“Albert should not provoke me. I know I am hot-tempered and when my temper is aroused, I say things I do not mean. I hate these scenes. Albert should remember that it is not long since my son was born. One suffers not only before but after a birth. Men do not understand…”

“There are reasons other than physical weakness behind those outbursts. There are too many conflicts in the household.”

“What do you mean?”

Stockmar had never treated me as the Queen; he had always been frank and open, and implied that if he could not speak his mind he would not speak at all, but return to his family in Coburg.

He said, looking at me very shrewdly, “Let us face the truth. There will always be these scenes while Baroness Lehzen remains in your household.”

I stared at him in horror.

He went on, “It is a fact. There is not room in one household for the Prince and Baroness Lehzen.”

“I love them both…”

Stockmar shrugged his shoulders. “The time has come for you to decide which is the more important to you.”

“Albert is my husband.”

“Exactly. He will always be with you. But you cannot hope for a happy marriage while the Baroness remains.”

“She is my dearest friend…She has been with me all my life.”

I was thinking: I could not live without Albert. I love Albert, yes, but I love Lehzen, too.

“That is all I can say,” said Stockmar. “While she is here there will be trouble and although at this time there is great affection between you and the Prince, constant disagreements and violent quarrels will kill love in time. I know the Baroness is devoted to you, but she loves you too possessively. She dislikes the Prince because she is jealous of anyone who takes you from her. I repeat, the Baroness should go, if you are to live in harmony with your husband and family.”

“No,” I said. “No.”

Stockmar lifted his shoulders. “Then there is nothing more I can say.”

“I could not do it. How could I tell her? It would break her heart.”

“If she stays she will break yours… and Albert's.”

“I cannot see why people can't be nice to each other. It is a big palace. Why is there not room for us all?”

“It is not a matter of area,” said Stockmar.

He looked at me hopelessly and I could see he was preparing to take his leave.

“Wait a moment,” I said.

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“Isn't there some way out… something we could do?”

I knew that I was telling him that at all costs I must keep Albert. Stockmar realized this and I fancied I saw something of triumph in his eyes.

“The Baroness has a sister in Coburg,” he said. “The sister has children. The Baroness is very fond of children. She could go to her sister… adequately pensioned. She could have a very comfortable life.”

“How could I tell her? Oh no, no. I could not.”

“A holiday…at first. It could grow into a long holiday.”

I was silent.

I knew that he was right. I loved Lehzen. It would be heart-breaking to say goodbye to her. But Albert was my husband. My allegiance was to him; more than that he was what I wanted. If Lehzen were not there— much as I should miss her—there would be an absence of that tension which was so worrying to me. I should be at peace and happy.

Stockmar was going on, “The Baroness has been ill recently. She has not yet recovered from her attack of jaundice. She needs rest, freedom from responsibility. A holiday should be suggested for her, just a holiday…at first…a holiday that should grow into a very long holiday.”

I nodded, slowly, wretchedly.

Stockmar was smiling. He said, “Your Majesty shows great wisdom.”


* * *

I HAD KNOWN it would have to come. They could not exist peacefully under the same roof. This had been inevitable ever since Lehzen had been confronted by him. Their dislike was mutual. They were enemies through their love of me.

I had to accept that, and I wondered how I was going to tell Lehzen.

How delighted Albert must be! He had achieved what he had always wanted. He was going to be rid of Lehzen at last.

I would have to know that she was comfortable; she would have to be most adequately provided for. She had often talked to me about her sister and the children. Oh, it would be a terrible wrench but she would be happy in time.

Albert would come to me in delight. He would tell me how happy he was because I had come to this decision. It was for him, he knew, and he would be gratified. He must not go on thinking that he was of no importance in the Palace. I must show him that he was of the utmost importance to me.

I waited but he did not come.

Where was he? Stockmar had said he would go to him at once. Then as I was making such a sacrifice why did he not come at once and thank me?

The minutes ticked by and at last I could bear the waiting no longer. I went to his sitting room.

To my surprise he was sitting in an armchair, a book in his hands. Reading…at a time like this! I felt myself growing angry again.

He looked up at me and smiled.

“Why did you not come to see me?” I demanded.

“You were not in a very good mood when we last met,” he replied.

“I did not think you were in a very good one either. Albert, put that book down when I speak to you.”

“Is that a royal command?” asked Albert a trifle coldly.

Oh dear, I thought. This is not going as I expected it would. How can he behave so, after all I have done?

“When I come in I expect you to pay attention to me.”

He said, “A thousand pardons.” He stood up and bowed.

“Oh not like that,” I said. “Just talk to me.” He was still holding the book.

“Put it down,” I cried.

“If you ask me, instead of command me, I shall do so.”

“It seems that you would like me to request you to speak to me.”

“Perhaps that would be a courteous thing to do.”

The temper was rising. “Perhaps you would like me to curtsy, beg permission to speak, and walk out backward.”

Albert stood up, and taking his book with him, walked into the bedroom. He shut the door.

I was now furious. I had come ready for reconciliation. I had agreed—much against my will—that Lehzen should take a holiday. And my reward was this. Another quarrel. I would not have it.

