Suzy, my room mate, and I spent our days at the pool, soaking in the sun. I moved in with Suzy months ago and we’d grown closer during that time. We are co-workers, both single, and loved talking about books and men.

Kayden: What are you doing?

Me: Swimming with Suzy.

Kayden: Send me a photo of your body; Ask Suzy to take it. I want to see all of you, Sophia.

No way would I send him a photo of my body. No fucking way in hell.

“What are you shaking your head about?” Suzy asked.

“Kayden, he wants me to send him a picture of my body in my swimsuit.”

“What are you going to do?” She said with wide eyes.

I shrugged my shoulders and sighed, what was I going to do? “Any ideas Suzy?”

Suzy looked around the pool area, her eyes stopping on the glass doors lining the pool clubhouse. “Oh, I have a fabulous idea.”

Me: I don’t send naked pictures to anyone. No way in hell—not going to happen, Kayden.

Kayden: I never said anything about a naked photo, although that would be fantastic. How about a photo in your swimsuit?

She shared her idea and I couldn’t stop laughing. The glass doors would give the perfect reflection for a snap shot, blurry and imperfect.

“You’re a genius, Suzy,” I said jumping up from my lounge chair.

Kayden: Humor me please…

Me: I don’t have any pictures in my swimsuit. I’ll have to take one.

Kayden: Come on, just do it. For me, please.

Me: Gimme a minute.

I stared into the glass looking at my reflection, fucking genius. The image was muddy and dark, but it would have to do. I snapped a couple of them, picking just the right one, and hit send. I laughed as I walked back to my lounge chair and Suzy.

Kayden: Damn. Your body is amazing. It’s not really clear though. Can you take another one?

Me: Are you zooming in on the photo?

Kayden: Hell yes, but it’s hard to see. You did that on purpose.

Me: You asked for full body shot and I gave it to you.

I smirked knowing how frustrated I just made him. I loved teasing him, the playfulness of all the conversations.

Kayden: I’m not going to get another one, am I?

Me: Nope, that’s all you’re going to get.

Kayden: Why?

Me: I don’t want you seeing everything. Pictures aren’t always kind and can’t be erased.

Kayden: Oh come on, Sophia. You’re perfect.

I wanted to see him naked so badly, I almost salivated at the thought. I had a fantasy of him without clothes, moving over my body, in my body.

Me: Where’s my picture of you… Fair’s fair.

Kayden: I’m working and can’t take one now. I’m all sweaty too.

I never liked the thought of a sweaty man, but Kayden all sweaty fit the scenes that were rolling through my mind.

Me: I want something, anything.

Kayden: Bossy… One second.

A picture filled my screen, him in his work uniform, covered in sweat, standing near a lush garden of tropical plants. I stared at the picture, transfixed by his eyes. The green flecks of his iris matched the color of the leaves framing his face. I was lost in his eyes.

Kayden: Come and see me. It’s summer and you’re off work. Come here, have some fun.

His text pulled me out of my sweaty naked fantasy, pulling me back to reality. Could I take that plunge? I didn’t want to be another fuck—meaningless.

Me: Feel like adding another notch to your bedpost?

My heart stopped as my phone began to ring. Kayden.

“Hey,” I said.

“Sophia, you aren’t a cheap whore. I’ve never thought of you in that way, ever.” I sighed, still unconvinced.

“Kayden, I didn’t mean to make you mad,” I said, closing my eyes, holding my breath.

“You’d didn’t make me mad at all, Sophia. I just want you to know how I feel, what I feel for you. For the first time in a long time, I look forward to waking up. I check my phone and message you before I even crawl out of bed.”

My stomach filled with butterflies, my voice quivered as I spoke. “It’s the same for me, Kayden; I just want to make sure I don’t become just another girl to you. I have to think about it.”

“Sophia, I don’t want another notch on my bedpost. I want to spend time with you. I want to show you this amazing city; you could use a little fun in your life—wipe away the navy blue.” Navy blue, I stopped seeing Bob weeks ago. I couldn’t pretend to be interested anymore. I wanted to be home to talk with Kayden, my fantasies and daydreams were far better than anything Bob could deliver. “I’ll keep my hands to myself… I’ll be a gentleman. Come on, just a weekend.”

“So you don’t want to have sex with me, then?” I covered my mouth. What the fuck did I just say?

“Fuck, yes I do,” he said, causing my core to pulse, “I plan on it, you won’t be able to resist me.” He drew out his last words, my body breaking out in a blanket of goose bumps.

“Well it’s nice to know your self-esteem is still tact,” I said.

“What’s stopping you?” he asked.

“I’m not used to sharing, Kayden. I’ve never slept with anyone that I haven’t been in a relationship with; I need to decide if it’s something I can do.”

“I haven’t seen any other women since I started talking with you. I couldn’t do it. You’re all I think about morning until night, I even dream about you.”

“Oh,” I whispered, my heart pounded in my chest, “I thought when you disappeared, sometimes for an hour, that you were with someone.” My body warmed with the knowledge that he hasn’t been spending time in bed with anyone.

“Baby, I need way more than hour. What kind of men have you been with?” he asked with a chuckle.

“I’ll let you know, soon,” I said.

His breathing increase, “If you don’t come here, I’ll come there, Sophia.”

“Okay Kayden, we’ll see if you can find me first,” I laughed into the phone, “Go back to work.”

I thought all week about spending time with Kayden. The positives outweighed the negatives; I couldn’t deny the pull he had over me. I needed to act on my feelings or break whatever this was off… He was becoming distracting to any possible happy future that maybe waiting on me, not involving him. My heart ached at the thought of Kayden not being in my life. He’s become a fixture, a necessity to me like the air I breathed.