J. Kenner - Wanted

Kevin just looked at me, his expression suggesting I was being naive. For that matter, I probably was. “There’s evidence,” he said. “There’s strategy. And I’m not talking about this anymore. I’ve already said more than is prudent, but you’re important to me, Angie.”

“What is this about, really? You don’t like that I have male friends? That I was talking to Evan?”

“Talking to him? You cried on his shoulder, Angie.”

I tried to protest that Evan was just a friend, but the words felt bitter on my tongue, and I couldn’t seem to get them out.

Kevin took a step closer, closing the distance between us, and for the first time I realized that despite his lanky physique, there was an innate power to Kevin. “And no, I didn’t like it. I don’t like the way he looks at you, either. I don’t trust him. And I don’t want you getting mixed up with him or his friends. And honestly, Angie, I don’t think your uncle would like it, either.”

His last words ripped a sharp breath from me. He was right, of course. Jahn didn’t want me to be with Evan. Was this why? Was Evan—were all three of the guys—dangerous? Were they really criminals?

Holy shit, the possibility that the allegations five years ago had been true had never even occurred to me. And assuming it was true, had Jahn known? Had he simply discounted the possibility that men he loved like sons ran a criminal enterprise?

Or had my uncle, in some small way, admired the ingenuity that must go along with staying one step ahead of the law? Had he been just a little bit jealous of the rush those three must have experienced every time they crossed a line and got away with it?

Dangerous, yes. Edgy, absolutely.

But pretty damned exhilarating, too.

I shivered, and saw that Kevin was looking at me with a kind of fierce protectiveness. “I know,” he said. “Those guys are scary. Stay away from them. From all of them.”

I nodded mutely, but only because I knew I had to.

My shiver wasn’t from fear, but from excitement. From the possibility of finding that rush that I craved embodied in a man I wanted in my bed. A man that I already knew fired my senses.

I didn’t know what that said about me and, honestly, I wasn’t inclined to dive into a pool of introspection. After all, the bottom line remained the same. I wanted Evan Black. Wanted his touch, his kiss. I wanted to be swallowed up whole, swept away.

Hell, I wanted to fly.

It would never happen, though. Maybe I didn’t know all of Evan’s secrets, but I knew damn well that he was loyal. He’d made a promise to Uncle Jahn, and nothing could make him break it. I may not understand what kind of game he’d been playing with me on the balcony, but I was absolutely certain that it wouldn’t end with me in Evan Black’s bed.

And as much as I hated to admit it, that was probably a good thing. I might crave the thrill, but I knew better than anyone that my wild urges had teeth—and I’d been bitten too many times already.

“Wait,” I said, as Kevin started to climb out of his Prius. “Let’s not go up just yet.” We were in the parking garage of Kevin’s condo, just a few blocks from Michigan Avenue. As parking garages go, it wasn’t bad, but neither was it a particularly comfortable or pleasant destination, which is probably why Kevin looked at me so curiously.

“Are you okay?” He reached over to take my hand. “It’s been one hell of a day.”

“It has,” I said. “Please, can’t we go out?”

“Out?”

“A drive, maybe.” Although honestly, if we were just going to drive I wanted a convertible and some serious speed. “Or the Ledge. Is it open this late?” Despite the crowds, the Ledge at Skydeck was my favorite destination in the city. Even though I knew it was as safe as houses, I still got a rush from standing 103 stories above the city on the clear platform, my mind unable to comprehend how it could be that I wasn’t falling.

Kevin’s expression reflected both concern and bafflement. “Honey, are you okay?”

“No,” I said plaintively. “I haven’t been okay for days.” I’d been pulling it in. Playing the part I was supposed to play because I was the grieving niece. The senator’s daughter. The face of my family in Chicago. I’d made statements to the press twice—albeit coached by my immediate boss who ran Jahn’s PR department—and I’d made it a point to accompany his secretary through the halls of HJH&A for no reason other than to give the employees a sense of continuity. An exercise which was wholly ridiculous since I couldn’t have run Howard Jahn Holdings & Acquisitions if my life depended on it.

Still, I’d played a role and I’d played it well. But now I just needed to breathe.

“Just tell me what you need,” he said.

“I’m trying to tell you.” I could hear the frustration in my voice and tried to rein it in. I reminded myself that Kevin didn’t know me—despite having slept together twice and having my father’s seal of approval. He didn’t know how hard I worked to be the girl that I was. Didn’t know how I always kept a tight check on myself. How could he, when I’d never told him?

But I’d never told Evan, either. And yet he’d understood me. I recalled the feel of his words washing over me, the heat of his body beside me. He’d given me everything I’d needed right then. The heat, the words, the understanding. He’d given me a taste, but damned if I didn’t want the whole meal.

“Hey,” Kevin said, shifting our hands so that he could twine his fingers with mine. “I’m listening.”

I drew in a breath, feeling chastised. Because he was listening. He was trying. And I was sitting there having fantasies that he could read my mind.

“Haven’t you ever felt like everything is too much?” I asked. “Like you keep everything bottled up so tight, but sometimes you have to let off steam. Because if you don’t, you’ll explode, and that would be so much worse.”

“A release valve,” he said, and the band around my chest loosened a bit.

“Yes. Yes, exactly.” I couldn’t quite believe that he got it.

“Honey,” he said, then released my hand so he could stroke my cheek. “Just let me take you inside.”

