Ella Frank - Veiled Innocence

After my session on Monday with Doc, I understood what needed to happen, it was just harder than I imagined. A few simple words and this would all be over. Life would return to normal—wouldn’t it?

And what was normal? Life before him? That didn’t sound like the ending I wanted either, but what other choice was there? Doc was making me realize I was not helping Grayson the way he helped me.

Wanting someone and needing them was entirely different than being good for them—and it was more than clear, that I was not that for him.

“Oh, Addison, come in.”

Why my skin prickled at Miss Shrieve’s invitation I couldn’t have guessed, but the way she examined me as I stepped into her office and took a seat made me uncomfortable.

She held up her index finger and gave me a tight smile. “One second. Let me shut the door.”

I placed my bag on my lap and clutched it tightly as I waited for her to make her way back around and take a seat. Again, her eyes shifted over me.

“How are you today?”

That was the question of the day, apparently.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

I nodded and tried to be more convincing. “Yes. I’m fine.”

Even though the one person who shouldn’t be running through my mind, is.

“I spoke with your mother the day you were suspended and released early to go home.”

Why are we rehashing this? I knew it all already and so did she, so what was the—

“Your mother mentioned you came home last Wednesday with the bruised lip.”

I remain silent, wondering exactly what she was getting at. That was when she dropped her bomb.

“I know that Jessica didn’t strike your face on Wednesday in the parking lot. So, who did that to you?”

I wondered exactly who she thought did it. If she’d seen that Jessica hadn’t slapped me, just how long did she stand there? Had she seen me talking to Grayson?

“It’s okay, you know. You can tell me.”

I thought about that and then, for first time in days, I heard the—tick, tick, tock—of her clock. That was when I asked with a little more malice than I expected, “And why would I do that?”

She didn’t flinch, not even to blink, as she spoke in a tone that was clear and invited no deviation. “I’m your teacher. I’m here to help you, to guide you. I’m someone you can trust implicitly.”

I didn’t trust her—not at all.

“Are we done?”

She sat back in her chair and silently nodded, indicating that yes, for now we were done. I stood, and just as I got to the door, she called out my name. With a palm on the handle I looked back.

“Perhaps you should talk to Mr. McKendrick. It seems like you trust him.”

Without saying a word, I opened the door and left Miss Shrieve’s office.

* * *

Present…

“What’s in the envelope?”

Lifting the yellow rectangle, Doc hands it to me.

“It’s for you.”

I start to open it, but he puts his hand over mine. “Nope. Not yet.”

“Not yet?”

“Nope.”

He removed his hand, and I put the envelope on the bench between us and sighed. “Okay, O wise one.”

“Ah! There’s your sense of humor!” Bringing a hand to his chest, Doc admits, “That does very good things to this old heart.”

“You aren’t that old.”

“Is that right?”

“Yep. You’re only as old as you feel.”

“And how old do you feel, Addy?”

“Nice one. How long did you think about that before you threw it in there?”

“Last night and this morning. But…back to the question. How old do you feel?”

I stretch my legs out in front of me and then shrug. “I feel like a child here. Someone is always telling me what to do.”

“Well, you know why. They just want to—”

“I know. Make sure I don’t hurt myself or anyone else,” I finish for him. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, not anymore.”

“Why?”

“Look where it got me,” I tell him, gesturing around us.

“Sitting on a bench with me on a nice sunny day? Could be worse.”

“Locked up. I mean it got me locked up.”

“Hmm…”

“There you go again.”

Pointing to the envelope, he says, “Open it.”

Picking it up, I unseal it and pull out what’s inside. There in my hands is the smiling face of Brandon Williams.

Standing all around him are members of his new track team, and he is front and center, beaming at the camera. I can feel the anger I’d forgotten for days start to bubble up inside me. The picture had been featured in the Sunday newspaper and stated that Brandon Williams was now the National 100-meter dash champion.

My head snaps around to Doc, and fuming, I get to my feet.

“What the fuck is this?”

“Addy, please. Watch the language.”

“Explain. Why would you give me this?” I demand, shoving the article back at him. He takes it from me as he stands, but before I can pull my hand back he takes ahold of it.

“He hurt people. Didn’t he?”

“You know he did. They already told you when I was admitted here what happened.”

I don’t understand. Why is Doc throwing this in my face? I don’t want to know about Brandon. I don’t care about him. I don’t care about—

“But he’s happy. Just look at him.”

“I thought I could trust you!” I shout. He’s hurt me just when I thought I didn’t have any feelings left to hurt.

“You can,” he tells me. I shake my head, quite adamant he is lying.

“Listen to me. You can’t let these people continue to have such a hold over you. Use your head, not your heart. Make yourself want it. Crave it, not some illusion, Addison.”

The use of my proper name pulls me from my angry haze. “Make myself want what? You aren’t making any sense.”

Letting me go, Doc points to the paper in my hand. “What he has. Freedom.”

Past…

“Addison!”

I stopped walking and saw Grayson at the far end of the hall. The bell for lunch had rung and I was planning to step out and take the hour in my car, by myself—where I could try and get my usual facade back in place.

