* * *

The surgeon found sleep to be nothing more than an illusion as she spent most of her time walking from one room to the next, reliving all of the things that had happened to her in this house, Danni’s house. She thought back to the first day that the nurse had even suggested that they share the space. Garrett had been so sure that it wouldn’t work out and now to look at her, she would have been better off if it hadn’t.


Somehow she ended up sitting on the couch for the longest time in the early morning, watching the sky change colors through the front window. The twinkling of the stars in the heavens made her think of the tiny ill-shaped Christmas tree that turned into a beautiful sight when the final decorations were done and the colorful lights were illuminated.


Garrett shook her head as if to try to clear it of the memories for a while. She pushed herself up from the couch and grabbing the two or three empty boxes that she had brought home, headed for her room. ‘If I’m going to be up all night, I might as well finish packing.’


It didn’t take her long before the few things that she had accumulated while living here in Pittsburgh were packed and ready for shipping when she would have an address to ship them too. She stacked them in the corner of the hall by the door. She hoped that Danni wouldn’t mind. They wouldn’t be there that long, just until she sent an address to have them delivered to.


"Well, Gar, shower time for you and then its time to hit the road." She stretched her body to its full height and felt the bones ease into place. "Yep, a good hot shower will do you wonders." The surgeon started for the stairs when she heard the house phone start ringing. "Hmmm…the hospital knows that Danni is on vacation, I wonder…" Garrett stopped next to the phone and listened, undecided as to pick it up or not.


Finally the answering machine picked up and the prerecorded message with Danni’s voice clicked on. "I’m not here, like always, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you."


Garrett closed her eyes and pictured Danni as she heard the voice.


There was a moment of silence, and then a male voice began to speak. "Danni, I’ve taken care of damage control with Mother. She knows now that you aren’t and never were pregnant. I hope that note she sent you didn’t get you too upset. See you later, Sis. Ah…almost forgot, it’s Matt." He trailed off with the sound of his laughter then hung up.


The surgeon stood there staring at the machine. She was in shock. "David was right…he never…" She closed her eyes tightly now and fought back the tears. "Too late now, Trivoli. You’re a fool to think that someone like Danni would even think of doing something without love being involved in it." Garrett shook her head in disbelief. "And if it happened any other way, I’m sure she would have come to me as a friend for advice." The surgeon rolled her eyes at the thoughts going through her head. "Damn it!" The large fist slammed down on to the hall stand. "You’re committed. You’re due to start that new job in Arizona on the first of July. Your word has always been like gold." She squared her shoulders and set her course for the shower, her right hand raised slowly to her chest and long, sinewy fingers touched the golden heart.


With her shower completed, Garrett dressed, picked up her bags and headed down the stairs. With purposeful steps, she made her way out the door and to her Blazer. Once the suitcases were stowed into the rear, she walked slowly back into the house and made one last sweep for any forgotten belonging.


Finding nothing more of hers to take, the surgeon stopped at the desk and pulled the few remaining letters out of her slot. There in the middle was the piece of stationery that was folded over. She hadn’t read it yet and knowingly shoved it into her jeans back pocket for another time. She took one long last look around, then picked up her leather flight jacket and flung it over her shoulder. Taking the house key from her pocket, she placed it on the desk next to Danni’s slot. The surgeon turned and went to the front door. With the lock set to secure the house upon closing, Garrett let her gaze fall upon the furnishing of the house once more.


"Good-bye, my love." She whispered as she closed the door.



* * *

It was mid day when the surgeon finally felt the need to pull off the road for a rest stop. She had been pushing herself to put as many miles in as she could before she stopped for the night. Here was good as any to get a bite to eat and some coffee to fuel her mind. She watched for the next exit that would take her to a roadside diner. Within a few miles the neatly displayed signs pointed her way.


"Mabel’s Home Cooking, sounds good to me," and the surgeon slowed her car to a stop at the end of the turnpike ramp. Pulling into the parking lot, Garrett got out and stretched until it felt good. "Yep, you’ll sleep tonight, that’s for sure."


Entering the small diner, she picked out a booth that was away from the crowd. ‘Alone, as usual, eh Trivoli?’ She settled into the seat and looked over the menu. After giving her order to the waitress, she found herself playing with the gold heart about her neck. She looked around and came up empty handed, "Hmm…nothing here to read." Then she remembered the folded piece of stationery in her back pocket. "Awe…I might as well read it now." She mumbled to herself and dug it out.


Hesitating for only a moment after she unfolded it, she began to read.


My Dearest Garrett,


This past year has been a wonderful experience that I would not trade for the world. Your friendship and understanding has touched my heart in such a way that I can not describe. I have no past liaison to compare it to and even if I did, I’m sure that it would pale to the love that I hold for you in my heart. Thank you, my friend for your confidence in me when I didn’t have any in myself. Even now, I’m lacking the confidence to tell you that I love you and that you will always have my heart.


Take care, my friend.