“Open that door,” I shouted.

Albert was standing on the other side of it. I was aware of him. “Who is there?” he asked.

“You know. It is the Queen. Open it at once.”

Nothing happened. I was so miserable. I could have burst into tears. It was only my anger which kept me from doing so.

I knocked again.

“Who is there?” repeated Albert.

“What game is this? You know who is here.”

“Tell me,” he said.

“The Queen!” I shouted.

Nothing happened. What did he mean by shutting me out? I had agreed to their terms… his and Stockmar's. I had rashly promised that my dearest Lehzen should go for a long holiday; and now he was behaving like this…showing me, I supposed, that he was master in his own house.

That was all very well, but I was the Queen.

I cried angrily, my voice shaken with emotion: “Will you open this door?”

“Who is there?” he asked again.

“The Queen,” I said, stifling my emotion.

I felt wretched, frustrated. I wanted to see him. I wanted him to open the door, put his arms round me and tell me that there would be an end to silly quarrels which hurt us both so much. I wanted to say I agree to Lehzen's going. I'll agree to anything, but we must be together because our love is really of the utmost importance.

I could not check the sob which rose in my throat. I think Albert must have heard it for he said in a very gentle voice, “Who is there?”

Then I understood. It was not the Queen he wanted to hold in his arms; it was Victoria, his wife.

I cried, “Albert, this is Victoria…your wife.”

The door was flung open. He was standing there.

I ran to him; he picked me up and held me fast.


* * *

I WAS SO happy to be with him. I said I was hasty tempered, a shrew. He replied that he should never have uttered the words he did. We both agreed that it was out of our love for each other that these quarrels arose. We must guard against them. We must stop them. They were spoiling our bliss. We were so fortunate. Little Vicky should have the best attention. We would call in more doctors. There was Stockmar for one.

I knew Lehzen would protest. She let her jealousy of Albert overshadow all other feelings.

But we had to make Vicky strong and we had to preserve our marriage.

Of course I had Lehzen to face. I put it off and it was Albert who spoke to her first. Perhaps that was unfortunate. She would be suspicious of anything that came from him.

She came to me bristling, her rage apparent.

She said, “The Prince has spoken to me.”

I knew what was coming.

“He is trying to take you away from me.”

“Oh no…Daisy.”

“Yes, he is. He has suggested that I go to Coburg for a long holiday.”

“I have been so concerned for your health. You work too hard.”

“I cannot work too hard for those I love.”

“I know…I know. How is the child?”

“She is all right. There is nothing wrong with her.”

“She does seem pale, thin, and a little listless, too. She used to be so full of vitality.”

“It's people that are trying to make trouble.”

“Daisy dear, the Prince and I have decided that you need a nice long holiday in Coburg. There is your sister. You know how interested you are in her children. You will go…and have a really good rest.”

She was looking at me disbelievingly. I met her gaze steadily. She knew me well. She knew that I was telling her she would have to go and that the last nursery scene must be the final one. She could not believe that the ties that held me to her were not stronger than those that bound me to my husband.

I could not say to her what I should have liked to. Dear Lehzen, I shall never forget what we have been to each other. I love you. I am grateful for all the loving care you gave me over so many years. I cherish happy memories of the times we have had together. But I have a husband now … and my husband and my children must come first.

I could not say it, but she knew what was in my mind. She knew of my wretchedness because we must part; but she also knew that I had come to terms with my new life. I had to accept her departure as I had that of my dear Lord Melbourne, and since the coming of Albert they had ceased to be of paramount importance in my life.

Poor Lehzen! How tragic she looked. I could not bear it. I put my arms around her and cried quietly, while she held me to her. She wept too, but there was resignation in our tears.


* * *

LEHZEN COULD NOT go immediately, of course. After such a long stay in the household there were many preparations to be made. She had written to her sister and there was a ready welcome awaiting her in Coburg.

We did not talk about her departure very much. It was too painful for us both, but I knew she was sorting out her things and deciding what must be taken with her.

To our great joy, Vicky's health started to improve. Albert saw a great deal of her. I think he had a special feeling for Vicky. In fact I now know that he did, for that was borne out through the years. She was such an enchanting creature, and showed signs of brightness already, which delighted Albert.

The Boy was young yet, but we fancied he was not as forward as Vicky had been at his age. But all that mattered at this time was their good health.

My relations with Albert had become closer. I began to see things through his eyes. I realized my own shortcomings. I had been so long governed by that ill temper, which would flare up so suddenly, and while it was with me I was capable of saying the most outrageous things.

“We must conquer it,” said Albert. “I promise you we shall.”

“It is rather formidable,” I admitted.

“It is a dragon to be slain,” said Albert. And he looked like St. George himself setting out to slay it. “It must be slain,” he said, “before it slays us.”

How right he was! How right he always was! Even about Lehzen. I loved her dearly and always would. Loyalty and fidelity were two virtues I did possess. Of course I was arrogant at times. Perhaps I had had queenship thrust upon me at too early an age. I was, as everyone knew, hottempered, impulsive, apt to act first and think after… but at least I was loving, and when I loved I was faithful.