coffee?”

“Or a movie.”

“What kind of coffee? And a movie? For someone I don’t know.” This sounded like terrible advice.

Randy snorted. “It’s never coffee.”

“What?”

“It’s never coffee. Or even a movie,” he elaborated. “You invite him over for anything and he’ll know you’re asking to have sex.”

“I thought you guys were dense and that I had to ask for things straight up.” Getting back into the dating pool was going to take a lot of effort. Probably more effort than I was interested in exerting. Yet…wouldn’t it be nice to leave the bar and crawl in bed next to someone? The ache I felt in my heart may not be soothed, but the ache in the body could be.

“Everyone knows that an invitation over to her place for anything after, say, eight at night, maybe even seven, is a booty invitation. And vice versa.” He shook his finger at me. “You should know this if you’re gonna start sleeping around.”

Thankfully Eve hit him so I didn’t have to. “What?” He held up his hands. “I thought we were just tossing out advice to the poor chick.”

“Don’t even,” she warned, “or you won’t get any of what I was talking about earlier.”

Randy sat back and motioned that he was zipping his lip.

I sighed. “It’s okay. I need all the advice I can get. I haven’t done this in, well, ever. I grew up with Will. I knew him better than I knew myself at times. This Gray guy, I only know he smells good.” And other stuff that I didn’t want to admit like how strong he was when he held me against the wall and how his rough calloused fingers on the bare skin of my thigh made me damp just at the memory.

“He’s a Marine on leave for a few weeks staying with former members of his—whatever they’re called—troop?”

“Platoon,” I said flatly. I’d forgotten the most important thing about Gray—that was he was in the military and that I wasn’t ever getting involved with another military guy. Not even for a casual, one-night hook up. Eve opened her mouth to say something, but I didn’t let her. “Whatever argument you’ve got, just shelve it."

"You need hair of the dog," she told me, ignoring my admonition. “One military guy breaks your heart, get good loving from another to put it back together."

"Will didn't break my heart. He died."

"Same thing, honey. You've been heartbroken for two years now. This could be the perfect antidote."

"You're crazy." I walked down to the other end of the bar and Eve followed me.

"I might be crazy but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. Trust me, I know heartbreak. You know I do."

Breaking my heart would've been Will leaving me for someone else. He didn't leave me. He went to serve his country. He still loved me. If he would have had it his way, we’d be happily married with a kid on the way. Then why did he enlist? Why did he choose a dangerous military occupational specialty?

Because he loved his country too, I told my little voice mulishly.

A cold cloth pressed against my temple. A quiet moment in the corner of the bar was what I needed to silence the voices, but I couldn’t tell anymore which were speaking lies. The ones that told me he loved me or the ones that told me he didn't.

"He didn't break my heart," I repeated.

Eve kissed the top of my head. "Didn't say he didn't love you, honey, just that he broke your heart. This guy is perfect. He’s a rebound guy—only around for a few weeks. You do him, get back on the horse, and you're ready for a real relationship then."

"Did you know, besides that insane moment earlier with Gray, that you’re the only person I've kissed on the mouth since Will died?" I tapped my index finger against my lower lip. "So that's like twenty-six months, because I saw him the weekend before he deployed."

"Christ, girl, no wonder you were making out with soldier boy." Eve brushed by me to stick the cash drawer, minus the cash, back into the register. "You're like a bear waking up from hibernation. Try out someone else. Those big alphas can be a handful." She winked at Randy who grinned like a man well satisfied.

"Because I'm slow and doddering, like a bear?"

"No, because you're hungry. I'm afraid you'll try to feast on him in front of everyone."

Too late, I thought. “I can’t even pull my ring off so I think I’m still hibernating.”

Eve shook her head. “Nope.”

“And you know this how?”

“Because before you wouldn’t even talk about guys. I don’t think you even saw that they were actual sexual beings. And now? Now you’re actually asking questions. We gotta make sure you’re pointed in the right direction for your hunt.”

“I sound very predatory…and dangerous.” They both laughed. I appreciated Eve’s words, though, because they made my earlier reactions less embarrassing viewed through her perspective. “If I was interested, though, Gray is not my type. He’s too tall and…bold. Plus, he’s not even from around here.”

“That’s what makes him absolutely perfect,” Eve declared. “Who cares what he does for a living? It’s not like you are going to marry him. He’s a rebound guy. You’re getting your feet wet. Even better, you both know it’s temporary.”