Danni


Garrett sat transfixed to the letter. The words racing wildly in her head as her mind thought about what to do. There it was in black and white. How could she deny it now?


"Hey, hon. You alright?" The waitress stared at her as she set the food down in front of her.


"Yeah…Yeah, I’m fine." The surgeon’s eyes darted back and forth as she thought. "Do you have a phone here?"


"Sure, right back there by the restrooms."


Garrett jumped up and went in the direction that the waitress had pointed.


"Silly, girl." The waitress smacked her gum and scribbled out the check that she left on the table next to the coffee. "Don’t think she’ll be staying long."


And the waitress was right. After a few moments on the phone, the tall, dark-haired woman sat down, ate quickly, finished her coffee and stood up to leave. Pulling a couple of bills out of her pocket, she counted them out and placed them on the meal check for the waitress, then walked toward the door.


"Hey, don’t you want any dessert?" The waitress yelled from behind the counter as the tall stranger reached for the door.


"No, I think I’ll save room for that later." Then she was out the door and headed toward her Blazer.


Chapter 14

The rhythm of small branches snapping under foot added percussion to the song of the birds as the petite woman strolled through the deafening quiet of the woods. It was a version of the song that she had heard many times in her youth when she had gone on the long, thoughtful walks with her grandfather. She smiled at his favorite saying as it came to her mind. ‘To refresh the soul you only need to listen to your heart beat in time with the song of nature.’ That was exactly what she was trying to do, refresh her soul, but this time it just wasn’t happening. Perhaps it was the fact that ever since Danni had watched Garrett walk away from her and go out the door for the last time her heart just didn’t want to beat. The aching in her chest would not go away and it truly felt like her heart was breaking in two. There seemed no need for it to be whole anymore. It beat now only to sustain the agony and torment that she felt.


For each of the last seven days, Danni had spent most of her waking hours walking through the paths that she and her grandfather had used in the days of her youth. Things seemed so much simpler then, when all she had to do was go to school and follow the wishes of her mother. She had often dreamed, back then, of finding her someone to share her life with, to become one with in the everyday working of the world around her. She just never dreamed back then that it would be a tall, raven-haired woman surgeon by the name of Garrett Trivoli. Would her life be any different if she had known back then? She was sure that it would have been, especially if her mother had known. "I probably would have been forced into a marriage so that I’d come to my senses with the first man my mother could find that met her plan for my life."


She thought about that for a moment and brought her walking to a halt. "Maybe it’s good that I didn’t know that I was gay back then." Her mind tumbled aimlessly over the thought of being in a physical union with someone but still feeling alone, her soul was not joined with the half that it sought to feel complete. "By the gods, it couldn’t feel worse than this."


The tears that were so easy to form were there in a second. At times she wondered where her body was getting all the moisture to keep the river of sadness flowing through her eyes. After bringing her arms up to wipe the tears away from her cheeks, she opened her eyes to see the large upside down letters of U.S.C. written on the sweatshirt she wore. Suddenly, the rush that she had felt at Garrett’s touch coursed through her body as the image of the woman implanted itself firmly in her mind.


The petite woman stood there on the forest’s floor and raised her eyes to the heavens above. Then, as if offering a prayer that the pain of this separation would be soon replaced by only the memory of the friendship and love that she had experienced over the last year, she remained silent with her thoughts.


It seemed now that everywhere she looked, everything she touched brought back memories of the beautiful woman. Danni prayed that it would become easier over the next week without her. She shook her head in wonderment at how she was going to be able to resume any kind of normalcy to her life once she entered that hospital again. She was certain that the wispy illusions that she had been seeing here in the forest would only be multiplied a thousand times. They would come out from every corner and every hallway that the woman had used over the last year, popping up at the most inopportune times she was sure.


Once again the petite woman started walking down the pathways of her life, as she crossed the woodland floor, letting her pain eke out so as not to gather it all in one place. She followed the trail now as she had followed the surgeon, being ever mindful of the many skills that were needed to keep her balance and attain her goal. But that was part of the problem, her goal had been moved, eradicated of sort. Perhaps that was why Danni felt as though for the past week she had been walking with nowhere to go, no goal to achieve, and most of all, no one to come home to.


As the light of the forest floor began to dim, the forlorn woman brought her arms across her chest and held on, both for comfort and for warmth, as the sun began its slow descent in the sky. It would be dark soon and there she would be, alone in the cabin with only the warmth of the well-worn college sweatshirt to hold her through the night. She wondered when the pain would end but then thought if it did, would that mean that she no longer had Garrett in her heart? She hastened her steps toward the cabin, afraid of what the answer would be.



* * *

The golden rays of the sun setting low on the horizon bathed the clearing that the cabin was nestled into. As the young woman came to the end of the trail, her eyes took in the beautiful sight of the sun-drenched lake reflecting the colorful hues of the sky. It was a breathtaking view as the shimmering water moved with the glow of the world around it. The lure of it called out to her as she slowly came to its edge. Like a lover’s arms outstretched to her, the water beckoned her closer.