“I—” I started to argue, but then cut myself off. Because, really, wasn’t this exactly what I wanted? It wasn’t about going dancing, it was about losing control. Hell, it was about relinquishing control.

I closed my eyes, imagining the moment we walked into the apartment. He wouldn’t even shut the door before he’d have me up against the wall, my hands above my head, his body hard against mine. I’d close my eyes, letting the sensations roll over me as he gripped my wrists with one hand, his other hand hard upon my breast. I’d arch into his touch, but not much. He had me trapped there, able to take only what he was willing to give. Lost in sensation, floating away in the decadent arms of surrender until I opened my eyes, so desperate to see the heat reflected back at me that I had no choice.

And when I did, it wasn’t Kevin’s face that I saw—it was Evan’s.

I gasped, my eyes flying open for real this time, and I saw Kevin peering at me, concern cutting across those perfect features.

“Angie? Hey, are you okay?”

I nodded. “Tired. Just tired.”

“All the more reason to go inside.”

Again, I nodded. I didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to think. Guilt and grief were screwing with my head, and I wasn’t at all sure what to do about it.

We took the elevator from the parking level to his eighth floor studio, and as we stepped through the door, I realized I was holding my breath—but whether that was because I was craving or dreading his touch, I really didn’t know.

It didn’t matter though, because all he did was turn around and shut the door. “How does a cup of hot tea sound?” he asked, after he’d locked both dead bolts and put on the chain.

It sounded horrible, but I nodded anyway. Tea sounded soothing. It sounded calm. But I didn’t want calm. I wanted hands on my body. I wanted electricity. I wanted to be consumed in a lightning storm, destroyed by passion. I wanted to get lost in pleasure so intense it burned away everything until I was a blank slate, the horror of the last few days all but forgotten.

But this—I didn’t want this.

More, I didn’t want Kevin.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be silly. It’s no trouble.” He started to turn toward the tiny kitchen, but must have seen something in my eyes, because he stopped. “Angie?”

Would everything have changed if he’d kissed me right then? If I’d seen fire brimming in his eyes, would I have stayed? Would I have lost myself in his touch, gotten high on the drug of sex? Would I have let him take me where I wanted to go—and would I have stayed there with him?

I don’t know. I don’t think so. I didn’t doubt that Kevin was a good man, but he wasn’t the man I wanted, and I deserved more than the runner-up. So, for that matter, did Kevin.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I shouldn’t have come here tonight. I shouldn’t have—” I shook my head, as if shaking off the thread of my words. “I am a wreck tonight. But I really just want to be alone.”

“No.” My words spurred him to action, and he reached out, his hand closing around my wrist. “You’re distraught, I get that. Stay. I’ll take care of you.”

I shivered, because that’s what I wanted. For someone to take care of me so that I really could slip away and lose myself in that ultimate thrill of surrender. But not with tea and cookies and a warm bubble bath. That was never going to take my edge off.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” I promised, already moving away, trying to avoid the walls that were squeezing in around me. “Right now, I have to go.”

I was tugging open the front door locks when he gripped my elbow. “I’m not letting you go back there. Not tonight. Not when you’re like this. Grief messes with people, honey. I see it all the time.”

“I’m just going to crash,” I lied. “I want to sleep in my own bed. And this isn’t your decision,” I added when he looked ready to argue. “I know you want to help, but I need the space.”

He just stood there, his fingers digging into my bare arm, exposed in the sleeveless black sheath I still wore.

“Kevin …” I heard the apology in my voice, along with the plea.

“Dammit—fine.” He released me and held up his hands, fingers spread, and in that moment I imagined him talking to a suspect, patronizing them. Telling them to just be calm and everything would be okay.

Unfair, maybe, but the direction of my thoughts only made me more determined to get out of there.

“Now,” I said. “I’m going now.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“No.” I drew in a breath, tried to calm the panic that seemed to want to spring out of me. Couldn’t he see that I needed to run—needed to go. “I just—I want to be alone. Please.”

He should have yelled at me and called me a liar and told me to get the hell out. Instead, his eyes softened and he nodded. “Fine. But I’m putting you in the cab. Tomorrow,” he said as he gently stroked my cheek. “Tomorrow, we talk.”

It took a solid seven minutes for the cab to arrive. I know because I looked at my watch seven times during the period. I shifted my weight from foot to foot. I glanced around the darkened neighborhood. The lights were out at Yolk, one of my favorite breakfast places, and just looking that direction made my stomach growl. I’d eaten nothing since that morning, I realized, and had to acknowledge that hunger might be contributing to my moodiness.

A black Lexus with tinted windows turned onto McClurg, slid to a stop in front of Fox & Obel, a high-end grocery store one block down, and idled there. Because I am always—always—aware of my surroundings when I’m outside, I noticed. But since there’s nothing inherently wrong about a car waiting at a curb, and because I had Kevin right beside me, I paid it little attention. Then I erased it from my thoughts entirely when the bright yellow cab turned off East Grand and came to a stop right in front of us.

Kevin opened the door for me, and I slid in, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, then firmly shut the door. I expected that would be that, so I was surprised when he tugged open the front passenger door. I held my breath, not wanting to argue, but damn sure ready to do just that if he was planning to break his word and come with me. But all he was doing was giving the driver the address—and paying the fare in advance.