What the fuck just happened?

Why had there been an old picture of Lisa and me filling the screen? None of this made sense. My heart felt like someone was trying to squeeze it until it burst. I could barely breathe. I tried to reconnect the video call, but she wouldn’t allow it. I called her phone, texted her, messaged her online, but she ignored me.

Panic set in. Sophia couldn’t ignore me all night, could she? I needed to explain. There had to be some misunderstanding. How did she get that picture of Lisa and me? I looked through my phone again and saw nothing to clue me in. It had to be Lisa.

Me: What did you do Lisa?

Lisa: What are you talking about?

Me: Don’t play stupid with me. I know you sent something to Sophia.

Lisa: I just let her know that you’re mine.

Mother fucker. Sophia knows I lied to her about the entire night, but she didn’t know why. All she knows is that I lied. I shouldn’t have told her about being such a man whore when we first started chatting.

Me: God damn you, I’m not yours. Stay the fuck out of my life. Did you tell her that I was with you?

Lisa: Yes, you’re MINE, and Sophia won’t stand in my way.

All I could think about was explaining everything, and hope she forgives me. I had to get to her...had to hold her. I hopped in my car and headed east. On the way, I kept trying to reach her. I called a co-worker to have them fill in for me for a couple of days. Physical exhaustion set in, but my need to see Sophia kept me awake.

I arrived early in the morning. She’d never given me her address, but I knew her location from our chats. I knew the street where she lived, and her car. I parked my car in front of her home and sat for a minute. How could I get in the house without Sophia knowing? If she wouldn’t answer my calls, I had to find another way. Suzy. I grabbed my tablet and sent Suzy a message.

Me: Suzy, I’m here to surprise Sophia. Can you let me in so I can wake her up?

Suzy: Hell yes. She’ll be so excited.

If she only fucking knew, excited was not the emotion that Sophia would be feeling. I still had my work clothes on as I stood at the door and waited for Suzy. I looked a mess... I hadn’t slept or showered.

The door opened and a smiling Suzy greeted me with a hug.

“Thanks, Suzy. I appreciate this, I wanted to surprise her,” I whispered in her ear.

“It’s so romantic, Kayden,” Suzy said, hugging me.

I walked down the hallway to Sophia’s room I stood there a few seconds to calm my nerves. I opened the door as quietly as possible. The blankets were tangled around her body as she slept. The light was streaming in through the windows illuminating her face; I could see where the tears had dried upon her cheeks. Her face was puffier than normal, and I knew I had caused her tears.

I sat on the bed besides her and touched her face, following the path of dried tears down to her neck. She stirred slightly, but didn’t wake. I leaned down and placed a light kiss upon her lips. Her eyes flew open. She looked at me with wide eyes before speaking.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asked before pushing me away. She sat up quickly and covered her body with her blanket. I reached for her, but she moved away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Sophia, what happened? Why did I see an old picture with Lisa?” I asked her.

“I know you were with her,” she snipped.

“It’s not what you think, please let me explain,” I begged.

“I don’t need to hear more lies. I can’t trust you, and I was a fool to ever think I could.”

“That picture was from last year that Lisa sent you. It wasn’t from last night.”

“I don’t want to hear it. Just fucking leave… get the hell out of my life,” she said while staring down at her hands.

“You’re going to listen to me and let me explain.” I reached for her hands and placed mine over hers.

“She contacted me about my grandmother’s ring she had found that was left behind when I was arrested. She knew I’d want it back. She wouldn’t send it to me, but she was going to be in NOLA for a weekend trip. I met her to get the ring and nothing else,” I explained.

“I sat at the bar and waited for her. She tried to touch me and I wouldn’t let her. I told her I was happy and had finally found someone. I told her I was happy and was with you. I had to get away from her for a minute and forgot my phone at the table; she must have looked through my phone and found your number. I came out of the bathroom and demanded the ring and left. I wasn’t there more than thirty minutes total. I swear. I’m not seeing Lisa. I want only you… I love you, Sophia,” I groveled.

“I was falling in love with you Kayden. I trusted you and you ripped my heart out. How could you… with that evil woman?” Sophia asked, as tears began to flow from her eyes.

“I didn’t. It’s on my phone. Read the messages on my phone between her and I. You’ll see I’m not lying to you about why I saw her. I didn’t want you to freak out. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” I would not let her throw us away. I would fight for us… for her. I stood up and pulled my phone from my pocket. I flipped to the messages that Lisa and I had exchanged. I held out the phone to Sophia.

“Read them, please. You’ll see that I’m not lying to you,” I said, as she snatched the phone from my hand.

I sat on the edge of the bed, and just watched her. I prayed that once she read the conversation, she’d forgive me. She moved her fingers on the screen to read earlier messages that were sent between Lisa and I. She put the phone down in front of me.

“Why weren’t you just honest with me? I would’ve understood,” she said, wiping the tears off her cheek.

“I didn’t know how you’d react, I didn’t want to lose you,” I explained, as I reached out and wiped a tear trickling down her face. “I’m used to being with jealous women, I should have known better. I’m so sorry, Sophia.”

“I’m not jealous. I don’t like being lied to, and I don’t know if I will ever fully trust you again,” she replied, reaching out to touch my hand as it lingered on her face.

“Just try. You’re the only one in my life… my heart is filled by you. I don’t think you realize how important you are to me. I’m in love with you.” I laid it all out to her. I was not going to be coy with my feelings, and she needed to know how important she is.

She didn’t respond to my words, and I needed her to feel the love I felt. I reached my arm out, and she didn’t back away. I wrapped my hand around the back of the neck and pulled her close. I kissed her with all the love and passion that she evoked in me. If she didn’t believe my words, I wanted her to feel them through my kiss. I backed away and looked at her face. Her eyes were still closed, I watched as they fluttered open and looked at me with the softness I had seen before.

“I love you, too, Kayden. Don’t hide things from me anymore,” she asked.

“I promise not to lie to you again. I can’t imagine my world without you,” I told her while drawing her into an embrace.

She felt right in my arms. I’m glad she couldn’t see my face. There was so much about me that Sophia didn’t know. I hadn’t lied to her before, but I hadn’t been entirely forthcoming with my past. I would share all the gory details when the time was right. We needed to get through this moment, before I could share my entire story.

Forgiveness