Temporary. I rolled that word around on my tongue and after a moment I realized it didn’t scare me. It felt alright. In fact, it made me kind of excited.

Gray

WHEN EVERYONE BROKE FOR THE night and last call was made, I sent Bo and Noah on their way, explaining I had an apology to make and I'd catch a taxi home. I’d tried to find Sam during the evening but she never returned to the patio bar, and I didn’t want to make waves by asking Adam for access to wherever she was.

"Taxi service is shit here," Noah cautioned.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I said. "I'd have to run back to your place? I've done longer distances with a hundred pound pack on my back."

Bo and Noah shared a look and then shrugged and took off when they realized I wasn’t going to change my mind. I loitered outside the bar, leaning against a brick wall, fading into the shadows. From my vantage point, I could see the exit but I was mostly hidden from view.

The door opened and Sam came out with her friend, and I pushed away from the wall and called out so I didn't startle her. She still yelped in surprise and jumped back, bumping into her girlfriend. So much for not startling her. I stepped into the light and held up my hands in surrender so she could see I was harmless—although I was aware that was a relative term. I could've taken both women and had them bound and in a car in less time than it takes a cop to piss.

"Jaysus," said the taller woman, holding her hand to her heart. "You scared the piss out of us."

"Don't you have anyone walking you to your cars?" My plans for Sam were momentarily distracted by the thought of these two young women out here in the night unprotected.

"Mark's here." Sam jerked her finger over her shoulder and out came a guy I noticed had been walking around checking things out. He was dressed in black slacks and a black button down shirt and looked like he weighed about a hundred and forty pounds dripping wet. He might require a little more effort, but the three were vulnerable. "And Randy."

Randy was clearly a bouncer, and he walked with heavy feet. He looked like he was all muscle, no technique.

I decided to make for Mark first, before I separated Sam from her people. Mark was the guy in charge, at least based on his clothes—black shirt button down shirt, black slacks, and dress shoes. Sam and the other woman wore shorts and Randy had on jeans and a T-shirt. "Hey, Mark, Gray Phillips. Friend of Adam's. We sat at the table to the left of the stage."

Mark nodded and held out his hand. He had a good handshake. I was tempted to squeeze it too hard but managed to suppress my stupid caveman instincts. I was trying to make nice here. I gave him my best politician's smile, which I learned from watching my dad for the last eight years—he’d worn it out until it was his default expression.

"I need to have a few minutes with Ms. Anderson here, if I can. I promise to return her in just a few." I gave his hand another squeeze and another smarmy "I'm a people person" smile. It worked for my dad, and I hoped it would work for me here.

Mark nodded. "Sure." He even gave Sam a little push toward me. She glared at Mark but no one made a move to stop me from moving her down the sidewalk into the darker edges of the boulevard.

She was resistant and I felt like I was dragging her. “Look, I’m sorry I said that stuff inside. I was worked up and caught off guard.” I gave her a sheepish grin. “I’m pretty big on not cheating.”

“I got that.” She sighed. “I think it was just a mistake all around. I get why you were angry. I’m sure if I was kissing someone I thought was married, I’d have freaked out too.”

I wanted to object to the freaking out thing. “Can we rewind and go back to the place we were before I insulted you thoroughly?”

Sam bit the side of her lip and glanced back at her tall friend. The tall friend smiled and waved, a get-going gesture. I waved back because Sam needed more encouragement from the look of indecision on her face.

"Did you really wait all night to tell me that you’re sorry?"

No, I realized with sudden clarity, I waited all night to see if I could convince you to pick up where we left off. Then I laughed at myself for being a dick. So much for not liking bar hook ups. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"Where's your crew? Did they abandon you?"

"I told them to go on ahead."

"You have a car? The Woodlands is a ways out."

"Nope, but I'm fine."

She tapped the front of her neck and frowned at me. No one else was around now, just her, me, and the three waiting for her.

"How're you getting home?" she asked finally.

I rolled my shoulders to appear as relaxed and non-confrontational as possible. "I'm just going to call a taxi."

"Taxi service is terrible here." Her frown was getting deeper which was the wrong reaction.

“I really am sorry, you know.” I ran my fingers over the side of her mouth, trying to coax a smile out of her.

“Me too.” She tucked her face into my hand, almost like one of those kittens a few of us had found near a forward operating base in a ditch, abandoned by their mother. Those tiny things had been hesitant at first, but with a little milk and a tender touch had tottered on their little legs after us, always seeking one last pet. We’d given those kittens away to local kids.