Ryan Michele - Wanting You

“Hey, did the security guys come in and put in the alarm?”

“Yeah, they were here last week. Said everything is wired up and ready to go,” Kinsley said.

“Thank God. After I lay down for a bit, can you teach me how to use it?”

“Sure. Is he still sending letters?” Sawyer asked. I really hadn’t told them the whole story, but enough that they knew what was going on. I didn’t want to bring crazy to our doorstep.

“Yes, to my P.O. Box back in Cali. I need to change it to here, but I may do it in Brookend so no one really knows I live in Cottonwood. They only know me as Gabriella. I’ve never used Savannah. I just want the letters and gifts to stop.”

I hated this part of what I did. I loved writing. Beginning back in college, I needed an escape. When I found my niche in erotic romance, I never stopped. Now, three years later, I was still going strong, but also receiving letters—very explicit letters from someone who thought I did everything in my books. That was what internet research was for.

“Why don’t you go to the cops?”

“Kinsley, I have.” Letting out a huge sigh, I continued, “They can’t do anything because he’s not actually threatening to hurt me. Technically, anything he is writing is what he is hoping to do with me. It’s not written in a way that says he would force me. The cops have nothing to base an arrest on. They keep the letters, and I have to make reports, but that’s all that happens.”

“Sorry Vann.”

“Girls, really, it’s okay. I deal with it. I love what I do and this is just such a small part of it.” I smiled. I’d come to terms with most of it. When I got the letters, I did what I had to do and moved on. And thankfully, it was only the letters—no phone calls or sudden appearances. Regardless, I was thankful for the pen name. It was a way to write and keep my anonymity, at least to a certain extent.

“Anyway … let’s move to the next subject.” Kinsley broke in. “What are you going to do about Deke?” She made rapidly changing subjects an art form. From creepy stalker … to Deke.

I felt the blush come across my face at the sound of his name. I missed him terribly, and was honestly a little hurt by his lack of response to my attempts at communicating, but I still thought of him almost daily over the years. “I’m not going to do anything … yet.” Turning my flushed face into a smirk, I winked at the two sitting in front of me.

It was no secret that I’d had my eyes on him from almost the time I was born, but with the way I left, and the timing of it, I squashed all my hopes of being with him. Until now.

“You know he’s not the same guy you left all those years ago.” Sawyer’s voice was barely audible. She had been giving me random information about him for years, including his little sexcapades, which have made excellent storylines. I figured if I couldn’t be with him, at least I could write about him, pouring everything into my scenes. It provided ammo for some awesome books.

I knew he’d owned a bar as a side gig, but I’d heard of his dismissal from the police force for ‘conduct unbecoming of an officer,’ which I believed was what concerned the girls. If I could have ran to him, I would have, even though I feared he wouldn’t have accepted me after what happened and all this time.

“I know. Don’t worry. I’m a big girl now. I’m not the timid little girl I was back then. These last five years have opened my eyes to a whole new world. I also have a pretty strong backbone. Reading how others think your books are shit will have that effect on you.”

“So what’s the plan?” Kinsley was always so straight to the point, which I’d always loved about her.

“There is no plan. There are only three people who know I’m back as of right now—you two and Grams, who I have to go visit shortly. Tonight you’re taking me out to celebrate, and we shall see what happens from there.”

“You just wanna strut your shit at Sully’s, don’t ya?”

“Kinsley, I’m not the same. Look at me. Do I look anything like that girl from five years ago?”

“No, and you’re going to cause one hell of a stir.” Sawyer was never one for any drama, and I knew it was going to be hard on her not to fade into the background, but it was time for her to live a little, too. Sawyer’s shyness had held her back for too long. We both needed a fresh start, and tonight was the night.

“Everything will be fine. We’ll take a cab, go out, have a few drinks and dance our asses off. If someone is there to see, then so be it.”

“You know he’ll be there, seeing as he owns the damn place.” Kinsley snickered.

I said nothing and smiled. Of course I knew.

Pulling up to Grams’s house, it looked exactly the same as when I left. At seventy-seven years old, Grams still did all her own gardening, making her home immaculate. Her pride in it reminded me of Papa. He was the gardener before he passed, and Grams didn’t want to let him down, so she kept it exactly how he liked it.

The rose bushes were my absolute favorite. Along the entire side of the small bungalow home were several bushes of yellow, pink, red, and white roses. Those were Papa’s favorite, which he planted many years ago. Grams took extra care of them, and you could tell.

Walking up to the door, I knocked twice and slowly opened the door. “Grams, it’s me,” I yelled. Her hearing had gotten worse over the years, and if she didn’t have her aids in, she couldn’t hear for shit.

The smells of the house engulfed me, making me want to cough a bit. I loved my Grams to death, but she wore this special perfume, and it smelled good when she wore the appropriate amount, but Grams tended to nearly bathe in it. I hadn’t the heart to tell her it’s too much.

Everything looked exactly the same, from the green shag carpeting in the living room to the ancient lights hanging from the ceiling. This was home.

“Savannah, my girl, you’re here!” Grams came around the corner wiping her hands on a kitchen towel before flinging it over her shoulder. Her soft, short, and gray curly hair bobbed as she headed my way. Her burst of energy surprised me as she practically ran to wrap her arms around me.

I immediately followed suit breathing in her perfume and trying to hold back the cough. “Hi Grams. Miss me?”