Miss Shrieve had been insinuating too much and asking too many questions—too many potentially damaging questions. They weren’t damaging for me but they would be for the man now striding down the hall in my direction.

I waited off to the side where my locker was and watched several students greet Mr. McKendrick as he passed them. It wasn’t unusual for a teacher to need to see a student, but I knew from the look in his eyes that it had nothing to do with school.

When he stopped an acceptable distance from me, he asked, “Where are you going? We need to talk.”

“We do? Why?”

Checking to make sure no one was within earshot, he asked in a hushed tone, “What is going on with you today?”

Not quite sure what to say, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed.

He was right. It was bullshit.

He gestured to the small alcove at the end of the lockers, and I obeyed without protest. After talking to Doc, I realized that I’d been using Grayson for my own selfish reasons and giving nothing but pain in return.

It was time to free him from my burdens.

“You’ve shut down. I want to know why.”

Refusing to draw this out any longer but knowing this wasn’t the time or the place to get into it, I said, “Maybe I’ve realized a few things.”

It sounded ridiculous even to my own ears.

He must have thought so too because his mouth pulled into a grim line, and the emotions swirling in his eyes were oscillating between anger and concern.

“Oh yeah, like what?”

I swallowed, and gestured between us. “That this—”

“Yes?” he interrupted, his cutting tone and his expression making this much more difficult than I expected it to be.

“This is going to hurt you,” I stressed on a whisper.

As if he’d forgotten where we were, Grayson stepped forward, forcing me back against the wall and demanded, “Is that so? And who finally made you understand this? Because it sure as hell wasn’t me when I was telling you no.”

“Doc,” I supplied instantly.

Grayson’s eyes widened as he rubbed his fingers over his lips. “You told him about us?”

“No,” I answered, horrified he would think such a thing.

Unable to help himself, he lowered his face until it was close to mine. I was about to remind him where we were when he fumed, “Then what the fuck are you talking about, Addison?”

“You need to back up,” I warned, looking from side to side. “Anyone could see us.”

“Shit,” he cursed and stood back up straight.

“I don’t want to be something that you look at and hate. I can’t be that to you, not when you are the opposite to me. I’m bad for you. Poison,” I finally told him.

There, I couldn’t get much more honest than that. He began pacing and then came back to stop in front of me. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes,” I disagreed. “I am.”

“So, what? That’s it? You’re just going to walk away?” he asked, his face showing his incredulity. “After finally getting what you want, you’re done?”

“No,” I denied, his fury making my heart hurt.

I didn’t want to be doing this, but I was trying to do the right thing for a change, couldn’t he see that?

“I’m going to finish school and hope you still—”

“That I still what, Addison? I’ve been telling myself how fucking wrong this is from the very beginning and I still haven’t stayed away.” Then he did the unthinkable. He touched my hair, stroking his fingers over the curls. “I can’t stay away.”

I could feel tears in my eyes as the full impact of that tiny gesture here, where it could hurt him most, showed the depth of his emotions.

“You need to try. Let me do this. It’s the right thing. For both of us.”

Pulling his hand back, he pushed it into his pocket.

“Too many people are watching. You’ll only get hurt being connected to me.”

He shook his head, clearly frustrated. “Like who?”

“Brandon.”

“I don’t give a fuck about him,” he spat, and the venom in that statement showed just how far we’d come. In the beginning, Grayson had denied any jealousy, but right here in this moment, it was obvious he was feeling something.

“Miss Shrieve,” I added, deciding to go a different route.

“What about her?”

“She had me in her office for a meeting this morning.”

Something flashed in his eyes, almost as if he was suspicious of why she’d called me in. Did he know something?

“What for?”

“My lip. My mom told her I came home Wednesday after school with it. Miss Shrieve also saw us in the parking lot. Did you know that?”

“Yes.”

I pushed away from the wall. “Were you going to tell me?”

“She didn’t see anything she shouldn’t have,” he stated, defending his actions.

“How do you know? God, no wonder…” I trailed off as I thought back to the comment about him and trust.

This was not good.

I made a move to step around him when I saw Brandon walking down the hall, but Grayson reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me back to where he was standing behind the lockers.

“Where are you going?”

Yanking my arm away, I gritted out between clenched teeth, “Let me go. Brandon’s coming.”

Grayson released me instantly and stepped away, just as Brandon rounded the corner and found us.

“What the fuck is this?”

* * *

Present…

After knocking on Doc’s door, I pace back and forth in the empty hall.

In my left hand, I’m holding the envelope with Brandon’s photo, and in my right, I have the pen he’d given me—Grayson’s pen.

Both symbols in their own right of distrust and trust.

As his door opens, I stop pacing and thrust the envelope at him. He takes it from me without a word and then steps aside.

“Why?” I ask as I walk inside and he shuts the door. “I want to know why you gave me that?”

“I told you why.”

“So I can break free?”

“Yes, break free of everything that keeps you trapped,” he tells me, pointing with the envelope.