“Oh, honey.” I pulled out of Grams’s arms to see the tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh, Grams don’t cry.” I pulled her close again, letting her get out what she needed.

“It’s about time your skinny little ass showed up. I made food, and by the looks of you, you need it. Don’t they feed you in California?” Grabbing my hand, she pulled me to the kitchen.

My mind instantly wandered.

“Grams?”

“What baby girl?” Grams always looked so pretty in her yellow apron covered in white daises.

“Can I help with dishes?” I really want to help. “I know I’m little, but Mommy says I’m a good helper.”

“Of course. Go pull the chair to the sink and roll up your sleeves.”

I jumped happily. I loved helping Grams do everything. Running over, I did exactly as she said. “Ready!”

“Well, get busy washing, I don’t pay you to sit around all day.” She smiled at me. I knew she was joking with me. That was what Grams did—she made me smile.

“Hey Grams, you need help with the dishes?” I asked, trying to contain my laugh.

Grams knew exactly what I was remembering. She was one sharp tool. “After we eat. Sit.”

Sitting down at the old wooden table, I thought of all the meals we had here on Sundays before we left. There toward the end, my mom stopped coming, but I was always here.

“Tell me how your writing thing is going,” Grams said while putting way too much food on my plate.

“Grams, I can’t eat two sandwiches. Let’s just do one.” I smirked. “Writing is going great. I never thought my books would take off the way they have.”

“I’m glad you send them to me. I love reading them. The ladies in my bunko group have been passing them around. You are the talk … well, Gabriella Daniels is.” I blushed. I knew it was hard for Grams not to tell her friends the books were written by me. She was proud and wanted to let everyone know, but I couldn’t risk it. I didn’t want the world to know.

“I know it’s hard, Grams, but thanks for keeping our secret. I can’t believe your friends are reading them.” I laughed. It was awesome and weird to think of all these older women reading about sex, toys, and threesomes.

“Girl, you should hear some of those women talk. Those books have opened their eyes to lots of new things.” Grams winked.

“I don’t want to hear about your friends’ sexual encounters, but thanks.” I rolled my eyes, huffing out a breath.

“Oh come on, it could be your new book, writing for the older crowd.”

“Maybe.” I looked down at my food.

“I’m just kidding. We like reading about those hunky guys with their built bodies. Mmmm.”

“Grams, did you just lick your lips?” I asked in shock.

“Hell yeah. It’s been a long time since Papa left here, not to say that I’d ever cheat on him. Your books allow my mind to innocently roam.”

Grams very strongly believed in marriage and would consider even looking at another man cheating, even though Papa had been gone for years. I admired that about her, and I felt sad for her at the same time. I didn’t want her to be alone. Life was so short and I wanted her to be happy. She deserved it.

“Glad to help,” I mumbled.

“So, tell me how your mom’s doing.” Grams sighed. I knew she didn’t like hearing about the messes my mom had gotten herself into. Mom thought moving to California would help her get over the torture my father put her through, but it didn’t turn out as she planned.

“She’s still drinking a lot, and smoking, too. She tells me that she has been taking her meds, but I don’t know for sure.”

“I thought your aunt Tennie was taking care of her,” Grams huffed.

“I did, too.”

“What else? You’re hiding something from me.” I knew I couldn’t school my face to fool her, but I tried.

Blowing out a deep breath, I let it rip. “I guess Aunt Tennie goes out partying with her. They are living it up together … or so Mom says.”

“Great, now I have two drunks for daughters who don’t bother to call me.”

“I’m sorry, Grams.” I knew it hurt that her only two daughters never contacted her, but that was what happened when you told one that she was a drunk and needed to lay off the booze and the other that she needed to stand up to her cheating ass husband. Even though what Grams said was true, they didn’t take to kindly to it.

“Don’t be sorry, you and Keith are the only normal ones in this family. I don’t know what I am going to do with those girls.” Grams shook her head in disgust.

“How’s Uncle Keith doing?”

A huge smile formed on Grams lips. “He’s great. The whole family is. You need to meet up with your cousins; they won’t even recognize you. I doubt Keith or Mary will either.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, Grams. You know I didn’t want to go, but I’m glad I did. I needed to get away from the gossip in this town and just grow up.”

“I know, dear. It was just hard when your mother uprooted you like that. I wasn’t ready.”

I grabbed her hand and squeezed gently, trying to reassure her.

“I’m gonna set up a dinner. You’re coming, and I’ll invite all of Keith’s crew so you can get reacquainted with them.”

“Sounds great, Grams.”

“I can’t wait!” The excitement in her voice filled me with such happiness. I missed her so much.

“Let’s get these dishes done.” Even though I didn’t need the chair anymore, I thought about bringing it with me, but when Grams turned and smiled at me I knew she was thinking of the same memories. I loved this.

After finishing the last dish, I knew it was time to face another memory. “I’m gonna head out. The girls are taking me out tonight, so I need to get myself ready.”

“I wish I could be there to see all those faces when you walk in. You have grown into such a beautiful woman. You have fun, baby girl.”

“I will. I love you.” I wrapped my arms around her tiny body, crushing her to me without hurting her.

“I love you, too. I’ll call you about dinner.”

“Great. I’ll be here. I missed you, Grams.”

“Me, too.”

Driving back from Grams’s, I couldn’t help but avoid the direct route. It had been five long years. I still held a bit of anger toward my mom for making me leave the way she did all those years ago.